Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted upthread.

She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:

1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.

In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.

Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.

She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.

Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.

Your MIL sounds very similar to my MIL. Especially trying to get everyone to agree that her weird food preferences are normal! She constantly talks about all the food she doesn't like. Great, I DO NOT CARE. Eat what you want! Or don't! Whatever.

She also complains the kids don't love her best, and then refuses to play or do anything the kids actually want to do. So yeah, they like the aunt who does play with them? Or yes, sometimes the kids prefer their mother? She's cried about this.

Your SIL is certainly a saint. I would not be hanging out with my MIL if my DH was not around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted upthread.

She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:

1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.

In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.

Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.

She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.

Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.

Your MIL sounds very similar to my MIL. Especially trying to get everyone to agree that her weird food preferences are normal! She constantly talks about all the food she doesn't like. Great, I DO NOT CARE. Eat what you want! Or don't! Whatever.

She also complains the kids don't love her best, and then refuses to play or do anything the kids actually want to do. So yeah, they like the aunt who does play with them? Or yes, sometimes the kids prefer their mother? She's cried about this.

Your SIL is certainly a saint. I would not be hanging out with my MIL if my DH was not around.

My SIL has a theory that she doesn’t want to eat stuff but also wants us to beg her to eat it to prove that we are trying to include her. I think she might be on to something. 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live overseas but celebrate Thanksgiving every year (on the Saturday after) and invite different friends / family to join. This year, DH called his cousin and invited him plus his wife and kids. DH’s cousin said she they would love to come. DH told his cousin the date over the phone, he said he would send through more details on time etc.

Come to find out DH didn’t send his cousin anything in writing until a few days before Thanksgiving, and he didn’t hear anything back.

Found out through MIL / DH’s uncle / cousin’s dad that DH’s cousin and family went out of town to visit his wife’s family so wouldn’t be coming. DH finally got a hold of him on the phone and was rude and passive aggressive about them bailing, cousin pointed out he never sent anything through so he forgot about it.

I’m annoyed at both DH and his cousin because I know this situation would not have happened between two women.

What a load of sexist crap. Men have the exact same ability to do this.

Sexism against men isn’t a thing

[Anonymous]

Drove 14 hours (should have been less, but traffic) to a southern town that is usually warmer than DC, but was as chilly.
Heat wasn’t on (because it’s the south!) and all 5 of us were uncomfortably cold the entire time. My kids have cracked corners of their mouths from the dry cold 😞

On the upside, my brother and SIL are generous with the booze, the food and their kiddos are wonderful. Now my kids want to ask Santa for every toy their cousins own (but only the expensive ones).

[Anonymous]

This is minor. I brought a special dish to share. Most ILs loved it and emptied the dish. MIL took a big piece, never even tried it, then tried to pass it off to FIL, who was full by then, so it went into the garbage. She does this all the time. I'm beginning to think that she hates my cooking. The really annoying part is that others would have loved to have more of it, but she wastes so much good food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.

Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?

My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.

THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???

She sounds really awful, but so do you — acting as if her being a size 12 and having a schizophrenic son are her dirty secrets that make you superior. Why don’t you stop having Thanksgiving with her, when you obviously don’t like each other?

Our husbands are brothers and they are very close.

I don’t think I’m superior because she’s a size 12. I’m actually a 14 but I don’t put up a fuss about what people serve me when I’m a guest. I didn’t when I had an eating disorder and wore a size 2.

I definitely don’t think I’m superior because her son is schizophrenic - but I am surprised that with her background she would use something like autism to spread a harmful rumor.

I don’t appreciate you calling me awful, PP. Not nice.

DP. You know what's not nice? Posting someone's (perfectly normal / in a healthy range) clothing size in an attempt to sling insults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted upthread.

She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:

1.

Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.

She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.

Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.

Your MIL sounds very similar to my MIL. Especially trying to get everyone to agree that her weird food preferences are normal! She constantly talks about all the food she doesn't like. Great, I DO NOT CARE. Eat what you want! Or don't! Whatever.
Your SIL is certainly a saint. I would not be hanging out with my MIL if my DH was not around.

My SIL has a theory that she doesn’t want to eat stuff but also wants us to beg her to eat it to prove that we are trying to include her. I think she might be on to something. 🤣

Maybe. Honestly it sounds like the silly thing people will do around vegetarians where they just go on and on and on about how tofu / meat substitutes/veggie burgers etc are SO GROSS OMG when no one offered them one , no one is pressuring them to stop eating meat, and no one actually cares. Some people are just looking to be offended/ need to grab some attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drove 14 hours (should have been less, but traffic) to a southern town that is usually warmer than DC, but was as chilly.
Heat wasn’t on (because it’s the south!) and all 5 of us were uncomfortably cold the entire time. My kids have cracked corners of their mouths from the dry cold 😞

On the upside, my brother and SIL are generous with the booze, the food and their kiddos are wonderful. Now my kids want to ask Santa for every toy their cousins own (but only the expensive ones).

I’m close enough to my brother and SIL, that I would feel comfortable mentioning we were cold. They would not want us uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted upthread.

She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:

1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.

In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.

Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.

She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.

Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.

Your SIL is a saint for spending holidays with your mother while your brother is deployed. I’m sorry you and she have to deal with all of that.

My SIL is amazing. My brother has been calling to thank her for her sacrifice daily.

Wow--my mom has social + general anxiety and is slightly less worse, but it's frustrating to deal with an adult who acts like a petulant child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted upthread.

She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:

1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.

In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.

Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.

She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.

Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.

Kudos to you for not losing your cool. This sounds awful.

Crying over things is sometime an early sign of dementia