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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]i'd take some advice from posters who've helped an overweight/obese child with big appetite overcome his/her food choices and weight problems.

btw i don't "expect" my 10-yo to make good choices - i want him to and work with him on that accordingly, and when he let me down i get frustrated. it's called parenting.[/quote]

OP, I can share some advice having been the overweight child whose parents obsessed over her weight.  And I will start by saying that I get where your concerns are coming from, and I understand that it's a place of caring.  But your attitude is almost guaranteed to leave lifelong scars.  I'm in a much healthier place now, but my parents did things like you are doing to your son...making my weight personal to them and getting angry at me etc.  And I remember with pain every word they said...and many days that should have been fun, happy, or even made me feel proud instead are clouded by humiliation and self-hatred.  So, please, don't do that.

Your son is 10.  He knows he's overweight, and he probably hates it.  But overeating can be a very emotional issue, so like a lot of addictions the worse he feels about himself the more he eats and the cycle continues.  I know there was an element of that for me...that eventually turned into a food-restricting eating disorder to the extent that my parents were later obsessing about my not weighing enough (I was underweight by high school).  The more you focus on his weight and what he's eaten, the less you are addressing the underlying concern which almost certainly is not just about food.  I would suggest taking a much more positive approach.  Cooking healthy meals and modeling healthy portions without making a big deal out of what he is/isn't actually eating.  Maybe give him a weekly "treat" allowance, so he learns moderation around junk food.  And do everything you can to make your family active as a group...not just sending your son out to exercise etc.

Your son is not doing anything he's doing to hurt or disappoint you.  But he may already feel hopeless and like there's nothing he can do that would please you.  But, at the end of the day, this is about him...his health, his body, his life.  It's not about you.  You say that he has been told by his doctor that he needs to lose weight, but do you know what your son thinks of all of this?  Does he not care?  Does he want to lose weight?  I don't know the answers to these things, but these have to be your starting points.  He's 10 and will only get older and more independent.  The only way he moderates to a healthy lifestyle is if he wants to do so...the place to start is to understand if he does, and if he doesn't why not.  If he does, then your job as a parent is to enable him to achieve *his* goals...not to tell him you're disappointed in him if he doesn't meet your standards.  And if, after doctor's advice, he doesn't care about losing weight...that's a much more serious issue that you need to examine, because it hints at underlying depression.  He will never maintain a healthy lifestyle if he doesn't care about himself.[/quote]

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