If you get Starbucks with your kids present, do you always buy Starbucks for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Agreed. I mean, I very rarely go to starbucks or similar so I've never actually been in this situation. But if I were to be the kind of person who grabbed a black coffee or a tea while out running errands, then no I would not always buy my kids what amounts to a milkshake or super rich hot chocolate. These things are desserts. If they want a small refresher or plain iced tea, I would get them that.

There are lots and lots and lots of times that I grab them fast food and don't partake myself. We don't all need to ingest the same treats every time one person wants one.

But that is you making the choice for yourself. Not making the choice for them.

I don't get people who, from lots of comments on this thread, treat their kids like they are second-class citizens. That's how I grew up and it definitely stung. Especially, since "coffee" is the only part we are seeing here and that it probably extends to other things, as well.

Not getting something for your kid who wants something? Yes, "they'll live." But it's rude, af, and tells them where they stand in your eyes.

Quite apart from this Starbucks example, though, how are kids not second class citizens? Do you really grant them full decision-making status in your household? So they have equal input on what house to buy, whether to put money in CDs or money market accounts, what hotels to stay at on vacation, etc.? My parents never included me on any decisions like that, but I never felt like a second class citizen, just that these were decisions that adults made, not kids.

Likewise, I think it's okay for parents to buy themselves nicer clothes than their kids, fancier phones, etc. It's okay. When kids are adults, they'll earn their own money and decide how to spend it. I'm not saying let your kids go around in rags, but yeah, Old Navy or Under Armour is fine for them and Max Mara is fine for me. They can have my old phone or car, and I'll get the latest model. We are not equals when it comes to money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always ask my son if he wants something. If I don't want to spend the money, I don't go.

My mom did stuff like this when I was a kid and I remember that it made me feel like crap.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I do, but sometimes I just want to spend less than $5 & get my coffee. I wouldn't get food with them in the car without offering to get them food, but Starbucks - sometimes I just don't want to spend $20. So I tell them they're free to buy their own if they want Starbucks too. Thoughts?

OP,

Seems selfish and cheap.

Need more info.

Do you work and use your own money for Starbucks?
Or someone's money?
Or is all money household money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Agreed. I mean, I very rarely go to starbucks or similar so I've never actually been in this situation. But if I were to be the kind of person who grabbed a black coffee or a tea while out running errands, then no I would not always buy my kids what amounts to a milkshake or super rich hot chocolate. These things are desserts. If they want a small refresher or plain iced tea, I would get them that.

There are lots and lots and lots of times that I grab them fast food and don't partake myself. We don't all need to ingest the same treats every time one person wants one.

But that is you making the choice for yourself. Not making the choice for them.

I don't get people who, from lots of comments on this thread, treat their kids like they are second-class citizens. That's how I grew up and it definitely stung. Especially, since "coffee" is the only part we are seeing here and that it probably extends to other things, as well.

Not getting something for your kid who wants something? Yes, "they'll live." But it's rude, af, and tells them where they stand in your eyes.

Quite apart from this Starbucks example, though, how are kids not second class citizens? Do you really grant them full decision-making status in your household? So they have equal input on what house to buy, whether to put money in CDs or money market accounts, what hotels to stay at on vacation, etc.? My parents never included me on any decisions like that, but I never felt like a second class citizen, just that these were decisions that adults made, not kids.

Likewise, I think it's okay for parents to buy themselves nicer clothes than their kids, fancier phones, etc. It's okay. When kids are adults, they'll earn their own money and decide how to spend it. I'm not saying let your kids go around in rags, but yeah, Old Navy or Under Armour is fine for them and Max Mara is fine for me. They can have my old phone or car, and I'll get the latest model. We are not equals when it comes to money.

NP. This is a false equivalency. It's just coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Agreed. I mean, I very rarely go to starbucks or similar so I've never actually been in this situation. But if I were to be the kind of person who grabbed a black coffee or a tea while out running errands, then no I would not always buy my kids what amounts to a milkshake or super rich hot chocolate. These things are desserts. If they want a small refresher or plain iced tea, I would get them that.

There are lots and lots and lots of times that I grab them fast food and don't partake myself. We don't all need to ingest the same treats every time one person wants one.

But that is you making the choice for yourself. Not making the choice for them.

I don't get people who, from lots of comments on this thread, treat their kids like they are second-class citizens. That's how I grew up and it definitely stung. Especially, since "coffee" is the only part we are seeing here and that it probably extends to other things, as well.

Not getting something for your kid who wants something? Yes, "they'll live." But it's rude, af, and tells them where they stand in your eyes.

Quite apart from this Starbucks example, though, how are kids not second class citizens? Do you really grant them full decision-making status in your household? So they have equal input on what house to buy, whether to put money in CDs or money market accounts, what hotels to stay at on vacation, etc.? My parents never included me on any decisions like that, but I never felt like a second class citizen, just that these were decisions that adults made, not kids.

Likewise, I think it's okay for parents to buy themselves nicer clothes than their kids, fancier phones, etc. It's okay. When kids are adults, they'll earn their own money and decide how to spend it. I'm not saying let your kids go around in rags, but yeah, Old Navy or Under Armour is fine for them and Max Mara is fine for me. They can have my old phone or car, and I'll get the latest model. We are not equals when it comes to money.

NP. This is a false equivalency. It's just coffee.

But some people seem outraged that a parent is not treating their child equally to themselves at Starbucks. It’s all part of the same philosophy—it seems that some people think a child is entitled to exactly the same quality of life that their parent has, and some don’t. It’s really a much bigger question than coffee—that’s just how it manifested here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Agreed. I mean, I very rarely go to starbucks or similar so I've never actually been in this situation. But if I were to be the kind of person who grabbed a black coffee or a tea while out running errands, then no I would not always buy my kids what amounts to a milkshake or super rich hot chocolate. These things are desserts. If they want a small refresher or plain iced tea, I would get them that.

There are lots and lots and lots of times that I grab them fast food and don't partake myself. We don't all need to ingest the same treats every time one person wants one.

But that is you making the choice for yourself. Not making the choice for them.

I don't get people who, from lots of comments on this thread, treat their kids like they are second-class citizens. That's how I grew up and it definitely stung. Especially, since "coffee" is the only part we are seeing here and that it probably extends to other things, as well.

Not getting something for your kid who wants something? Yes, "they'll live." But it's rude, af, and tells them where they stand in your eyes.

Quite apart from this Starbucks example, though, how are kids not second class citizens? Do you really grant them full decision-making status in your household? So they have equal input on what house to buy, whether to put money in CDs or money market accounts, what hotels to stay at on vacation, etc.? My parents never included me on any decisions like that, but I never felt like a second class citizen, just that these were decisions that adults made, not kids.

Likewise, I think it's okay for parents to buy themselves nicer clothes than their kids, fancier phones, etc. It's okay. When kids are adults, they'll earn their own money and decide how to spend it. I'm not saying let your kids go around in rags, but yeah, Old Navy or Under Armour is fine for them and Max Mara is fine for me. They can have my old phone or car, and I'll get the latest model. We are not equals when it comes to money.

NP. This is a false equivalency. It's just coffee.

But some people seem outraged that a parent is not treating their child equally to themselves at Starbucks. It’s all part of the same philosophy—it seems that some people think a child is entitled to exactly the same quality of life that their parent has, and some don’t. It’s really a much bigger question than coffee—that’s just how it manifested here.

It's not the same philosophy. Personally, I think it would be rude to get myself a treat and not offer it to a teen. If you don't want to do that fine. But, that seems weird to suggest that because I occasionally treat my teen to a $5 drink that he's now got to decide where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Agreed. I mean, I very rarely go to starbucks or similar so I've never actually been in this situation. But if I were to be the kind of person who grabbed a black coffee or a tea while out running errands, then no I would not always buy my kids what amounts to a milkshake or super rich hot chocolate. These things are desserts. If they want a small refresher or plain iced tea, I would get them that.

There are lots and lots and lots of times that I grab them fast food and don't partake myself. We don't all need to ingest the same treats every time one person wants one.

But that is you making the choice for yourself. Not making the choice for them.

I don't get people who, from lots of comments on this thread, treat their kids like they are second-class citizens. That's how I grew up and it definitely stung. Especially, since "coffee" is the only part we are seeing here and that it probably extends to other things, as well.

Not getting something for your kid who wants something? Yes, "they'll live." But it's rude, af, and tells them where they stand in your eyes.

Quite apart from this Starbucks example, though, how are kids not second class citizens? Do you really grant them full decision-making status in your household? So they have equal input on what house to buy, whether to put money in CDs or money market accounts, what hotels to stay at on vacation, etc.? My parents never included me on any decisions like that, but I never felt like a second class citizen, just that these were decisions that adults made, not kids.

Likewise, I think it's okay for parents to buy themselves nicer clothes than their kids, fancier phones, etc. It's okay. When kids are adults, they'll earn their own money and decide how to spend it. I'm not saying let your kids go around in rags, but yeah, Old Navy or Under Armour is fine for them and Max Mara is fine for me. They can have my old phone or car, and I'll get the latest model. We are not equals when it comes to money.

NP. This is a false equivalency. It's just coffee.

But some people seem outraged that a parent is not treating their child equally to themselves at Starbucks. It’s all part of the same philosophy—it seems that some people think a child is entitled to exactly the same quality of life that their parent has, and some don’t. It’s really a much bigger question than coffee—that’s just how it manifested here.

It's not the same philosophy. Personally, I think it would be rude to get myself a treat and not offer it to a teen. If you don't want to do that fine. But, that seems weird to suggest that because I occasionally treat my teen to a $5 drink that he's now got to decide where we live.

If it doesn’t apply to you, let it go. But it does to many squawking on here about how “unfair” it is for kids not to get something anytime a parent does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ask my son if he wants something. If I don't want to spend the money, I don't go.

My mom did stuff like this when I was a kid and I remember that it made me feel like crap.

+1

+2

I had parents like this and it sucked. It’s a core memory for sure, how everywhere we went my parents got drinks (soda, tea, coffee) but we had to have water, because it was free.

My DD ALWAYS gets a drink, and sometimes even a cake pop or treat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ask my son if he wants something. If I don't want to spend the money, I don't go.

My mom did stuff like this when I was a kid and I remember that it made me feel like crap.

+1

+2

I had parents like this and it sucked. It’s a core memory for sure, how everywhere we went my parents got drinks (soda, tea, coffee) but we had to have water, because it was free.

My DD ALWAYS gets a drink, and sometimes even a cake pop or treat.

And this is why diabetes is through the roof.

[Anonymous]

Don't take your kids to fast food restaurants if you don't want them to eat fast food. Yes, Starbucks is a fast food restaurant and most of what they sell is complete junk.

[Anonymous]

Wow, 14 pages on this!!! I would never go somewhere and get myself a treat, but deny that treat to my kids, that's so rude!! I rarely buy a coffee treat though, we make real coffee at home. On the rare occasion I do go to Starbucks with the kids, I will buy them kid sized hot chocolates or vanilla Frappuccino.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine going anywhere and getting something for just myself without at least offering to people who are with me. This goes for food, coffee, dessert, anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine going anywhere and getting something for just myself without at least offering to people who are with me. This goes for food, coffee, dessert, anything.

I agree. The problem is people are going to Starbucks/Boba/etc way too much in general. I rarely go, but I would never go and not get something for everyone I was with.

[Anonymous]

I remember even as a very small kid my mom wouldn’t let me go outside and play with the gang of neighborhood kids if I had an ice cream, popsicle, cookie, whatever. She said I had to eat it inside and then go out when I was finished. She made it very clear that it is rude to eat or drink in front of someone without offering them the same thing. Were you never taught manners, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine going anywhere and getting something for just myself without at least offering to people who are with me. This goes for food, coffee, dessert, anything.

I agree. The problem is people are going to Starbucks/Boba/etc way too much in general. I rarely go, but I would never go and not get something for everyone I was with.

+1 people want to indulge in this but then it's "too expensive" once you're getting it for the kids.

Make your own coffee at home and problem solved.

If I go someplace with my kids, yes they get the option of having something too. But we are not eating random drinks and snacks out all the time.