Bullying, physical and sexual assaults at DCPS elementary and nothing being done by principal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would want the assurance that the parents were aware of the problem and that it troubled their consciences, and that they were intent on doing whatever it takes to address it.

If you create a sociopath or just a garden variety bully then you should own it and be responsible for what you've done.

Speaking of sociopaths, you have very little understanding of the special needs that can create externalizing behavior. Again, I and a million special needs moms only WISH that it were a matter of responsibility. And I suppose you can't even imagine the degree of worry and concern we live with every day, and for that you are lucky. The people you need to be talking to primarily are the school administration, because they are the once in charge of marshaling resources for classroom management and supports.

[Anonymous]

Most bullies are beat on at home or otherwise abused, and thus they take it out at school. There are some that may have true medical issues, in which case a special class may be required. Regardless, innocent kids shouldn't be traumatized and should be able to learn in peace without emotional and physical trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most bullies are beat on at home or otherwise abused, and thus they take it out at school. There are some that may have true medical issues, in which case a special class may be required. Regardless, innocent kids shouldn't be traumatized and should be able to learn in peace without emotional and physical trauma.

True, but you should not label a small child a "bully" yet; and in general they must be kept in the regular mainstream classroom. But, you'd be very surprised by just how much a willing school and teacher can do to curb aggressive behavior. In our case, my son went from regular incidents to literally none, just by switching to a more responsive setting. So really, for the younger kids, you need to be looking first to the teacher & the school if you are concerned or impacted. I don't have insight into what should happy when it's actual bullying with older kids (like 7-8?)

[Anonymous]

If your child beats on my child, I want an apology. If it's because he's a shitty little human being, I want an apology from you. It will comfort my child and it's the least that you can do. If it's because he has some sort of profound issues, I want an apology as well - and this I can explain to my child in language of compassion. It's not her fault that she got beat up, it's because someone else has a problem - however the child's family is sorry and they're teaching him as best they can.

Bottom line: you owe an apology. And anything less is weaseling out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child beats on my child, I want an apology. If it's because he's a shitty little human being, I want an apology from you. It will comfort my child and it's the least that you can do. If it's because he has some sort of profound issues, I want an apology as well - and this I can explain to my child in language of compassion. It's not her fault that she got beat up, it's because someone else has a problem - however the child's family is sorry and they're teaching him as best they can.

Bottom line: you owe an apology. And anything less is weaseling out.

NP here but you're still missing the point. Parents can apologize but that doesn't magically make the problem in school better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ PP, new poster here. I'd say you don't understand. [/b]Don't let your kid traumatize others.[b] What's so hard about that?

This makes no sense

trust me, if there were a single way that parents could stop their kids from hitting, there would be no hitting. apologizing to other parents is for the parents, and has nothing at all to do with solving the problem with the kids.

NP: Wow, there sure are a lot of apologist parents here who abdicate responsibility for behavior management in their kids at the drop of a hat!

Every single person here who said don't contact the parents of the kids hurting your child or who said "If there was a single way to stop kids from hitting there'd be no hitting" is acting like there are no badly-behaving children in schools who are like that because their parents suck at setting boundaries, addressing bad behavior, or accepting the fact that they may need help and additional tools beyond their household to learn how to manage their kids' behaviors.

I work in schools and the number of parents who show up and: 1) make excuses (i.e. don't take the behaviors seriously or blame the school); 2) deny their kids are doing what we tell them they're doing; 3) throw their hands up in the air and say it's beyond their control, then demonstrate right in front of us that they don't set boundaries at all for their kid when their kid acts up; or 4) are in denial that there is more than can be done and they should reach out or contact resources we refer them to for assistance... the number of each of those types of parents and some who fit in more than one category is mind-blowing.

And NONE of those situations are situations where "nothing can be done".

So stop acting like there's nothing parents can do better or differently. Sometimes it's true, the parent has tried everything, or there's a bigger issue that tneeds to be addressed and the parent is open and willing to try other resources but didn't know what to do. But there are also MANY of the other types of parents, and they need to come face to face with the parents of the child/children their child is beating up on and explain to those parents how "boys will be boys" or how everyone is over-reacting or how it's all the school's fault.

And then parents and teachers and school admins need to work together to come up with realistic and promising next steps where there are some. You guys whining "there's no single thing you can do so stop talking about contacting the parent" need to grow up yourselves, because you do your own kids a great disservice with that attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ PP, new poster here. I'd say you don't understand. [/b]Don't let your kid traumatize others.[b] What's so hard about that?

This makes no sense

trust me, if there were a single way that parents could stop their kids from hitting, there would be no hitting. apologizing to other parents is for the parents, and has nothing at all to do with solving the problem with the kids.

NP: Wow, there sure are a lot of apologist parents here who abdicate responsibility for behavior management in their kids at the drop of a hat!

Every single person here who said don't contact the parents of the kids hurting your child or who said "If there was a single way to stop kids from hitting there'd be no hitting" is acting like there are no badly-behaving children in schools who are like that because their parents suck at setting boundaries, addressing bad behavior, or accepting the fact that they may need help and additional tools beyond their household to learn how to manage their kids' behaviors.

I work in schools and the number of parents who show up and: 1) make excuses (i.e. don't take the behaviors seriously or blame the school); 2) deny their kids are doing what we tell them they're doing; 3) throw their hands up in the air and say it's beyond their control, then demonstrate right in front of us that they don't set boundaries at all for their kid when their kid acts up; or 4) are in denial that there is more than can be done and they should reach out or contact resources we refer them to for assistance... the number of each of those types of parents and some who fit in more than one category is mind-blowing.

And NONE of those situations are situations where "nothing can be done".

So stop acting like there's nothing parents can do better or differently. Sometimes it's true, the parent has tried everything, or there's a bigger issue that tneeds to be addressed and the parent is open and willing to try other resources but didn't know what to do. But there are also MANY of the other types of parents, and they need to come face to face with the parents of the child/children their child is beating up on and explain to those parents how "boys will be boys" or how everyone is over-reacting or how it's all the school's fault.

And then parents and teachers and school admins need to work together to come up with realistic and promising next steps where there are some. You guys whining "there's no single thing you can do so stop talking about contacting the parent" need to grow up yourselves, because you do your own kids a great disservice with that attitude.

that's what you got from this, "apologist parents," really? not a single person came here and said "boys will be boys." all the parents I know of small kids with behavioral problems KNOW IT and are deeply distressed and trying to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

^^^ Maybe medication or a therapist is in order. Have you looked into this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ Maybe medication or a therapist is in order. Have you looked into this?

Thanks. That's a really nice thing to say to a special needs parent, or a parent struggling with a child who is acting out. In fact I did spend $1000s on therapy (mine and for my kid.) Have a nice evening!!!

[Anonymous]

^^^ Are you a troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ Are you a troll?

no. are you?

[Anonymous]

PP, if you're not a troll, then you need to actually try getting you kid to see a psychologist so he/she gets the help needed. There's no excuse for your kid beating on others, sorry. You may need help in that area as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, if you're not a troll, then you need to actually try getting you kid to see a psychologist so he/she gets the help needed. There's no excuse for your kid beating on others, sorry. You may need help in that area as well.

I'm not pp, but sorry -- you're a horrid, ignorant and offensive person.

Signed mother of child who has been severely bullied, who's smart enough to recognize that this woman is excellent mother trying to do what's best for her child and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, if you're not a troll, then you need to actually try getting you kid to see a psychologist so he/she gets the help needed. There's no excuse for your kid beating on others, sorry. You may need help in that area as well.

I'm not pp, but sorry -- you're a horrid, ignorant and offensive person.

Signed mother of child who has been severely bullied, who's smart enough to recognize that this woman is excellent mother trying to do what's best for her child and others.

thank you for understanding, and yes, I have worked hard to get my son the help he needs, and I hope your son's situation improves.

[Anonymous]

^^^ my child was bullied in the past, but I know classroom behaviors are never black-and-white. I also have a SN kid--while mine has not been aggressive, I know one can devote oneself entirely to helping a child, with top professionals and therapists of every kind -- and still face daily behavior challenges.

I'm also sure you're a devoted mother seeking to do everything possible to help your child.

(I don't assume every child who bullies has a dedicated parent like you -- especially in a problem-filled city like DC, but the presumption that every single act of childhood aggression is due to poor parenting is just clueless. And I take offense at the poster criticizing you, because, among other reasons, there's very little that separates your child from mine--my SN child just manifests distress in different ways.)