feeling guilty about being a bad bridesmaid
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Anonymous
| Okay I am calling bs--no one has to touch you..you sound like a PIA--I am sure when you got married you wanted all the nice bridemaid things. I remember that after I was in 10 weddings ..my friends pulled the "I am married now" stuff..I was nice about but I promised myself I would never act that way if I was in someone else's wedding. Soo..you don't have to stay the night but god..you should go over and hang out. |
Anonymous
| If she really needs someone to "talk her down" the night before the wedding, then maybe she should rethink the whole thing. |
Anonymous
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Admit you don't want to be away from your kids and leave it at that. Its ridiculous to say you can't stay in a room with cat owners. I bet if they offered you and your family a free trip to Disney world with the only catch being that you had to share a room with someone who has a cat, you would do it.
That said, if your kids are over 6 months old, I think it's lame not to be willing to leave them with your husband and parents for a couple of hours. At the very least, hang out in the hotel until they are all getting ready for bed and then leave, even if it's later than you'd prefer to be out. |
Anonymous
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Is the house near the hotel? Could you do a drop by for a little while?
I think its fair for her to tell you she is disapointed. It doesn't sound like she is throwing a fit or being a crazy bridezillla, she just wants to spend that time with you. My guess is she wouldn't want you to suffer. But maybe you could find some sort of happy medium. Either drop by for a little (after the boys go to bed or are almost in bed) and go home as soon as the sniffing begins. Or - offer to come first thing in the morning. Maybe you'll be the only refreshed bridesmaid. Now - if you were a bridezilla and expected people to do everything for you and this person was one of your bridesmaids - then my advice does change. Then suck it up. |
Anonymous
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NP here.
PP, I definitely think "grow up" applies here. It's not as if OP is a bad bridesmaid. I have SEEN ungracious bridesmaids and guests - THIS is not it. Pushing your every whim on the bride, THAT's a bad bridesmaid or guest. Making it all about YOU - that's a bad bridesmaid or guest. Trust me OP, the bride will absolutely find out the good, bad and ugly about people during this and other life changing events. If you are there for her for the most part and don't try to fight her on major issues, you are JUST what she needs on her special day. Some people refuse to believe it is the brides day, this does not sound like your M.O. Enjoy your friend and her day! |
Anonymous
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Where are all of the people who reemed out the mom who regretted allowing herself into a two-day Vegas bender with a six month at home and breastmilk supply issues she was afraid to worsen? Not that I want them to show up, because they're total turds, but I'm just surprised at all the grow up stuff.
OP, of course you're not being a bad bridesmaid. I don't think you need to get into the allergies issue. It's not that I don't believe you, but it's probably not something that someone who doesn't suffer from will understand. Just tell her you love her and will come by for a few hours but really need to sleep in your own bed and be with your children. Be as supportive as you can otherwise. I don't see why you need to sleep there. The talk her down stuff sounds really foreign to me - I just can't imagine getting that crazed over a wedding - but I guess people are all different. Good luck and enjoy the wedding! |
Anonymous
I agree with this. You were a good enough friend to be made a bridesmaid, just suck it up and be there for her. |
Anonymous
That's a truly terrifying thought. |
Anonymous
| If you are close enough to the bride to be a bridesmaid, why is she clueless about your allergy issues? |
Anonymous
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My parents are physicians and refuse to believe that my DH and I have severe animal allergies. I have medical tests to prove it but they waive it off. Folks who don't experience it just don't understand. And it's not like taking a single shower will make it all better. My allergies didn't start til my teens so I was one of those people who didn't get it at first.
We cannot stay at my parents' home b/c cat hair invades everything (e.g. can't use hand towels to dry my hands b/c no matter how often they are washed in the fancy machine, they still have hair in them). 5 long hair cats just make a big mess (as sweet and lovely as those cats are). So OP, you have every right not want to expose yourself to this. Yes, it's a sad situation that you can't overnight with the rest of the gals, but it will ruin everything else about being there. Load up on Zyrtec starting a few days in advance of arriving (I find that can give me a few hours delay of symptoms onset), and hopefully you can hang with them for a couple hours like a PP suggested, but then go back and sleep in an animal free zone. [I too feel sad we can't overnight at my parents' b/c it means they get less time with their grandson. DH literally cannot breathe in their house and that's priority 1. I LOVE being with my parents and DH went on vacation with just my dad this summer and it was amazing, so it's not that we don't want to be with them.] |
Anonymous
| OP, I'd focus on the allergy angle - I'm allergic to most pets as well and taking a Benadryl and going for a few hours as other PPs have suggested wouldn't be enough for me to avoid being itchy and uncomfortable and red-eyed the following day. Tell your friend you need to skip the pet and bridesmaids' sleepover so you can be in prime shape to support her on her big day, not to mention so you're looking your best in her pictures. I'm not saying wanting to spend the night with your children isn't important (because I'd want to stay with mine too) but your friend might take it better if you frame it in terms that say you're focusing on making her wedding day as perfect as can be. |