feeling guilty about being a bad bridesmaid
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Anonymous
| My friend is getting married in my home town in a couple of weeks. I was planning on coming for the weekend, bringing my 2 kids, and staying at my parents' house Friday and Saturday nights. The bride wants us all to stay in her hotel room with her the night before the wedding and is "disappointed" that I won't be there. Aside from not wanting to be away from my boys overnight, I am allergic to cats and dogs and the bride/bridesmaids all have pets. Even spending a couple of hours with them leaves me wheezing and itchy. I even break out in hives on my face if I give a cat owner a kiss on the cheek! I do not want to be a red puffy wheezy bridesmaid walking down the aisle on wedding day. At the same timne, I feel bad. Maybe I should just suck it up because I know she is really nervous about her wedding day and could use my support. I am her most "sane" bridesmaid (though I'm not the MOH) and I'm the best at "talking her down." Ugh. WWYD? |
Anonymous
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How old is this bride? 19?
Don't do it. |
Anonymous
| Is the bride aware of your allergies? I would hope only a total it's-my-day-or-the-highway bridezilla would expect a friend to make herself physically ill. |
Anonymous
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Can't you just go to her room for a couple of hours (after you put the boys to bed) then get back home to sleep?
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Anonymous
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OP I'm exactly like you with cats!
Let her know how horrible it is for your health and explain exactly why. Tell her you'll be happy to spend a few hours with her the night before but you must be home with your children. And tell her that right now she might be upset but once she get to have her own kids she'll remember and understand you. GL. |
Anonymous
| Don't feel bad in the least. I too am allergic to cats and can't stand being around them. Just tell the bride that you'll look hideously ugly (vampire eyes, puffy face, welts) during the wedding if you stay there overnight. If she's a real friend she will understand, and will want you at your most attractive during the big event. |
Anonymous
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Here is the key:
She is getting married. She has NO idea what it means to have a family and family responsibilities. You are NOT a bad bridesmaid for not being there all weekend. I assume you bought the dress and many other things that being a bridesmaid requires. Most importantly, you are her friend and always will be - THAT is a good bridesmaid. Someday, when she has kids, you'll explain to her why you weren't there the whole weekend and she'll get it. This happened just recently to me. I was 8 weeks pregnant at my cousin's wedding (wasn't telling anyone yet). My cousin gave me a VERY hard time for "leaving early" at 10:30pm. (Hello first trimester EXHAUSTION). So when she got pregnant among other things we talked about I told her that's why I left her wedding early and she finally got it. Sometimes a person has to walk a mile in your shoes before they get it... |
Anonymous
Umm. If she's that nervous about it, maybe she shouldn't be getting married? I'm only being a little tongue in cheek here. And agree with all the previous posters - maybe try to go back for a few hours that night in the hotel bar, you're not being a bad bridesmaid for not spending the night. And that's not even taking the into account your allergies. |
Anonymous
| Take a Benadryl and go have fun with the girls. |
Anonymous
| She's going to go insane if you show up at the wedding wheezing, swollen and sneezy. Don't go to the hotel. She won't care in a few days. |
Anonymous
| Agree with PP. Take the benadryl and go for atleast 2 hours- it won't kill you. Your kids will be with your parents, right? Not alone in a hotel. As a good friend, I am assuming bride already knows about your terrible allergies? How do you get together with her other times? If she doesn't know, tell her about the allergies, and atleast come for a few hours, explaining that you can't leave the kids overnight, but love your friend, and so since it's her big day, and she is very nervous, you can come for a few hours. IF she doesn't understand that, then well... don't feel guilty. |
Anonymous
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Grow up - both of you.
There is no need for a slumber party by bridesmaids. You have kids. There is no need to explain why you want to be home at night to take care of them. |
Anonymous
| Wait a minute . . . there are going to be cats and dogs staying in the hotel??? |
Anonymous
| No, PP but some people (like me and OP) have severe allergy so just being touched by someone who has touched a dog or cat (or if they have dog/cat hair on their clothes) we get horrible allergic reaction. I had to quit teaching you'd children because I could not go one day w/o a bad reaction. Older children require less physical contact so I was better teaching older kids. |
Anonymous
I hate when adults tell other adults to grow up. You sound like an old stick in the mud. |