Yet another post about 5-6 year old boys in the women's changing/bathroom at the pool.

[Anonymous]

nudity in a public locker room is not shocking - avert your eyes if it offends you, and change in a bathroom stall if you must. I think that a boy from age 7 and up is old enough to change in the men's locker room by himself if you properly prep him to do so.

[Anonymous]

8 is too old. If PP thinks her son has no interest or curiosity at that age she must be delusional.

By the time my sons are 8 (well, probably 6 or 7) they'll be independent enough and mature enough to use the locker room by themselves. Oldest DS is almost 5 and he's getting there. He can dress/undress himself - the biggest issue is distraction and his sense of direction. Fortunately both boys can start going together as once his brother is older. I will teach DD the same level of independence.

Talk to your kids about their bodies and how to stay safe. You can't hold their hand forever and doing so only cripples them.

[Anonymous]

When I worked at a pool, there was one mom who would have her young boy go into the mens room and sing while he was in there. So the mom could hear the singing outside the locker room. I think her thinking was that it's unlikely a kid will be molested and be able to keep singing throughout it, and so long as she could here the singing she knew he was ok.

I don't necessarily recommend this for all parents, because I think it's a little over protective, but I think it's better than bringing your 8 year old into the women's room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be my last post on this subject.

I debated whether to even bother with this one or not.

A little while ago I asked my daughters if they think that their brother is too old to be going in the women's locker room with us anymore. They said that they don't think that it's a problem yet, but that they figure that this should be the last year that I take him in with us. They said that they know that he does not ever stare at their body parts, but that if he starts to do that, that it will be time to start sending him into the men's locker room instead. But in general, they think that some of you are making a big deal out of nothing.

As for the little girl from my son's class, she was 7 at the time, not 17, and she showed no signs of embarrassment that I could tell, and the same goes for her mother. If they didn't care, then I don't really care what a bunch of strangers on the internet think.

I will probably continue to take my son in with us for the next year, unless we receive any complaints. If we do receive complaints then I'll figure something else out.

One last thought to leave you with. How would any of you parents feel if you let strangers on the internet to talk you into sending your son into the men's locker room alone, and he wound up being molested or harmed in some other way? I know that the odds are everything would be OK if he went in alone, fortunately.

But There are no guarantees.

I would much rather some women feel slightly awkward for a few minutes than have something happen to my son.

Thank you to those of you who have made suggestions to me without trying to insult me!

If you read Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker, he has some very useful strategies for teaching your child how to start looking after their own welfare and avoiding molestation. It would be great for you to read those parts of the book and use his advice to help your son know what to look out for and avoid molestation while he is in the men's locker room by himself. Another great resource is a dvd called The Safe Side by John Walsh. I have watched that with my girls many times, and it is very kid friendly. You all could watch that movie together, then discuss how it applies to the locker room situation. You can be with your son for now in the locker room, but you can't be with him all the time. It's time to start arming him with some information and strategies for him to be safe when he is on his own without you.

OP here. Thanks for this. I'm prepping my son for using the men's room on his own by doing this "pilot project" at our neighborhood pool where the men's room is small and I feel I know most people. He's not ready for big restrooms on his own at movie theaters, etc., but this is just the type of resource that would be helpful for us. Because it really is all about giving our kids the knowledge and the skills to help keep themselves safe. We can't be everywhere all the time. And hopefully do it in a way that doesn't scare the bejezus out of them and make them paranoid. I'll get this and watch it first, and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Bring sleep blinders to the changing room, make your son wear them. Have him sit quietly while you change, then take him to a bathroom stall & change. Put blinders back on, lead him out of locker room.

[Anonymous]

Huh. My 5 year old son uses the pool locker room alone, and just started using public restrooms alone. I thought this was the average age. Am I the weird one? I actually feel better about the public restrooms because there is only one exit/entrance and I wait outside it, so DS can't go wandering off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And no 8 yo boys in women's changing rooms. Validating your behavior and attitudes about this means that you suck at parenting and need to get a psychiatrist to evaluate your deep-seated fear and hatred of men. Period. Friendly reminder: your son will be one soon and you are telling him that men are bad and not to be trusted. Will you be scared of him then, or are you planning to silently castigate all things manly for his whole life so that he has no choice but to live his life in shame?

Alright, I said I was done commenting on this subject, and I meant it. But I have to respond to this moronic post.

I do NOT hate men by any means at all. I have a husband that I love and respect, I have a father that I love and respect, and my son will one day be a man.

I already stated that I know that most men would not want to do something sick to a little boy. I have said that the odds are good that nothing would happen to my son in the men's locker room. Thank God!

I don't think any less of men in general than I think of women in general.

But it's a fact that little boys have been molested in men's locker rooms and bathrooms before. There have also been little boys that have been murdered in men's bathrooms. Not one of you can guarantee that every boy is safe in every locker room. I'm supposed to take that one in a hundred chance that my son could be molested or killed because you are so immature that you're afraid of a little boy seeing your breasts or butt???

I have given my son just as many freedoms as most 8 year old boys are given by their mothers.

My husband is just as manly as anyone. My son plays little league baseball, watches wrestling on TV, plays catch with a football, and plays with his friends, just like most little boys. And my husband feels that there is nothing wrong with my son going into the locker room with my daughter and I.

I took my children to the pool again today. We did the exact same routine today as we've been doing for the last few years. I kept an extra close eye on my son when we were in the showers. There was a mixture of other women and girls in there with us. And my son does not stare at them. I recognized some of the women and girls as having been in the showers at the same time as us in the past, and there were some that I had never seen there before. One of the women that I had never seen before did have a double take as my son walked past, but she did not make the slightest effort to hide or fact the other way. Not one other person in there even looked at my son out of the ordinary. Not one other!

While we were swimming I swam over by one of the other moms that swims there on a regular basis with her little girl. I have spoken with the lady many times in the past about neighborhood related stuff. I asked her to be honest with me on whether she thought that it was inappropriate for me to take my 8 year old son in the women's locker room with me. This mother and her little girl have been nude in the showers at the same exact time that I've been in there with my children. (No, that is not the classmate and her mother that I mentioned before) She did not hesitate to say that she sees nothing wrong with it! When I told her about some of the comments that I've had directed at me the last couple of days, she made a face and said "Some people just have a stick up their A*$ sometimes."

Again, this is the last that I plan on saying in this thread. But do yourselves a favor, and look up about children that have been molested or killed in locker rooms and public bathrooms. It may seem rare? But not as rare as you would think.

Evil people hurt little children. Seeing boobs and butts in a locker room never hurt any little boy or girl.

[Anonymous]

I don't want my daughter embarrassed by seeing your naked son in the locker room. Follow the damn rules or go elsewhere....because your kid is staring every time you turn your head.

No 8 year old belongs in an opposite sex locker room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And no 8 yo boys in women's changing rooms. Validating your behavior and attitudes about this means that you suck at parenting and need to get a psychiatrist to evaluate your deep-seated fear and hatred of men. Period. Friendly reminder: your son will be one soon and you are telling him that men are bad and not to be trusted. Will you be scared of him then, or are you planning to silently castigate all things manly for his whole life so that he has no choice but to live his life in shame?

Alright, I said I was done commenting on this subject, and I meant it. But I have to respond to this moronic post.

I do NOT hate men by any means at all. I have a husband that I love and respect, I have a father that I love and respect, and my son will one day be a man.

I already stated that I know that most men would not want to do something sick to a little boy. I have said that the odds are good that nothing would happen to my son in the men's locker room. Thank God!

I don't think any less of men in general than I think of women in general.

But it's a fact that little boys have been molested in men's locker rooms and bathrooms before. There have also been little boys that have been murdered in men's bathrooms. Not one of you can guarantee that every boy is safe in every locker room. I'm supposed to take that one in a hundred chance that my son could be molested or killed because you are so immature that you're afraid of a little boy seeing your breasts or butt???

I have given my son just as many freedoms as most 8 year old boys are given by their mothers.

My husband is just as manly as anyone. My son plays little league baseball, watches wrestling on TV, plays catch with a football, and plays with his friends, just like most little boys. And my husband feels that there is nothing wrong with my son going into the locker room with my daughter and I.

I took my children to the pool again today. We did the exact same routine today as we've been doing for the last few years. I kept an extra close eye on my son when we were in the showers. There was a mixture of other women and girls in there with us. And my son does not stare at them. I recognized some of the women and girls as having been in the showers at the same time as us in the past, and there were some that I had never seen there before. One of the women that I had never seen before did have a double take as my son walked past, but she did not make the slightest effort to hide or fact the other way. Not one other person in there even looked at my son out of the ordinary. Not one other!

While we were swimming I swam over by one of the other moms that swims there on a regular basis with her little girl. I have spoken with the lady many times in the past about neighborhood related stuff. I asked her to be honest with me on whether she thought that it was inappropriate for me to take my 8 year old son in the women's locker room with me. This mother and her little girl have been nude in the showers at the same exact time that I've been in there with my children. (No, that is not the classmate and her mother that I mentioned before) She did not hesitate to say that she sees nothing wrong with it! When I told her about some of the comments that I've had directed at me the last couple of days, she made a face and said "Some people just have a stick up their A*$ sometimes."

Again, this is the last that I plan on saying in this thread. But do yourselves a favor, and look up about children that have been molested or killed in locker rooms and public bathrooms. It may seem rare? But not as rare as you would think.

Evil people hurt little children. Seeing boobs and butts in a locker room never hurt any little boy or girl.

This shows you don't get it. It's not just about your kid seeing boobs and butts. It is the deep (unnecessary) embarrasment of those who are naked in front of your tween son.

This thread has given me the courage to say something next time I see a boy who is too old in the women's locker room.

[Anonymous]

The pp keeps referring to a 1 in 100 chance of a boy being molested in a locker room. 1 in 100?!? Really. You think that for every 100 times a 7 year old goes into a bathroom they are molested? I imagine it's closer to one in millions

[Anonymous]

PP is not rational and will not listen to reason so I guess the point is moot. Her fear drives her decision making and she doesn't care that she lives in a society with norms and rules. Her schema falls well outside of that but yet she is further entrenches with each response. Now she is making up "statistics" to bolster her androphobia and agriphobia.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if anyone is still reading or if this was said, but why aren't pool locker rooms designed to be more family friendly? Why do they design them so that you have to walk through the locker room to get to the bathrooms. It would seem easy enough to design them so that the changing area / shower area could be separated enough so that the younger children of the opposite gender could come in to use the bathrooms and not see anything in the changing area. This would be way easier to manage than the "family changing rooms" that are often non existent and when they are, there is one that is often occupied for 20 minutes at a time.

To the OP, my son is turning 6, and also struggled with a wet suit last year and the beginnnig of this season, but is finally getting the hang of it, so your son will probably figure it out in a few months. I do now make him go to the mens' locker room alone (I had my DH with us the first time to make sure he could reach everything). He was scared at first, but now has gotten used to it, although I get freaked out if he takes too long, and he gets freaked out if he beats me out. I also talk to him about what he would do if anyone asks or tries to touch his private parts (say no, and then run, scream, hit, kick or bite). I think it works, because last year at his well visit, he actually spoke up and questioned if what the doctor was doing was OK. And I'm always eyeing up who I could send in to look for him.

[Anonymous]

OP again. We go to a much newer pool for swim lessons and the shower/bathrooms are designed MUCH better to give privacy to those who are changing. The down side is they are cavernous with lots of hidden areas and are exactly the type of men's room I don't feel comfortable letting my five year old use by himself yet. Which is why we are starting with the tiny, straight-hallway restrooms at our local pool.

Fortunately, I'm always amazed at how much they grow and mature each year, so I think next summer won't be too problematic sending him to more men's rooms instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why do they design them so that you have to walk through the locker room to get to the bathrooms. It would seem easy enough to design them so that the changing area / shower area could be separated enough so that the younger children of the opposite gender could come in to use the bathrooms and not see anything in the changing area.
-
In the case of a pool they have to place the showers between you and the entry to the pool area because every patron is expected to take a full shower before going into the water to reduce the bacteria. So you will always have to navigate through a line of persons showering.

[Anonymous]

I have a four year old son and we get changed in the pool locker room in the shower. Not too convenient. I am flexible with boys using the women's room for the reasons stated previously.

However, my views are changing. Last night while getting dressed, I looked and saw a boy around 6 or so peering in the gap between the curtain and the stall. He saw me see him and started laughing. I wish I had talked to the boy's mother, but I was so surprised I couldn't think straight. Ai yi yi!!!

I think my boy is OK to get dressed in the locker room for another year but after that, we'll just wear wet suits home till he his able to change himself in the men's room.