Failed my test

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This dude failed your test

But you seem to be failing at life

Worse than that is the lack of awareness or inability to see where you are wrong and learn from lessons that life (and dcum) is giving you

I’m actually enjoying my singlehood. First year post divorce I dated a lot and had a relationship. Now a guy should be truly amazing for me to see him instead of my gym workout or friends on Saturday night. I don’t spend my time when I have doubts - time is limited and the most valuable resource in life.

When I was married I also was defining myself and success through my status. But now I feel truly liberated to have a choice. And I’m financially very secure which makes it easier. I don’t need a man to provide.

Oh, the way you keep returning to paint yourself as perfect! It's priceless. If you are THIS dateable, hot (hey, two dates called you a 10 to your face, remember?), financially secure (as you took pains to tell us earlier and look, again here), offer FWB sex with no qualms (remember that post from earlier?), blah blah....why in heaven's name did you post on DCUM in the first place? Not for advice....Ah, yes, you posted just to get us responding. Gladly! It's been fun OP. You're either the hottest mess around with arrogance you can't even perceive, or you're headed for a great career in romantic fiction. My money is on both being true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be a trad wife, we get it. This man is not for you.

Actually, not. I want to have a partner who is truly giving and generous. And who would support me in difficult times. I make half a million and was contributing higher share towards joint expenses in marriage and a relationship I had post divorce. But being ok when a woman to take out her wallet in restaurants is demeaning to me. I don’t want to be that woman

Then don’t do it. I don’t because I know I have no intention of paying so no need to do the credit card fake out game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

You are in the wrong because you have tests and are playing games and don’t say what you mean.

Grow up, child.

[Anonymous]

Whether the man insists on paying for a first date shows NO correlation to whether he is a good partner. I have dated guys who insist on paying for all the dates and they eventually ghosted, or were an alchoholic, etc.

[Anonymous]

Signed,

OP (but posting as an NP to make my bat$hit crazy posts seem more sane).

DP. I'd agree that it's OP sockpuppeting, but the writing style is too different. OP seems incapable of varying her stilted style enough to have penned the "Double whammy!" of a post you're calling out!

Dear DP - your point is well taken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be a trad wife, we get it. This man is not for you.

Actually, not. I want to have a partner who is truly giving and generous. And who would support me in difficult times. I make half a million and was contributing higher share towards joint expenses in marriage and a relationship I had post divorce. But being ok when a woman to take out her wallet in restaurants is demeaning to me. I don’t want to be that woman

Once OPs start coming back and trickling out details like "I make half a million," the whole story starts to smell. Oh, I'm not doubting OP might be a high earner, just doubting that anyone cares nearly as much about it as she does.

Hey, OP, find the recent thread here by the woman whose boyfriend suddenly announced he was tired of paying for things and she had to start picking up bills when they went out too. You could get your trad man who pays for things, then find out he's been resenting it, and you, all along--after you've already sunk months or years into the relationship. Have fun!

Jeff deleted that thread after I reported it as being a troll. I guess he agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no issue splitting a bill. I prefer to split on the first meet and greet / coffee date so that it feels less date like if that is the first time I am meeting them.

I think a test of gender roles is ridiculous. Should he have you over to see how good you are at cleaning his house and doing the dishes so he can test how well you take on traditional gender roles. Any test is nonsense. And if you want a traditional man then you need to be prepared to be a traditional role woman.

But being touchy feely would be a no go for me. I wouldn’t date someone again if they are too physical off the bat, can’t read cues or don’t ask. That wouldn’t go over well plus I am just incompatible with really touchy feely people.

Lol, +1. Or get that BJ on the first date to make sure she can keep him satisfied?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even though you offered to go Dutch - that is still NO excuse for a man on a first date to take you up on your offer.

No exceptions‼️
If a man doesn’t pay on the first date, then that is a red flag that he is not a suitable date.

Double standards be damned.
Excellent “test” btw OP.

And if a guy is too physical on the very first date > it is obvious that he is in it to win it.

Double whammy!
Move on!

Next!!

Stop sock puppeting. We already know youre a troll.

[Anonymous]

Why did your last husband dump you?

Being a middle aged divorcee is not the flex you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Even though you offered to go Dutch - that is still NO excuse for a man on a first date to take you up on your offer.

No exceptions‼️
If a man doesn’t pay on the first date, then that is a red flag that he is not a suitable date.

Double standards be damned.
Excellent “test” btw OP.

And if a guy is too physical on the very first date > it is obvious that he is in it to win it.

Double whammy!
Move on!

Next!!

Signed,

OP (but posting as an NP to make my bat$hit crazy posts seem more sane).

DP. I'd agree that it's OP sockpuppeting, but the writing style is too different. OP seems incapable of varying her stilted style enough to have penned the "Double whammy!" of a post you're calling out!

I'm OP and I attest that I didn't write the post above. The PP who was agreeing with me was a different person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did your last husband dump you?

Being a middle aged divorcee is not the flex you think it is.

50% marriages result in divorce, and dmv is one of top areas for female-only single person households. I filed for divorce, if that's of any interest for you, and have zero regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be a trad wife, we get it. This man is not for you.

Actually, not. I want to have a partner who is truly giving and generous. And who would support me in difficult times. I make half a million and was contributing higher share towards joint expenses in marriage and a relationship I had post divorce. But being ok when a woman to take out her wallet in restaurants is demeaning to me. I don’t want to be that woman

Then don’t do it. I don’t because I know I have no intention of paying so no need to do the credit card fake out game.

OP here: I actually consider your approach riskier. A man would get tired of paying and will grow resentful all the time. I do explain to the guy who proved himself being a generous person after 3 dates or so that I do contribute. I start inviting men I like for concerts, I gave men presents, covered some of the joint trip costs in the past etc. But I do explain that gender roles matter to me even in equal partners relationship. Paying for a man's drinks&food, and doing it publicly is somehow very uncomfortable to me. When I see a couple going Dutch in restaurants, her pulling out her wallet, singing a check - for some reason I feel sorry for the woman in those couples.
That's just not for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be a trad wife, we get it. This man is not for you.

Actually, not. I want to have a partner who is truly giving and generous. And who would support me in difficult times. I make half a million and was contributing higher share towards joint expenses in marriage and a relationship I had post divorce. But being ok when a woman to take out her wallet in restaurants is demeaning to me. I don’t want to be that woman

Then don’t do it. I don’t because I know I have no intention of paying so no need to do the credit card fake out game.

OP here: I actually consider your approach riskier. A man would get tired of paying and will grow resentful all the time. I do explain to the guy who proved himself being a generous person after 3 dates or so that I do contribute. I start inviting men I like for concerts, I gave men presents, covered some of the joint trip costs in the past etc. But I do explain that gender roles matter to me even in equal partners relationship. Paying for a man's drinks&food, and doing it publicly is somehow very uncomfortable to me. When I see a couple going Dutch in restaurants, her pulling out her wallet, singing a check - for some reason I feel sorry for the woman in those couples.
That's just not for me.

And you are giving BJs and doing dishes and laundry on the first few dates to show him your "traditional gender role" potential? Or just expecting men to lavish you with dates and gifts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be a trad wife, we get it. This man is not for you.

Actually, not. I want to have a partner who is truly giving and generous. And who would support me in difficult times. I make half a million and was contributing higher share towards joint expenses in marriage and a relationship I had post divorce. But being ok when a woman to take out her wallet in restaurants is demeaning to me. I don’t want to be that woman

Then don’t do it. I don’t because I know I have no intention of paying so no need to do the credit card fake out game.

OP here: I actually consider your approach riskier. A man would get tired of paying and will grow resentful all the time. I do explain to the guy who proved himself being a generous person after 3 dates or so that I do contribute. I start inviting men I like for concerts, I gave men presents, covered some of the joint trip costs in the past etc. But I do explain that gender roles matter to me even in equal partners relationship. Paying for a man's drinks&food, and doing it publicly is somehow very uncomfortable to me. When I see a couple going Dutch in restaurants, her pulling out her wallet, singing a check - for some reason I feel sorry for the woman in those couples.
That's just not for me.

And you are giving BJs and doing dishes and laundry on the first few dates to show him your "traditional gender role" potential? Or just expecting men to lavish you with dates and gifts?

Not on the first few dates. But I enjoy giving BJ later on, when both are exclusive and tested Dishes are just loaded in the dishwasher nowadays - NBD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be a trad wife, we get it. This man is not for you.

Actually, not. I want to have a partner who is truly giving and generous. And who would support me in difficult times. I make half a million and was contributing higher share towards joint expenses in marriage and a relationship I had post divorce. But being ok when a woman to take out her wallet in restaurants is demeaning to me. I don’t want to be that woman

Once OPs start coming back and trickling out details like "I make half a million," the whole story starts to smell. Oh, I'm not doubting OP might be a high earner, just doubting that anyone cares nearly as much about it as she does.

Hey, OP, find the recent thread here by the woman whose boyfriend suddenly announced he was tired of paying for things and she had to start picking up bills when they went out too. You could get your trad man who pays for things, then find out he's been resenting it, and you, all along--after you've already sunk months or years into the relationship. Have fun!

Jeff deleted that thread after I reported it as being a troll. I guess he agreed.

Thread's still around as of right now-

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1221330.page

Maybe you're talking about a different thread with another OP whose boyfriend wants her to start paying for more stuff?