Typical SAHM with school aged kids day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who poster her schedule. I think the bantering has a lot to do with jealousy and refusal to accept that there is value in serving your family at home. Not everyone agrees on what the value is exactly, but everyone family has the right to decide what it's worth to them. I may go back to work someday. I don't know. But what I know is that serving my children and husband and making our home lives run smoothly is worth it to me. I don't view it as degenerating myself or putting women back. I just enjoy it and am lucky enough that we can afford to live on one income (although we live in "shudder" Prince William County).

I can guarantee the majority of women who don't respect the contributions of SAHMs with schoolage kids aren't jealous. I certainly do think there is value in staying home when kids are little (though I wouldn't call it "serving my husband and children - *shudder*). I think doing it beyond that reeks of laziness and dependency.

I'm a PP (who walks dog, cleans up, cooks, etc)...my youngest just went to K this year. It's my first time since having my kids that I am home alone. It's amazing. People are always complaining they don't have any "me" time (I've seems lots of threads on THAT)..and, finally, I have some, and you call it lazy? My life is relaxed, orderly, content, happy..what the F is the crime in that? Husband loves his job. No issue/conflict there.

+1
Isn't it funny that we read all these pathetic threads about dual-income working couples who have absolutely no time for anything, including their kids or themselves. And then when the other side of the coin is presented, that is, SAHMs who are able to create unharried, unchaotic, calm, productive, joyful lives for themselves and their family members, all hell breaks loose and condescension reigns supreme. It is painfully obvious that those women trying frantically to "do it all" but not doing anything particularly well, can't stand to hear about lives which are balanced and enjoyable. The envy/resentment/bitterness just drips off their posts.

I work and so does my husband. Our lives are calm, unhurried (as much as life with two young boys can be) and utterly enjoyable. Just as you can't believe working moms aren't jealous, I can't believe SAHMs think no working couples also have happy and productive lives. We just do more than you, and do it better. Like men are expected to.

And can we please stop saying jealousy? Jealous of what, exactly? Financially I could stay home forever (using MY money, not my husband's) but I choose to do work I find fulfilling. I know you can't imagine it.

SAHM's don't think this. SAHM's are defending what they do, and not criticizing working mothers at all. Most SAHM's I know think the world of working mothers...except the ones who criticize us.

+1

Whether it is from a jealous place or not that is absolutely how it comes off. Because seriously why else would you be so defensive? Why else would you try to degrade SAHMs to boring, unfulfilled, damaging our daughters futures and wasting degrees?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i'll play.

For me, it is difficult to have a typical day like I had when I was a WOHM. My work is not very defined because I end up doing/assisting in whatever any of the family members need. I get up at 5:30 am most days, drink my coffee, take a shower and start the day with my daily prayers.

I have two kids in HS now. So, morning goes in making breakfast and lunch and driving them to school or bus-stop. They are in magnet schools so the commute from our house is insanely long. if they miss the bus, I will drive them to school, because the extra time it gives them allows them to eat breakfast or sleep longer or take a nap during the car-ride. Mostly, I drive them to school almost daily, because if one of my kid is late, the other also gets delayed too.

I run my errands on the way back home. Grocery, dry-cleaners, my medical appointments, car wash, car servicing, banking, picking up supplies etc. Once I get home, I make beds in the all the bedrooms, pick up dirty clothes for laundry, vacuum and dust the bedrooms, clean the bathrooms (3 males in the house).

I clean the kitchen counter, start dishes, start laundry and start cooking dinner. Whenever my boys get home, they have a full hot meal to eat, so having dinner ready works for my family. I do a second load of cooking dishes, water the indoor plants, vacuum and mop the kitchen. Fold laundry and put them away in the dressers. Do other cleaning if needed (clean windows, wash sneakers, hats). I am done with the housework and cooking by 11:30 am - noon.

If I have nothing else going on that day (which is rare)- home improvements and repairs, entertaining friends and neighbors, volunteering at school clubs, scheduling appointments for my family, social obligations, shopping, yard-work etc -- I will take a nap for an hour.

After 3:00 pm - my time is dictated by whatever my kids are doing. Pickups and drop-offs from various activities, studying, projects etc. By 6:00 pm, they usually eat dinner and either relax for some time or go to their rooms to study. This goes on till around 11 pm (on a good day. Sometimes they are studying late at night!). DH comes home around 8 pm.

I am fast asleep by 9 pm lol. DH takes out the trash twice a week.

Now, if there are other things going on during the day - then a lot of cleaning will not happen. I will not make the beds and clean the bathrooms and vacuum etc. I will then tackle the laundry at night. If I cannot get the cooking done in the morning, then I will make stuff like pasta, frozen pizza and other frozen food. Or takeouts.

I have a weekly cleaning service and they will clean the whole house and change the bed linens weekly.

So, as you can see, my day is not very structured and I end up doing things as and when needed. I have some free hours in the day-time to pursue my own interests. I used to be stressed when I was working because I did not have the flexibility to do things when it was most convenient. As a SAHM, I do not think I am less busy, but I have a whole lot of flexibility. And when I am unwell, or someone in the family is unwell- I can let things slide with no repercussions.

What I have realized is that I cannot hope for a routine because I am the person who picks up the slack at home. I think it makes things a lot easier and less stressful for the rest of the family.

Really not trying to be snarky but why are you picking up your high schoolers' dirty clothes & making their beds? Regardless of whether or not their mom (or dad or nanny or housekeeper...) is home during the day, kids need to get into the habit of picking up after themselves well before they go off to college, IMO. It makes sense that the person whose job -- paid or unpaid --is to take care of the house/keep the home running smoothly takes care of the major cleaning tasks, laundry,grocery shopping, cooking,etc while everyone else is at school/work but there are some basic tasks that all kids should do for themselves, regardless of who is or isn't home during the day.

I'm a SAHM, but I don't really understand this either. My kids are 7 and 4, and they both are responsible for putting their own dirty clothes into the hamper and for making their own beds. Most days I don't even have to remind them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wait, so no SAHMs are on here saying WOHMs don't value their children, etc?

You shouldn't care that I work, and I don't really care if you don't, but that's not apples to apples. Women who choose to voluntarily leave the workforce make it difficult for other women to be taken seriously as professionals, for adequate maternity leave and parental support in the workplace to become a reality, and for feminism as a whole to progress.

Where has anyone said SAHMs think WOHMs don't value their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

I live in DC on Capitol Hill.

[Anonymous]

I posted very early in this thread and have been keeping tabs but have been a bit reluctant to chime in again. I'd like to address the issue of living a fulfilling life because I think I can give a unique perspective. My best friend and I have been together since the 2nd grade and the two of us couldn't be more different in what we find fulfilling.

My friend is high achiever, a leader and very much about the big picture in her life. That is what fulfills her and I love that about her. I have a nurturing personality, am very much a team player and am very detailed oriented. I especially love when those little details bring an unexpected smile to someones face. I have always enjoyed caring for others. Making sure they have what they need, concerned for their comfort and overall happiness. I've been cooking and cleaning since the 7th grade because I wanted to and I enjoy it. I love a clean organized home, I love preparing a wonderful meal and baking a beautiful dessert. Special touches at holidays or just because. I was always the go to babysitter because I loved caring for and being around children. This is what makes me happy and fulfills me.

I used my graduate degree to work for a non profit. It was long hours and emotionally draining at a third of the pay I could have been earning but I've never cared about money beyond providing the necessities. That doesn't make me special it is just my personality. The work suited me and I was good at it. My friend is a high earner and respected in her field. That makes her happy. So I am happy for her.

I always knew once my DH and I had children I would be a SAHM, this is what he wanted for our children too. Now our fourth is in school and I continue. Why? Because I am fulfilled and happy with my life. I volunteer at our church, at our DCs schools. I am able to indulge my passion for charity work at three different organizations. People know they can rely on me. I don't get paid a penny for any of it and I don't care. I get paid in other ways. Not everything of value has a monetary value.

Do I think my friend loves her children less. Absolutely not. Do I think her two daughters have an advantage over my two? Absolutely not. I respect WOHMs and I mean no disrespect when I say I think they have it harder. I especially feel for the WOHM who wishes to be a SAHM but cannot do to financial reasons. Which I think so many of us privileged on DCUM seem to forget about. What I don't respect or understand really is why my life is less valid than my best friends in some of your eyes? I am happy and fulfilled and so far from bored. My daily schedule is full and I am on the go all day. I wear many hats and I do many jobs. I love every one of them and I wouldn't change a thing.

Women are torn to shreds on a daily basis from all angles. Do we really need to keep hurting each other as fellow women for our choice to the life of our choosing?

[Anonymous]

When my youngest starts school I intend to pursue some artistic interests....hopefully seek a MFA and maybe teach some art classes around.

I'm raising my son and daughter to be educated and entrepreneurial. They'll need to work hard and be adaptable. And they both need to be flexible.

And being an educated SAHM just means I am better able to understand the world and can pass that on to my kids. I value my education, and I don't feel I am wasting it at all by SAHM. Granted I only have a BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

Live in nova, 3 miles from DC border. Lived here 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

North Arlington, bought our current house in 2014.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, previous angry WOHM, but I believe that you sitting at your cubicle tearing apart my family and life choices are doing more to undermine feminism than I am staying at home and raising the children I chose to create. I'm sure of it.

Haven't sat in a cubicle in a decade.

Working moms raise the kids we chose to create too. We just do it on equal footing with men.

But sure, whatever makes you feel your choices are legit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these aren't lives.

Begone, troll

Not a troll. Think it's pathetic that women go to the gym, "do paperwork" (whatever), and get pedicures and call it a day. Hope they have more ami iron for their daughters.

I have a husband who travels frequently when not working from home. Our life would be chaos and I would be a resentful mess if I was back at my 60 hour a week career in finance which also included frequent travel. I had a tremendously successful career which I'm happy to talk to my children about. I'm also happy to teach them about being adaptable and that I could make the choice to do what was best for an entire family of people because I loved them. Our house is peaceful and their lives are better because of the choice my husband and I made. You may find that pathetic but I'm quite proud of all of the choices I've made as well as the home life we've created for our kids. Luckily your judgment doesn't affect me in any way. You may not think you are a troll but you certainly aren't the sort of woman I would hope my daughter turns out to be.

I'm not paying for college to see my daughter stay home.

I don't think most SAHMs graduate from college and immediately stay home. Many have jobs and careers for years before they SAHM.

I work out of the home myself.

However - why is it that so many people on this site think it is ok for daycare providers, nannies, housecleaners, and other household employees to do the very real work of watching the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, but it is somehow demeaning for the mother of the children to do so? Legit question. Please answer.

PP, I've asked this question before and the answers (if you get any at all) will be: "Because those people (nannies, daycare providers, etc.) are getting paid, of course! So they're doing a "real" job, whereas a SAHM isn't bringing in any income, so we don't respect her!" It's so predictable as to be almost funny. Almost. Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself. Then it's just very sad.

I agree with most of what you say until your last two sentences. Of course, taking care of own's children is worthy in and of itself. However, counting on one spouse's income is a risky proposition in the long run, and that's something rarely acknowledged by SAHMs in these threads. What we hear from the SAHMs is how it's a joint decision, husband supports it, and how valuable it is for them to have a relaxed life of volunteering and cleaning the house (especially once the kids are in school), but no acceptance that this may be the situation now, but won't necessarily be the situation in the future. Spouses die, become disabled, and leave. Given the divorce rate in this country, spouse leaving is a very real possibility sometime in the marriage. What then? Threads about SAHMs who have to reenter the workforce and surprised that they either can't find a high paying job without current skills.

So basically, this is why I respect daycare providers, nannies, and housecleaners more than I respect SAHMs who stay at home once their kids are in school all day and they describe their days as hours of the day at the gym, perfecting hobbies, or keeping a spotless home.

What does that have to do with me personally? Not much, which is why I don't say anything to the SAHMs I know. But to come here and suggest that WOHMs don't think taking care of their own children as being worthy is insulting to those of us who work hard because we plan carefully and believe that it is the responsibility of every adult to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Of course, if you're independently wealthy or have a rock solid prenup that provides for the rest of your life, this doesn't apply to you. However, that is not the situation for most women, even the SAHMs on DCUM.

I don't have an issue with people who choose to SAH while their children are small, or who work P/T, or even those who network or structure their volunteering to dovetail into a future job, should they need one.

But most of SAHMs on these threads don't stress that. They stress how relaxed they are, how personally fulfilled they are, and how sad they are for WOHMs because they don't value taking care of their families.

That's the sad truth and part of the reason the mommy wars get so heated here.

No. The reason the mommy wars never stop, at least here on DCUM, is because any time a SAHM answers the (ridiculous) question, "What do you do all day," the people who have a problem with the answer heap on their scorn and moronic comments. My question is, if you have a problem with SAHMs, why even bother clicking on a thread that is obviously about them? It seems like any time SAHMs start talking about their lives, there are always harpies ready to pounce and tell them how lazy and stupid they are for not getting a job. Of course spouses can die, or leave. That certainly goes for ALL marriages. Why do you and others feel the need to concern yourselves with the marriages of people you've never met?

Obviously, the takeway from many of these nasty posts is that many WOHMs do not value taking care of their own children. I mean, come on! We've all read those posts from the morons who flat-out say that they respect their childcare providers more than a SAHM - purely because the childcare provider is an employee and earning a paycheck for taking care of someone else's children. How transparent. What they're actually saying is, "I don't like SAHMs because they are able to stay home with their own children and I'm not."

We've all read the threads that pop up constantly about WOHMs who are desperate for a break, or help from their husbands, or more time with their kids, or more sleep, or all of the above. Their harried lifestyles sound miserable and I always feel depressed after reading them. Yet I would never consider giving my opinion of their lives, and what they could do to make them less stressful. I read those threads sometimes, but don't feel the need to chime in - why would I? I don't need to tear down someone else's choices to validate my own. And that's exactly what we see on threads like these, when certain, unhappy, dissatisfied, and insecure women decide they need to tear down other women in order to feel better about their own choices.

Did you seriously just say, in the same post no less, that the takeaway is that working moms don't value their children? And then say but I don't judge or comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i'll play.

For me, it is difficult to have a typical day like I had when I was a WOHM. My work is not very defined because I end up doing/assisting in whatever any of the family members need. I get up at 5:30 am most days, drink my coffee, take a shower and start the day with my daily prayers.

I have two kids in HS now. So, morning goes in making breakfast and lunch and driving them to school or bus-stop. They are in magnet schools so the commute from our house is insanely long. if they miss the bus, I will drive them to school, because the extra time it gives them allows them to eat breakfast or sleep longer or take a nap during the car-ride. Mostly, I drive them to school almost daily, because if one of my kid is late, the other also gets delayed too.

I run my errands on the way back home. Grocery, dry-cleaners, my medical appointments, car wash, car servicing, banking, picking up supplies etc. Once I get home, I make beds in the all the bedrooms, pick up dirty clothes for laundry, vacuum and dust the bedrooms, clean the bathrooms (3 males in the house).

I clean the kitchen counter, start dishes, start laundry and start cooking dinner. Whenever my boys get home, they have a full hot meal to eat, so having dinner ready works for my family. I do a second load of cooking dishes, water the indoor plants, vacuum and mop the kitchen. Fold laundry and put them away in the dressers. Do other cleaning if needed (clean windows, wash sneakers, hats). I am done with the housework and cooking by 11:30 am - noon.

If I have nothing else going on that day (which is rare)- home improvements and repairs, entertaining friends and neighbors, volunteering at school clubs, scheduling appointments for my family, social obligations, shopping, yard-work etc -- I will take a nap for an hour.

After 3:00 pm - my time is dictated by whatever my kids are doing. Pickups and drop-offs from various activities, studying, projects etc. By 6:00 pm, they usually eat dinner and either relax for some time or go to their rooms to study. This goes on till around 11 pm (on a good day. Sometimes they are studying late at night!). DH comes home around 8 pm.

I am fast asleep by 9 pm lol. DH takes out the trash twice a week.

Now, if there are other things going on during the day - then a lot of cleaning will not happen. I will not make the beds and clean the bathrooms and vacuum etc. I will then tackle the laundry at night. If I cannot get the cooking done in the morning, then I will make stuff like pasta, frozen pizza and other frozen food. Or takeouts.

I have a weekly cleaning service and they will clean the whole house and change the bed linens weekly.

So, as you can see, my day is not very structured and I end up doing things as and when needed. I have some free hours in the day-time to pursue my own interests. I used to be stressed when I was working because I did not have the flexibility to do things when it was most convenient. As a SAHM, I do not think I am less busy, but I have a whole lot of flexibility. And when I am unwell, or someone in the family is unwell- I can let things slide with no repercussions.

What I have realized is that I cannot hope for a routine because I am the person who picks up the slack at home. I think it makes things a lot easier and less stressful for the rest of the family.

WOW! A one hour nap during the day and asleep by 9pm at night. I'd kill for that amount of sleep.

Wait-her husband gets home at 8pm and she goes to sleep at 9pm (after a 1 hour nap during the day). This sounds like depression. When do they ever have sex??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted very early in this thread and have been keeping tabs but have been a bit reluctant to chime in again. I'd like to address the issue of living a fulfilling life because I think I can give a unique perspective. My best friend and I have been together since the 2nd grade and the two of us couldn't be more different in what we find fulfilling.

My friend is high achiever, a leader and very much about the big picture in her life. That is what fulfills her and I love that about her. I have a nurturing personality, am very much a team player and am very detailed oriented. I especially love when those little details bring an unexpected smile to someones face. I have always enjoyed caring for others. Making sure they have what they need, concerned for their comfort and overall happiness. I've been cooking and cleaning since the 7th grade because I wanted to and I enjoy it. I love a clean organized home, I love preparing a wonderful meal and baking a beautiful dessert. Special touches at holidays or just because. I was always the go to babysitter because I loved caring for and being around children. This is what makes me happy and fulfills me.

I used my graduate degree to work for a non profit. It was long hours and emotionally draining at a third of the pay I could have been earning but I've never cared about money beyond providing the necessities. That doesn't make me special it is just my personality. The work suited me and I was good at it. My friend is a high earner and respected in her field. That makes her happy. So I am happy for her.

I always knew once my DH and I had children I would be a SAHM, this is what he wanted for our children too. Now our fourth is in school and I continue. Why? Because I am fulfilled and happy with my life. I volunteer at our church, at our DCs schools. I am able to indulge my passion for charity work at three different organizations. People know they can rely on me. I don't get paid a penny for any of it and I don't care. I get paid in other ways. Not everything of value has a monetary value.

Do I think my friend loves her children less. Absolutely not. Do I think her two daughters have an advantage over my two? Absolutely not. I respect WOHMs and I mean no disrespect when I say I think they have it harder. I especially feel for the WOHM who wishes to be a SAHM but cannot do to financial reasons. Which I think so many of us privileged on DCUM seem to forget about. What I don't respect or understand really is why my life is less valid than my best friends in some of your eyes? I am happy and fulfilled and so far from bored. My daily schedule is full and I am on the go all day. I wear many hats and I do many jobs. I love every one of them and I wouldn't change a thing.

Women are torn to shreds on a daily basis from all angles. Do we really need to keep hurting each other as fellow women for our choice to the life of our choosing?

Beautifully said. I completely agree and feel the same way. Really cannot understand why women who choose other paths feel the need to tear down those of us who choose to SAH. Thankfully, I've never found this IRL - quite the opposite, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, previous angry WOHM, but I believe that you sitting at your cubicle tearing apart my family and life choices are doing more to undermine feminism than I am staying at home and raising the children I chose to create. I'm sure of it.

Haven't sat in a cubicle in a decade.

Working moms raise the kids we chose to create too. We just do it on equal footing with men.

But sure, whatever makes you feel your choices are legit.

You really need to go away, maybe have a drink or a Valium. Your bitterness is palpable and frankly, it must be painful to take yourself so very seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, previous angry WOHM, but I believe that you sitting at your cubicle tearing apart my family and life choices are doing more to undermine feminism than I am staying at home and raising the children I chose to create. I'm sure of it.

Haven't sat in a cubicle in a decade.

Working moms raise the kids we chose to create too. We just do it on equal footing with men.

But sure, whatever makes you feel your choices are legit.

*yawn*

You keep wasting your time judging my choices. Make a scrapbook about it. Doesn't hurt me, and I don't spend nearly as much time thinking about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these aren't lives.

Begone, troll

Not a troll. Think it's pathetic that women go to the gym, "do paperwork" (whatever), and get pedicures and call it a day. Hope they have more ami iron for their daughters.

I have a husband who travels frequently when not working from home. Our life would be chaos and I would be a resentful mess if I was back at my 60 hour a week career in finance which also included frequent travel. I had a tremendously successful career which I'm happy to talk to my children about. I'm also happy to teach them about being adaptable and that I could make the choice to do what was best for an entire family of people because I loved them. Our house is peaceful and their lives are better because of the choice my husband and I made. You may find that pathetic but I'm quite proud of all of the choices I've made as well as the home life we've created for our kids. Luckily your judgment doesn't affect me in any way. You may not think you are a troll but you certainly aren't the sort of woman I would hope my daughter turns out to be.

I'm not paying for college to see my daughter stay home.

I don't think most SAHMs graduate from college and immediately stay home. Many have jobs and careers for years before they SAHM.

I work out of the home myself.

However - why is it that so many people on this site think it is ok for daycare providers, nannies, housecleaners, and other household employees to do the very real work of watching the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, but it is somehow demeaning for the mother of the children to do so? Legit question. Please answer.

PP, I've asked this question before and the answers (if you get any at all) will be: "Because those people (nannies, daycare providers, etc.) are getting paid, of course! So they're doing a "real" job, whereas a SAHM isn't bringing in any income, so we don't respect her!" It's so predictable as to be almost funny. Almost. Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself. Then it's just very sad.

I agree with most of what you say until your last two sentences. Of course, taking care of own's children is worthy in and of itself. However, counting on one spouse's income is a risky proposition in the long run, and that's something rarely acknowledged by SAHMs in these threads. What we hear from the SAHMs is how it's a joint decision, husband supports it, and how valuable it is for them to have a relaxed life of volunteering and cleaning the house (especially once the kids are in school), but no acceptance that this may be the situation now, but won't necessarily be the situation in the future. Spouses die, become disabled, and leave. Given the divorce rate in this country, spouse leaving is a very real possibility sometime in the marriage. What then? Threads about SAHMs who have to reenter the workforce and surprised that they either can't find a high paying job without current skills.

So basically, this is why I respect daycare providers, nannies, and housecleaners more than I respect SAHMs who stay at home once their kids are in school all day and they describe their days as hours of the day at the gym, perfecting hobbies, or keeping a spotless home.

What does that have to do with me personally? Not much, which is why I don't say anything to the SAHMs I know. But to come here and suggest that WOHMs don't think taking care of their own children as being worthy is insulting to those of us who work hard because we plan carefully and believe that it is the responsibility of every adult to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Of course, if you're independently wealthy or have a rock solid prenup that provides for the rest of your life, this doesn't apply to you. However, that is not the situation for most women, even the SAHMs on DCUM.

I don't have an issue with people who choose to SAH while their children are small, or who work P/T, or even those who network or structure their volunteering to dovetail into a future job, should they need one.

But most of SAHMs on these threads don't stress that. They stress how relaxed they are, how personally fulfilled they are, and how sad they are for WOHMs because they don't value taking care of their families.

That's the sad truth and part of the reason the mommy wars get so heated here.

No. The reason the mommy wars never stop, at least here on DCUM, is because any time a SAHM answers the (ridiculous) question, "What do you do all day," the people who have a problem with the answer heap on their scorn and moronic comments. My question is, if you have a problem with SAHMs, why even bother clicking on a thread that is obviously about them? It seems like any time SAHMs start talking about their lives, there are always harpies ready to pounce and tell them how lazy and stupid they are for not getting a job. Of course spouses can die, or leave. That certainly goes for ALL marriages. Why do you and others feel the need to concern yourselves with the marriages of people you've never met?

Obviously, the takeway from many of these nasty posts is that many WOHMs do not value taking care of their own children. I mean, come on! We've all read those posts from the morons who flat-out say that they respect their childcare providers more than a SAHM - purely because the childcare provider is an employee and earning a paycheck for taking care of someone else's children. How transparent. What they're actually saying is, "I don't like SAHMs because they are able to stay home with their own children and I'm not."

We've all read the threads that pop up constantly about WOHMs who are desperate for a break, or help from their husbands, or more time with their kids, or more sleep, or all of the above. Their harried lifestyles sound miserable and I always feel depressed after reading them. Yet I would never consider giving my opinion of their lives, and what they could do to make them less stressful. I read those threads sometimes, but don't feel the need to chime in - why would I? I don't need to tear down someone else's choices to validate my own. And that's exactly what we see on threads like these, when certain, unhappy, dissatisfied, and insecure women decide they need to tear down other women in order to feel better about their own choices.

Did you seriously just say, in the same post no less, that the takeaway is that working moms don't value their children? And then say but I don't judge or comment?

Because you're having trouble with your reading comprehension, here's the entire quote, with bolding added:

"Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself."

Meaning you and others like you seem to feel that "just" taking care of one's own children isn't a worthy enough goal and that there has to be more - employment and a paycheck of some kind, for example - for it to be considered "enough." To which I and many others say B.S. You do you, but don't you dare expect everyone else to follow your example just because you "have an issue" with how we choose to live our lives. That's your issue, not ours.