I want out of this marriage. I want to scream

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I hope you are still reading.
I honestly thought I might have written your post.
I had to check the date to make sure it wasn't me. So many similarities.
My DH makes a bit under 2m but same idea. I also work On a 60 percent schedule and make 200k.
So I am not dependent on him, but of course our lifestyle is not one that could be sustained on 200k.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hear you. I also have three kids and realize that while my husband is pretty much an ass, it's not like I am going to find some great guy who wants to date a 45 year old with three kids. (I am no disaster - I work out, take care of myself, etc - but still,I am 45 and a busy working mom. I'm not some model)
Like you, we met in grad school when he was poor but humble and funny and kind, and really adored me. Now, he is pompous and rich and rude. It makes me so sad. He's not nice to me or really the kids either. He doesn't really have many friends. I have many, so their husbands put up with him ok.
SO, this is what I am trying
1. I like my work and try to keep focused on it so my career isn't dead In the water.
2. I have tons of friends and social plans. I have built a great community.
3. My kids are fantastic. As they grow up, they are funny and kind and smart and interesting. I try and focus on them the most, of course, and remind myself how lucky am.
4. Use that money to try and fix things. Lots of help, to reduce tension in the home, nice date nights, to try and rekindle - luxurious vacations to create great family memories.

Look, I am trying the best I know how. It sucks to see couples truly in love, and I am trying hard to make the best of my situation.

Op here. Thank you for your thoughtful response. I miss the guy I married. I do try to make the best of what I have. I have a lot of friends. Kids are thriving. Life is generally good minus I can’t stand DH most of the time.

We just booked a few vacations for the next few months so at least we have something to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

I'll continue to pray for poor sad suffering OP on her multiple vacations paid by the hateful husband's salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I hope you are still reading.
I honestly thought I might have written your post.
I had to check the date to make sure it wasn't me. So many similarities.
My DH makes a bit under 2m but same idea. I also work On a 60 percent schedule and make 200k.
So I am not dependent on him, but of course our lifestyle is not one that could be sustained on 200k. [u]

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hear you. I also have three kids and realize that while my husband is pretty much an ass, it's not like I am going to find some great guy who wants to date a 45 year old with three kids. (I am no disaster - I work out, take care of myself, etc - but still,I am 45 and a busy working mom. I'm not some model)
Like you, we met in grad school when he was poor but humble and funny and kind, and really adored me. Now, he is pompous and rich and rude. It makes me so sad. He's not nice to me or really the kids either. He doesn't really have many friends. I have many, so their husbands put up with him ok.
SO, this is what I am trying
1. I like my work and try to keep focused on it so my career isn't dead In the water.
2. I have tons of friends and social plans. I have built a great community.
3. My kids are fantastic. As they grow up, they are funny and kind and smart and interesting. I try and focus on them the most, of course, and remind myself how lucky am.
4. Use that money to try and fix things. Lots of help, to reduce tension in the home, nice date nights, to try and rekindle - luxurious vacations to create great family memories.

Look, I am trying the best I know how. It sucks to see couples truly in love, and I am trying hard to make the best of my situation.

PP you seem to have a much better life and much more realistic approach to your own situation than OP does. OP's mind is still in grad school mulling over all the men shie could have had. She clearly believes she could do much better than her DH, even today.

WHAT???? You complain about your husband and then say you couldn't sustain your lifestyle on 200K? Which way is it sweetie? What values are you teaching your children??

NP. Are you intentionally trying to be dense? Clearly, she means that she would be able to support herself and her kids on 200k but not live the kind of lifestyle that 2m can buy.

Yes, I am intentionally trying to be dense OR could it be that she is complaining about her husband, but doesn't want to give up her lifestyle to do the right thing? Her DH may be asshole but he deserves the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying a disrespectful father gets the kids 50% of the time? Is that a new thing? Many dads don’t even know what size clothes their kids wear, what they eat, who their teachers or friends are or anything. Do they just get divorced and then snap their fingers and grow up?
Sounds like a mess.

Yeah and it sounds like the OP's husband wouldn't want split custody given his apathy towards parenting his kids. Although he might go for it 50/50 just to screw with his soon to be ex's finances and then hire a nanny to actually parent the kids.

[Anonymous]

Know your place, STFU or GTFO so he can get a younger non bitch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like older generations accepted that life can be hard , boring and miserable in phases. Social media is loaded with whining. The whole idea people get that their life is supposed to be so fulfilling doesn't seem to be actually making people happy. Seems like more are bitchy, angry, frustrated or demoralized.

Gets it. Women only care about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Know your place, STFU or GTFO so he can get a younger non bitch

Pretty much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying a disrespectful father gets the kids 50% of the time? Is that a new thing? Many dads don’t even know what size clothes their kids wear, what they eat, who their teachers or friends are or anything. Do they just get divorced and then snap their fingers and grow up?
Sounds like a mess.

Yeah and it sounds like the OP's husband wouldn't want split custody given his apathy towards parenting his kids. Although he might go for it 50/50 just to screw with his soon to be ex's finances and then hire a nanny to actually parent the kids.

Is this 1960? What bizarre sexist comments. As a 41 year old father of two I'd say there is very little difference between moms and dads these days in regards to parenting. Actual parenting (clothes shopping, grocery buying, cooking, cleaning driving to sports, etc) and not just 'decision making' parenting is even amongst my peer set and I even know a handful of full time SAHDs. Maybe it's because in live in progressive Del Ray that I see this, I don't know but the idea of corporate dad coming home to a clean house, a full dinner and a horny wife as the norm is over.

[Anonymous]

Why is everybody still nasty to OP? She got the point, there were few useful posts, yes, she is a bit unrealistic, not reason to bully her. It makes me think all the nasty pps are terrible people who relish being bullies, but judge OP. Hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying a disrespectful father gets the kids 50% of the time? Is that a new thing? Many dads don’t even know what size clothes their kids wear, what they eat, who their teachers or friends are or anything. Do they just get divorced and then snap their fingers and grow up?
Sounds like a mess.

Yeah and it sounds like the OP's husband wouldn't want split custody given his apathy towards parenting his kids. Although he might go for it 50/50 just to screw with his soon to be ex's finances and then hire a nanny to actually parent the kids.

Is this 1960? What bizarre sexist comments. As a 41 year old father of two I'd say there is very little difference between moms and dads these days in regards to parenting. Actual parenting (clothes shopping, grocery buying, cooking, cleaning driving to sports, etc) and not just 'decision making' parenting is even amongst my peer set and I even know a handful of full time SAHDs. Maybe it's because in live in progressive Del Ray that I see this, I don't know but the idea of corporate dad coming home to a clean house, a full dinner and a horny wife as the norm is over.

have you actually read the topic? your situation is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Have [i]you[i/] read the topic?

"Many dads don’t even know what size clothes their kids wear, what they eat, who their teachers or friends are or anything. "

Fvcking retard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying a disrespectful father gets the kids 50% of the time? Is that a new thing? Many dads don’t even know what size clothes their kids wear, what they eat, who their teachers or friends are or anything. Do they just get divorced and then snap their fingers and grow up?
Sounds like a mess.

Yeah and it sounds like the OP's husband wouldn't want split custody given his apathy towards parenting his kids. Although he might go for it 50/50 just to screw with his soon to be ex's finances and then hire a nanny to actually parent the kids.

Is this 1960? What bizarre sexist comments. As a 41 year old father of two I'd say there is very little difference between moms and dads these days in regards to parenting. Actual parenting (clothes shopping, grocery buying, cooking, cleaning driving to sports, etc) and not just 'decision making' parenting is even amongst my peer set and I even know a handful of full time SAHDs. Maybe it's because in live in progressive Del Ray that I see this, I don't know but the idea of corporate dad coming home to a clean house, a full dinner and a horny wife as the norm is over.

have you actually read the topic? your situation is irrelevant.

I'd bet you're one of those freaky moms that feels threatened by SAHDs. It's like you think theyre invading your space. I see it all the time at events. The alpha clique of SAHMs push the cold shoulder on the few SAHDs there. It's some bizarre form of social isolation. I haven't figured it out yet but it has hints of insecurity and paranoia that their easy world is being figured out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying a disrespectful father gets the kids 50% of the time? Is that a new thing? Many dads don’t even know what size clothes their kids wear, what they eat, who their teachers or friends are or anything. Do they just get divorced and then snap their fingers and grow up?
Sounds like a mess.

Yeah and it sounds like the OP's husband wouldn't want split custody given his apathy towards parenting his kids. Although he might go for it 50/50 just to screw with his soon to be ex's finances and then hire a nanny to actually parent the kids.

Is this 1960? What bizarre sexist comments. As a 41 year old father of two I'd say there is very little difference between moms and dads these days in regards to parenting. Actual parenting (clothes shopping, grocery buying, cooking, cleaning driving to sports, etc) and not just 'decision making' parenting is even amongst my peer set and I even know a handful of full time SAHDs. Maybe it's because in live in progressive Del Ray that I see this, I don't know but the idea of corporate dad coming home to a clean house, a full dinner and a horny wife as the norm is over.

have you actually read the topic? your situation is irrelevant.

I'd bet you're one of those freaky moms that feels threatened by SAHDs. It's like you think theyre invading your space. I see it all the time at events. The alpha clique of SAHMs push the cold shoulder on the few SAHDs there. It's some bizarre form of social isolation. I haven't figured it out yet but it has hints of insecurity and paranoia that their easy world is being figured out.

SAHD's are never going to be fully mainstream. Reason? Women are not attracted to them 99% of the time, so they make relationships unviable. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying a disrespectful father gets the kids 50% of the time? Is that a new thing? Many dads don’t even know what size clothes their kids wear, what they eat, who their teachers or friends are or anything. Do they just get divorced and then snap their fingers and grow up?
Sounds like a mess.

Yeah and it sounds like the OP's husband wouldn't want split custody given his apathy towards parenting his kids. Although he might go for it 50/50 just to screw with his soon to be ex's finances and then hire a nanny to actually parent the kids.

Is this 1960? What bizarre sexist comments. As a 41 year old father of two I'd say there is very little difference between moms and dads these days in regards to parenting. Actual parenting (clothes shopping, grocery buying, cooking, cleaning driving to sports, etc) and not just 'decision making' parenting is even amongst my peer set and I even know a handful of full time SAHDs. Maybe it's because in live in progressive Del Ray that I see this, I don't know but the idea of corporate dad coming home to a clean house, a full dinner and a horny wife as the norm is over.

have you actually read the topic? your situation is irrelevant.

I'd bet you're one of those freaky moms that feels threatened by SAHDs. It's like you think theyre invading your space. I see it all the time at events. The alpha clique of SAHMs push the cold shoulder on the few SAHDs there. It's some bizarre form of social isolation. I haven't figured it out yet but it has hints of insecurity and paranoia that their easy world is being figured out.

Not threatened. Just think the ones I know are kind of losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying a disrespectful father gets the kids 50% of the time? Is that a new thing? Many dads don’t even know what size clothes their kids wear, what they eat, who their teachers or friends are or anything. Do they just get divorced and then snap their fingers and grow up?
Sounds like a mess.

Yeah and it sounds like the OP's husband wouldn't want split custody given his apathy towards parenting his kids. Although he might go for it 50/50 just to screw with his soon to be ex's finances and then hire a nanny to actually parent the kids.

Is this 1960? What bizarre sexist comments. As a 41 year old father of two I'd say there is very little difference between moms and dads these days in regards to parenting. Actual parenting (clothes shopping, grocery buying, cooking, cleaning driving to sports, etc) and not just 'decision making' parenting is even amongst my peer set and I even know a handful of full time SAHDs. Maybe it's because in live in progressive Del Ray that I see this, I don't know but the idea of corporate dad coming home to a clean house, a full dinner and a horny wife as the norm is over.

have you actually read the topic? your situation is irrelevant.

I'd bet you're one of those freaky moms that feels threatened by SAHDs. It's like you think theyre invading your space. I see it all the time at events. The alpha clique of SAHMs push the cold shoulder on the few SAHDs there. It's some bizarre form of social isolation. I haven't figured it out yet but it has hints of insecurity and paranoia that their easy world is being figured out.

I am not a SAHM and would never want to be one. I would also never marry a man who wants to be a SAHD. what? Cross that, I would give zero attention to a guy like that. I prefer real men.