Yet another post about 5-6 year old boys in the women's changing/bathroom at the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people are saying that changing your clothes in the locker room is equivalent to public nudity. I don't like my girls to stay in their wet swimsuits because it fosters infections, for me too. So we do rinse off showers and change. I also workout at the community center in the mornings, take a shower and change. Where the heck am I supposed to change if it's not right there in the locker room? This makes no sense to me. I had no idea people were judgmentally thinking we were doing something wrong by changing our clothes in the locker room for heavens sake.

People look at things differently.

For you, it's natural to completely take your clothes off and strip your child down in a public setting because you feel that is what the room is for. Others are doing the same thing, so what's the big deal? To me, I can think of several ways to address changing if necessary, that don't involve exposing my bare breasts, vagina, or the parts of my children to strangers who have no business glancing even if it's unintentional.

You think it's fine, because that is what most people do. I think it's bizarre, and sends a mixed message. We look at things differently and really, I don't see anything changing that.

One thing you could do, to feel more comfortable changing, is to bring an old king size sheet with you, and a couple of clothespins. From there, it's easy to construct a simple tent to change inside of, by clipping the sheet to whatever is handy in the locker room. Corners work well for this, because you can make a triangle from the sheet. GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be my last post on this subject.

I debated whether to even bother with this one or not.

A little while ago I asked my daughters if they think that their brother is too old to be going in the women's locker room with us anymore. They said that they don't think that it's a problem yet, but that they figure that this should be the last year that I take him in with us. They said that they know that he does not ever stare at their body parts, but that if he starts to do that, that it will be time to start sending him into the men's locker room instead. But in general, they think that some of you are making a big deal out of nothing.

As for the little girl from my son's class, she was 7 at the time, not 17, and she showed no signs of embarrassment that I could tell, and the same goes for her mother. If they didn't care, then I don't really care what a bunch of strangers on the internet think.

I will probably continue to take my son in with us for the next year, unless we receive any complaints. If we do receive complaints then I'll figure something else out.

One last thought to leave you with. How would any of you parents feel if you let strangers on the internet to talk you into sending your son into the men's locker room alone, and he wound up being molested or harmed in some other way? I know that the odds are everything would be OK if he went in alone, fortunately.

But There are no guarantees.

I would much rather some women feel slightly awkward for a few minutes than have something happen to my son.

Thank you to those of you who have made suggestions to me without trying to insult me!

Why would you ask your daughters? You are the parent, and you need to make the choices, not your children who have internalized your paranoia. Plus, they are his sisters. You don't seem to understand that girls who are not related to him may see things differently. Did you ask your daughters how they would have felt if one of their classmates had seen them naked? It is an inappropriate violation of the privacy and modesty of other girls. I would not teach my daughter that it is ok to shower naked in front of an 8 year old classmate.
And do you honestly think that he is less likely to get molested when he is 9 than he is now? What difference will that extra year make?

[Anonymous]

We need 3 locker rooms
One for mommies with teenage sons
One for women who need to bring king size sheets
and one for the nudists among us.

I think the nudists have all the fun

At the same time, maybe the pools could have different opening times for the different groups.
A womens only swim, mens only swim
nudist swim
mommies with sons swim
etc etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our pool went through this. They used to say no boys 4 or over in the women's changing room. Four! I think that's a bit much. My friend's four year old (not motor delayed or special needs) reminds me of how little they still are at four. So I'm anti-that. Then they raised it to 5+, which still pissed some people off on both sides. So now the members are demanding a family room.

As for me, I simply do not change out in the open. My kid is still super young and isn't body aware yet at 2.5. When he's older, I'll change him in a screened off area. It's not a big deal, but we live in a society where open nudity can feel shocking to some. To be honest, when I walk into my pool and all I see is 70's bush, I am not exactly psyched myself. But that doesn't mean I'm going to tell someone else not to do it. However, that's not for me. I change in the stalls - either the changing stalls or the bathroom stalls. This works fine in our pool because there is never a line for the bathrooms, ever. I could see finding that annoying if the bathrooms were in higher demand and you were making someone else wait.

Anyway, family changing rooms seem to be a pretty good answer. But boy am I glad our pool at least does not have the stupid requirement to walk through locker rooms to get in. I've always disliked that even before I had kids, because to be honest, again, I'd rather spare myself the sight of naked bodies I dont' want to see naked. Not saying they shuldn't be able to do it, just voicing my own preference / comfort level.

At our pool, the rule is that if you have waxed or shaved your privates, it's OK to be fully nude in the locker room. But if you have full bush (or loose flappy visible lips) you are supposed to cover up with a towel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

At our pool, the rule is that if you have waxed or shaved your privates, it's OK to be fully nude in the locker room. But if you have full bush (or loose flappy visible lips) you are supposed to cover up with a towel.

?
do you have staff checking?
just what is lose flappy lips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask your daughters how they would have felt if one of their classmates had seen them naked? It is an inappropriate violation of the privacy and modesty of other girls. I would not teach my daughter that it is ok to shower naked in front of an 8 year old classmate

I'm assuming that you mean if a male classmate had seen the girls naked? Girls showering naked in front of female classmates happens all of the time. It's called school gym class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask your daughters how they would have felt if one of their classmates had seen them naked? It is an inappropriate violation of the privacy and modesty of other girls. I would not teach my daughter that it is ok to shower naked in front of an 8 year old classmate

I'm assuming that you mean if a male classmate had seen the girls naked? Girls showering naked in front of female classmates happens all of the time. It's called school gym class.

Yes of course that is what I meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be my last post on this subject.

I debated whether to even bother with this one or not.

A little while ago I asked my daughters if they think that their brother is too old to be going in the women's locker room with us anymore. They said that they don't think that it's a problem yet, but that they figure that this should be the last year that I take him in with us. They said that they know that he does not ever stare at their body parts, but that if he starts to do that, that it will be time to start sending him into the men's locker room instead. But in general, they think that some of you are making a big deal out of nothing.

As for the little girl from my son's class, she was 7 at the time, not 17, and she showed no signs of embarrassment that I could tell, and the same goes for her mother. If they didn't care, then I don't really care what a bunch of strangers on the internet think.

I will probably continue to take my son in with us for the next year, unless we receive any complaints. If we do receive complaints then I'll figure something else out.

One last thought to leave you with. How would any of you parents feel if you let strangers on the internet to talk you into sending your son into the men's locker room alone, and he wound up being molested or harmed in some other way? I know that the odds are everything would be OK if he went in alone, fortunately.

But There are no guarantees.

I would much rather some women feel slightly awkward for a few minutes than have something happen to my son.

Thank you to those of you who have made suggestions to me without trying to insult me!

You are so overly paranoid about your son being molested but you don't care at all about other people's daughters feeling violated by a boy of their age watching them naked in the shower. Get your head out of your ass, lady.

[Anonymous]

Lady, given the uniformly strong reaction against bringing your 8 year old in the women's locker room, do you think perhaps you actually may not be reading people's reactions correctly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask your daughters how they would have felt if one of their classmates had seen them naked? It is an inappropriate violation of the privacy and modesty of other girls. I would not teach my daughter that it is ok to shower naked in front of an 8 year old classmate

I'm assuming that you mean if a male classmate had seen the girls naked? Girls showering naked in front of female classmates happens all of the time. It's called school gym class.

Yes of course that is what I meant.

At my DC's MCPS middle and high schools, none of the kids take showers after gym class. The whole thing of 'everyone into the showers' after PE doesn't exist in a lot of places anymore.

All of the nudity in the changing rooms discussed in prior posts is nothing short of shocking to me. I live in a community with several neighborhood pools to choose from. There are bathroom stalls, shower stalls with curtains, and changing areas, again with curtains. In several decades of going to these pools, the only nudity I have seen in the changing rooms is from a few young children being helped into their clothes. Even if there were not curtains, etc. I feel rather certain I could changed my clothes without the women next to me being able to check out the condition of my privates. Sheesh!

[Anonymous]

Instead of bringing your son into the woman's locker room, why don't you take him into the men's locker room. If I had to choose, I'd rather you see me naked than your pre-teen son making my daughter feel uncomfortable. If you are an adult, I assume you have seen it all before.

[Anonymous]

I doubt any of the other women are checking out the condition of your privates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be my last post on this subject.

I debated whether to even bother with this one or not.

A little while ago I asked my daughters if they think that their brother is too old to be going in the women's locker room with us anymore. They said that they don't think that it's a problem yet, but that they figure that this should be the last year that I take him in with us. They said that they know that he does not ever stare at their body parts, but that if he starts to do that, that it will be time to start sending him into the men's locker room instead. But in general, they think that some of you are making a big deal out of nothing.

As for the little girl from my son's class, she was 7 at the time, not 17, and she showed no signs of embarrassment that I could tell, and the same goes for her mother. If they didn't care, then I don't really care what a bunch of strangers on the internet think.

I will probably continue to take my son in with us for the next year, unless we receive any complaints. If we do receive complaints then I'll figure something else out.

One last thought to leave you with. How would any of you parents feel if you let strangers on the internet to talk you into sending your son into the men's locker room alone, and he wound up being molested or harmed in some other way? I know that the odds are everything would be OK if he went in alone, fortunately.

But There are no guarantees.

I would much rather some women feel slightly awkward for a few minutes than have something happen to my son.

Thank you to those of you who have made suggestions to me without trying to insult me!

You are so overly paranoid about your son being molested but you don't care at all about other people's daughters feeling violated by a boy of their age watching them naked in the shower. Get your head out of your ass, lady.

This, exactly. Especially the part about head in ass.

[Anonymous]

Dammit. I have loose, flappy lips. I do keep them under wraps and don't let them just flap in the breeze. Is that ok?

And no 8 yo boys in women's changing rooms. Validating your behavior and attitudes about this means that you suck at parenting and need to get a psychiatrist to evaluate your deep-seated fear and hatred of men. Period. Friendly reminder: your son will be one soon and you are telling him that men are bad and not to be trusted. Will you be scared of him then, or are you planning to silently castigate all things manly for his whole life so that he has no choice but to live his life in shame?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be my last post on this subject.

I debated whether to even bother with this one or not.

A little while ago I asked my daughters if they think that their brother is too old to be going in the women's locker room with us anymore. They said that they don't think that it's a problem yet, but that they figure that this should be the last year that I take him in with us. They said that they know that he does not ever stare at their body parts, but that if he starts to do that, that it will be time to start sending him into the men's locker room instead. But in general, they think that some of you are making a big deal out of nothing.

As for the little girl from my son's class, she was 7 at the time, not 17, and she showed no signs of embarrassment that I could tell, and the same goes for her mother. If they didn't care, then I don't really care what a bunch of strangers on the internet think.

I will probably continue to take my son in with us for the next year, unless we receive any complaints. If we do receive complaints then I'll figure something else out.

One last thought to leave you with. How would any of you parents feel if you let strangers on the internet to talk you into sending your son into the men's locker room alone, and he wound up being molested or harmed in some other way? I know that the odds are everything would be OK if he went in alone, fortunately.

But There are no guarantees.

I would much rather some women feel slightly awkward for a few minutes than have something happen to my son.

Thank you to those of you who have made suggestions to me without trying to insult me!

If you read Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker, he has some very useful strategies for teaching your child how to start looking after their own welfare and avoiding molestation. It would be great for you to read those parts of the book and use his advice to help your son know what to look out for and avoid molestation while he is in the men's locker room by himself. Another great resource is a dvd called The Safe Side by John Walsh. I have watched that with my girls many times, and it is very kid friendly. You all could watch that movie together, then discuss how it applies to the locker room situation. You can be with your son for now in the locker room, but you can't be with him all the time. It's time to start arming him with some information and strategies for him to be safe when he is on his own without you.