DC gained 5+ lbs last week at sleep away camp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i'd take some advice from posters who've helped an overweight/obese child with big appetite overcome his/her food choices and weight problems.

btw i don't "expect" my 10-yo to make good choices - i want him to and work with him on that accordingly, and when he let me down i get frustrated. it's called parenting.

Please don't think "he let you down" or even that he let himself down. That's too much pressure.
It is frustrating when we struggle to help our kids. Food is such a challenge for some people. My DH can eat anything it seems and remain thin. I on the other hand gain weight easily. I was skinny until 7th grade. My parents did not handle it well and it became a horrible battle that overshadowed our relationship. I am now able to maintain a healthy weight but it took me into my thirties to get there. A good therapist was key for me - so often it's not really about the food.

I have 2 daughters - one, 15yo, takes after DH - the other after me. She's 13 and slightly overweight and has been for at least a couple years. We do not make an issue of it - I don't discuss my own weight (or others) with my girls nor do I bring up their weights. I am certainly privately concerned about DD2's weight but I am much more concerned about setting her up with a lifetime of food issues. I've discussed it privately with her ped who is fine with taking a very low key approach.

Although she is overweight she is not gaining disproportionate to height (based on her yearly physical - I don't weigh the girls at home) and I'm pleased with that. We don't really make a big deal about food in our house which helps me but I actually put a lot of thought into the food I buy and the meals we prepare. Breakfast is typically cereal with 1% milk with fruit. I don't buy sugar cereal except for vacation. We all take "bagged" lunches - typically a some combo of: a smallish sandwich or sometimes wrap, cut veggies sometimes with dip, sometimes string cheese, sometimes greek yogurt, and generally a small serving of a salty crunchy snack (i.e. chips, popcorn, nuts, pretzels or such), fruit, and some small sweet plus water bottle. The girls help me make the lunches assembly style - we don't do bento style but do have tons of small containers.

I also keep lots of food options on hand and do advance prep to make sure various options are equally easy to grap. (Wash fruit and veggies when purchased. Keep sliced veggies in fridge. Choose things that make good finger food - grape tomatoes, grapes, cuties, carrot "chips", homemade cinnamon apple chips. I keep dips on hand - hummus, sunbutter, peanut butter, salsa, sourcream based dips, yogurt, even Ready-Whip for berries. Our pantry also generally has a couple types of chips, various nuts (I like to get in shell - same for sunflower seeds. We also make homemade granola and cookies - we all love oatmeal, raisin, chocolate chip cookies (sometimes with nuts) - I actually hate raisins but they keep me from doing more then nibbling on one (cookies are a weakness of mine.

We also only eat in the kitchen, dining room or patio which the exception of at parties and popcorn for family movie night. We don't eat out of containers - we try to always make a plate/bowl. Also we eat meals at predictable times and I ask that all refrain from snacking within an hour of the meal. We have family dinner everynight and generally a family breakfast on Sunday. At family meals we only make one meal being sure to include at least one thing that each person really likes but insist that you have a bite of everything (at least one "no thank you" bite.) There is more I'm sure but these are just some of what works for us. Also, family walks and hikes having a dog helps - and bicycling and swimming and gymnastics/parkour/climbing. And lots of water. (And ice cream!)

Everything in moderation and keep it fun. Good luck.



I

Thank you PP. I read every single word of your post. I know I will read them a few times more.

- OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i'd take some advice from posters who've helped an overweight/obese child with big appetite overcome his/her food choices and weight problems.

btw i don't "expect" my 10-yo to make good choices - i want him to and work with him on that accordingly, and when he let me down i get frustrated. it's called parenting.

OP, I can share some advice having been the overweight child whose parents obsessed over her weight. And I will start by saying that I get where your concerns are coming from, and I understand that it's a place of caring. But your attitude is almost guaranteed to leave lifelong scars. I'm in a much healthier place now, but my parents did things like you are doing to your son...making my weight personal to them and getting angry at me etc. And I remember with pain every word they said...and many days that should have been fun, happy, or even made me feel proud instead are clouded by humiliation and self-hatred. So, please, don't do that.

Your son is 10. He knows he's overweight, and he probably hates it. But overeating can be a very emotional issue, so like a lot of addictions the worse he feels about himself the more he eats and the cycle continues. I know there was an element of that for me...that eventually turned into a food-restricting eating disorder to the extent that my parents were later obsessing about my not weighing enough (I was underweight by high school). The more you focus on his weight and what he's eaten, the less you are addressing the underlying concern which almost certainly is not just about food. I would suggest taking a much more positive approach. Cooking healthy meals and modeling healthy portions without making a big deal out of what he is/isn't actually eating. Maybe give him a weekly "treat" allowance, so he learns moderation around junk food. And do everything you can to make your family active as a group...not just sending your son out to exercise etc.

Your son is not doing anything he's doing to hurt or disappoint you. But he may already feel hopeless and like there's nothing he can do that would please you. But, at the end of the day, this is about him...his health, his body, his life. It's not about you. You say that he has been told by his doctor that he needs to lose weight, but do you know what your son thinks of all of this? Does he not care? Does he want to lose weight? I don't know the answers to these things, but these have to be your starting points. He's 10 and will only get older and more independent. The only way he moderates to a healthy lifestyle is if he wants to do so...the place to start is to understand if he does, and if he doesn't why not. If he does, then your job as a parent is to enable him to achieve *his* goals...not to tell him you're disappointed in him if he doesn't meet your standards. And if, after doctor's advice, he doesn't care about losing weight...that's a much more serious issue that you need to examine, because it hints at underlying depression. He will never maintain a healthy lifestyle if he doesn't care about himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of those women who keep their weight under control by restricting the food in the house (gluten free, or no white sugar, or etc)?

NP here. I find the tone of your response ignorant and DCUM-rude. OP is correct in being concerned about a 5 lb. weight gain in a week. It has obviously not been gained from eating carrots and kale! People should restrict junk food everywhere not just home, especially things like white sugar. Do you even realize how obese and ill people are in this country?

Now, the only people I know who go gluten-free are those that are allergic to it - especially those with Celiac disease. I know of several mom's who have kids with Celiac and the discipline they and their kids show in avoiding food with gluten is commendable.

You CAN NOT gain 5lbs of fat in one week. 1-2lbs at most and that is probably because he went ape-shit overboard while she wasn't around. His other 3-4lbs is water retention from processed salty food, the body making itself retain because it is hot and he is sweating, and because the body is absorbing the water, he is probably constipated. This can resolve in one week of normal diet, TONS of water, and maybe some MiraLax if needed. There is no reason on this earth to weigh your kid after a week of camp.

And you are insane if you think the only people going gluten-free are those with celiac. It is the newest craze just like Atkins, Reduced-Fat, Sugar-Free etc...
And yes there is an obesity epidemic but shaming him is not going to help him. No one is saying load up on junk but micromanaging a tween is shameful.

I don't understand why the idea of weighing a kid makes you go ape-sh** . It's not that big of a deal. It's a scale. Nothing to be afraid of, PP.

It's not the scale.

It's the shaming of a child. In this case, because of his weight.

That's not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of those women who keep their weight under control by restricting the food in the house (gluten free, or no white sugar, or etc)?

NP here. I find the tone of your response ignorant and DCUM-rude. OP is correct in being concerned about a 5 lb. weight gain in a week. It has obviously not been gained from eating carrots and kale! People should restrict junk food everywhere not just home, especially things like white sugar. Do you even realize how obese and ill people are in this country?

Now, the only people I know who go gluten-free are those that are allergic to it - especially those with Celiac disease. I know of several mom's who have kids with Celiac and the discipline they and their kids show in avoiding food with gluten is commendable.

You CAN NOT gain 5lbs of fat in one week. 1-2lbs at most and that is probably because he went ape-shit overboard while she wasn't around. His other 3-4lbs is water retention from processed salty food, the body making itself retain because it is hot and he is sweating, and because the body is absorbing the water, he is probably constipated. This can resolve in one week of normal diet, TONS of water, and maybe some MiraLax if needed. There is no reason on this earth to weigh your kid after a week of camp.

And you are insane if you think the only people going gluten-free are those with celiac. It is the newest craze just like Atkins, Reduced-Fat, Sugar-Free etc...
And yes there is an obesity epidemic but shaming him is not going to help him. No one is saying load up on junk but micromanaging a tween is shameful.

I don't understand why the idea of weighing a kid makes you go ape-sh** . It's not that big of a deal. It's a scale. Nothing to be afraid of, PP.

PP, do you weigh your tween and teen kids and stand in front of them while they look down at the number? That seems normal to you? I am sorry, but that is so wrong. We don't even have a scale at our house.

To send a kid to camp and then come home, make him get on scale and then get mad at him for an increased number? That is so f*cked up. This has "emotionally eating" written all over it. OP should be embarrassed at her anger and realize she is psychologically messing with her poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of those women who keep their weight under control by restricting the food in the house (gluten free, or no white sugar, or etc)?

NP here. I find the tone of your response ignorant and DCUM-rude. OP is correct in being concerned about a 5 lb. weight gain in a week. It has obviously not been gained from eating carrots and kale! People should restrict junk food everywhere not just home, especially things like white sugar. Do you even realize how obese and ill people are in this country?

Now, the only people I know who go gluten-free are those that are allergic to it - especially those with Celiac disease. I know of several mom's who have kids with Celiac and the discipline they and their kids show in avoiding food with gluten is commendable.

You CAN NOT gain 5lbs of fat in one week. 1-2lbs at most and that is probably because he went ape-shit overboard while she wasn't around. His other 3-4lbs is water retention from processed salty food, the body making itself retain because it is hot and he is sweating, and because the body is absorbing the water, he is probably constipated. This can resolve in one week of normal diet, TONS of water, and maybe some MiraLax if needed. There is no reason on this earth to weigh your kid after a week of camp.

And you are insane if you think the only people going gluten-free are those with celiac. It is the newest craze just like Atkins, Reduced-Fat, Sugar-Free etc...
And yes there is an obesity epidemic but shaming him is not going to help him. No one is saying load up on junk but micromanaging a tween is shameful.

I don't understand why the idea of weighing a kid makes you go ape-sh** . It's not that big of a deal. It's a scale. Nothing to be afraid of, PP.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PP, do you weigh your tween and teen kids and stand in front of them while they look down at the number? That seems normal to you? I am sorry, but that is so wrong. We don't even have a scale at our house.

To send a kid to camp and then come home, make him get on scale and then get mad at him for an increased number? That is so f*cked up. This has "emotionally eating" written all over it. OP should be embarrassed at her anger and realize she is psychologically messing with her poor kid.

who said anything about getting mad at the kid? take a chill pill, PP.

[Anonymous]

In defense of op, she may be over weight or maybe she was an overweight child and wants to do everything in her power to protect her son from that happening to him. I get that.

Don't compare your children to op's child. You don't know what is going on with him. He may have a very slow metabolism. He may not have the trigger to let his brain know that he is full. I have a family member who could eat adult portions as a preschooler. She just never feels full.

Anyway, my advice would be to take ds to the grocery store, and let him help you grocery shop. Talk to him about nutrition. Check out cooking sites to learn how to prepare healthy kid friendly food. You can also involve him in the cooking process. This can be something fun that you do together.

Op...your concerns are valid. However, I do agree with pp's that it is a slippery slope. Your behavior can either help your son or hurt him. If you need help yourself, try contacting a nutritionist for ideas.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

He just got back from another camp yesterday. Same story. I didn't weigh him this time but easily another 5+ lb gain from the look of his belly and thighs. So far 15 lb or more than the start of summer with another four weeks to go. I'm depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He just got back from another camp yesterday. Same story. I didn't weigh him this time but easily another 5+ lb gain from the look of his belly and thighs. So far 15 lb or more than the start of summer with another four weeks to go. I'm depressed.

Is he *gasp* GROWING, OP? A lot of young boys grow wide grow tall, and a lot of that often seems to happen all at once, like over the summers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He just got back from another camp yesterday. Same story. I didn't weigh him this time but easily another 5+ lb gain from the look of his belly and thighs. So far 15 lb or more than the start of summer with another four weeks to go. I'm depressed.

Is he *gasp* GROWING, OP? A lot of young boys grow wide grow tall, and a lot of that often seems to happen all at once, like over the summers.

Please don't feed her obsession. Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He just got back from another camp yesterday. Same story. I didn't weigh him this time but easily another 5+ lb gain from the look of his belly and thighs. So far 15 lb or more than the start of summer with another four weeks to go. I'm depressed.

"...from the look of his belly and thighs..."

What?

You are seriously deranged.

[Anonymous]

Imagine what the OP would act like if she had a daughter.

[Anonymous]

i have a DD. what's your point?

[Anonymous]

You are going to give that kid a complex or an eating disorder. I wouldn't normally be so blunt, but you have got to change your attitude and stop obsessing like this, especially with the emphasis on weight over health and with how emotionally invested you are. That will ultimately be far more damaging to him than being a bit overweight, if in fact he is overweight and this isn't just the beginnings of a growth spurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He just got back from another camp yesterday. Same story. I didn't weigh him this time but easily another 5+ lb gain from the look of his belly and thighs. So far 15 lb or more than the start of summer with another four weeks to go. I'm depressed.

Which camps has he attended? Some do a much better job with their menus and portions than others.