Men: Would you date a woman who did not have a "real job"?

[Anonymous]

I'm a single accomplished/successful/over-educated from a top university woman over 50 years old. Guys are not lining up to date me because of my accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my husband might have been "happier" if he had married someone who was basically nice and sweet and pretty but not ambitious career-wise. But I think, 20 years in, he wouldn't be who he is now if he hadn't married someone like me, who is pretty career-driven. He would have gone soft without the competition. I think if he were married to someone without ambition, "good enough" would have been good enough for him, and then he would have gotten to middle age and looked around and seen other men--younger men--passing him by career-wise and he would realize--too late--that he had missed out. Like I said, maybe he would have been happier in some ways--maybe his day to day family life would have been nicer with a more family-oriented wife-- but looking back across the whole of things he would maybe not have the personal pride and satisfaction that he has now.

All men "look around and see other men -- younger men -- passing them by." No matter how clever and hard-working you are, there is someone out there who is smarter, younger, etc. This is life.

I don't know what line of work your husband is in, but unless it's something meaningful, he probably would have been better off spending more time building relationships with family and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think men have a problem with a woman having the jobs you described, then you REALLY don't understand men.

+1.

- Man (BigLaw Partner)

Do you actually know anyone in BigLaw who married a waitress? I guess I agree with this in theory, but every high achieving man I know married a well-educated woman. The only exceptions I can think of are people in my parents generation (55 and older), and people who met as teenagers and kind of mapped out their lives together where she supported him through law school/medical school with one of the above jobs and the intent that she would SAH when he finished.

I know a guy in Big Law who married a nanny. They've been married for about 10 years & she's a SAHM now.

No offense but Big law isn't a big deal to many. I equate it to real estate, a decent profession. Kind of laughable how they throw that around on this forum, either way she is certainly his equal no matter what she does.

Women have it made. They can have a career or stay home, many do both during their lifetime. It's a personal choice, not right or wrong. If more people on here were less jealous they might be a little happier.

Agreed. I'm more interested in who the STEM Guys typically married. From what I've noted it's not career nannies.

[Anonymous]

Who were the men posted on the thread wishing their SAHM spouse had a job? It seems like these threads contradict one another.

[Anonymous]

What's STEM? Sorry if dumb question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who were the men posted on the thread wishing their SAHM spouse had a job? It seems like these threads contradict one another.

The men who posted on the thread wishing their SAHM spouse had a job aren't the high powered men that DCUM women hanker for. If they were they won't have the time to post on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my husband might have been "happier" if he had married someone who was basically nice and sweet and pretty but not ambitious career-wise. But I think, 20 years in, he wouldn't be who he is now if he hadn't married someone like me, who is pretty career-driven. He would have gone soft without the competition. I think if he were married to someone without ambition, "good enough" would have been good enough for him, and then he would have gotten to middle age and looked around and seen other men--younger men--passing him by career-wise and he would realize--too late--that he had missed out. Like I said, maybe he would have been happier in some ways--maybe his day to day family life would have been nicer with a more family-oriented wife-- but looking back across the whole of things he would maybe not have the personal pride and satisfaction that he has now.

Kind of feel sorry for your DH. Sounds like you tried to "push him" and "change his personality." Many highly successful men don't need a "successful" wife to push them to succeed btw. They just have it in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my husband might have been "happier" if he had married someone who was basically nice and sweet and pretty but not ambitious career-wise. But I think, 20 years in, he wouldn't be who he is now if he hadn't married someone like me, who is pretty career-driven. He would have gone soft without the competition. I think if he were married to someone without ambition, "good enough" would have been good enough for him, and then he would have gotten to middle age and looked around and seen other men--younger men--passing him by career-wise and he would realize--too late--that he had missed out. Like I said, maybe he would have been happier in some ways--maybe his day to day family life would have been nicer with a more family-oriented wife-- but looking back across the whole of things he would maybe not have the personal pride and satisfaction that he has now.

Kind of feel sorry for your DH. Sounds like you tried to "push him" and "change his personality." Many highly successful men don't need a "successful" wife to push them to succeed btw. They just have it in them.

No, you're projecting. I didn't say that at all and I was speculating anyhow. And I don't push him, I push myself. I'm his wife, not his boss--I don't need to bring that stuff home.

btw--real subtle example

[Anonymous]

I don't think they care at all.
I am earning 200k ++ myself with potential to earn much more. My husband would appreciate more if I were to be a stay at home mom and push out 3 more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think men have a problem with a woman having the jobs you described, then you REALLY don't understand men.

+1.

- Man (BigLaw Partner)

Do you actually know anyone in BigLaw who married a waitress? I guess I agree with this in theory, but every high achieving man I know married a well-educated woman. The only exceptions I can think of are people in my parents generation (55 and older), and people who met as teenagers and kind of mapped out their lives together where she supported him through law school/medical school with one of the above jobs and the intent that she would SAH when he finished.

I know a guy in Big Law who married a nanny. They've been married for about 10 years & she's a SAHM now.

No offense but Big law isn't a big deal to many. I equate it to real estate, a decent profession. Kind of laughable how they throw that around on this forum, either way she is certainly his equal no matter what she does.

Women have it made. They can have a career or stay home, many do both during their lifetime. It's a personal choice, not right or wrong. If more people on here were less jealous they might be a little happier.

Agreed. I'm more interested in who the STEM Guys typically married. From what I've noted it's not career nannies.

I know a nanny who married an Engineer. She was INA'S nanny of the year a few yrs ago. ( I know she visits these boards. Sorry to put you on blast)
They seem very happy. I am a career nanny dating a Senior level Engineer.
I have a nanny friend who was dating the former ambassador of blah blah blah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my husband might have been "happier" if he had married someone who was basically nice and sweet and pretty but not ambitious career-wise. But I think, 20 years in, he wouldn't be who he is now if he hadn't married someone like me, who is pretty career-driven. He would have gone soft without the competition. I think if he were married to someone without ambition, "good enough" would have been good enough for him, and then he would have gotten to middle age and looked around and seen other men--younger men--passing him by career-wise and he would realize--too late--that he had missed out. Like I said, maybe he would have been happier in some ways--maybe his day to day family life would have been nicer with a more family-oriented wife-- but looking back across the whole of things he would maybe not have the personal pride and satisfaction that he has now.

All men "look around and see other men -- younger men -- passing them by." No matter how clever and hard-working you are, there is someone out there who is smarter, younger, etc. This is life.

I don't know what line of work your husband is in, but unless it's something meaningful, he probably would have been better off spending more time building relationships with family and friends.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my husband might have been "happier" if he had married someone who was basically nice and sweet and pretty but not ambitious career-wise. But I think, 20 years in, he wouldn't be who he is now if he hadn't married someone like me, who is pretty career-driven. He would have gone soft without the competition. I think if he were married to someone without ambition, "good enough" would have been good enough for him, and then he would have gotten to middle age and looked around and seen other men--younger men--passing him by career-wise and he would realize--too late--that he had missed out. Like I said, maybe he would have been happier in some ways--maybe his day to day family life would have been nicer with a more family-oriented wife-- but looking back across the whole of things he would maybe not have the personal pride and satisfaction that he has now.

All men "look around and see other men -- younger men -- passing them by." No matter how clever and hard-working you are, there is someone out there who is smarter, younger, etc. This is life.

I don't know what line of work your husband is in, but unless it's something meaningful, he probably would have been better off spending more time building relationships with family and friends.

+1

Huh? Who says he didn't? Seriously, so much weird projection in this thread. And so many people who seem to think that you can't have a successful career and have a happy family life, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever did Bill see in her?

And what did Hillary ever see in Bill, ick.

I was joking. When she was young, Hillary Rodham Clinton had a spectacular rack. And her legs were okay, if a little thick.

Bill Clinton told her that she was beautiful, as well as brilliant, and he meant it. He might be the only guy who ever thought she was beautiful, but he really, really meant it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my parents' generation, it was common to see a lawyer-secretary or doctor-nurse couple. That is not the case any more. So, either all of the intelligent women are now becoming lawyers instead of secretaries of doctors instead of nurses and men follow intelligence or men prefer their wives to have higher prestige careers.

I know a whole bunch of lawyer/nurse couples (including a female lawyer and a male nurse). Something about the two careers balances each other out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever did Bill see in her?

And what did Hillary ever see in Bill, ick.

I was joking. When she was young, Hillary Rodham Clinton had a spectacular rack. And her legs were okay, if a little thick.

Bill Clinton told her that she was beautiful, as well as brilliant, and he meant it. He might be the only guy who ever thought she was beautiful, but he really, really meant it.

Hillary Clinton is beautiful. Many men and women I personally know think that she is quite nice looking. The person who I thought had a strange face and expression was Laura Bush. She always looked as if she was high on something. She had a maniacal look in her eye.