If you grew up poor...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you grew up in poverty, do you resent your parents for it? Why or why not?

Yes. My SAHM should have got off of her ass and got a job. How could she let kids grow up that way?

We were pretty poor, but I'm so glad my childhood was spent with my mom and siblings. One of my brothers friends would visit ( he had a single mom) and he thought it was so wonderful that no matter what time of day there was always someone in the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

"Just be aware that many religious-affiliated centers aggressively counsel young girls away from abortion and pressure other girls to surrender babies for adoption. Not saying all, just many, so do your research if this is something you care about."

What do they do with the donated baby items?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Just be aware that many religious-affiliated centers aggressively counsel young girls away from abortion and pressure other girls to surrender babies for adoption. Not saying all, just many, so do your research if this is something you care about."

What do they do with the donated baby items?

I assume there are some people who keep their babies to whom the items go. I know many people who have centers they love to support, and that's totally fine, I'm really not trying to be judgmental. It just sounded like there were several first-time donors looking for information and I know many other people for whom some centers conflict with other values that are important to them, so I wanted people to be aware rather than later regret donating and not do so in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you grew up in poverty, do you resent your parents for it? Why or why not?

I try hard not to let these feelings bubble to the surface, but yes, I do resent them. There was always money for cigarettes and beer. They were callous about taking small amounts of money from me (like birthday gifts) and never returning it, even though they knew they were just going to fritter it away and it could have brought me some happiness. They were absolutely incapable of budgeting so that things could have been just a little bit more bearable. I begged them to let me handle things like grocery shopping and they refused.

What I really resent today, though, is that they let me believe our suffering was all because of a lack of money. I worked like crazy to get out of there, to make a life for myself, and to earn a lot. And I've done that. But now as I grow older and parent my own children, I realize we were missing so much more. The damage inflicted through causing us to grow up in poverty pales in comparison to the damage inflicted through abuse and neglect.

This exactly happened to me and my siblings as well. I got a part time job in high school so I could have lunch every day, buy clothes and hygiene products. My mom got SO ANGRY with me when I wouldn't give my money to her. At first I did then I just refused. I wasn't going back to starving for anyone. My brother let her take all his money though. Sad.

Pp you quoted here. Yes, same with me. First job at 15 and I used the money for toiletries and food mostly. Lunch was usually a brownie from our school cafeteria which was 40 cents. I also got a coupon card that worked at the local Wendy's - getting straight As on my report card got me half off the entire menu, so I ate a baked potato with ketchup on it just about every day for dinner, for just 50 cents.

I'm now in the same situation others have mentioned, pushing food on my nearly 3 year old, who thankfully is slender, but I really have to work through this stuff.

[Anonymous]

I remember eating mayonnaise sandwiches....they were good. If we had money, we'd had spam.
Water with cereal - nothing like having water in your raisin bran - um um....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you grew up in poverty, do you resent your parents for it? Why or why not?

I try hard not to let these feelings bubble to the surface, but yes, I do resent them. There was always money for cigarettes and beer. They were callous about taking small amounts of money from me (like birthday gifts) and never returning it, even though they knew they were just going to fritter it away and it could have brought me some happiness. They were absolutely incapable of budgeting so that things could have been just a little bit more bearable. I begged them to let me handle things like grocery shopping and they refused.

What I really resent today, though, is that they let me believe our suffering was all because of a lack of money. I worked like crazy to get out of there, to make a life for myself, and to earn a lot. And I've done that. But now as I grow older and parent my own children, I realize we were missing so much more. The damage inflicted through causing us to grow up in poverty pales in comparison to the damage inflicted through abuse and neglect.

This exactly happened to me and my siblings as well. I got a part time job in high school so I could have lunch every day, buy clothes and hygiene products. My mom got SO ANGRY with me when I wouldn't give my money to her. At first I did then I just refused. I wasn't going back to starving for anyone. My brother let her take all his money though. Sad.

Pp you quoted here. Yes, same with me. First job at 15 and I used the money for toiletries and food mostly. Lunch was usually a brownie from our school cafeteria which was 40 cents. I also got a coupon card that worked at the local Wendy's - getting straight As on my report card got me half off the entire menu, so I ate a baked potato with ketchup on it just about every day for dinner, for just 50 cents.

I'm now in the same situation others have mentioned, pushing food on my nearly 3 year old, who thankfully is slender, but I really have to work through this stuff.

Reading this thread really fills a space within me. If anyone I have known went through this, they never said. It's so gratifying to hear from others who got to the other side. The stories never end, right? After I got my job I used to get bagels at brunch time at school, and I was SO HAPPY to finally be able to get a snack when I wanted it. And lunch. I could never concentrate on my after lunch classes because I was hungry.

I have a 2 year old and I am indulgent with her about food. If she asks for it, unless it's sweets, I pretty much always give it to her. There is ALWAYS too much food on her plate, but I never try to get her to eat more than she wants. And if she doesn't want her dinner, I give her something she does want. She has not turned out to be a monster, somehow.

High five to both of us. Really.

[Anonymous]

Another post-poor here:

I've posted a few above and last night read all the pages and then reflected on what I read.

I want to make two points:

1. What I think people don't really get about growing up poor is the thousand little humiliations that we go through. Let's take for example the mom cut. Yes, if we are solidly middle class and have clean clothes that fit and aren't too worn, a little mom-cut is fine. When your hair is dirty b/c there is no shampoo, and your clothes are not clean b/c there is no detergent OR you are wearing your only shirt, the little mom cut just adds insult to a million injuries. (not picking on mom cutter..I am a mom-cutter). There was a time when I was 13 (I'm female, imagine this) I had 1 shirt, 2 pants, 1 pair of socks and 1 pair of undies b/c my mom left our clothes at the laundry mat over night. (crazy woman, no drugs involved).

2. This past can make us feel out of place at times. For example, I was dining with neighbors who were talking about poverty. I *Started* to tell them about a life of poverty and got through maybe 2 examples (like the stuff upthread) when their faces changed and I stopped talking. I could tell they did not know how to relate. It seemed odd and foreign to them. You could see them wondering how it could be true; how did I "rise above" ect. Anyway, I tell a little at opportune times but even my husband has yet to hear all of the stories.

Gads, I'm getting weepy again.

I've never been homeless and to those above who have been, I can't even imagine and hope that your life has improved as much as mine has. Happy 4th!

Finally, ours is a land of opportunity. I got out of poverty through education, public education, financed by low-interest, Stafford-backed loans and pell grants. I also went to a pretty cheap undergrad school and NIH research grants paid for my doctoral degree. So thanks all your public servants who keep those programs alive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Powdered milk.

This. All else aside, I cringe when I've had to buy it, because for whatever reason this sticks with me the worst.

[Anonymous]

Ohhhh, I can relate to so many PPs:

- Water in my cereal
- Feminine pads made out of folded up washclothes/ripped towels
- Feeling embarrassed to use the "free lunch" card

I have memories of eating oatmeal for breakfast every morning for days on end because it was all we had -- oatmeal was a WIC item. Wearing shoes too small for my feet because mom could not afford to buy a new pair. The judgment I received from my middle class friends' parents, and even the teachers/guidance counselors at school. I was never mistreated by any of these adults, but I could always sense the disdain, the unease. Kids are not stupid.

To the PP who asked if I resent my parents: my mom made a string of very bad choices that contributed to our situation: drugs, abusive boyfriends, and the list goes on. Her childhood was even more miserable than mine, so to some degree, I think she was just continuing the generational cycle of poverty and dysfunction because she knew no different, though she might have started out with the best intentions. To some degree, she is a victim of circumstance.

I'd like to think I made it through the other side all on my own, but in retrospect, I had help -- in the form of a few caring souls here and there who saw my potential and instilled in me a belief that I was worthy. I don't know if my mom ever had that.

I feel compassion towards my mom, and at the same time, I resent her for not fighting harder to do better, especially where the drugs are concerned.

[Anonymous]

Being poor boils down to one long saga stretched over the course of my life: Tampons

1.) running out of tampons on the 19th of the month, 11 days till the first.
2.) being sooooo stressed i was going to bleed all over my clothes so i went to the nurse and asked for some tampons
3.) my mom finding out the nurse had tampons and refused to buy me some from that point on
4.) over hearing the nurse complain to another teacher in the hallway that i am taking too many tampons from the school and i should be ashamed
5.) feeling very ashamed so i started stealing tampons from the drugstore from that point on
6.) becoming a 6th grade teacher and going to cosco and buying huge boxes of tampons and pads, I was so proud to tell my female students i will always have plenty of tampons and pads for everyone
7.) feeling extremely touched and emotional when one of my students trusted me enough to ask if she could take a box home for the summer because they were too expensive to put on the grocery list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad losing his job right before Christmas with 4 kids at home including a baby; and some nice lady delivered a bunch of toys for Christmas.

My mom scraping together some change to buy some scrap chicken bones from the local butcher to boil down and make soup for us to eat.

Mixing one can of Cambell's condensed soup with 2 cans of water. I thought that was how you made soup. Now I know that is how you stretch a can of soup to make lunch for 5 kids.

Sleeping 4 girls in one 9x10 room with 2 bunk beds, but everyone slept on the floor during the summer because it was so hot without AC

My mom borrowing my babysitting money to make the bills, house payment, electric, etc.

Getting McDonalds once a month was a treat. So was the week we got to pick out the cereal.

Things ebbed and flowed between poverty and not so poor depending on whether or not my dad had a job. I remember during one of the "up" times, my best friend's mom was going through a terrible divorce from her truly awful husband. She had no money; no food, and 4 kids. I had a sleepover at my friend's house, and when my mom picked me up she came with about a month's worth of groceries. I remember my mom and older sister bringing in bag after bag of food, while my friend's mom cried and her kids climbed on the table, pulling out food, shouting with excitement. My mom didn't make a production of it; no one besides us and them knew she did this.

I think those who have experienced poverty themselves have a special empathy and compassion for others in the same position that people who have never wanted for anything will ever really understand. I try to impress this compassion on my kids, but when you live a comfortable life that is a difficult lesson to learn.

this story makes me cry. thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

1) Free breakfast/lunch. I was so embarrased to go pick up my tickets for the week. Some weeks I would pick them up, so weeks now. It would depend on how many other kids were around to see.
2) during the summers we would go to visit my grandma. She didnt have a tub, just a bathroom with a toilet and a sink. We would take baths in "tin" tubs outside in the back yard.
3) one year we had corn for thanksgiving dinner (that's all nothing else) yet my father bought a new car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Just be aware that many religious-affiliated centers aggressively counsel young girls away from abortion and pressure other girls to surrender babies for adoption. Not saying all, just many, so do your research if this is something you care about."

What do they do with the donated baby items?

I assume there are some people who keep their babies to whom the items go. I know many people who have centers they love to support, and that's totally fine, I'm really not trying to be judgmental. It just sounded like there were several first-time donors looking for information and I know many other people for whom some centers conflict with other values that are important to them, so I wanted people to be aware rather than later regret donating and not do so in the future.

Oh my goodness. If a pro life group is collecting stuff to give to unwed or poor mothers, at least they are practicing what they preach.

Unnecessary input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being poor boils down to one long saga stretched over the course of my life: Tampons

1.) running out of tampons on the 19th of the month, 11 days till the first.
2.) being sooooo stressed i was going to bleed all over my clothes so i went to the nurse and asked for some tampons
3.) my mom finding out the nurse had tampons and refused to buy me some from that point on
4.) over hearing the nurse complain to another teacher in the hallway that i am taking too many tampons from the school and i should be ashamed
5.) feeling very ashamed so i started stealing tampons from the drugstore from that point on
6.) becoming a 6th grade teacher and going to cosco and buying huge boxes of tampons and pads, I was so proud to tell my female students i will always have plenty of tampons and pads for everyone
7.) feeling extremely touched and emotional when one of my students trusted me enough to ask if she could take a box home for the summer because they were too expensive to put on the grocery list.

This makes me want to start a school tampon fund. They are indeed expensive. I never realized how they could be such a source of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Food Stamps were the worst!

Did anyone else's mom ever send them to the grocery store to buy one or two things with some food stamps?

I was so freaking embarrassed. I would try to time my entry into the line so that no one got behind me to see me using the food stamps.

It was awful.