Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister has teen boys from a previous relationship. There is no college fund for them, biological father is a deadbeat, her husband is sole breadwinner (he likes it that way, i.e. POWER), and he has no reservations admitting he will not pay $1 for their college. "That's what scholarships and loans are for. If they don't work hard enough, it's on them." They also have two younger children together. My BIL works hard and makes a decent living to provide suburban house and cars for the teens. But neither he nor my sister attended college or have any understanding about college prep, admissions, they've never lived more than 20 miles from where we grew up, etc. Ex. They didn't know what a h.s. honors track was.

My husband and I both have advanced degrees, my husband does very well financially, and we can easily help the boys make it to college. I wanted to set them up with a math tutor and an SAT prep course — to position them to be prepared for college. My sister's husband found out and flipped out. Told me to butt out of his family, don't tell "his kids what to do" and to take care of my own kids. What are we to do? I know what the data says about these boys if they aren't prepared for college. 95%+ chance they turn into their deadbeat father.

Unless he formally adopted them, they aren't his kids. He technically can't tell them what to do, and they are technically not required to listen.

"If they were your own kids, you'd sing a different tune. I always knew you never really cared for them." Said in front of your sister, can be very powerful.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I would have said thank you. The husband is an ignoramus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all act as if OPs nephews live in the projects. As if they are kids from The Wire or some such other show. They are average working class kids. They may grow up to be average working class adults. Nothing wrong with that.

OP's BIL makes $130,000 a year. I hate to break it to you, but that is well above average working class!

[Anonymous]

Not OP but working class is more a class status than an income tier. They still probably live in a mediocre school district, hang with other working class / blue collar peers, and blow all their money. It just means they're rubes with newer cars and maybe a boat and 4-wheelers in the garage.

[Anonymous]

I'd talk to my sister directly and communicate to the kids what they need to do, why, and that you are there for them if they have questions or need help with the process. Their parents don't seem to understand how vital this is. And to the people who "made it" without a degree, what year did you enter the job market? I'm not saying it's impossible but it is a lot less likely today unless you are in something like IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You really think that there is no middle ground btw college and unemployment? You think that factory work is all available to someone without a college degree?

Moving forward for millennials? There is VERY little middle ground. Every data point shows they're screwed without an education and some credentials.

They're screwed without specific skills. "Education" as in four years of screwing and partying is largely useless, unless mom and dad can fit the bill and significantly help with decent career prospects.

[Anonymous]

Are these kids in MD? UMD College Park instate tuition is under 10K per year, plus around 2K in other expenses, as this step dad has been stepping up, he might help with that. College doesn't have to cost 60K per year to be a good college, Nobel prize winners teach at UMD. OP, if you want to help your nephews and have the means to do so, certainly help, but do it once they are 18 and then you are not helping your BIL or sister, you are helping your nephews who will appreciate it.