I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until all of your kids grow up and trash you. Seriously, why are you all so petty and mean? Who did what to you? What trauma did you suffer? What has made you so insecure and unsettled?

My kids will likely have various complaints about me, but me showing up hours earlier than planned is not something I would ever do. So I am safe from that particular note. What an extraordinarily rude thing to do—indefensibly so. You might have a leg to stand on if they texted or called once they decided to get on the road early, but they did not. Indefensibly rude.

+1. They didn’t call or text because they knew you wouldn’t agree to their change of plans. This way, they get to show up and say “SURPRISE!” They don’t care if you’re busy or inconvenienced. They believe they call the shots.

This, OP.
This is parents regressing into parents of small children when they did call all the shots. Those days are long, long gone, but some parents feel entitled to relive this experience with their children. It's all about control. Yes, it's exceedingly rude, and no, they'd never do this to anyone except their own child.

It's not a "petty vent" OP. It's very dysfunctional behavior, and you are fully entitled to be upset by it.

DP. Thank you for this. I finally understand my ILs. I mean I knew MIL was rude, and I’ve just now started standing up to her, but now I have a better understanding why she does what she does. I thought her generation was just selfish. What ILs don’t understand, is that acting this way leads to less time with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

Sorry your brother is a bad host! I've dropped the rope with my in-laws for the most part (I do clean the house, make a grocery list for my husband to pick up so we have plenty of food in the house, and help him think through meal planning for the visit), but I'm sure my in-laws think I am a bad hostess. The reality is I can only care so much so I do help with some of the planning that I care about (clean house and a food plan for the visit).

What makes you think my brother is a bad host?!
There isn’t much hosting required in the first place. It’s not like they are providing a three course meal on arrival and a fully ready guest bedroom lol. But even the bare minimum - bring the sheets and make some tea and maybe slice some cheese? Is now demonstratively left to my brother.
I don’t really care, it’s their family, but it just looks funny and eyeroll worthy

Your needs seem very specific. We don’t have tea in our house so if you showed up and “required” tea and cheese, you’d be out of luck.

These are just examples. Don’t get stuck on them. You can substitute with coffee and cake if you prefer. It’s something that I know they have and eat, and is easy to make. That is all.

NP

you are high maintenance and require the wife to fulfill your needs rather than your sibling. It’s weird and nitpicky. Especially if you’re early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tea and Cheese sounds like a great snack to me!
People totally miss her point; that she noticed her SIL is not as gracious or welcoming as she used to be.

Cheese lady here. I know people are imagining all sorts of things about me but I am actually not high maintenance. I bring gifts (chocolate or wine and stuff for the kids), I always offer to help, etc.
I thought we had a fairly good relationship with SIL. She just changed all of a sudden and it looked unnatural. She isn’t doing all the hosting, ever. But it all looked like she read this forum or something
It’s hard for me to explain it without sounding demanding and what not.

Listen rude cheese lady, your brother can tend to your needs. The thing with people like you is that you feel perfectly entitled to be rude in things like arriving early or inviting yourself but would likely never do this with a friend, work colleagues, neighbor etc because you know you would not be invited again. You think that because it’s family you get to behave however you like and demand others cater to you. They are stuck with you and you know it. I’m sure your SIL has always inwardly cringed when you come over. If you weren’t related she and her husband would simply never invite you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

Def fits the petty brief 😏

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, I get it. OP is soooo busy that she doesn’t even have time to log onto the internet and compose a long diatribe complaining about her in laws . . .

Oh wait.

Very much this. OP is a drama queen and couldn't wait to sign on here to "win" the contest. What is wrong with people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This tea and cheese indeed makes me laugh because i can imagine what the SIL is thinking...
In my family people are so worried about being an imposition that we bring bags of food with us when staying with family so as not to cause any expense or trouble. My aunt showed up with a tin of coffee, a tupperware full of hardboiled eggs, oranges and a loaf of bread "so she wouldn't be a bother."

Cheese lady here. Just FYI I always bring something for the hosts. Maybe I should start bringing cheese lol

No bigger tell that someone is a passive-aggressive jackhole than loling at their own comments.

"I'm complaining repeatedly about a situation where I'm in the wrong but I'm merry and adorable!"

Something really triggered you didn’t it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tea and Cheese sounds like a great snack to me!
People totally miss her point; that she noticed her SIL is not as gracious or welcoming as she used to be.

Cheese lady here. I know people are imagining all sorts of things about me but I am actually not high maintenance. I bring gifts (chocolate or wine and stuff for the kids), I always offer to help, etc.
I thought we had a fairly good relationship with SIL. She just changed all of a sudden and it looked unnatural. She isn’t doing all the hosting, ever. But it all looked like she read this forum or something
It’s hard for me to explain it without sounding demanding and what not.

Listen rude cheese lady, your brother can tend to your needs. The thing with people like you is that you feel perfectly entitled to be rude in things like arriving early or inviting yourself but would likely never do this with a friend, work colleagues, neighbor etc because you know you would not be invited again. You think that because it’s family you get to behave however you like and demand others cater to you. They are stuck with you and you know it. I’m sure your SIL has always inwardly cringed when you come over. If you weren’t related she and her husband would simply never invite you.

You are imagining things.
I specifically stated I don’t arrive early

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL would always offer coffee and pastry if you came over. She would make a fresh pot of coffee and always had something like coffeecake or a danish available.

I like people like her and I try to be the same way. I work FT. Don’t have small kids though (that’s the next excuse right?)

I have it even better than you—my husband is our family’s baker.

Great! Always a good setup.
But why are you competing with me, remind me?
I was just talking about how I want to be a gracious host…

Calm down and learn to taking a little teasing.

“Can’t you take a joke?!”

So predictable

So, you hear that a lot, eh?

No.
But this is a classic line of a bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

What’s wrong with your brother that he’s not offering you tea or making you comfortable? Is he a quadriplegic, or what? Why do you expect hospitality from someone with a vagina and not your brother, hmm?

Oh, he does. It’s just that it’s so obvious how she is now “leaving everything to him”, it’s eyeroll worthy.
She then eases up and becomes herself (I.e. does some things when she is around and leaves others to her DH/my brother when it’s convenient for them) but it’s just funny how she tries to be this modern woman who is letting her husband take responsibility for his family by leaving until tea is served lol

That's a weird way of looking at it. Maybe your brother wants to be the host. Why wouldn't he want to do all those things for you?

I like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tea poster reminds me of my MIL. She is healthy and able-bodied. She refuses to accept that DH and I don’t drink coffee, and therefore don’t set it up for her or make it for her. We have a standard drip and ground coffee, plus her preferred creamer on hand. She makes a pot of coffee for herself every day at home, but somehow expects us to make it for her even though we both work full time and have two small kids.

Welcome to our home. You may help yourself to anything in our kitchen. If you want coffee, help yourself. It’s pretty much the least you can do when we have cooked, cleaned, shopped, and are busy taking care of the kids. We provide a huge Thanksgiving meal and then she’s put out that she has to brew her own coffee to go with pie. NO ONE else drinks coffee with dessert—no one. (And we have 6 other adult guests for the Thanksgiving meal.)

I'm a tea drinker. A fairly fussy one, too (I have high standards). I bring my own tea with me when I travel. If someone wants to drink something specific, they should bring it with them, not expect others to have what you want.

Omg we went over this already. They have the drink in their house! For themselves! Can we please move on

[Anonymous]

This sounds totally normal for old people. Literally my Grandfather used to leave 5 hours early for the airport and my parents now do the same. Thank God they have to get onna plane and not drive lol

[Anonymous]

My mom is often an hour late… Unless she’s two hours early. We never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is often an hour late… Unless she’s two hours early. We never know.

She arrives with tea in hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bit off topic b/c it’s not related to T-giving, but my local MIL decided to stop by one day unannounced. DH and I were out on a walk. We came home to find she had let herself into our house and exclaimed, “I was so worried about you, I didn’t know where you were!” WTAF. And she was NOT elderly so no excuse there.

Yikes! How did she get in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tea poster reminds me of my MIL. She is healthy and able-bodied. She refuses to accept that DH and I don’t drink coffee, and therefore don’t set it up for her or make it for her. We have a standard drip and ground coffee, plus her preferred creamer on hand. She makes a pot of coffee for herself every day at home, but somehow expects us to make it for her even though we both work full time and have two small kids.

Welcome to our home. You may help yourself to anything in our kitchen. If you want coffee, help yourself. It’s pretty much the least you can do when we have cooked, cleaned, shopped, and are busy taking care of the kids. We provide a huge Thanksgiving meal and then she’s put out that she has to brew her own coffee to go with pie. NO ONE else drinks coffee with dessert—no one. (And we have 6 other adult guests for the Thanksgiving meal.)

I'm a tea drinker. A fairly fussy one, too (I have high standards). I bring my own tea with me when I travel. If someone wants to drink something specific, they should bring it with them, not expect others to have what you want.

Just curious - what kind of tea do you bring?