When am i too old for more kids?

[Anonymous]

Well, my kind and sincere 41 year-old friend, I think you're lucky. I enjoyed a get-together with a large group of my college friends last weekend and thought everyone was showing a little wear and tear. Only one female friend had somehow escaped wrinkles, with the exception of a few crinkles around her eyes when she smiled. (It's hardly fair, since she had been a heavy smoker in college.) The men in particular looked positively middle-aged.

No. I think most of what's happening to me is most likely happening to everyone else who doesn't have a pact with... um... who doesn't happen to be especially fortunate. Maybe I wallow a little more.

Anyway, I'm glad I got child-bearing out of the way before these changes started. If they don't trouble others as much... great.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone can deny that we get more wrinkles as we approach 40, have more aches and pains (for some), are more likely to get cancer or diabetes or suffer from illness as we get older.

I say again, nobody is denying that. Nobody is denying the obvious facts of aging that you pointed out.

What we older women are saying is that DESPITE THESE OBVIOUS SIGNS OF AGING, there are STILL many tremedous advantages for a child to have a parent that is well established financially, emotionally stable, in a long-standing relationship, and possibly better educated also and for most women these advantages come in late 30's or in the 40s as opposed to the twenties or early thirties.

So, if I can make myself more clear, we are not saying you twentysomething moms made a mistake. We are not so stupid as to not recognize or admit that there are clear advantages to having children earlier. We just believe that the advantages we feel we have will help our children in their lives. Can younger women do the same for us? Can you recognize the advantages of having children later and thereby respect our decision to have a child at 40?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial Stability, I coined the term and suggested that you meant "more money" and not just "stability" -- but I want to make clear again that I think it is TOTALLY FINE if women have children whenever they decide to, 40+ included. My only argument was that the "stability" part was a little disingenuous and that while money can make life, and therefore parenting, easier, it doesn't make one a better parent. My perspective is that once you can provide the basics -- food, clothing, shelter, etc. -- money doesn't have a lot to do with parenting. That was my only point; that being older (1) doesn't directly correlate with a larger bank account and (2) a larger bank account doesn't necessarily make a better parent. I profoundly reject the name-calling and the juvenile poster's tactics, just so you know.

I did make the joke about the all caps poster turning up her hearing aid, but come on, that was too easy!

Thank you for keeping our discussion civilized! When I spoke of the juvenile posters tactics, I was not referring to you. I think she knows who she is.

You keep calling others juvenile...is that not name calling? Are you not sinking down to their level? We all got together and did a survery of our own....the results are in......

SURVEY SAYS.....YOU'RE OLD...congratulations

I was using the previous poster's language to address the person in question so she would know who I was talking about. Stop trying to look for fault in me just because you probably feel embarrassed at your own posts now. Once again, you're hitting below the belt and not arguing on the merits of your position. I'm still waiting for your thoughtful, articulate, well-reasoned points.

Three words for you sweetpea...MARCH OF DIMES. Go and do your own research.

Now you resort to patronizing me. Anything to avoid a more meaningful and deeper exchange. I am interested in what you discovered in your own research. I am interested in seeing the specific data that frightens you so much about a 40 year old woman having children.

[Anonymous]

As I read through these posts, I now understand why many of my friends are gay men - happily coupled, I might add. And I'm married, in my 40s, with 2 young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my kind and sincere 41 year-old friend, I think you're lucky. I enjoyed a get-together with a large group of my college friends last weekend and thought everyone was showing a little wear and tear. Only one female friend had somehow escaped wrinkles, with the exception of a few crinkles around her eyes when she smiled. (It's hardly fair, since she had been a heavy smoker in college.) The men in particular looked positively middle-aged.

No. I think most of what's happening to me is most likely happening to everyone else who doesn't have a pact with... um... who doesn't happen to be especially fortunate. Maybe I wallow a little more.

Anyway, I'm glad I got child-bearing out of the way before these changes started. If they don't trouble others as much... great.

I'm this PP, and maybe I am just lucky! It's certainly possible. I also don't have any gray hairs yet (knock wood), and I got pregnant the first time I tried both at ages 34 and 37. So perhaps I just have a weirdly young body? (BTW, I've had lots of illness/misfortune/sadness from issues in my immediate family, so I am not bragging or saying I've led a charmed life or anything, just responding to the poster who said I was just lucky in the aging department. I'm willing to consider that!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my kind and sincere 41 year-old friend, I think you're lucky. I enjoyed a get-together with a large group of my college friends last weekend and thought everyone was showing a little wear and tear. Only one female friend had somehow escaped wrinkles, with the exception of a few crinkles around her eyes when she smiled. (It's hardly fair, since she had been a heavy smoker in college.) The men in particular looked positively middle-aged.

No. I think most of what's happening to me is most likely happening to everyone else who doesn't have a pact with... um... who doesn't happen to be especially fortunate. Maybe I wallow a little more.

Anyway, I'm glad I got child-bearing out of the way before these changes started. If they don't trouble others as much... great.

I'm this PP, and maybe I am just lucky! It's certainly possible. I also don't have any gray hairs yet (knock wood), and I got pregnant the first time I tried both at ages 34 and 37. So perhaps I just have a weirdly young body? (BTW, I've had lots of illness/misfortune/sadness from issues in my immediate family, so I am not bragging or saying I've led a charmed life or anything, just responding to the poster who said I was just lucky in the aging department. I'm willing to consider that!)

Sorry, to clarify; I meant I was the 41-year-old PP that this other poster was referring to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my kind and sincere 41 year-old friend, I think you're lucky. I enjoyed a get-together with a large group of my college friends last weekend and thought everyone was showing a little wear and tear. Only one female friend had somehow escaped wrinkles, with the exception of a few crinkles around her eyes when she smiled. (It's hardly fair, since she had been a heavy smoker in college.) The men in particular looked positively middle-aged.

No. I think most of what's happening to me is most likely happening to everyone else who doesn't have a pact with... um... who doesn't happen to be especially fortunate. Maybe I wallow a little more.

Anyway, I'm glad I got child-bearing out of the way before these changes started. If they don't trouble others as much... great.

Yes, good thing you got it out of the way; there's a whole school of evidence out there that wrinkles materially interfere with one's ability to be a good parent.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe this thread had been going on as long as it has due to this idiot troll who has nothing better to do but to flame older moms. This person is obviously a LOSER mom. I sure hope she doesn't pass on her immature bratty behavior to her kid(s).

[Anonymous]

This thread is not about flaming older mothers. It's about having a reasoned discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of childbearing earlier or later in life. For me the disadvantages of starting a family in the mid-forties seem greater. For others this is not the case.

[Anonymous]

NONE of this is relevant. Who is anyone to judge what led a mom to have kids at an older age. As has already been pointed out, a million different factors could contribute. And everyone brings their own issues and risks to the table. Just because you're in your twenties doesn't mean you're immune. Have you had genetic testing to confirm that you're not passing anything on to your kids? Frankly, troll, with your attitude, I wouldn't be surprised to find serious mental congenital defects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NONE of this is relevant. Who is anyone to judge what led a mom to have kids at an older age. As has already been pointed out, a million different factors could contribute. And everyone brings their own issues and risks to the table. Just because you're in your twenties doesn't mean you're immune. Have you had genetic testing to confirm that you're not passing anything on to your kids? Frankly, troll, with your attitude, I wouldn't be surprised to find serious mental congenital defects.

Who is being immature here...the people that have different opinions about this topic or the people that use the term "TROLL"? Sounds like you are kind of a brat yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NONE of this is relevant. Who is anyone to judge what led a mom to have kids at an older age. As has already been pointed out, a million different factors could contribute. And everyone brings their own issues and risks to the table. Just because you're in your twenties doesn't mean you're immune. Have you had genetic testing to confirm that you're not passing anything on to your kids? Frankly, troll, with your attitude, I wouldn't be surprised to find serious mental congenital defects.

Who is being immature here...the people that have different opinions about this topic or the people that use the term "TROLL"? Sounds like you are kind of a brat yourself.

Not a brat. Just upset to find this bizarre hostility towards women doing the best they can. I assume it's troll because the alternative--that this hostility is normal--is just too depressing.

[Anonymous]

What we older women are saying is that DESPITE THESE OBVIOUS SIGNS OF AGING, there are STILL many tremedous advantages for a child to have a parent that is well established financially, emotionally stable, in a long-standing relationship, and possibly better educated also and for most women these advantages come in late 30's or in the 40s as opposed to the twenties or early thirties.

Actually, I'd say that's true for "some" women but not "most." Most women who are going to get those things already have those things before their late 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NONE of this is relevant. Who is anyone to judge what led a mom to have kids at an older age. As has already been pointed out, a million different factors could contribute. And everyone brings their own issues and risks to the table. Just because you're in your twenties doesn't mean you're immune. Have you had genetic testing to confirm that you're not passing anything on to your kids? Frankly, troll, with your attitude, I wouldn't be surprised to find serious mental congenital defects.

Who is being immature here...the people that have different opinions about this topic or the people that use the term "TROLL"? Sounds like you are kind of a brat yourself.

Not a brat. Just upset to find this bizarre hostility towards women doing the best they can. I assume it's troll because the alternative--that this hostility is normal--is just too depressing.

And by you wishing a serious mental congential defect on a child isn't a little depressing?? That is being a brat, it's also being a little psycho in itself. Maybe you need to step back and reexamine how you are living your life or...just quit reading this thread if it's making you crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NONE of this is relevant. Who is anyone to judge what led a mom to have kids at an older age. As has already been pointed out, a million different factors could contribute. And everyone brings their own issues and risks to the table. Just because you're in your twenties doesn't mean you're immune. Have you had genetic testing to confirm that you're not passing anything on to your kids? Frankly, troll, with your attitude, I wouldn't be surprised to find serious mental congenital defects.

Who is being immature here...the people that have different opinions about this topic or the people that use the term "TROLL"? Sounds like you are kind of a brat yourself.

Not a brat. Just upset to find this bizarre hostility towards women doing the best they can. I assume it's troll because the alternative--that this hostility is normal--is just too depressing.

And by you wishing a serious mental congential defect on a child isn't a little depressing?? That is being a brat, it's also being a little psycho in itself. Maybe you need to step back and reexamine how you are living your life or...just quit reading this thread if it's making you crazy.

I don't agree. I might hope that this person jas a mental defect because then there would be an excuse for their hostile behavior, but I certainly wouldn't, and didn't, wish a mental defect on anyone. In any event, I will now take your excellent advice and leave.