Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted upthread.

She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:

1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.

In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.

Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.

She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.

Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.

Kudos to you for not losing your cool. This sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted upthread.

She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:

1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.

In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.

Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.

She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.

Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.

Your SIL is a saint for spending holidays with your mother while your brother is deployed. I’m sorry you and she have to deal with all of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted upthread.

She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:

1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.

In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.

Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.

She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.

Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.

Your SIL is a saint for spending holidays with your mother while your brother is deployed. I’m sorry you and she have to deal with all of that.

My SIL is amazing. My brother has been calling to thank her for her sacrifice daily.

[Anonymous]

We were away for the holiday. We went out for lunch and it was so delayed (seating, service, food coming out) that we were not able to make our dinner reservation. We ended up having McDonald’s for dinner

[Anonymous]

Ugh sil complaint. She really sucks. She’s a snapper — always snapping at everybody for basically breathing. But the latest is telling other family members in front of the kids that what they’re saying to her kids is inappropriate, and then completely shutting down any discussion of why, and being unwilling to discuss it away from the kids in a more sensitive manner. The latest? My mom told my nephew in a quiet voice that she’s so proud of his latest report card. We’ll, SIL standing next to them snapped that it was a “totally inappropriate” comment and shut that down. What?? If there’s a philosophical issue with praising academic performance, and I can actually see why that might be the case, at least warn family ahead of time or quietly explain it on the sideline. There was zero explanation and this is typical of most interactions. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is not going to be any 7-layer jello this year because Aunt Carol is going elsewhere, and I am bereft. I love that jello.

Ooh, do you have a recipe? I mean, I guess you don’t or you would make it.

I do know how to make it, but the layers have to be applied at 3-hour intervals so it's kind of a project.

This jello is so frustrating. I tried to carry on the tradition and just could not get it right. I applied the next layer too soon and got breakthrough or too late and they didn't stick together. I don't know what the secret is these old Aunties have mastered. I normally don't have problems following recipes.

I am glad we are not the only family who still has jello. Ours has no layers but is made with wine and lemon juice.

I need to see this recipe. You’ve piqued my interest.

We always have some Jello shooters for Thanksgiving too. It helps lubricate tongues for after dinner political discussions.

Another Detroiter here. My family makes wine jello every year. Black cherry jello made with red wine and a can of tart cherries. I thought it was because we’re Irish and alcohol is worked into every event.

My Michigan inlaws make cherry jello salad too! Use the cherry manishewitz wine for extra cherry flavor!

[Anonymous]

We invited people to come any time after noon for snacks and we would eat at 4. My mom came at 3:30, which would be ok but she brought an unsolicited side dish (no big deal), a fruit she didn't need at her house and thought we might like (sure but not right now, let's put it in the crisper), flow to put in a vase (nice thought but kinda a pain to get a vase down and she didn't like the first vase so we got a second down and she's cutting stems and at the kitchen sink to fill the vase as everyone else is getting food out of the oven and bringing it to the dining room), and a belt she didn't want anymore but thought I might like (nice thought but NOT the time to expect me to try it on!). This happens every year we host and I don't know how to fix it...ask her to come early, do more in advance, etc. all seem impractical. I just need to get over it but it is so annoying!

[Anonymous]

MIL served side salads to the ladies only, so we wouldn't "fill up on sides."

MIL is also the only extrovert in a family of introverts so she just invites herself to whatever you're doing. Stepping out for some air? She'll come along. Planning to call my own relatives? Put it on video and we'll all chat. I love her but a little goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We invited people to come any time after noon for snacks and we would eat at 4. My mom came at 3:30, which would be ok but she brought an unsolicited side dish (no big deal), a fruit she didn't need at her house and thought we might like (sure but not right now, let's put it in the crisper), flow to put in a vase (nice thought but kinda a pain to get a vase down and she didn't like the first vase so we got a second down and she's cutting stems and at the kitchen sink to fill the vase as everyone else is getting food out of the oven and bringing it to the dining room), and a belt she didn't want anymore but thought I might like (nice thought but NOT the time to expect me to try it on!). This happens every year we host and I don't know how to fix it...ask her to come early, do more in advance, etc. all seem impractical. I just need to get over it but it is so annoying!

Oh my mom does the belt thing! I just have to tell her we'll do it later (and then actually do it). But it's annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL served side salads to the ladies only, so we wouldn't "fill up on sides."

MIL is also the only extrovert in a family of introverts so she just invites herself to whatever you're doing. Stepping out for some air? She'll come along. Planning to call my own relatives? Put it on video and we'll all chat. I love her but a little goes a long way.

The side salad thing is insane. Like all you can really do is laugh, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL served side salads to the ladies only, so we wouldn't "fill up on sides."

MIL is also the only extrovert in a family of introverts so she just invites herself to whatever you're doing. Stepping out for some air? She'll come along. Planning to call my own relatives? Put it on video and we'll all chat. I love her but a little goes a long way.

I'd give mine to the fattest man there and say "Uncle Jim looks like he could use this more than me".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live overseas but celebrate Thanksgiving every year (on the Saturday after) and invite different friends / family to join. This year, DH called his cousin and invited him plus his wife and kids. DH’s cousin said she they would love to come. DH told his cousin the date over the phone, he said he would send through more details on time etc.

Come to find out DH didn’t send his cousin anything in writing until a few days before Thanksgiving, and he didn’t hear anything back.

Found out through MIL / DH’s uncle / cousin’s dad that DH’s cousin and family went out of town to visit his wife’s family so wouldn’t be coming. DH finally got a hold of him on the phone and was rude and passive aggressive about them bailing, cousin pointed out he never sent anything through so he forgot about it.

I’m annoyed at both DH and his cousin because I know this situation would not have happened between two women.

What a load of sexist crap. Men have the exact same ability to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We invited people to come any time after noon for snacks and we would eat at 4. My mom came at 3:30, which would be ok but she brought an unsolicited side dish (no big deal), a fruit she didn't need at her house and thought we might like (sure but not right now, let's put it in the crisper), flow to put in a vase (nice thought but kinda a pain to get a vase down and she didn't like the first vase so we got a second down and she's cutting stems and at the kitchen sink to fill the vase as everyone else is getting food out of the oven and bringing it to the dining room), and a belt she didn't want anymore but thought I might like (nice thought but NOT the time to expect me to try it on!). This happens every year we host and I don't know how to fix it...ask her to come early, do more in advance, etc. all seem impractical. I just need to get over it but it is so annoying!

Obviously you need to make a game out of it, like a bingo of sorts. Give yourself an extra dessert if you guess correctly! I mean, really, this is funny from an outsider's perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL served side salads to the ladies only, so we wouldn't "fill up on sides."

MIL is also the only extrovert in a family of introverts so she just invites herself to whatever you're doing. Stepping out for some air? She'll come along. Planning to call my own relatives? Put it on video and we'll all chat. I love her but a little goes a long way.

The extrovert thing isn’t her fault but man as an introvert I would be ready to strangle her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[…] My mom came at 3:30, which would be ok but she brought an unsolicited side dish (no big deal), a fruit she didn't need at her house and thought we might like (sure but not right now, let's put it in the crisper), flow to put in a vase (nice thought but kinda a pain to get a vase down […]and a belt she didn't want anymore but thought I might like […] This happens every year we host and I don't know how to fix it...ask her to come early, do more in advance, etc. all seem impractical. I just need to get over it but it is so annoying!

Yes, ask her to come early! If she declines, deal only with what absolutely must be dealt with ATM (i.e., “Mom, I can’t put the flowers in a vase right now; can you put them in the fridge?”)

Anonymous wrote:This jello is so frustrating. I tried to carry on the tradition and just could not get it right. I applied the next layer too soon and got breakthrough or too late and they didn't stick together. I don't know what the secret is these old Aunties have mastered. I normally don't have problems following recipes.

I seem to remember that the trick to this jello salad is pouring it from the preparatory vessel into the mold by pouring it on the back of a spoon so it just gently touches the surface of the previous layer.

And to the PP who couldn’t get the Charlie Brown movie - check your local library and/or your local PBS affiliate’s online offerings.

I have no real grievances this year, but I will be full of them next year when we have to return to “regular” holidays. I guess my mentally ill sister wished that my husband and children would die a day after Thanksgiving, so that was a bit of unnecessary drama.