If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I’m sure he’s obligated to open his wallet for you, right ladies?

Most women who aren’t having sex can take care of themselves and don’t need the money that’s why they couldn’t care less

Feminism has destroyed civil society

No, it's destroyed mens' ability to keep women trapped in unsatisfactory marriages. Corrected it for ya

Divorce rate has gone up due to women’s unhinged emotions

Well at least we've solved the mystery of why YOU are not having sex.

Lol, what are u talking about? I pound my wife whenever I want

Suuuuuureeee you do.

[Anonymous]

https://ifstudies.org/press-release/divorce-rates-are-at-a-50-year-low

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

So glad to finally see an admission that is has nothing to do with the libido or hormones and that it's all about this dumb tit for tat.

So glad to see that you are stupid. Women's libido is tied to emotional stress. If she is not feeling understood and cared for, sge is less likely to get wet, dummy.

Oh honey, I'm a 47 year old woman. I know all too well about hormonal changes and stress. I just don't use them as an excuse to mistreat the person I married.

And I know all too well about pick mes and idiots who lack empathy.

Empathy for what? You already admitted you do it out of spite. Your dumb word salad is not holding up your lies very well.

It's only a word salad because you are obsessed with sex.

So in your disordered brain, a woman with a high libido who likes sex with her husband would somehow decide to spite him by not having sex with him? Go to therapy and cure yourself from your obsession with sex. Then come back and think about it again.

I always know when I've gotten to people like you when they launch into these baseless, made up rants, yet invoke therapy for me. You sound positively miserable.

That is common sense, dummy. You must be a really spiteful person to think that people give up sex that they are enjoying to spite their sexual partners. How is this even tit for tat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I’m sure he’s obligated to open his wallet for you, right ladies?

Most women who aren’t having sex can take care of themselves and don’t need the money that’s why they couldn’t care less

Feminism has destroyed civil society

No, it's destroyed mens' ability to keep women trapped in unsatisfactory marriages. Corrected it for ya

Divorce rate has gone up due to women’s unhinged emotions

Ok, sure. Why do you want to be married to one of these women with "unhinged emotions" in the first place? So your dream is to be married to a woman who you think is crazy, but she is not allowed to divorce you, and also you can force her to have sex with you against her will?

Hmmm. Count me in for feminism! That sounds like a bad deal for me, a woman I'm certain you would describe as "unhinged".

+1.

If she is unhinged, get the eff out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stereotypical and wrong. I'm the wife in that life and I'm the one who is sex deprived.

So? Your marriage is not every marriage. The comment you're replying to clearly prefaced it with "I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids." If that's not you, then of course the things in the post won't make sense for your marriage.

However it is more common for women to lose libido at midlife before men do. Partly due to biology and partly because women tend to store less of their identity in their sexuality, especially after having kids. Doesn't mean it never happens the other way, but it's definitely more rare. Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason.

You might be on to something with your comment about identity. I am highy sexual and yeah that's a big part of my identity. My happiest years were when I was dating in my 20s. I love my kids but it's just different. Certainly explains why there are so many unhappily married men whose wives need a full court press to even feel any desire. Pity for both spouses.

Even if sex is not a big part of your identity, it's hard to ignore the lack of it when you are horny 24/7. Perhaps this is why some people with high libido find it harder to get over that resentment.

If the house is dirty, you can escape to a hotel and take a break for a few days. But you cannot cut your nether regions and throw away for a couple of days . So anytime you feel the itch, it reminds you of the spouse who should be scratching the spot 😆

If you are over the age of 45 and you are "horny 24/7" (and it's not a temporary thing maybe due to a hormone imbalance) then sex is a HUGE part of your identity.

I'm 46, DH is 49, and I think about sex maybe once a week. If it coincides with my DH thinking about sex, we have sex. Some weeks we don't have sex and we both seem fine with that. We initiate sex about equally -- he initiates more on weekdays, I initiate more on weekends, and that has to do with slightly different arousal patterns. We have sex maybe twice a month.

If one of us was actually horny 24/7, we'd both be in hell. It just wouldn't work. If he was that horny, I'd have to have a real think about it because I don't want to get divorced (I love him, we have a great life together, our kids are wonderful and we'd both prefer to raise them in a 2-parent household) and I'm uncomfortable with the idea of him having sex with someone else (as much because of the time and energy it would result in him channeling elsewhere as the idea of it being a violation of marital vows -- we are both busy and neither of us needs a new project, much less an affair). I don't know what I'd do. I'm glad I"m not in that situation.

I do think past a certain age, if you are that horny, you can't view your spouse's inability to satisfy you as their problem. It's just not reasonable. If you are young and you both went into the marriage with the expectation of very frequent sex, that's different. But late 40s and up, with kids? I think being that horny makes you an outlier. Maybe I'm just delusional about how other people work or maybe everyone I know is just surpassing their sex drive all the time, but I don't see it. People are tired, busy, stressed about kids and politics. But super, super horny? I don't see it.

Twice a month is just not very frequent. I'm a woman over 50 and I certainly think about sex every day. Maybe not horny 24/7 but I would be very sad to be only 46 and have such a laissez faire attitude about sex with my spouse. I guess I am an outlier. My preferred frequency is 3X a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I’m sure he’s obligated to open his wallet for you, right ladies?

Most women who aren’t having sex can take care of themselves and don’t need the money that’s why they couldn’t care less

Feminism has destroyed civil society

No, it's destroyed mens' ability to keep women trapped in unsatisfactory marriages. Corrected it for ya

Divorce rate has gone up due to women’s unhinged emotions

Ok red pill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stereotypical and wrong. I'm the wife in that life and I'm the one who is sex deprived.

So? Your marriage is not every marriage. The comment you're replying to clearly prefaced it with "I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids." If that's not you, then of course the things in the post won't make sense for your marriage.

However it is more common for women to lose libido at midlife before men do. Partly due to biology and partly because women tend to store less of their identity in their sexuality, especially after having kids. Doesn't mean it never happens the other way, but it's definitely more rare. Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason.

You might be on to something with your comment about identity. I am highy sexual and yeah that's a big part of my identity. My happiest years were when I was dating in my 20s. I love my kids but it's just different. Certainly explains why there are so many unhappily married men whose wives need a full court press to even feel any desire. Pity for both spouses.

Even if sex is not a big part of your identity, it's hard to ignore the lack of it when you are horny 24/7. Perhaps this is why some people with high libido find it harder to get over that resentment.

If the house is dirty, you can escape to a hotel and take a break for a few days. But you cannot cut your nether regions and throw away for a couple of days . So anytime you feel the itch, it reminds you of the spouse who should be scratching the spot 😆

If you are over the age of 45 and you are "horny 24/7" (and it's not a temporary thing maybe due to a hormone imbalance) then sex is a HUGE part of your identity.

I'm 46, DH is 49, and I think about sex maybe once a week. If it coincides with my DH thinking about sex, we have sex. Some weeks we don't have sex and we both seem fine with that. We initiate sex about equally -- he initiates more on weekdays, I initiate more on weekends, and that has to do with slightly different arousal patterns. We have sex maybe twice a month.

If one of us was actually horny 24/7, we'd both be in hell. It just wouldn't work. If he was that horny, I'd have to have a real think about it because I don't want to get divorced (I love him, we have a great life together, our kids are wonderful and we'd both prefer to raise them in a 2-parent household) and I'm uncomfortable with the idea of him having sex with someone else (as much because of the time and energy it would result in him channeling elsewhere as the idea of it being a violation of marital vows -- we are both busy and neither of us needs a new project, much less an affair). I don't know what I'd do. I'm glad I"m not in that situation.

I do think past a certain age, if you are that horny, you can't view your spouse's inability to satisfy you as their problem. It's just not reasonable. If you are young and you both went into the marriage with the expectation of very frequent sex, that's different. But late 40s and up, with kids? I think being that horny makes you an outlier. Maybe I'm just delusional about how other people work or maybe everyone I know is just surpassing their sex drive all the time, but I don't see it. People are tired, busy, stressed about kids and politics. But super, super horny? I don't see it.

Super horny person here. I have never gone into a relationship expecting my sexual partner to be responsible for all my orgasms. I could masturbate 6 days a week and be fine with sex with DH thrice, twice or even once a week. Sex is not a big part of my identity. I started masturbating around 12 and considered it this itch that needed to be taken care of. Had my first sexual relationship in college like most women I grew up with. I have never had a one night stand, never cheated on anyone, never slept with anyone within a couple of weeks of meeting them etc. If you have always been horny, it's just there. It can be annoying walking around with a throb all day but when you are used to it, you deal. I am actually hornier when I am busy and stressed. I remember feeling like I could hear the throbbing when I was taking the LSAT decades ago.

I know it's rare for women in their 40s because I discuss with my close friends. But I don't think my life or marriage is any different from theirs because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

So glad to finally see an admission that is has nothing to do with the libido or hormones and that it's all about this dumb tit for tat.

So glad to see that you are stupid. Women's libido is tied to emotional stress. If she is not feeling understood and cared for, sge is less likely to get wet, dummy.

Oh honey, I'm a 47 year old woman. I know all too well about hormonal changes and stress. I just don't use them as an excuse to mistreat the person I married.

And I know all too well about pick mes and idiots who lack empathy.

Empathy for what? You already admitted you do it out of spite. Your dumb word salad is not holding up your lies very well.

It's only a word salad because you are obsessed with sex.

So in your disordered brain, a woman with a high libido who likes sex with her husband would somehow decide to spite him by not having sex with him? Go to therapy and cure yourself from your obsession with sex. Then come back and think about it again.

I always know when I've gotten to people like you when they launch into these baseless, made up rants, yet invoke therapy for me. You sound positively miserable.

That is common sense, dummy. You must be a really spiteful person to think that people give up sex that they are enjoying to spite their sexual partners. How is this even tit for tat?

Oh the irony of calling me "dummy" while not even bothering to read what I responded to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stereotypical and wrong. I'm the wife in that life and I'm the one who is sex deprived.

So? Your marriage is not every marriage. The comment you're replying to clearly prefaced it with "I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids." If that's not you, then of course the things in the post won't make sense for your marriage.

However it is more common for women to lose libido at midlife before men do. Partly due to biology and partly because women tend to store less of their identity in their sexuality, especially after having kids. Doesn't mean it never happens the other way, but it's definitely more rare. Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason.

You might be on to something with your comment about identity. I am highy sexual and yeah that's a big part of my identity. My happiest years were when I was dating in my 20s. I love my kids but it's just different. Certainly explains why there are so many unhappily married men whose wives need a full court press to even feel any desire. Pity for both spouses.

Even if sex is not a big part of your identity, it's hard to ignore the lack of it when you are horny 24/7. Perhaps this is why some people with high libido find it harder to get over that resentment.

If the house is dirty, you can escape to a hotel and take a break for a few days. But you cannot cut your nether regions and throw away for a couple of days . So anytime you feel the itch, it reminds you of the spouse who should be scratching the spot 😆

If you are over the age of 45 and you are "horny 24/7" (and it's not a temporary thing maybe due to a hormone imbalance) then sex is a HUGE part of your identity.

I'm 46, DH is 49, and I think about sex maybe once a week. If it coincides with my DH thinking about sex, we have sex. Some weeks we don't have sex and we both seem fine with that. We initiate sex about equally -- he initiates more on weekdays, I initiate more on weekends, and that has to do with slightly different arousal patterns. We have sex maybe twice a month.

If one of us was actually horny 24/7, we'd both be in hell. It just wouldn't work. If he was that horny, I'd have to have a real think about it because I don't want to get divorced (I love him, we have a great life together, our kids are wonderful and we'd both prefer to raise them in a 2-parent household) and I'm uncomfortable with the idea of him having sex with someone else (as much because of the time and energy it would result in him channeling elsewhere as the idea of it being a violation of marital vows -- we are both busy and neither of us needs a new project, much less an affair). I don't know what I'd do. I'm glad I"m not in that situation.

I do think past a certain age, if you are that horny, you can't view your spouse's inability to satisfy you as their problem. It's just not reasonable. If you are young and you both went into the marriage with the expectation of very frequent sex, that's different. But late 40s and up, with kids? I think being that horny makes you an outlier. Maybe I'm just delusional about how other people work or maybe everyone I know is just surpassing their sex drive all the time, but I don't see it. People are tired, busy, stressed about kids and politics. But super, super horny? I don't see it.

Twice a month is just not very frequent. I'm a woman over 50 and I certainly think about sex every day. Maybe not horny 24/7 but I would be very sad to be only 46 and have such a laissez faire attitude about sex with my spouse. I guess I am an outlier. My preferred frequency is 3X a week.

You do seem to be an outlier, and that's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter who decides, the marriage is over so, really, who gives F who "decides"??

In what sad world is a marriage only about sex?

Nobody said marriage is only about sex. However sex is part of marriage along with many other things.

Desire ebbs and flows and regular sex is not guaranteed. Anyone who thinks that is clueless

It sure is for healthy people with a libido. Anyone who thinks otherwise is clueless

No, ebb and flow is normal throughout a 50+ year relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter who decides, the marriage is over so, really, who gives F who "decides"??

In what sad world is a marriage only about sex?

Nobody said marriage is only about sex. However sex is part of marriage along with many other things.

PP said without sex "the marriage is over." That is simply wrong, and it does, in fact, make the whole marriage about sex, if that one thing must end it. Using an extreme to prove the point: Many married people can no longer have sex, phsyically -- lets say, full paralysis -- Is the marriage over? No. It was never part of any guarantee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter who decides, the marriage is over so, really, who gives F who "decides"??

In what sad world is a marriage only about sex?

Nobody said marriage is only about sex. However sex is part of marriage along with many other things.

PP said without sex "the marriage is over." That is simply wrong, and it does, in fact, make the whole marriage about sex, if that one thing must end it. Using an extreme to prove the point: Many married people can no longer have sex, phsyically -- lets say, full paralysis -- Is the marriage over? No. It was never part of any guarantee.

Why do people like you insist on bringing in examples of people who can't have sex when OP clearly states that this is about people who simply don't want to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would force my spouse into therapy to figure out what we could do to have sex again. Choreplay? Romantic dates? Hormone replacement therapy?

I’m female and wouldn’t be okay with my dh not having sex with me. Once a week is bare minimum.

Good luck with that. How do you force someone into therapy? And they can go there and play with their thumbs if they don't care. The problems are usually far beyond lack of sex.

When you are in an otherwise healthy and thriving relationship and your spouse notices the difference in sexual appetite, you wouldn't have to force them into anything. They'd be communicating things they have tried because they are concerned that you are not getting what you need.

When you feel like you have to tell them to seek remedies even though they clearly know you are going without and have not bothered to bring it up, there is already a deeper issue than sex.

Exactly. So just talk to your wife and get divorced. Clearly there’s not a sense of love and respect in a relationship as described above.

What’s the point of staying married and cheating when you could just divorce and date as much as you like without having to lie about what you're doing?

1) Maintain the illusion of marriage and stable home for children/family/society
2) Avoid dividing up the net worth
3) The spouse wanting sex may be willing to stay in an otherwise close marriage if he or she can get sex elsewhere in a DADT situation.

So, this is dumb. If sex is that big a deal to you that you feel you need to cheat if you can’t have sex with your partner, then you should divide everything up so you can both live your lives separately. It is rude and insulting to your spouse to stay in a marriage where you are so unhappy you need to cheat just so you don’t have to “divide up your net worth.”

Come on, be an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stereotypical and wrong. I'm the wife in that life and I'm the one who is sex deprived.

So? Your marriage is not every marriage. The comment you're replying to clearly prefaced it with "I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids." If that's not you, then of course the things in the post won't make sense for your marriage.

However it is more common for women to lose libido at midlife before men do. Partly due to biology and partly because women tend to store less of their identity in their sexuality, especially after having kids. Doesn't mean it never happens the other way, but it's definitely more rare. Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason.

You might be on to something with your comment about identity. I am highy sexual and yeah that's a big part of my identity. My happiest years were when I was dating in my 20s. I love my kids but it's just different. Certainly explains why there are so many unhappily married men whose wives need a full court press to even feel any desire. Pity for both spouses.

Even if sex is not a big part of your identity, it's hard to ignore the lack of it when you are horny 24/7. Perhaps this is why some people with high libido find it harder to get over that resentment.

If the house is dirty, you can escape to a hotel and take a break for a few days. But you cannot cut your nether regions and throw away for a couple of days . So anytime you feel the itch, it reminds you of the spouse who should be scratching the spot 😆

If you are over the age of 45 and you are "horny 24/7" (and it's not a temporary thing maybe due to a hormone imbalance) then sex is a HUGE part of your identity.

I'm 46, DH is 49, and I think about sex maybe once a week. If it coincides with my DH thinking about sex, we have sex. Some weeks we don't have sex and we both seem fine with that. We initiate sex about equally -- he initiates more on weekdays, I initiate more on weekends, and that has to do with slightly different arousal patterns. We have sex maybe twice a month.

If one of us was actually horny 24/7, we'd both be in hell. It just wouldn't work. If he was that horny, I'd have to have a real think about it because I don't want to get divorced (I love him, we have a great life together, our kids are wonderful and we'd both prefer to raise them in a 2-parent household) and I'm uncomfortable with the idea of him having sex with someone else (as much because of the time and energy it would result in him channeling elsewhere as the idea of it being a violation of marital vows -- we are both busy and neither of us needs a new project, much less an affair). I don't know what I'd do. I'm glad I"m not in that situation.

I do think past a certain age, if you are that horny, you can't view your spouse's inability to satisfy you as their problem. It's just not reasonable. If you are young and you both went into the marriage with the expectation of very frequent sex, that's different. But late 40s and up, with kids? I think being that horny makes you an outlier. Maybe I'm just delusional about how other people work or maybe everyone I know is just surpassing their sex drive all the time, but I don't see it. People are tired, busy, stressed about kids and politics. But super, super horny? I don't see it.

Twice a month is just not very frequent. I'm a woman over 50 and I certainly think about sex every day. Maybe not horny 24/7 but I would be very sad to be only 46 and have such a laissez faire attitude about sex with my spouse. I guess I am an outlier. My preferred frequency is 3X a week.

You do seem to be an outlier, and that's OK.

Makes sense. I'm a woman in a male dominated profession, I probably have more testosterone than the average woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter who decides, the marriage is over so, really, who gives F who "decides"??

In what sad world is a marriage only about sex?

Nobody said marriage is only about sex. However sex is part of marriage along with many other things.

PP said without sex "the marriage is over." That is simply wrong, and it does, in fact, make the whole marriage about sex, if that one thing must end it. Using an extreme to prove the point: Many married people can no longer have sex, phsyically -- lets say, full paralysis -- Is the marriage over? No. It was never part of any guarantee.

Why do people like you insist on bringing in examples of people who can't have sex when OP clearly states that this is about people who simply don't want to?

How does OP distinguish those who can't from those who don't want to? Is there some physical examination that takes place to draw the line? What about a psychological examination? What if they simply don't want to because they simply can't?