Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.

1. Quit and find a new job
2. Work at current job and instead of lighting candles on your desk (so dangerous) and simmering soup on your WFH day look for a new job.
3. Negotiate for more WFH days and if the answer is no or you don’t like the answer see options 1 and 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what can truly help working parents is a 6 hr day on-site and then ability to log in for 2 hrs from home. This can curtail so much anxiety around pick ups, getting dinner on the table etc.

My kids were 9 when COVID hit and they are 13 now, DH and I both WFH for last 4 yrs and we have zero stress levels in terms of pickups, dinner etc. I do go in 1-2 days/week but I have the option to go in for 5-6 hrs and then resume work when I reach home.

IMO not needing to spend 8hrs+commute time is a game changer.

I don't know about this, my manager is willing to give that flexibility (which I appreciate! He's really trying!), but if you have a very long commute it doesn't make up for the fact that the 3 hours round trip you lose comes from somewhere. Either you can't pick up kids, or you make up work when you're home together in the evening, or you don't sleep.

Long commutes are just really hard, and no, some of us can't move closer for family/dual career/financial reasons (it's not that we've "prioritized a McMansion in the exurbs" or whatever the DCUM straw man is). It was so great to live without them, or at least minimize them for a while.

I completely understand, I am the PP who posted the 5-6hr day post above. I guess it works for me because I live 25 minutes from my office, but I can understand how 3 hrs of commute can throw a wrench in this arrangement.

I also had a 3-4 hour commute total for four years on public transportation (CT to NY; multiple trains, etc.) while working for a company that required five days in office. It sucks the life out of you but if you knew about the commute before taking the job than you knew what you were signing up for. You may need to make other sacrifices (career trajectory or pay) to move to a remote or hybrid role. I did this after i had my first kid at 31 and it’s worked out well. My career may have grown more had i stayed but i’ll never know for sure and being available to my three kids by being in a remote role is a priority for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.

1. Quit and find a new job
2. Work at current job and instead of lighting candles on your desk (so dangerous) and simmering soup on your WFH day look for a new job.
3. Negotiate for more WFH days and if the answer is no or you don’t like the answer see options 1 and 2.

Yeah...this is the answer. Job has no obligation to accommodate, only thing you can do is vote with your feet.