What has a lack of sex done to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having the one person that you’re only supposed to have sex with not want to have sex with you hurts, it just does not matter the reason.

I agree. It’s basically impossible for me to feel attractive.

Good way to put it.

I tried for a long time (years). I was told it was because of X or y so I did x and y.

When I was successful I was giving and not receiving and last time I tried he couldn’t finish. Whenever I tried it wasn’t good anyway so there’s that.

When my spouse comes home and vents about work I am meant to just listen, not ask questions or give advice (even when asked) and NOT talk about my work or my day.

It is really demoralizing and you feel bad about yourself. I have a lack of self confidence I never had before. I am very lonely but feel I can’t talk about it with anyone. We have a high deductible insurance so therapy would be out of pocket and expensive.

I try to kiss him and he turns his head. Won’t even hug me. Our kids notice.

I put on some weight because of the stress. My husband also recently showed me a picture from 5 years ago and remarked how young I looked and that I look so old now. I have more anxiety than ever too.

I talked to one close friend and she told me he’s a good father and that if I divorced him he’d find someone new right away and I would not see my kids 50% of the time and another woman would help raise them. My husband is gorgeous which she also told me
I would never get anyone close to that good looking and he would have his pick. Very hurtful coming from a close friend, but I appreciated the honesty. She told me to suck it up.

I also worry because we would have to sell the house to divorce and I did slow my career for his career and our kids. I started climbing the ladder again but I work in non profits so will probably have to change careers.

Wow that’s bad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the way, perimenopause and menopause does not cause painful sex. In fact, there is often in increase in libido during these stages.

You're wrong.

She’s absolutely not wrong.


-perimenopausal woman having the time of her life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disconnection from myself, my life energy, my creativity, my light.

You really hold orgasms in high regard eh?

You don’t get it.

Because it’s totally ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

Nope. Words have meanings. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

NP, I might put it this way: exercise is not really a need per se but we are all
aware that the human body and mental health are better with exercise.

Exercise doesnt bring mommy wounds and sti’s. Pleasing yourself brings the physiological release. And after many years, some people just prefer the company of friends (which is the most sustaining kind of love anyway, as studies are finding).

What is "mommy wounds"?

Imagine if this was everyone’s thought process. “I’m too afraid of Sti’s to ever have sex.”

Also just like the other commenter-what the heck is a mommy wound?

Men are so incredibly myopic and selfish. That's why there are so many out there who try to cajole their wives and girlfriends into having sex just days or weeks after pushing a freaking watermelon out of her vagina. :roll:

I’m so tired of this. As a woman-I wouldn’t just accept my husband saying he didn’t want to try solve his ED with medication. So why should a man accept if a woman says she is going through menopause/some other hormonal thing and that’s that? Without ever taking any steps to make it better? It’s so one sided and unfair. In a marriage you don’t just get to decide you are done with something without considering the other person-that’s simply not how a marriage works.

+1

You’re both stupid. ED is a dysfunction. Menopause is a normal process of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't had sex in 13 years. I pleasure myself when I'm in the mood and I'm fine with that, just like I was for years before I ever had sex - which, by the way, I liked very much. I just didn't like dealing with all the other baggage that came attached to a penis.

Overall I'm very grateful for having had the freedom to experience perimenopause and menopause without someone nagging me and guilting me and even possibly being mentally abuse over the issue of sexual demands. I spent time on menopause support groups online and it made me sad to see so many posts from so many wives and girlfriends whose male partners tormented them over the issue of painful sex during this time of life. So many men are so selfish - starting with a failure to give a hoot about pleasuring their female partners in the first place, and carrying over into their disgusting attitudes when women experience the change of life and reduced sex drive + painful sex issues.

Not all men, sure, but . . . FAR too many!

That is ridiculous. A woman experiencing perimenopause and menopause aren't relegated to painful sex. They still have a mouth and should use it to satisfy their husbands. Because the truth is, most men would do the same for their wive's if the circumstances were reversed. Painful sex issues = use your mouth for a while instead.

You’re pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't had sex in 13 years. I pleasure myself when I'm in the mood and I'm fine with that, just like I was for years before I ever had sex - which, by the way, I liked very much. I just didn't like dealing with all the other baggage that came attached to a penis.

Overall I'm very grateful for having had the freedom to experience perimenopause and menopause without someone nagging me and guilting me and even possibly being mentally abuse over the issue of sexual demands. I spent time on menopause support groups online and it made me sad to see so many posts from so many wives and girlfriends whose male partners tormented them over the issue of painful sex during this time of life. So many men are so selfish - starting with a failure to give a hoot about pleasuring their female partners in the first place, and carrying over into their disgusting attitudes when women experience the change of life and reduced sex drive + painful sex issues.

Not all men, sure, but . . . FAR too many!

That is ridiculous. A woman experiencing perimenopause and menopause aren't relegated to painful sex. They still have a mouth and should use it to satisfy their husbands. Because the truth is, most men would do the same for their wive's if the circumstances were reversed. Painful sex issues = use your mouth for a while instead.

What a joke.

Says the wife of a husband that hates his life.

No. She’s probably married to a man, not an oversized 14-year-old boy like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing pisses people off more than the truth. As proof, I can guarantee you that some bitter little woman is going to have this post deleted....

That is ridiculous. A woman experiencing perimenopause and menopause aren't relegated to painful sex. They still have a mouth and should use it to satisfy their husbands. Because the truth is, most men would do the same for their wive's if the circumstances were reversed. Painful sex issues = use your mouth for a while instead.

Don’t need to be “bitter” or “little” or even a woman to be disgusted with the misogynistic tone inherent in your post here…

It's not misogynistic, it's biology. People have physical needs. It's way more abusive and painful to ask someone to do without sex for loooong periods of time, than it is to simply use your mouth for a couple minutes. The fact that you would rather he do without for months, than to take 5 minutes of your time to be able to actually supply your significant other with the relieve they need. God, feminism really is a disease.

Please grow so very much up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

Nope. Words have meanings. Sorry.

Sure. But if you insist on accuracy, words don't have meaning per say. We attribute meaning to some words. Others have no meaning. And some words mean things to some people but don't have the same meaning to other people. So perhaps it's more precise to say "need" means something different to you. Nice that you're trying to inject clarity with brevity. It just doesn't apply here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

Nope. Words have meanings. Sorry.

Oh my god. Not you again. I get that you're frigid and want everyone else to be. Sex is a need for A LOT of people. You not feeling that it is doesn't negate other people's need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to understand my sexually unsatisifed friends.

Nothing here.

Just focusing on my career, kids, house, and friends.

Definitely don’t want to have sx w a selfish, immature, dysfunctional work addict.

Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

Nope. Words have meanings. Sorry.

Oh my god. Not you again. I get that you're frigid and want everyone else to be. Sex is a need for A LOT of people. You not feeling that it is doesn't negate other people's need.

No, not YOU again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having the one person that you’re only supposed to have sex with not want to have sex with you hurts, it just does not matter the reason.

I agree. It’s basically impossible for me to feel attractive.

Good way to put it.

I tried for a long time (years). I was told it was because of X or y so I did x and y.

When I was successful I was giving and not receiving and last time I tried he couldn’t finish. Whenever I tried it wasn’t good anyway so there’s that.

When my spouse comes home and vents about work I am meant to just listen, not ask questions or give advice (even when asked) and NOT talk about my work or my day.

It is really demoralizing and you feel bad about yourself. I have a lack of self confidence I never had before. I am very lonely but feel I can’t talk about it with anyone. We have a high deductible insurance so therapy would be out of pocket and expensive.

I try to kiss him and he turns his head. Won’t even hug me. Our kids notice.

I put on some weight because of the stress. My husband also recently showed me a picture from 5 years ago and remarked how young I looked and that I look so old now. I have more anxiety than ever too.

I talked to one close friend and she told me he’s a good father and that if I divorced him he’d find someone new right away and I would not see my kids 50% of the time and another woman would help raise them. My husband is gorgeous which she also told me
I would never get anyone close to that good looking and he would have his pick. Very hurtful coming from a close friend, but I appreciated the honesty. She told me to suck it up.

I also worry because we would have to sell the house to divorce and I did slow my career for his career and our kids. I started climbing the ladder again but I work in non profits so will probably have to change careers.

You need to reevaluate both your marriage and that friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

Nope. Words have meanings. Sorry.

Oh my god. Not you again. I get that you're frigid and want everyone else to be. Sex is a need for A LOT of people. You not feeling that it is doesn't negate other people's need.

No, not YOU again.

Go away frigid Frannie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't have sex between 45 and 49. Shortly after my divorce I went through serious health issues that last years. The lack of sex and dating honestly didn't affect me at all. I am healthy now and dating again and I am having consistent sex. It just feels like where I left off.

I am not sure I understand OP's question. Sex is important, but the lack of it isn't going to make you depressed or crazy or insane.

I get extremely depressed if I don’t have regular sex. You stopped because of heath issues, right? I think it’s different if it’s that your body doesn’t want to because of health issues, vs you are in a relationship, very much want sex, keep getting rejected over and over, and you can’t go seek it elsewhere. That’s very depressing.

I could’ve written this. Not having sex with DH affects every part of my life. The fact that his interest seems to have dropped off is devastating. The rejection is soul crushing. It doesn’t seem fair that this is the decision he gets to make unilaterally. But then again, this is just his personality.

However, in other areas, I can get what I need other ways. Like if I need emotional connection, I can get it from my friends(other women, not talking about EA). I feel so desperate and trapped because I can’t get sex anywhere else. Plus, I actually want my husband to want and desire me. At times, it makes me feel pathetic that he doesn’t, but he tricked me. Why did he marry me? It all just doesn’t seem fair. I’m not a cheater, but sometimes I kind of wish I didn’t feel this way.

Same. It’s a horrible place to be.