What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?

[Anonymous]

I've only read a couple of pages of replies, but it's interesting how much uniformity there was in the answers. Above all else, elites condition their children to believe they are superior, to socially signal their elite status (by doing things that are approved for their class), and to preserve their privilege. How many of their friends would stick by them if they deviated from the approved path or experienced serious financial hardship and lost much of their money?

"Privilege is nothing but institutionalized racketeering."

http://charleshughsmith.blogspot.com/2016/11/the-engine-of-inequality-privilege.html

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Nice house on a quiet, leafy street with other children their age to play with. I’m picturing something from a Nancy Meyer movie - a big old colonial or Victorian that has a ton of old school charm but updated kitchens and bathrooms with modern finishes.

Lots of books for every member of the household.

A piano or other musical instruments.

Parents who are home early enough every night for family dinner at 6 or 6:30.

Bonus points for at least one parent being able to get home early enough to greet kids off the school bus, give them a snack, hear about their day, host play dates, take them to activities, etc. In our house, it’s my husband (doctor with a flex schedule) who does this!

If parents are unable to be home early like this, a typical UNC/UC family will hire a housekeeper to perform the role plus cook, clean, and run errands.

Parents who value education which means a top private or public school. Parents should volunteer in the schools regularly and help with homework and projects. Parents should save for college so they are able to pay 100% of their kids’ schools of choice so they have no student debt.

Private music and sports lessons. Typical UMC/UC families belong to a country club, where their children learn to swim, play tennis and golf (at least the boys anyway, the girls might choose something like horseback riding or dance), and ski.

Vacations: the typical schedule seems to me to be an annual ski trip out West, a trip to the Caribbean to escape winter weather, 10 days to 2 weeks in Europe, PLUS 1-2 weeks at a nice East Coast beach. Richer folk will have their own beach house. At least this is what I’ve observed among the he people I know in CC, Bethesda, and Arlington.

Sleep away summer camp for tween years

New car at 16 (doesn’t have to be extravagant)

Semester abroad in college

UMC parent here. A lot of high income families don’t have two parents home for dinner by 6:30. People with big jobs often have dinners out or travel. And a stay at home parent.

Eh depends on age and seniority. The older/more senior you get, the easier it is to make your own schedule and prioritize family time.

Not all UMC or UC parents prioritize family time, you know.

My dad, for example, prioritized golf and his planes. We had a polite, distant relationship and loved each other, but he wasn't at the family dinner table every night.

Actually, I wasn't at the family dinner table every night, either. I was often at study groups or working with my horse/at Pony Club events. My mom was a horse show mom and we often spent weekends away for competitions. We were a very busy family.

LMC kids were the ones who went home, did their homework and watched tv, and then had dinner with mom and dad every night. Maybe they had the odd school basketball or soccer game every now and then, but mostly they were all there.

I would rather be LMC and see my parents every night.

Yeah. So would every kid. But people aren’t going to put their lives and careers on hold based on the preferences of a seven year old.

NP. Wow. Such screwed up values.

Whatever. It’s fine for kids to know they aren’t the center of the universe. There are sick people or people who need mommy’s help right now, and that’s important too.

It’s telling. that you think that parents who want to see their kids every night = kids being the center of the universe. How utterly sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice house on a quiet, leafy street with other children their age to play with. I’m picturing something from a Nancy Meyer movie - a big old colonial or Victorian that has a ton of old school charm but updated kitchens and bathrooms with modern finishes.

Lots of books for every member of the household.

A piano or other musical instruments.

Parents who are home early enough every night for family dinner at 6 or 6:30.

Bonus points for at least one parent being able to get home early enough to greet kids off the school bus, give them a snack, hear about their day, host play dates, take them to activities, etc. In our house, it’s my husband (doctor with a flex schedule) who does this!

If parents are unable to be home early like this, a typical UNC/UC family will hire a housekeeper to perform the role plus cook, clean, and run errands.

Parents who value education which means a top private or public school. Parents should volunteer in the schools regularly and help with homework and projects. Parents should save for college so they are able to pay 100% of their kids’ schools of choice so they have no student debt.

Private music and sports lessons. Typical UMC/UC families belong to a country club, where their children learn to swim, play tennis and golf (at least the boys anyway, the girls might choose something like horseback riding or dance), and ski.

Vacations: the typical schedule seems to me to be an annual ski trip out West, a trip to the Caribbean to escape winter weather, 10 days to 2 weeks in Europe, PLUS 1-2 weeks at a nice East Coast beach. Richer folk will have their own beach house. At least this is what I’ve observed among the he people I know in CC, Bethesda, and Arlington.

Sleep away summer camp for tween years

New car at 16 (doesn’t have to be extravagant)

Semester abroad in college

UMC parent here. A lot of high income families don’t have two parents home for dinner by 6:30. People with big jobs often have dinners out or travel. And a stay at home parent.

Eh depends on age and seniority. The older/more senior you get, the easier it is to make your own schedule and prioritize family time.

Not all UMC or UC parents prioritize family time, you know.

My dad, for example, prioritized golf and his planes. We had a polite, distant relationship and loved each other, but he wasn't at the family dinner table every night.

Actually, I wasn't at the family dinner table every night, either. I was often at study groups or working with my horse/at Pony Club events. My mom was a horse show mom and we often spent weekends away for competitions. We were a very busy family.

LMC kids were the ones who went home, did their homework and watched tv, and then had dinner with mom and dad every night. Maybe they had the odd school basketball or soccer game every now and then, but mostly they were all there.

I would rather be LMC and see my parents every night.

Yeah. So would every kid. But people aren’t going to put their lives and careers on hold based on the preferences of a seven year old.

NP. Wow. Such screwed up values.

Whatever. It’s fine for kids to know they aren’t the center of the universe. There are sick people or people who need mommy’s help right now, and that’s important too.

It’s telling. that you think that parents who want to see their kids every night = kids being the center of the universe. How utterly sad.

That’s not what I said. I said that sometimes I have to take care of children who are sick, and my kids get that, and they are fine. Would they prefer that I was home every night. Yes. Does the money make up for the fact that I’m not? No. But not everything is about them. And they are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UMC and UC are very different. I’m surprised this is a combined thread.

UMC is basically a glorified MC where the only extra is some travel and maybe maid/lawn service.

UC is obviously much different.

Yes and no. I mean I understand why I’ll never be UC by birth. But why is $4 million a year glorified MC? The lifestyle and knowledge it provides will never be MC. It’s Upper Upper Middle which is different than basic Upper Middle.

Im curious if anyone is truly UC in here. Like over $8million in the bank, net worth. And what your kids are during corona.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UMC and UC are very different. I’m surprised this is a combined thread.

UMC is basically a glorified MC where the only extra is some travel and maybe maid/lawn service.

UC is obviously much different.

I think you are very correct. I am UMC by HHI, but my spending pattern, culture and relationship with money is entirely MC. I also do not have the confidence of UC that the good times will roll forever. I am always prepping.

In the DMV

UMC is 150k-300k income

Upper class is 300k and up

No, sorry, UC does not start at $300K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UMC and UC are very different. I’m surprised this is a combined thread.

UMC is basically a glorified MC where the only extra is some travel and maybe maid/lawn service.

UC is obviously much different.

I think you are very correct. I am UMC by HHI, but my spending pattern, culture and relationship with money is entirely MC. I also do not have the confidence of UC that the good times will roll forever. I am always prepping.

In the DMV

UMC is 150k-300k income

Upper class is 300k and up

No, sorry, UC does not start at $300K.

So much of this depends on other things. HHI is just one piece of the puzzle. We have a HHI of $450k, but we still have a negative net worth due to mortgage and student loans. That’s a combined income, so we also spend a pretty good amount on childcare. Many of the things mentioned in this thread are out of reach for us.
But a single income of $450k with no student loans and a SAHP would be in a very different position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UMC and UC are very different. I’m surprised this is a combined thread.

UMC is basically a glorified MC where the only extra is some travel and maybe maid/lawn service.

UC is obviously much different.

Yes and no. I mean I understand why I’ll never be UC by birth. But why is $4 million a year glorified MC? The lifestyle and knowledge it provides will never be MC. It’s Upper Upper Middle which is different than basic Upper Middle.

Im curious if anyone is truly UC in here. Like over $8million in the bank, net worth. And what your kids are during corona.

I think you’re a little caught up on labels. $4 million hhi is obviously UC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idyllic? As you said assuming loving, attentive, supportive parents, to me personally an idyllic childhood means lots of time and space/means to explore and play with friends, mostly outdoors without parents hovering. Like, getting outside to play, finding friends and going for bikes rides exploring the woods, lakes and just having plain "adventures" with their friends.

A house that is not pristine and looks "lived in" with some mess and nice smell of home cooking and baking.

Financially, having the opportunity to live in a house (doesn't need to be big) but comfortable and allowing for a personal/private space.

Opportunity (financial) to explore talents and hobbies as they show interest, but not being overloaded with activities to the point that they spend more awake hours out of the house going from one place to another.

Family vacations, be it at Europe, Disney, campgroung or the beach renting a house with extended family.

THAT to me is an idyllic childhood.

Agree 100%.

Maybe it’s because I grew up in a small town in New England around tons of upper class/old money families, but the majority of rich families I knew were so dysfunctional. Kids were lonely, parents were checked out, either working a ton or directionless trust fund babies who had affairs and drank too much. No thanks. The happiest families I knew were LMC, MC and some UMC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idyllic? As you said assuming loving, attentive, supportive parents, to me personally an idyllic childhood means lots of time and space/means to explore and play with friends, mostly outdoors without parents hovering. Like, getting outside to play, finding friends and going for bikes rides exploring the woods, lakes and just having plain "adventures" with their friends.

A house that is not pristine and looks "lived in" with some mess and nice smell of home cooking and baking.

Financially, having the opportunity to live in a house (doesn't need to be big) but comfortable and allowing for a personal/private space.

Opportunity (financial) to explore talents and hobbies as they show interest, but not being overloaded with activities to the point that they spend more awake hours out of the house going from one place to another.

Family vacations, be it at Europe, Disney, campgroung or the beach renting a house with extended family.

THAT to me is an idyllic childhood.

Agree 100%.

Maybe it’s because I grew up in a small town in New England around tons of upper class/old money families, but the majority of rich families I knew were so dysfunctional. Kids were lonely, parents were checked out, either working a ton or directionless trust fund babies who had affairs and drank too much. No thanks. The happiest families I knew were LMC, MC and some UMC.

I totally agree as well. I've spent a fair amount of time hobnobbing with rich individuals and families because of my family connections and my line of work. I've spent about an equal amount of time around people who have very little in the way of financial assets. I've met good and not-so-good people in both camps, but overall, I much prefer the company of what people on this board would consider lower or lower middle class (these classifications make me want to vomit). By and large, they are much more forthright and open, more warm and easygoing, and less neurotic. It makes sense, because those qualities aren't conducive to wanting to take advantage of other people and live off their labor, which is how bank accounts swell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UMC and UC are very different. I’m surprised this is a combined thread.

UMC is basically a glorified MC where the only extra is some travel and maybe maid/lawn service.

UC is obviously much different.

Yes and no. I mean I understand why I’ll never be UC by birth. But why is $4 million a year glorified MC? The lifestyle and knowledge it provides will never be MC. It’s Upper Upper Middle which is different than basic Upper Middle.

Im curious if anyone is truly UC in here. Like over $8million in the bank, net worth. And what your kids are during corona.

UC means your income does not come from your salary. You may never work a day in your life and you'd still be extremely comfortable. And your family's social standing gives you access to lots of good stuff. If your comfortable living comes from your salary, no matter how high, you're not UC.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you aren't born into wealth and social status, you'll never really be upper class. I say this as someone who went to Phillips Academy Andover for high school and met a lot of kids from that world. My parents could afford to pay full freight, but I quickly realized I would never be part of the world some of those kids occupied, no matter how much money my parents make. That's fine--it doesn't bother me--but it's the reality.

Truly upper class people don't make their money from paychecks. They make their money through dividends. They have trust funds. They have dorms named after their families. Their families have been going to Ivy League schools since the early 1900s. They have legacy at prep schools like Andover, Brearley, and Collegiate.

It's not about vacations, nannies, etc. It's about whether you have generations of participation in the halls of power in this country.

If you haven't been born into that world, you will never be truly accepted into it, no matter how much money you make.

But isn’t this the beauty of America? You can make it in one generation and you dgaf who accepts you or not, actually plenty of UC people stand in line to greet truly successful entrepreneurs.

Also, Bezos wasn’t born in that world. Do you think he has any issues fitting in or he even cares?

I think having parents who come from a lower social class who rose up is a benefit. Talking about grit and determination and the things they didn't have growing up helps a child to appreciate his UMC or even UC privilege and gives them a different perspective.

In your eyes, not everyone's. I had a friend back home (in a country that went through extreme changes and came out very stratified) who refused to date men, no matter how successful, who didn't come from stable affluent families to begin with. She said self-made men had a level of aggression and indiscriminateness of means about them that she didn't want to deal with.

That is just one person. I’m the opposite. I only like self made men.

Self-made men mean different things in different circumstances. I also come from a country that went through a major upheaval, fortunes were made. Where a defining characteristic of a self-made man in US may be “ambitious” or “hardworking”, over there it was “ruthless”.

[Anonymous]

The moralizing on this thread is really something else.

The only thing that tons of money makes you is wealthy. It does not make you kind, classy, motivated, compassionate, creative, artistic, or anything else.

[Anonymous]

Travel can be faked way too easily by wannabes, especially with so many tacky strivers playing pretend on social media. Ditto luxury cars.

But you need real money to carry a mortgage and upkeep on two $1M+ homes in premier locales. So I'd say nice main residence & nice second (warm or ski) home in a pair of high-status places is the most quintessential competent of wealth.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if it’s me being a cheap Asian, but I consider myself UMC ($300k) and barely do any of the things listed on this thread. Vacation home? Fancy private schools? Luxe travel with young kids? HA. About the only thing I did was buy a beautiful home in a pricey suburb and save aggressively to pay for college and a nest egg.

[Anonymous]

The obsession with maintaining a full schedule of organized activities seems weird and stressful.