The disease called “Perfection”
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Anonymous
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http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html
This is a great post about our quest to be perfect and how it is hurting us. We should just be "real" and own our flaws. The quote that rings true for me... Perfection” is a mom hating herself because she only sees that every other mom around her is the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and the perfect neighbor. I’d give anything to be Mrs. Jones. Today she ran 34 miles, cooked six complete meals, participated in a two-hour activity with each of her seven children, hosted a marriage class with her husband, and still had time to show up for Bunco. What this mom doesn’t know is that Mrs. Jones is also at home crying right now because the pressure to be “Perfect” never lets up. |
Anonymous
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I have a real sometimes flawed life that takes enough time.
I can't imagine spending additional energy to create the fictional image of a perfect life on top of that. |
Anonymous
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Yup I have it and I'm miserable. The cracks are large enough now that most people I'm close to know things are not all rosy and that kills me.
I was raised to believe that a woman could do anything and should 'pursue her dreams.' Only come to find out that the work-life balance is a total crock and the feminist mantra only serves to cause working women to feel torn between career and family. |
Anonymous
| OP here - I posted this because I feel that I strive for perfection at the expense of my family sometimes. I WOHM and have 2 young children. I want to have the perfect clean house - so I am a witch to everyone as I run around straightening up perfectly normal messes. I want my children to do well in school, so after I work, pick up the kids from aftercare, cook dinner, I sit down with them as they do their homework. I want to be the perfect wife, so after I do all that, I put the kids to bed and fold laundry and at least once a week I have to find time to have sex with my husband. Then weekends are the kids activities. Somewhere along the line I lost "me". The cracks are not only showing, but they are big enough that I am about to fall through. I just want to admit to everyone that I cannot do it all! I have been told by several people that I appear so organized and together when in truth I am a mess. |
Anonymous
| I feel like I need to be perfect but am so far off the mark it depresses me. Even my mom and friends say, "When are you going to get off this 'I'm a shitty parent' kick?" I just keep thinking of all of the things I should do better or do perfectly. |
Anonymous
Yup - I could have written this post exactly. Just this morning, after nursing my son, I spent the next hour preparing him for daycare, me for work, husband for work that I didn't get to play with him at all - my husband did. In fact, I rarely get to play with him because I am so busy 'working' doing chores, cooking, etc from AM to PM, WOH in between. |
Anonymous
Speak for yourself. The way to have work life balance is to have an understanding boss and lots of help. |
Anonymous
| It's hard to be real with people here and elsewhere. I know my neighbor was having a tough time being a SAH Mom to 1, soon to be 2 under 2 and when I asked how she is doing - how she manages to cook dinner while her husband works until 8 or 9pm she says "I'm ok" "It's fine." We even invited her to have dinner with us and she declined mostly, but took us up occasionally. We've both since moved, but I still miss her and hope she is doing well in her new neighborhood. |
Anonymous
And how is this a helpful response? I guess I am trying to understand why you wrote "Speak for yourself". If you don't have an understanding boss and lots of help it truly is hard to have work life balance. Are you saying you have all that and a bag of chips so life is rosy for you so suck it up for those who don't? |
Anonymous
Yeah because everyone has that / can afford that  . SUCK IT UP, right?
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Anonymous
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I definitely don't have it. Sometimes I want it, then I see those around me who have it and who are at others about their lives and "how they do it" and I realize how pathetic it all is. Others I see resent those whom they THINK have it. Not every grass is greener people. Most of the people I know try so hard to be in others business, but if others try to come into theirs, forget it. That is suspicious to me. |
Anonymous
| Once all the kids are in elementary school, most parents have chilled out enough not to try to be perfect at everything. |
Anonymous
No, but if you don't have an understanding boss and lots of help from spouse, family, friends and paid help, then obviously your work life balance may not be so hot. But that doesn't mean it can't be achieved. I've never felt "torn between career and family, " and I've been a full time WOHM for over 10 years. |
Anonymous
What drug are you taking and can I have some? 8) |
Anonymous
What field do you work in? A family-friendly one perhaps? Seriously exhibit A right here: one woman says to the other "I can do it, why can't you?" Way to have empathy lady. |