Come here if your in laws do weird crap at thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but we have a large kitchen with a lot of counter space and for some reason, my in-laws keep putting food (ingredients or finished dishes) right next to the sink. I would never do that - I'd be too worried it would get dirty while someone was washing their hands or dishes. In fact, earlier today, I was putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher and dumped out a mug that looked like it had a tiny bit of tea in it and put it in the dishwasher. FIL got so angry that he could not find his 1/4 cup of broth!

Also - my in-laws brought their own place mats because they don't like mine (which are just plain gray). WTF?

WTH with the placemats. That would bother just because of its weirdness. Are yours too nice and cloth instead of plastic so they're worried they'll stain them? I can't imagine any other reason for doing that. They must be full of oddness. Tell us more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are just bizarrely quiet. Nothing seems to go on in their heads.
The whole Thanksgiving conversation consists of "Could you pass the X." Which is another thing in and of itself (the annoying family style serving.) And a few comments on what the kids aren't eating.
We tried bringing up the kids' report cards, our upcoming travel, their travel last month, weddings in their family...all go over like lead balloons. Also my father is in the hospital but they didn't feel the need to ask about him.
Depressing that I married into this family.

OMG, this describes my mom’s parents and siblings perfectly. They all just sit like statues at any family gathering.

My in-laws are similar. For the first 10 years I carried the conversation. I now adopt the attitude of “act like a son in law” and just go with it.

Yes, but in my ILs family, there are different "rules" for sons in law and daughters in law - we must JUMP for the men! LOL not happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Last Thanksgiving my SIL came out of her basement and handed DH a white-and-gold wrapped gift. It was a wedding gift -- from when he married his first wife. Thirty freaking years ago. We have been together 20 and married for seven. Apparently it was a gift from some family member that gave it to her to give them and she never did? And after all these years she felt Thanksgiving with me sitting next to him was the perfect time to come hand it to him?

What was the gift? Did it survive the 30 year wait to be opened?

I have no idea. I pitched a fit and told SIL to put it back wherever it came from, and to keep it or throw it out.

If DCUM had been around 30 years ago I bet the gift giver would have been posting on here about how they weren't ever going to speak to DH and his ex again because they didn't get a thank you note for a wedding gift. And then someone on here would chime in about with "Are you sure they got it?" and a bunch of people would post and say "Of course they got it, people are just rude, go no contact." Lol.

You've been with your DH for 20 years and are this insecure?

Not at all insecure. Just don't like my SIL. For very good reasons (to start with: racism). She knows this, and likes to offend me at holidays. FAFO.

You sound so tough. I’m sure she’s scared.

What a weird response. Are you some deranged weirdo who tries to physically fight people? What are you doing here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but we have a large kitchen with a lot of counter space and for some reason, my in-laws keep putting food (ingredients or finished dishes) right next to the sink. I would never do that - I'd be too worried it would get dirty while someone was washing their hands or dishes. In fact, earlier today, I was putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher and dumped out a mug that looked like it had a tiny bit of tea in it and put it in the dishwasher. FIL got so angry that he could not find his 1/4 cup of broth!

Also - my in-laws brought their own place mats because they don't like mine (which are just plain gray). WTF?

Did your in laws have lots of weird rules about other things too? My mil did something similar with her drinking glass. The woman has food issues and is very small and thinks everyone should be very small. She was very food restrictive to her children. They grew up with crazy rules about food. She will put water in a small juice glass and leave it sitting for days by the sink. It must be left by the sink. Do not ever touch it or move it. She will only take a sip or two here and there. Of course, no one outside of their family knows their crazy rules. I was post partum after being in the hospital for several weeks after having premature twins. She went ballistic when I put that glass in the dishwasher. I could go on with more crazy stories just from that post partum visit but my post would be too long.

Every Thanksgiving dh and I split our time between going to one of my family member's Thanksgiving celebrations and theirs later in the day. One year she was angry and when we got there we were refused plates. Grandma told us we were not allowed to eat. No one would talk to us. It was the most rude thing ever. She expected we would sit there and watch everyone else eat and take our punishment. She was mad about something and expected we would play her game of trying to figure out what we did wrong and then try to make her happy. She tortured some of her adult children with this kind of stuff their entire lives. She was always mad at someone and would pull things like this at every holiday.

This. Holy crap there is more than one of them?! So bizarre. Control issues about many things, but mostly food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are just bizarrely quiet. Nothing seems to go on in their heads.
The whole Thanksgiving conversation consists of "Could you pass the X." Which is another thing in and of itself (the annoying family style serving.) And a few comments on what the kids aren't eating.
We tried bringing up the kids' report cards, our upcoming travel, their travel last month, weddings in their family...all go over like lead balloons. Also my father is in the hospital but they didn't feel the need to ask about him.
Depressing that I married into this family.

+1

I get it. Been married forever, and my ILs know pretty much nothing about me or my family, because they are so in their own heads.

Same. And it's worse because they make up wildly inaccurate things about us to fill in their lack of knowledge. We hear from dh's friends who live near them the crazy things they say. My mom does the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL fusses and clucks and acts like she is the hostess. She actually does nothing and only gets in the way. No, she doesn’t want to host—when she does, she is a stressed-out nightmare. No, she doesn’t offer to bring anything. Yes, I’m sure it is that she wants attention and wants to feel important. She could at least bring a bottle of wine. Instead, she fusses around, questions everything, acts like she knows best, and is put out that we don’t stuff the bird. She doesn’t seem to grasp that no, you don’t need to put an unstuffed turkey in the oven at 7 a.m. and dry it completely out.

Can’t wait to see what your DIL says about you.

Hi Crazy Mil Lady. I have some suggestions for hobbies for you. Please tell us about yourself. Do you have a dil who stole your precious son away with her magic vajayjay?

[Anonymous]

Mine showed up at 10am, unannounced. They drove 5 hours to get here, rented a hotel and yet, just showed up! It was fine. i very much wanted them there but still, zero notice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The family style is annoying because it dominates the conversation. Pass this, pass that. Don't the kids like green beans? We made this because we thought they'd like it. Aren't you hungry? This one eats and eats. You look like you're going to blow away. Could you pass that again?
The buffet - you line up, make your plate and eat it. Go back and get more if you want more. Talk about something more interesting at the table. And I don't even have an island, I use the induction surface as a serving area every night!

Older people who make comments like that do it regardless of how the food is served. My MIL is a case in point. We still do family style if the group is small and there is enough room on the table for all of the normal serving dishes. But more often there are so many people that the sides are all in large aluminum trays and take up the entire kitchen island. There wouldn't be room to put them all on the table(s) that we have shoved together to seat everyone. We usually have the fully extended dining table plus two folding tables. Usually there is wine, water, and rolls/butter on the table. The rest is in the kitchen.

What are you expecting "older people" to talk about at the table? Instructional framework of public school today vs when she raised kids and other matters of current pedagogy? The generation gap when it comes to climate change? The relative merits of AI and whether it will help or hinder those trying to age in place? I think, "You're growing, you need to eat more!" is perfectly acceptable small talk for "older people" who are guests at the table. That's just my opinion.

How about good books/good movies, thank you for making all this great food/it’s delicious, what are some of your favorite things to do at school or after school, how was your trip, I love this new game does anyone else play it, wow we made some really great progress on that puzzle, is anyone going shopping this weekend, I hear you’re in a musical at school, are you still swimming, this is a lovely table setting, etc. Why do you think the only available conversation topics are watching what other people are eating and how much they should or shouldn’t eat, or “controversial” topics? You sound like a bore and a boor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but we have a large kitchen with a lot of counter space and for some reason, my in-laws keep putting food (ingredients or finished dishes) right next to the sink. I would never do that - I'd be too worried it would get dirty while someone was washing their hands or dishes. In fact, earlier today, I was putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher and dumped out a mug that looked like it had a tiny bit of tea in it and put it in the dishwasher. FIL got so angry that he could not find his 1/4 cup of broth!

Also - my in-laws brought their own place mats because they don't like mine (which are just plain gray). WTF?

Hysterical!

I have to say I just love the need to bring your own placemats. You win. Please tell what the acceptable placemats were. Cartoons of turkeys? Pure white lace? RIP Queen Elizabeth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll start off.

This year, I will finally tell my FIL he cannot floss his teeth at the table.

Oh hell no.

ILs pick their teeth and belch at the table, so I'm with you, OP. I do recall the same people did not like the way I held my fork (you know, the same way everyone else holds their fork). Good times.

My MIL picks her teeth nonstop with her fingernails to get food out. I can’t handle it

PP here - yes, this! What in the actual h&ll? You are at the table, woman! :puke emoji:

My MIL wipes her own (basically empty) plate with her index finger and then licks her finger. I guess to get all the remaining flavor off her plate? Repeatedly! Um, Janet, if you are still hungry there is plenty more food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll start off.

This year, I will finally tell my FIL he cannot floss his teeth at the table.

Oh hell no.

ILs pick their teeth and belch at the table, so I'm with you, OP. I do recall the same people did not like the way I held my fork (you know, the same way everyone else holds their fork). Good times.

My MIL picks her teeth nonstop with her fingernails to get food out. I can’t handle it

PP here - yes, this! What in the actual h&ll? You are at the table, woman! :puke emoji:

My MIL wipes her own (basically empty) plate with her index finger and then licks her finger. I guess to get all the remaining flavor off her plate? Repeatedly! Um, Janet, if you are still hungry there is plenty more food.

That is disgusting. Horrifying. Does she do it at restaurants too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll start off.

This year, I will finally tell my FIL he cannot floss his teeth at the table.

Oh hell no.

ILs pick their teeth and belch at the table, so I'm with you, OP. I do recall the same people did not like the way I held my fork (you know, the same way everyone else holds their fork). Good times.

My MIL picks her teeth nonstop with her fingernails to get food out. I can’t handle it

PP here - yes, this! What in the actual h&ll? You are at the table, woman! :puke emoji:

My MIL wipes her own (basically empty) plate with her index finger and then licks her finger. I guess to get all the remaining flavor off her plate? Repeatedly! Um, Janet, if you are still hungry there is plenty more food.

That is disgusting. Horrifying. Does she do it at restaurants too?

Its rare we eat out with them, but I don't think so. I will try to remember to check next time. Lol.