Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"

[Anonymous]

^ Dope dealers - no. But millennials without degrees largely have little earning power or severely stunted career prospects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister has teen boys from a previous relationship. There is no college fund for them, biological father is a deadbeat, her husband is sole breadwinner (he likes it that way, i.e. POWER), and he has no reservations admitting he will not pay $1 for their college. "That's what scholarships and loans are for. If they don't work hard enough, it's on them." They also have two younger children together. My BIL works hard and makes a decent living to provide suburban house and cars for the teens. But neither he nor my sister attended college or have any understanding about college prep, admissions, they've never lived more than 20 miles from where we grew up, etc. Ex. They didn't know what a h.s. honors track was.

My husband and I both have advanced degrees, my husband does very well financially, and we can easily help the boys make it to college. I wanted to set them up with a math tutor and an SAT prep course — to position them to be prepared for college. My sister's husband found out and flipped out. Told me to butt out of his family, don't tell "his kids what to do" and to take care of my own kids. What are we to do? I know what the data says about these boys if they aren't prepared for college. 95%+ chance they turn into their deadbeat father.

She's a SAHM and he works so that equates to power? You sound like you just do not like this man. Rather than tell us what you think and what the DH thinks, what does your sister say?

Based on his reaction, I'd say she's right.

[Anonymous]

OP: Anyone from a working class background has been there. You can't fix stupid. :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all act as if OPs nephews live in the projects. As if they are kids from The Wire or some such other show. They are average working class kids. They may grow up to be average working class adults. Nothing wrong with that.

Clap. Clap.

You are too sensible and smart for dcum.

It's 2016, not 1956. Good working class jobs are few and far. Even factory workers need real skills and credentials these days. No skills you're looking at $12 an hour until the factory ships everything to Mexico or China. Good luck raising a family and having a happy life in that ethos. The undercurrent in this thread of users glorifying working class life is misguided. There's nothing redeeming about being a dumb rube who drinks Bud heavy and watches TV for 5 hours after work — assuming they can find work.

You really think that there is no middle ground btw college and unemployment? You think that factory work is all available to someone without a college degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister has teen boys from a previous relationship. There is no college fund for them, biological father is a deadbeat, her husband is sole breadwinner (he likes it that way, i.e. POWER), and he has no reservations admitting he will not pay $1 for their college. "That's what scholarships and loans are for. If they don't work hard enough, it's on them." They also have two younger children together. My BIL works hard and makes a decent living to provide suburban house and cars for the teens. But neither he nor my sister attended college or have any understanding about college prep, admissions, they've never lived more than 20 miles from where we grew up, etc. Ex. They didn't know what a h.s. honors track was.

My husband and I both have advanced degrees, my husband does very well financially, and we can easily help the boys make it to college. I wanted to set them up with a math tutor and an SAT prep course — to position them to be prepared for college. My sister's husband found out and flipped out. Told me to butt out of his family, don't tell "his kids what to do" and to take care of my own kids. What are we to do? I know what the data says about these boys if they aren't prepared for college. 95%+ chance they turn into their deadbeat father.

And you know that how? Your sister told you? Did her husband stop her from getting a job somehow?

MYOB. IMO, you're tripping. Raise your own kids the way you see fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You really think that there is no middle ground btw college and unemployment? You think that factory work is all available to someone without a college degree?

Moving forward for millennials? There is VERY little middle ground. Every data point shows they're screwed without an education and some credentials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, not everyone goes to college right after HS.

Maybe they'll enroll at a CC part-time, work, and then transfer to a 4-year. I know many people who've done this--it's pretty common outside of the DCUM "fully-funded" college bubble.

I know multiple adults who did this--and they are all earning a more-than-decent living. There are some states where you are guaranteed admission to a state school if you satisfy the requirements at a community college. Looking down your nose at that plan is pretty short-sighted.

"The regents of the University of California report that 30 percent of UC graduates attended a community college before transferring to the UC. And among all those earning a bachelor's degree in Virginia, a third began at, or supplemented their education with classes from, a Virginia community college."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister has teen boys from a previous relationship. There is no college fund for them, biological father is a deadbeat, her husband is sole breadwinner (he likes it that way, i.e. POWER), and he has no reservations admitting he will not pay $1 for their college. "That's what scholarships and loans are for. If they don't work hard enough, it's on them." They also have two younger children together. My BIL works hard and makes a decent living to provide suburban house and cars for the teens. But neither he nor my sister attended college or have any understanding about college prep, admissions, they've never lived more than 20 miles from where we grew up, etc. Ex. They didn't know what a h.s. honors track was.

My husband and I both have advanced degrees, my husband does very well financially, and we can easily help the boys make it to college. I wanted to set them up with a math tutor and an SAT prep course — to position them to be prepared for college. My sister's husband found out and flipped out. Told me to butt out of his family, don't tell "his kids what to do" and to take care of my own kids. What are we to do? I know what the data says about these boys if they aren't prepared for college. 95%+ chance they turn into their deadbeat father.

Gasp! We don't pay for our kids college education. While he could have said it nicer, he's right---back off, butt out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, not everyone goes to college right after HS.

Maybe they'll enroll at a CC part-time, work, and then transfer to a 4-year. I know many people who've done this--it's pretty common outside of the DCUM "fully-funded" college bubble.

I know multiple adults who did this--and they are all earning a more-than-decent living. There are some states where you are guaranteed admission to a state school if you satisfy the requirements at a community college. Looking down your nose at that plan is pretty short-sighted.

"The regents of the University of California report that 30 percent of UC graduates attended a community college before transferring to the UC. And among all those earning a bachelor's degree in Virginia, a third began at, or supplemented their education with classes from, a Virginia community college."

"Adults" =/= millennials

Community college isn't free - it's $5,000/year. If a middle class family is broke how do they come up with that cash? The Fed data says the average middle class family can't come up with $400 for a family emergency. And if a family is broke and uneducated, safe bet perpetual nudging occurs that deprioritizes higher ed.

I encourage you to check the community college success rates across the country - they're about 10%.

[Anonymous]

DH and I put ourselves through college w/o any prep or help from parents, and even though we are now in position to save for our child's college we do not intend to fully fund it. We feel like a kid needs to feel like he's got skin in the game. I've seen plenty of rich kids in college screwing around, drinking, doing drugs etc... While all the kids paying their own way through were working and studying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I put ourselves through college w/o any prep or help from parents, and even though we are now in position to save for our child's college we do not intend to fully fund it. We feel like a kid needs to feel like he's got skin in the game. I've seen plenty of rich kids in college screwing around, drinking, doing drugs etc... While all the kids paying their own way through were working and studying.

You are college educated and therefore know how to navigate college prep and seeking aid. Your situation is nothing like OP's nephews.

[Anonymous]

"My sister and her husband are working class and not ashamed of it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My sister and her husband are working class and not ashamed of it."

Glorifying backwards educated rubes makes you seem so warm and humble.

[Anonymous]

Such is life with working class roots. That's why I got the hell out of my home state for college and never looked back!

[Anonymous]

I don't believe in paying for college. If you want it bad enough, you'll find a way to achieve it.