Is there really any way to have another relationship without destroying the marriage?

[Anonymous]

I know a man through our kids/the school/sports, etc. It's obvious that he and I are attracted to each other. I have no reason to think he wants to leave his wife. I certainly do not want to leave my DH. Just daydreaming on a Friday - if we were ever to find ourselves in a situation where we could get to know each other better, is there any chance it could be zipless (to use Erica Jong's phrase)?

[Anonymous]

You'll get attached.

[Anonymous]

I hate these types of posts. You are obnoxious OP.

[Anonymous]

Only if your respective spouses agree to the arrangement. In other words you cannot look at it from your perspective only bc it only takes one party to end the marriage and that party may not be you.

[Anonymous]

Sure, why not? I don't see how it could possibly hurt a marriage to have a little fling if the other person doesn't find out. Just make sure you never let it slip, and you might have to avoid the person after the little slip has taken place. I don't think it will impact the person you're married to at all and it won't affect how you interact with him, now having a huge secret to keep.

Does this sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me as I type this?

[Anonymous]

I think the best shot someone has at a zipless affair is one that's a one night stand with a stranger you'd never see again. I don't believe the situation you describe could or would be zipless.

[Anonymous]

And in case you didn't finish Jong's book, even the author was unable to achieve that zipless f*ck herself. AKA it doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I dont know what zipless means, but I have a guess. That said, if you and your husband both agree to it, go for it. Plenty of couples swing. Are you cool w/his being w/another woman though?

[Anonymous]

It's possible, but only if your little fling is never revealed. In a situation like yours, there is always a risk that it will come out. Even if you keep your mouth shut and leave no footprints, you can't control what he does or who he tells. Maybe he feels guilty and tells the wife, who spills the beans to your husband - or maybe not. If your only concern is getting caught, you just have to decide whether to take the risk.

[Anonymous]

If only.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how long it would take the OP to come on this site and post some raging vent about her creepy DH if she ever found out that her DH was similarly plotting ways to cheat on her?

OP, go get a therapist and find out why you would ever consider hurting the man you once loved enough to marry.

[Anonymous]

The only way to know if this is possible (cheating without destroying your marriage) is to ask your husband. If he gives you the green light, you're good to go. Of course, even then it could still ruin the marriage (see this Ask Prudence for details: http://www.slate.com/id/2300725/)

[Anonymous]

No chance it could be zipless.

Oh if DH says go for it, make sure the man's wife has greenlighted the affair as well.

[Anonymous]

As a woman who was just cheated on by her husband who slept with a married acquaintance of ours who came on to my husband, I think you are disgusting. I think my husband is disgusting too, don't worry, but the fact that you could think about this and not think about the feelings of the man's wife and the lives of his children is incredibly sad. How embarrassing and shameful that you even consider putting your petty needs and whims before the futures of innocent children. Please think before you act.