Why do demanding women seem to have the most loving, faithful husbands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can pps who think demanding women means harpy, nasty, emasculating theri husbands describe their fathers? How were they as dads to you?
And also pps who are saying demanding women know what they want and there is nothing wrong with that, also maybe describe how their dads were as dads?
I am just curious if there is a correlation. We can try the same with moms. Were your moms outspoken, demanded what they wanted, or were your moms demure, dad knows best, keeping the peace in the family kind of moms and wives.
I am just curious. Thanks.

This is an interesting line of thought, so I will contribute my experience. I am one of the so called demanding women with a faithful, loving husband of 20 years. I am a Daddy's girl. My father was affectionate and loving, but also took his anger out on us kids at times. I would vacillate between adoring and fearing him. As an adult, I have an open, loving relationship with him and consider him one of my favorite people. Early on, he was unfaithful to my Mother. They got through it and he's been faithful ever since. Obviously, I don't know everything about them. My mom was a functional alcoholic during my childhood. She was tough as hell with everyone, except my dad. I hated that he hurt her, but she never wavered in her devotion to him. As a child, I swore I would never tolerate cheating, alcoholism (in myself or a mate) or bullsh!t. Many guys told me I was high maintenance or that no guy could possibly meet my standards. Quite a few told me I wasn't worth it. My dh and I dated for 7 years before marriage and discussed all aspects of our potential future ad nauseam. Dh grew up with fighting parents who hated each other. We both wanted a peaceful, loving, faithful marriage for life and that is precisely what we have.

Thank you for answering. I am wondering if less domineering, more involved dads do create more confident adult women. Or if there is no correlation. It seems from your case, that it does hold somewhat true, even if dad is not 100% great at everything. I was a Daddy's girl. He passed away two years ago. But, funny enough my dad was similar to your dad when it came to being a husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we are excellent judges of character, we know our worth and we won't settle for less.

+1

[Anonymous]

I pretty “demanding,” my husband does a lot of housework and childcare, but in many ways we like to spoil each other and treat each other special. He may make me coffee in the morning and I may make him a favorite meal. My father was not present and his father was also an equal contributor in the home. I think the MALE’s role model here is more important than anything the female partner does. My husband grew up assuming that as a father he would be doing housework and taking care of his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me (asking DH after reading this thread): Have you ever cheated on me?
DH: Huh? No?
Me: What do you think about husbands who cheat?
DH (suspiciously): Is this another DCUM thread?
Me: Yes.
DH: Such men should immediately be shot dead after surgically removing their balls. Go on and write it on DCUM
Me:

What a man!

Let me tell you about some of the men I know that say the exact same type of thing....and if they have a co-worker or friend that cheats they will tell you how awful, what a scumbag.

They don’t consider when they do it themselves that it’s bad. I have many very strong, career women friends in their 50s that were blindsided by cheating after 20-years of marriage.

This is why I just roll my eyes at the smugness on this board. 60% infidelity rate. Some of you are being cheated on...

Many are being cheated on. Those who are know it or suspect it. For others, there is no cheating. As I mentioned before - if a woman will walk out of a marriage because of infidelity and the husband knows it - he will not cheat. You only cheat when women will take it. Demanding women are either divorced or in happy no cheating marriages.

My friend's husband has a mistress. She is neither walking out nor willing to give him a divorce. She is just hanging on because she will lose the cushy lifestyle he provides. She has been cheated on many times but she took it. The last time he moved in with a girl as old as his own daughter. At that she threw a fit and he just moved in with the mistress. It is status quo.

De-lu-sion-al.

[Anonymous]

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Personality has nothing to do with it.

It’s looks. The married women who are demanding most likely put in the effort to be in shape. The women who are demanding and ugly are single. The women who are laid back and easygoing are probably not putting in the effort to look good or have to rely on their personality to land a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember reading a relationship book many years ago that suggested being bitchy in order to attract a husband. It suggested finding things about him to criticize and telling him you were going to fix things for him, making him dependent. It explained so much. I had a roommate in college who manipulated a college professor into marrying her. She convinced him that she was rescuing him from being a dorky loser by fixing his wardrobe etc. And he worshipped her. It was weird.

Did it occur to you that he might have been strongly attracted to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong, wrong, wrong. Personality has nothing to do with it.

It’s looks. The married women who are demanding most likely put in the effort to be in shape. The women who are demanding and ugly are single. The women who are laid back and easygoing are probably not putting in the effort to look good or have to rely on their personality to land a man.

Wow so many assumptions.

Land a man?

Wtf?

There are people on this board that landed a man 25 years ago.

It sounds like a lot of women in the early stages of marriage on this thread that have a lot to learn. They would do well to listen to the ones married a few decades...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong, wrong, wrong. Personality has nothing to do with it.

It’s looks. The married women who are demanding most likely put in the effort to be in shape. The women who are demanding and ugly are single. The women who are laid back and easygoing are probably not putting in the effort to look good or have to rely on their personality to land a man.

In your case, intelligence obviously didn’t factor into his decision.

[Anonymous]

It's anecdotal but the demanding women in my social circle have all been cheated on. I don't think it helps to emasculate your DH.

In fairness, the infidelity rate is high, so it could be unrelated. People are faithful to kind, sexually generous spouses. Generally, demanding and kindness do not go hand in hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's anecdotal but the demanding women in my social circle have all been cheated on. I don't think it helps to emasculate your DH.

In fairness, the infidelity rate is high, so it could be unrelated. People are faithful to kind, sexually generous spouses. Generally, demanding and kindness do not go hand in hand.

All kinds of women get cheated on— beautiful ones, sexual ones, smart ones, dumb ones, strong-willed ones, those with great careers, those with no career, young ones, old ones, those in happy marriages, those in unhappy marriages and on and on....

Read and listen to Esther Perel. She’s fantastic on the subject.

Once you realize it’s about the cheater and what is going on inside THEM...and often middle age brings out the demons and suppressed childhood patterns and trauma...you can realize it’s not the spouse. The cheater chooses this and sometimes it has absolutely zero to do with spouse, amount of sex or home life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's anecdotal but the demanding women in my social circle have all been cheated on. I don't think it helps to emasculate your DH.

In fairness, the infidelity rate is high, so it could be unrelated. People are faithful to kind, sexually generous spouses. Generally, demanding and kindness do not go hand in hand.

All kinds of women get cheated on— beautiful ones, sexual ones, smart ones, dumb ones, strong-willed ones, those with great careers, those with no career, young ones, old ones, those in happy marriages, those in unhappy marriages and on and on....

Read and listen to Esther Perel. She’s fantastic on the subject.

Once you realize it’s about the cheater and what is going on inside THEM...and often middle age brings out the demons and suppressed childhood patterns and trauma...you can realize it’s not the spouse. The cheater chooses this and sometimes it has absolutely zero to do with spouse, amount of sex or home life.

True, sometimes good, sexually generous people get cheated on too. Monogamy is hard under the best conditions. I simply meant that mean, controlling spouses who sexually reject their partners practically guarantee infidelity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's anecdotal but the demanding women in my social circle have all been cheated on. I don't think it helps to emasculate your DH.

In fairness, the infidelity rate is high, so it could be unrelated. People are faithful to kind, sexually generous spouses. Generally, demanding and kindness do not go hand in hand.

All kinds of women get cheated on— beautiful ones, sexual ones, smart ones, dumb ones, strong-willed ones, those with great careers, those with no career, young ones, old ones, those in happy marriages, those in unhappy marriages and on and on....

Read and listen to Esther Perel. She’s fantastic on the subject.

Once you realize it’s about the cheater and what is going on inside THEM...and often middle age brings out the demons and suppressed childhood patterns and trauma...you can realize it’s not the spouse. The cheater chooses this and sometimes it has absolutely zero to do with spouse, amount of sex or home life.

True, sometimes good, sexually generous people get cheated on too. Monogamy is hard under the best conditions. I simply meant that mean, controlling spouses who sexually reject their partners practically guarantee infidelity

Only if they are married to messed up men. Men with integrity (those worth having), would divorce not cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's anecdotal but the demanding women in my social circle have all been cheated on. I don't think it helps to emasculate your DH.

In fairness, the infidelity rate is high, so it could be unrelated. People are faithful to kind, sexually generous spouses. Generally, demanding and kindness do not go hand in hand.

All kinds of women get cheated on— beautiful ones, sexual ones, smart ones, dumb ones, strong-willed ones, those with great careers, those with no career, young ones, old ones, those in happy marriages, those in unhappy marriages and on and on....

Read and listen to Esther Perel. She’s fantastic on the subject.

Once you realize it’s about the cheater and what is going on inside THEM...and often middle age brings out the demons and suppressed childhood patterns and trauma...you can realize it’s not the spouse. The cheater chooses this and sometimes it has absolutely zero to do with spouse, amount of sex or home life.

True, sometimes good, sexually generous people get cheated on too. Monogamy is hard under the best conditions. I simply meant that mean, controlling spouses who sexually reject their partners practically guarantee infidelity

Only if they are married to messed up men. Men with integrity (those worth having), would divorce not cheat.

Yep it is great that married women never cheat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrong, wrong, wrong. Personality has nothing to do with it.

It’s looks. The married women who are demanding most likely put in the effort to be in shape. The women who are demanding and ugly are single. The women who are laid back and easygoing are probably not putting in the effort to look good or have to rely on their personality to land a man.

Wow so many assumptions.

Land a man?

Wtf?

There are people on this board that landed a man 25 years ago.

It sounds like a lot of women in the early stages of marriage on this thread that have a lot to learn. They would do well to listen to the ones married a few decades...

I remember that book. Why men love bitches or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's anecdotal but the demanding women in my social circle have all been cheated on. I don't think it helps to emasculate your DH.

In fairness, the infidelity rate is high, so it could be unrelated. People are faithful to kind, sexually generous spouses. Generally, demanding and kindness do not go hand in hand.

All kinds of women get cheated on— beautiful ones, sexual ones, smart ones, dumb ones, strong-willed ones, those with great careers, those with no career, young ones, old ones, those in happy marriages, those in unhappy marriages and on and on....

Read and listen to Esther Perel. She’s fantastic on the subject.

Once you realize it’s about the cheater and what is going on inside THEM...and often middle age brings out the demons and suppressed childhood patterns and trauma...you can realize it’s not the spouse. The cheater chooses this and sometimes it has absolutely zero to do with spouse, amount of sex or home life.

NP, but thanks for this recommendation. I’m wondering if she also provides suggestions on how to identify red flags or “read the signs” of a person like the one you describe? I’m guessing the 2nd publication is the one you’re referring to on infidelity where she discusses this.