Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what can truly help working parents is a 6 hr day on-site and then ability to log in for 2 hrs from home. This can curtail so much anxiety around pick ups, getting dinner on the table etc.

My kids were 9 when COVID hit and they are 13 now, DH and I both WFH for last 4 yrs and we have zero stress levels in terms of pickups, dinner etc. I do go in 1-2 days/week but I have the option to go in for 5-6 hrs and then resume work when I reach home.

IMO not needing to spend 8hrs+commute time is a game changer.

I don't know about this, my manager is willing to give that flexibility (which I appreciate! He's really trying!), but if you have a very long commute it doesn't make up for the fact that the 3 hours round trip you lose comes from somewhere. Either you can't pick up kids, or you make up work when you're home together in the evening, or you don't sleep.

Long commutes are just really hard, and no, some of us can't move closer for family/dual career/financial reasons (it's not that we've "prioritized a McMansion in the exurbs" or whatever the DCUM straw man is). It was so great to live without them, or at least minimize them for a while.

I completely understand, I am the PP who posted the 5-6hr day post above. I guess it works for me because I live 25 minutes from my office, but I can understand how 3 hrs of commute can throw a wrench in this arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you people are mean. Cozy pants, candles, soup, and picking up kids at actual pick-up time sound amazing.

- Teacher who goes in every day

+1 me too

My husband can work from home most days. It makes combining work and family more feasible. Especially when you’re a two earner family at around $130 K.

This is what people mean when they talk about an aggressively anti family culture.

Prowork / Antislacker is not anti family. MANY a family was raised happy and healthy with both parents going to work outside the home. Probably even you !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.

The bolded, plus laundry, a quick trip to grocery store, etc, are exactly why so many companies are requiring RTO.

Dont forget the homework, board game, dog walk and dropping the kid at practice - all while working !! Love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent 3 hours yesterday afternoon trying to finish a repoort that usually takes minutes. Trading messages and waiting on replies that would have been easy conversation had we all been together. Someone had connectivity issues and couldn’t access it remotely. Another person was AWOL (I know she’s home without childcare for her multiple kids and I have to guess they command attention at that time of day) and held everything up until she got on and added her part. Luckily we’re all in the office most days and that’s when we’re most productive.

+1

Plus, why on earth are they getting paid for full time, when they only work a fraction of that time, between kids and pick ups and appointments, and walks, and household chores? It is not fair to the rest of the organization or work force, who are forced into the office 8 hours, five days a week.

Also, some people do not have family to offer free help on the regular - but they make it work to keep their job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.

The bolded, plus laundry, a quick trip to grocery store, etc, are exactly why so many companies are requiring RTO.

Dont forget the homework, board game, dog walk and dropping the kid at practice - all while working !! Love it.

+1

Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Search for "remote" jobs. Search on flex jobs.com. You have to pay an annual membership fee to see the actual job listing, and then you go to the employer website to apply. Go and LinkedIn and Indeed and set an auto alert search for remote jobs in your field.

OP, I felt the same way. I signed whatever papers they asked me to sign to return to the office in October. They led me on and made me believe I was RTO. Then, guess what? They let me go. Now I won't have health insurance benefits as of the end of October.

I reached out to my network. I started applying for jobs. It's tough. Do it now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.

The bolded, plus laundry, a quick trip to grocery store, etc, are exactly why so many companies are requiring RTO.

Yup. The “I get a ton done” is always referencing personal stuff during work hours. These people getting so worked up about going back to the office are so transparent. Find a new job, negotiate, or go back. The whining and fake panic attacks are ridiculous.

Yep. I am a teacher (I am half time and work 2.5 days a week) and I see it in the HUGE increase of parents picking up elementary kids at school at 2:30 (vs. using aftercare) and also how many more people are shopping in stores midday running errands. All of these people's employers think they are working.

Our school did not nor does have many buses. We have no option but to pick up our kids

Eye roll. Some of us pay for before and after care

I live in Arlington County and there are problems staffing extended day. After 3 years! of trying to get a spot, I give up. We’ve already adjusted our work schedules to accommodate (I start early in the morning and end in time to meet the bus). So yeah you may see me at the park with my kids after school or running an errand with them mid-afternoon. But I’m still working full time. This wouldn’t be manageable with a commute to add in. Maybe the school systems should be paying more to actually get new hires if getting parents back in the office is that important.

Maybe parents could watch own kids like they did since dawn of time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.

The bolded, plus laundry, a quick trip to grocery store, etc, are exactly why so many companies are requiring RTO.

Yup. The “I get a ton done” is always referencing personal stuff during work hours. These people getting so worked up about going back to the office are so transparent. Find a new job, negotiate, or go back. The whining and fake panic attacks are ridiculous.

Yep. I am a teacher (I am half time and work 2.5 days a week) and I see it in the HUGE increase of parents picking up elementary kids at school at 2:30 (vs. using aftercare) and also how many more people are shopping in stores midday running errands. All of these people's employers think they are working.

Our school did not nor does have many buses. We have no option but to pick up our kids

Eye roll. Some of us pay for before and after care

I live in Arlington County and there are problems staffing extended day. After 3 years! of trying to get a spot, I give up. We’ve already adjusted our work schedules to accommodate (I start early in the morning and end in time to meet the bus). So yeah you may see me at the park with my kids after school or running an errand with them mid-afternoon. But I’m still working full time. This wouldn’t be manageable with a commute to add in. Maybe the school systems should be paying more to actually get new hires if getting parents back in the office is that important.

Maybe parents could watch own kids like they did since dawn of time

What? PP is talking about trying to get an after-school care spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit and find a different job.

Not an option for me!! I need money!

Find another job, then quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back in work in person 5 days a week in Prior job remote three years.

My new job I started same time as another person who is hybrid. Only 3 days in office. Which means 40 percent of time his chair is empty. His learning curve is so slow. People don’t go to him for much as why bother the chair is empty most days. He also knows less people. He asks me who does what a lot.

Recently he asked about promotion. Was told since all people are not hybrid he will have to come to work five days a week. It was like he was hit with a cold pail of water.

His problem, or my problem or her problem whatever case is. I stopped doing any zoom or on line meetings or even outlook meetings with remote people. I only meet in person. The more people do that the harder it gets to do remote.

Hopefully, your job doesn't involve a whole lot of fifth grade math. (Or writing, or knowing the difference between less and fewer, but one thing at a time.)

That poster is the infamous 4-jobs troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what can truly help working parents is a 6 hr day on-site and then ability to log in for 2 hrs from home. This can curtail so much anxiety around pick ups, getting dinner on the table etc.

My kids were 9 when COVID hit and they are 13 now, DH and I both WFH for last 4 yrs and we have zero stress levels in terms of pickups, dinner etc. I do go in 1-2 days/week but I have the option to go in for 5-6 hrs and then resume work when I reach home.

IMO not needing to spend 8hrs+commute time is a game changer.

I don't know about this, my manager is willing to give that flexibility (which I appreciate! He's really trying!), but if you have a very long commute it doesn't make up for the fact that the 3 hours round trip you lose comes from somewhere. Either you can't pick up kids, or you make up work when you're home together in the evening, or you don't sleep.

Long commutes are just really hard, and no, some of us can't move closer for family/dual career/financial reasons (it's not that we've "prioritized a McMansion in the exurbs" or whatever the DCUM straw man is). It was so great to live without them, or at least minimize them for a while.

If they want me in the office that badly, the 3 hours is coming out of the time they pay me for, not my time.

Why some people here are so happy to be urging others to roll over and give back the single largest quality of life upgrade people who would otherwise be commuters have ever known is beyond me. It’s a form of compensation and I am not giving it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back in work in person 5 days a week in Prior job remote three years.

My new job I started same time as another person who is hybrid. Only 3 days in office. Which means 40 percent of time his chair is empty. His learning curve is so slow. People don’t go to him for much as why bother the chair is empty most days. He also knows less people. He asks me who does what a lot.

Recently he asked about promotion. Was told since all people are not hybrid he will have to come to work five days a week. It was like he was hit with a cold pail of water.

His problem, or my problem or her problem whatever case is. I stopped doing any zoom or on line meetings or even outlook meetings with remote people. I only meet in person. The more people do that the harder it gets to do remote.

Hopefully, your job doesn't involve a whole lot of fifth grade math. (Or writing, or knowing the difference between less and fewer, but one thing at a time.)

That poster is the infamous 4-jobs troll.

Yep, how's it going J1, J2, J3 guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you people are mean. Cozy pants, candles, soup, and picking up kids at actual pick-up time sound amazing.

- Teacher who goes in every day

+1 me too

My husband can work from home most days. It makes combining work and family more feasible. Especially when you’re a two earner family at around $130 K.

This is what people mean when they talk about an aggressively anti family culture.

Prowork / Antislacker is not anti family. MANY a family was raised happy and healthy with both parents going to work outside the home. Probably even you !

sure! let's go back in time based on your assertion that this worked great for everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what can truly help working parents is a 6 hr day on-site and then ability to log in for 2 hrs from home. This can curtail so much anxiety around pick ups, getting dinner on the table etc.

My kids were 9 when COVID hit and they are 13 now, DH and I both WFH for last 4 yrs and we have zero stress levels in terms of pickups, dinner etc. I do go in 1-2 days/week but I have the option to go in for 5-6 hrs and then resume work when I reach home.

IMO not needing to spend 8hrs+commute time is a game changer.

I don't know about this, my manager is willing to give that flexibility (which I appreciate! He's really trying!), but if you have a very long commute it doesn't make up for the fact that the 3 hours round trip you lose comes from somewhere. Either you can't pick up kids, or you make up work when you're home together in the evening, or you don't sleep.

Long commutes are just really hard, and no, some of us can't move closer for family/dual career/financial reasons (it's not that we've "prioritized a McMansion in the exurbs" or whatever the DCUM straw man is). It was so great to live without them, or at least minimize them for a while.

If they want me in the office that badly, the 3 hours is coming out of the time they pay me for, not my time.

Why some people here are so happy to be urging others to roll over and give back the single largest quality of life upgrade people who would otherwise be commuters have ever known is beyond me. It’s a form of compensation and I am not giving it back.

1000000%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remote works best when everyone is doing it and has the same handicap.

In an environment where some work in person, the remote people are forgotten about and are very stagnant in terms of building relationships, opportunities, and career growth.

But maybe they’re ok with that.
Bear in mind that for many - esp moms - there’s a world where they stop working altogether. Stagnating in a remote job might be just fine for those people.
Insisting on in person is like going back in time. This is why women are depressed

What is the company’s obligation to anyone though? They want to grow and develop people and get the best out of them. Other people pick up the slack while someone stagnates at home. Is it their obligation to pay you full-time while you sit home walking the dog and making soup and watching your kids in the afternoon? And meanwhile the person who is physically there is seen and felt and heard and gets an extra task?

I don’t think so. Others clearly don’t agree.

what is a company's obligation to an individual? This is a good question.
I would argue that a company's obligation to an individual is to give them the benefit of the doubt and - until proven otherwise - assume that they will get the job done. That they will get it done at home OR in office, that they will get it done in time for deadlines even if that means working after hours, that they will do the work they were hired to do.
It is NOT the job of the company, IMO, to determine HOW it gets done. If I can pitch and win a multi million dollar client and still pick my kid up from school - then good the f for me. and them.
that's their obligation to the individual.