When am i too old for more kids?

[Anonymous]

Financial Stability, I coined the term and suggested that you meant "more money" and not just "stability" -- but I want to make clear again that I think it is TOTALLY FINE if women have children whenever they decide to, 40+ included. My only argument was that the "stability" part was a little disingenuous and that while money can make life, and therefore parenting, easier, it doesn't make one a better parent. My perspective is that once you can provide the basics -- food, clothing, shelter, etc. -- money doesn't have a lot to do with parenting. That was my only point; that being older (1) doesn't directly correlate with a larger bank account and (2) a larger bank account doesn't necessarily make a better parent. I profoundly reject the name-calling and the juvenile poster's tactics, just so you know.

I did make the joke about the all caps poster turning up her hearing aid, but come on, that was too easy!

[Anonymous]

Will all of you people just stop! Just because you have a nice little nest egg or more education doesn't mean that you are going to be a better mother! Being a mother is something that you learn while raising your kid. "Financial Stability" or whatever you want to call yourself, I have a better name for you...how about "Self Righteous" Get off your high horse and come on back down to reality. Most of our mothers and grandmothers had their babies at a very young age and I am pretty damn sure that we all turned out just fine. My mother is my hero, she taught me patience, love, respect and trust....something I am currently teaching my son...and something that I don't need a college degree to instill in him. Everyone who is saying that women in their 40's with more money and more education will be better mothers, make me sick! Sounds like you need to grow up to me.

The education doesn't teach older mothers how to impart love, respect, trust in our children...it gives a mother money, the money gives you stability and choices...such as the option of being a SAHM if you want to, exposing your children to things that otherwise would be impossible if you had less money and had to work alot of hours, having peace of mind because you aren't worrying if you can make the next mortgage payment or the next six mortgage payments...maybe you've even been able to pay off your mortgage. Your relationship with your spouse or partner is longterm, secure, grounded. You feel relaxed. You, therefore, have the luxury of doing even more than you thought possible for your child. It has nothing to do with arrogance, it is well proven in numerous studies and surveys. It just has to do with the benefits that an older parent has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability here...I kinda like the label now. LOL

When I argued the older mom's perspective, I was criticized for providing no evidence other than my observation and opinion. So I provided statistical evidence and a survey also. When a counterargument is impossible most mature women remain silent or acknowledge that our point has some merit. Occasionally with some people, one will see the venom spew, the crude comments, and the other side resorting to name-calling. They must...after all they're cornered with no other sensible, rational counterargument at this point and they feel they must salvage their dignity. And then one sees their true anger and desperation as revealed in the crude and lowly comments we've just now read. Yes, there is alot of ugliness in what is being revealed with some of these younger women's comments about older women, because it's not based on facts or statistics or articles but rather insults such as the comments about depends undergarments, the sagging jawline, hormone replacement, none of which have anything to do with an older woman's ability to be a great parent.
The beauty in these ugly comments is that it also reveals the maturity level of the poster, and she has now become the poster child of teenage or immature women on DCUM. Congratulations are in order I suppose.

Well, Thank you...I will accept the congratulations and oh by the way...it's not just one of us that is posting...it's several. Whether you like to see if or not...your 40 over lifestyle is not socially acceptable. You put yourself and your unborn children at risk. Not a smart idea.

Who in their 40's who want to nurture and love should buy a dog or cat. then when you get all worked up on this site you will have something to kick when your day doesn't go as planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability here...I kinda like the label now. LOL

When I argued the older mom's perspective, I was criticized for providing no evidence other than my observation and opinion. So I provided statistical evidence and a survey also. When a counterargument is impossible most mature women remain silent or acknowledge that our point has some merit. Occasionally with some people, one will see the venom spew, the crude comments, and the other side resorting to name-calling. They must...after all they're cornered with no other sensible, rational counterargument at this point and they feel they must salvage their dignity. And then one sees their true anger and desperation as revealed in the crude and lowly comments we've just now read. Yes, there is alot of ugliness in what is being revealed with some of these younger women's comments about older women, because it's not based on facts or statistics or articles but rather insults such as the comments about depends undergarments, the sagging jawline, hormone replacement, none of which have anything to do with an older woman's ability to be a great parent.
The beauty in these ugly comments is that it also reveals the maturity level of the poster, and she has now become the poster child of teenage or immature women on DCUM. Congratulations are in order I suppose.

Well, Thank you...I will accept the congratulations and oh by the way...it's not just one of us that is posting...it's several. Whether you like to see if or not...your 40 over lifestyle is not socially acceptable. You put yourself and your unborn children at risk. Not a smart idea.[/quote

Who in their 40's who want to nurture and love should buy a dog or cat. then when you get all worked up on this site you will have something to kick when your day doesn't go as planned.

Or when you get the heat flashes from menopause which will be kicking in any day now....you won't have to take it out on a little innocent baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability here...I kinda like the label now. LOL

When I argued the older mom's perspective, I was criticized for providing no evidence other than my observation and opinion. So I provided statistical evidence and a survey also. When a counterargument is impossible most mature women remain silent or acknowledge that our point has some merit. Occasionally with some people, one will see the venom spew, the crude comments, and the other side resorting to name-calling. They must...after all they're cornered with no other sensible, rational counterargument at this point and they feel they must salvage their dignity. And then one sees their true anger and desperation as revealed in the crude and lowly comments we've just now read. Yes, there is alot of ugliness in what is being revealed with some of these younger women's comments about older women, because it's not based on facts or statistics or articles but rather insults such as the comments about depends undergarments, the sagging jawline, hormone replacement, none of which have anything to do with an older woman's ability to be a great parent.
The beauty in these ugly comments is that it also reveals the maturity level of the poster, and she has now become the poster child of teenage or immature women on DCUM. Congratulations are in order I suppose.

Well, Thank you...I will accept the congratulations and oh by the way...it's not just one of us that is posting...it's several. Whether you like to see if or not...your 40 over lifestyle is not socially acceptable. You put yourself and your unborn children at risk. Not a smart idea.

No, I have a feeling that it was YOU who was continually posting the more crude and lowly comments about older women. Most women who disagree with us will not communicate the way you have and they have generally been quite civil in this discussion until your comments were posted. Why be crude or ugly in your comments? By all means, express your disagreements, vehmently if you need to, but why bring a civilized and intelligent DCUM discussion with thoughtful posters down to a lowly level of talking about depends undergardments, sagging jawlines, hormone replacements? Can you not argue on the merits? Bring forth your surveys, articles, statistics. Share with us your well-reasoned arguments. And if you dislike parents who are over 40, you are living in the wrong town. DC is full of older moms. We are not the hidden minority.

What do you mean we put ourselves and our unborn at risk? If you have not read the previous posts, it was stated that a 43 year old woman has a 97% chance of having a healthy baby. Is 97% not good enough for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability, I coined the term and suggested that you meant "more money" and not just "stability" -- but I want to make clear again that I think it is TOTALLY FINE if women have children whenever they decide to, 40+ included. My only argument was that the "stability" part was a little disingenuous and that while money can make life, and therefore parenting, easier, it doesn't make one a better parent. My perspective is that once you can provide the basics -- food, clothing, shelter, etc. -- money doesn't have a lot to do with parenting. That was my only point; that being older (1) doesn't directly correlate with a larger bank account and (2) a larger bank account doesn't necessarily make a better parent. I profoundly reject the name-calling and the juvenile poster's tactics, just so you know.

I did make the joke about the all caps poster turning up her hearing aid, but come on, that was too easy!

Thank you for keeping our discussion civilized! When I spoke of the juvenile posters tactics, I was not referring to you. I think she knows who she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability, I coined the term and suggested that you meant "more money" and not just "stability" -- but I want to make clear again that I think it is TOTALLY FINE if women have children whenever they decide to, 40+ included. My only argument was that the "stability" part was a little disingenuous and that while money can make life, and therefore parenting, easier, it doesn't make one a better parent. My perspective is that once you can provide the basics -- food, clothing, shelter, etc. -- money doesn't have a lot to do with parenting. That was my only point; that being older (1) doesn't directly correlate with a larger bank account and (2) a larger bank account doesn't necessarily make a better parent. I profoundly reject the name-calling and the juvenile poster's tactics, just so you know.

I did make the joke about the all caps poster turning up her hearing aid, but come on, that was too easy!

Thank you for keeping our discussion civilized! When I spoke of the juvenile posters tactics, I was not referring to you. I think she knows who she is.

You keep calling others juvenile...is that not name calling? Are you not sinking down to their level? We all got together and did a survery of our own....the results are in......

SURVEY SAYS.....YOU'RE OLD...congratulations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability here...I kinda like the label now. LOL

When I argued the older mom's perspective, I was criticized for providing no evidence other than my observation and opinion. So I provided statistical evidence and a survey also. When a counterargument is impossible most mature women remain silent or acknowledge that our point has some merit. Occasionally with some people, one will see the venom spew, the crude comments, and the other side resorting to name-calling. They must...after all they're cornered with no other sensible, rational counterargument at this point and they feel they must salvage their dignity. And then one sees their true anger and desperation as revealed in the crude and lowly comments we've just now read. Yes, there is alot of ugliness in what is being revealed with some of these younger women's comments about older women, because it's not based on facts or statistics or articles but rather insults such as the comments about depends undergarments, the sagging jawline, hormone replacement, none of which have anything to do with an older woman's ability to be a great parent.
The beauty in these ugly comments is that it also reveals the maturity level of the poster, and she has now become the poster child of teenage or immature women on DCUM. Congratulations are in order I suppose.

Well, Thank you...I will accept the congratulations and oh by the way...it's not just one of us that is posting...it's several. Whether you like to see if or not...your 40 over lifestyle is not socially acceptable. You put yourself and your unborn children at risk. Not a smart idea.

That was one of the more bizarre comments among many bizarre comments--not socially acceptable? In all seriousness I don't even get what that means; it makes no sense. I mean, which society would that be in which loving mothers are unacceptable?

In any case, it is a well-known fact that certain communities/demographics favor young motherhood, even when ill-advised. A sad, sad commentary on such to be the fosterers of such bile, venom and attitude. Sigh. Doesn't do their cause any good--quite the opposite...

And now, I bid adieu to this thread. Good night Mary Ellen, Good night Jim Bob, Good night John-Boy.

[Anonymous]

Don't get upset about one or two absurd women -- or men, for all we know -- posting this nonsense. If it is socially unacceptable to have kids later in life, that is news to me. The trend is obviously to have kids later in life. I only know two mothers who had children while in their 20s (both related to me), out of ALL the mothers I knew before I had kids and now that I have them myself. So MOST of the mothers I know are living a 'socially unacceptable lifestyle.' Wow, that's a lot of women. Who knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability, I coined the term and suggested that you meant "more money" and not just "stability" -- but I want to make clear again that I think it is TOTALLY FINE if women have children whenever they decide to, 40+ included. My only argument was that the "stability" part was a little disingenuous and that while money can make life, and therefore parenting, easier, it doesn't make one a better parent. My perspective is that once you can provide the basics -- food, clothing, shelter, etc. -- money doesn't have a lot to do with parenting. That was my only point; that being older (1) doesn't directly correlate with a larger bank account and (2) a larger bank account doesn't necessarily make a better parent. I profoundly reject the name-calling and the juvenile poster's tactics, just so you know.

I did make the joke about the all caps poster turning up her hearing aid, but come on, that was too easy!

Thank you for keeping our discussion civilized! When I spoke of the juvenile posters tactics, I was not referring to you. I think she knows who she is.

You keep calling others juvenile...is that not name calling? Are you not sinking down to their level? We all got together and did a survery of our own....the results are in......

SURVEY SAYS.....YOU'RE OLD...congratulations

I was using the previous poster's language to address the person in question so she would know who I was talking about. Stop trying to look for fault in me just because you probably feel embarrassed at your own posts now. Once again, you're hitting below the belt and not arguing on the merits of your position. I'm still waiting for your thoughtful, articulate, well-reasoned points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability, I coined the term and suggested that you meant "more money" and not just "stability" -- but I want to make clear again that I think it is TOTALLY FINE if women have children whenever they decide to, 40+ included. My only argument was that the "stability" part was a little disingenuous and that while money can make life, and therefore parenting, easier, it doesn't make one a better parent. My perspective is that once you can provide the basics -- food, clothing, shelter, etc. -- money doesn't have a lot to do with parenting. That was my only point; that being older (1) doesn't directly correlate with a larger bank account and (2) a larger bank account doesn't necessarily make a better parent. I profoundly reject the name-calling and the juvenile poster's tactics, just so you know.

I did make the joke about the all caps poster turning up her hearing aid, but come on, that was too easy!

Thank you for keeping our discussion civilized! When I spoke of the juvenile posters tactics, I was not referring to you. I think she knows who she is.

You keep calling others juvenile...is that not name calling? Are you not sinking down to their level? We all got together and did a survery of our own....the results are in......

SURVEY SAYS.....YOU'RE OLD...congratulations

I was using the previous poster's language to address the person in question so she would know who I was talking about. Stop trying to look for fault in me just because you probably feel embarrassed at your own posts now. Once again, you're hitting below the belt and not arguing on the merits of your position. I'm still waiting for your thoughtful, articulate, well-reasoned points.

Three words for you sweetpea...MARCH OF DIMES. Go and do your own research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you on that. Let's stop pretending that doing it in the mid-40s is the same as doing it in the mid-30s. It's not.

Amen...10 years makes a world of difference.

Well, I had initially regarded this fight from which I should withold my dog because although I had my child in my mid-20s, I know many wonderful mothers who have become parents at a wide variety of ages. Every situation has its advantages and disadvantages, of course. Our night owl contributor, Ms. Financial Stability, really, really bothered me by assuming that comparatively young mothers are undereducated. I'll continue to protest that.

I'll tell you all, though you didn't ask, that my body is markedly different now at 35 than it had been at 25. The wrinkles have started, my back sometimes aches when I straighten up after sitting too long, and there's this recurring pain in my left shoulder... oy. In the last five years, I've had two breast cancer scares, one of which required a biopsy to resolve. It's true, of course, that my own family history, a factor most of you don't share, is responsible for all of this cancer concern, but there's no denying that I've reached the age at which this sort of cr*p is no longer shockingly rare. So although I'm certainly able to "keep up" with my now school-age child and probably would do fine with a couple of younger ones if I were plagued... er, blessed... with them today, I feel my body starting to die. That's kind of a dramatic, self-indulgent way to look at aging, and of course, looming threat of cancer notwithstanding, my body has a long way to go yet, but I, myself, don't feel my body remains young and healthy enough to give life. The tide has clearly turned.

Interesting, seriously. But not relevant to others--other people may not have that situation at all. Personally, I am way healthier in my 40s than I was in my 30s.

I think it is. On the one hand, I've secretly wondered if I'm somehow aging faster than everyone else. I think that's unlikely, though. I think I'm just more honest. What does "way healthier" mean to you? I eat better and get more exercise than I did 10 years ago. I might even have more energy in general, but then, I was the sleep-deprived parent of a small child almost 10 years ago. There's no mistaking the march of time across my face and the advent of aches and pains, though. It certainly looks to me like other mid-30s women have this going on, too. Why are you guys so convinced you've found the fountain of youth?

[Anonymous]

What I meant by "way healthier" was that I eat better and exercise much more now then 10 years ago. BP always super-low, and resting heart-rate of around 55. I didn't meant that I'm not aging, LOL, nor that I've "found the fountain of youth," but just that my lifestyle, weight, stats, etc., are healthier now then before I had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you on that. Let's stop pretending that doing it in the mid-40s is the same as doing it in the mid-30s. It's not.

Amen...10 years makes a world of difference.

Well, I had initially regarded this fight from which I should withold my dog because although I had my child in my mid-20s, I know many wonderful mothers who have become parents at a wide variety of ages. Every situation has its advantages and disadvantages, of course. Our night owl contributor, Ms. Financial Stability, really, really bothered me by assuming that comparatively young mothers are undereducated. I'll continue to protest that.

I'll tell you all, though you didn't ask, that my body is markedly different now at 35 than it had been at 25. The wrinkles have started, my back sometimes aches when I straighten up after sitting too long, and there's this recurring pain in my left shoulder... oy. In the last five years, I've had two breast cancer scares, one of which required a biopsy to resolve. It's true, of course, that my own family history, a factor most of you don't share, is responsible for all of this cancer concern, but there's no denying that I've reached the age at which this sort of cr*p is no longer shockingly rare. So although I'm certainly able to "keep up" with my now school-age child and probably would do fine with a couple of younger ones if I were plagued... er, blessed... with them today, I feel my body starting to die. That's kind of a dramatic, self-indulgent way to look at aging, and of course, looming threat of cancer notwithstanding, my body has a long way to go yet, but I, myself, don't feel my body remains young and healthy enough to give life. The tide has clearly turned.

Interesting, seriously. But not relevant to others--other people may not have that situation at all. Personally, I am way healthier in my 40s than I was in my 30s.

I think it is. On the one hand, I've secretly wondered if I'm somehow aging faster than everyone else. I think that's unlikely, though. I think I'm just more honest. What does "way healthier" mean to you? I eat better and get more exercise than I did 10 years ago. I might even have more energy in general, but then, I was the sleep-deprived parent of a small child almost 10 years ago. There's no mistaking the march of time across my face and the advent of aches and pains, though. It certainly looks to me like other mid-30s women have this going on, too. Why are you guys so convinced you've found the fountain of youth?

PP, please take this in the kindest way, which is as it is intended. I think that perhaps it *is* possible that you are aging faster than others. It's not an honesty thing (why would someone be dishonest on an anonymous forum, LOL?) I say that about the aging-faster part because I am 41 and, knock wood, truly don't experience aches and pains, nor do I have wrinkles (no artificial methods, just a lifetime of sunscreen use). Now, of course, as one ages one is at higher risk for disease, etc., and I'm sure my risk is age-appropriate and higher than a woman in her thirties. All I'm saying is that I don't *feel* or *look* like I'm horribly aging. If you arefeeling and looking that way, perhaps your intuition about aging quickly was correct? (I mean that kindly and sincerely.)

[Anonymous]

Oh. Well then, I guess according to those criteria, I'm at least equally as healthy as I was at 25. Unless I have as-yet-undiscovered cancer, that is.

But there's still that aging thing. That's enough evidence for me that I've passed my peak. I guess I can only marvel that other women manage to maintain a more positive perspective.