The disease called “Perfection”

[Anonymous]

"What drug are you taking and can I have some? "

No drugs, just lots of exercise, sex and sleep. And a wonderful husband and kids.

[Anonymous]

"What field do you work in? A family-friendly one perhaps? "

Nope, I have a 45 hour a week corporate gig.

"Seriously exhibit A right here: one woman says to the other "I can do it, why can't you?" Way to have empathy lady. "

No, you misunderstood. She said work/life balance is a crock. That's a generalization. It might be for her, but it isn't for all working moms. That was my point.

[Anonymous]

Umm, isn't the point of this thread that we don't need to strive to be perfect. there is one mom admitting that work/life balance is a crock for her - she is admitting that she can't have it all. Why do people have to make a point of saying that they have what she doesn't have. The point was to admit that we aren't perfect and life isn't perfect. not to go off and tell everyone how perfect your own life is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Umm, isn't the point of this thread that we don't need to strive to be perfect. there is one mom admitting that work/life balance is a crock for her - she is admitting that she can't have it all. Why do people have to make a point of saying that they have what she doesn't have. The point was to admit that we aren't perfect and life isn't perfect. not to go off and tell everyone how perfect your own life is.

No, her point was since she can't do it, it's society's fault and woe is her. I never tried to have a perfectly clean house and cook organic dinners every night. Saying you can't possibly do everything perfectly is a recipe for giving up. Pick your priorities - family, work, whatever - and concentrate on those. I wonder how old she is that she feels this pressure to be "perfect." Once your kids are in double digits and you are in your 40s, this usually goes away.

[Anonymous]

OMG, MIL would totally accuse me of this because she's a SLOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html

This is a great post about our quest to be perfect and how it is hurting us. We should just be "real" and own our flaws.

The quote that rings true for me...
Perfection” is a mom hating herself because she only sees that every other mom around her is the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and the perfect neighbor. I’d give anything to be Mrs. Jones. Today she ran 34 miles, cooked six complete meals, participated in a two-hour activity with each of her seven children, hosted a marriage class with her husband, and still had time to show up for Bunco. What this mom doesn’t know is that Mrs. Jones is also at home crying right now because the pressure to be “Perfect” never lets up.

And each night, Mrs. Jones is sucking down her Prozac with her second vodka tonic!

Something/s got to give!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What drug are you taking and can I have some? "

No drugs, just lots of exercise, sex and sleep. And a wonderful husband and kids.

Do you work?

[Anonymous]

I agree one of the PPs comes off like Marie Antoinette. But I'm WOHM most days -- and I have to agree about outsourcing some of the burden, if you can, either to paid help or to DH.

Somebody on DCUM used to pop up all the time to plug a book called "House Cleaners Are Cheaper Than a Divorce," or something like that. Having someone else clean your house removes a huge part of the burden, and basically stops me from screaming at DH and the kids on a daily basis.

Also, see if you can outsource ... I mean "share" ... more of this burden with DH. My DH does a lot of the cooking. Maybe talk to your DH about how stressed you are, and see where he can help, with shopping or chauffering or something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What drug are you taking and can I have some? "

No drugs, just lots of exercise, sex and sleep. And a wonderful husband and kids.

Do you work?

Yes, inside and outside the home. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm, isn't the point of this thread that we don't need to strive to be perfect. there is one mom admitting that work/life balance is a crock for her - she is admitting that she can't have it all. Why do people have to make a point of saying that they have what she doesn't have. The point was to admit that we aren't perfect and life isn't perfect. not to go off and tell everyone how perfect your own life is.

No, her point was since she can't do it, it's society's fault and woe is her. I never tried to have a perfectly clean house and cook organic dinners every night. Saying you can't possibly do everything perfectly is a recipe for giving up. Pick your priorities - family, work, whatever - and concentrate on those. I wonder how old she is that she feels this pressure to be "perfect." Once your kids are in double digits and you are in your 40s, this usually goes away.

I agree with you second poster and I'm glad you spoke up. I thought this thread was getting derailed into "women are told they can have it all and they can't" and I didn't get that AT ALL from the article that was posted.

I would in no way say my life was perfect but my having a career has NOTHING to do with it, in fact my life would be a lot worse without it - I value it and it is a part of who I am. The article had nothing to do with working moms. My take-away was that women and men can't be honest because there are so many of us putting up facades, and how damaging it can be. Actually reminded me of Facebook and some of the BS posts I see there sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree one of the PPs comes off like Marie Antoinette. But I'm WOHM most days -- and I have to agree about outsourcing some of the burden, if you can, either to paid help or to DH.

Somebody on DCUM used to pop up all the time to plug a book called "House Cleaners Are Cheaper Than a Divorce," or something like that. Having someone else clean your house removes a huge part of the burden, and basically stops me from screaming at DH and the kids on a daily basis.

Also, see if you can outsource ... I mean "share" ... more of this burden with DH. My DH does a lot of the cooking. Maybe talk to your DH about how stressed you are, and see where he can help, with shopping or chauffering or something else.

I agree with PP - if Ms. Antoinette can hire maids, nannies, and family to help her 'balance' her life - is that really achieving a work/life balance. Sure, but then how would she expect that everyone could / should do the same? It's as though she doesn't realize other people can't afford to buy their balance.

[Anonymous]

I read the article and I agree with the PP who says it isn't about WOHM and having it all. It was about the pressure some put on themselves to be perfect or to be what others expect of you. for instance, a girl who would rather commit suicide then go to school with everyone knowing she was pregnant. No one is perfect and it is better to be openly flawed and comfortable with who you are, but so many people are not comfortable with who they are and as such put up a facade and how hard it is to live to others expectations. It was thought provoking and not at all what this thread seems to be focusing on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree one of the PPs comes off like Marie Antoinette. But I'm WOHM most days -- and I have to agree about outsourcing some of the burden, if you can, either to paid help or to DH.

Somebody on DCUM used to pop up all the time to plug a book called "House Cleaners Are Cheaper Than a Divorce," or something like that. Having someone else clean your house removes a huge part of the burden, and basically stops me from screaming at DH and the kids on a daily basis.

Also, see if you can outsource ... I mean "share" ... more of this burden with DH. My DH does a lot of the cooking. Maybe talk to your DH about how stressed you are, and see where he can help, with shopping or chauffering or something else.

I agree with PP - if Ms. Antoinette can hire maids, nannies, and family to help her 'balance' her life - is that really achieving a work/life balance. Sure, but then how would she expect that everyone could / should do the same? It's as though she doesn't realize other people can't afford to buy their balance.

LOL so freaking jealous. Ms. Antoinette here. My paid help consists of before- and afterschool care and a biweekly cleaning service. You know what I don't have? Free time. Time with girlfriends. Time to watch TV. You know what I do have? A good marriage, two wonderful children whom I adore, a kick butt career and a well kept house. That's my idea of "having it all."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the article and I agree with the PP who says it isn't about WOHM and having it all. It was about the pressure some put on themselves to be perfect or to be what others expect of you. for instance, a girl who would rather commit suicide then go to school with everyone knowing she was pregnant. No one is perfect and it is better to be openly flawed and comfortable with who you are, but so many people are not comfortable with who they are and as such put up a facade and how hard it is to live to others expectations. It was thought provoking and not at all what this thread seems to be focusing on.

How can you be 30 or older and not realize that living to others' expectations is utterly crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What drug are you taking and can I have some? "

No drugs, just lots of exercise, sex and sleep. And a wonderful husband and kids.

Do you work?

Yes, inside and outside the home. Why?

b/c I find that most of my working pals (I'm in this group) don't find time for themselves

sleep? That's a laugh!

exercise - It's almost impossible to fit that in, although I try my hardest to do so. But my pals can't find any time at all, especially after an hour commute to and from work.

forget sex - Who has the energy?