My daughter is the only white girl in her grade: ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not read through the entire thread so I am wondering whether OP lives in Takoma Park. I ask because it's known as being ultra-liberal hippie town and a sanctuary city at the same thing. Lots of Hispanics in the elementary schools there.

OP here. No. I live in DC. That's why I posted in the DC schools forum, not the MD schools forum. Takoma is nice, though I would not want to live there myself.

[Anonymous]

(1) How frankly do you discuss issues of race with your child? Have you openly talked about the fact that your kid is the only one in class with pink skin? (or whatever shade you consider to be "white") What does your child make of it?

(2) You say maybe it would be nice for the AA boys to see some one in the school who looks like them who is a teacher instead of a janitor. Well surely that would be nice for your kid too. Have you talked with your child about the fact that the teachers are mostly white, like your kid, but the vast majority of the students are not? What messages do you think your kid takes from that?

(3) When you socialize, at work or at home, does your child see you interacting with people of other races and does your kid do so? Or is this something your kid only does at school?

(4) Is your child friends with white neighborhood children who do not attend the neighborhood school? Have discussions of that--the fact that these other kids do not go to the school--come up?

(5) Do you feel your child would be comfortable talking with you if in fact there was exclusion or bullying due to race?

(6) Lets say you decide to remove your kid from this school at some point and go to another school for better academic rigor or some other reason, where your kid is suddenly not the only white kid. Will this be discussed? What possible lessons will your kid take from this?

I'm asking these questions with no agenda; I am genuinely just curious. I am not sending my kid to my neighborhood school but this has nothing to do with race and more to do with wanting a different educational philosophy and teaching style (the school we choose is still diverse and as a white kid my kid will be in the minority but less so than in the neighborhood school). We talk very frankly about race in my house as the kids notice it and are curious about all sorts of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not read through the entire thread so I am wondering whether OP lives in Takoma Park. I ask because it's known as being ultra-liberal hippie town and a sanctuary city at the same thing. Lots of Hispanics in the elementary schools there.

OP here. No. I live in DC. That's why I posted in the DC schools forum, not the MD schools forum. Takoma is nice, though I would not want to live there myself.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Op, thanks for posting this!
My son is also a rising 1st grader in a school that is 70% Latino, 70% farms. The school also has about 25% proficiency in both English and math.
It's interesting that a lot of friends have been giving me grief for my decision to send him there. I don't know why they take it so close to heart.

So far the only problem was arranging playdates- my kid didn't become close friends with anyone who seems easy to arrange a Playdate with, except for one kid. Latinos at our school don't seem to be up for play dates that much and tend to stick together.

What worries me is the level of academic instruction. However, my child was not top of the class in K. He got to attend summer school with an enrichment component just by the virtue of attending a title 1 school, and that gave him a boost, plus we try to discuss what they learn and I try to casually supplement.
I have compared what he knows to what his friends from higher ranked schools know, and so far he is not behind, rather, it is the opposite.
The only thing that bothers me is that if we need to change schools it will be harder on my kid once he is past 2-3 grade.
I don't know what to ask you I was just happy to read a post from someone in similar shoes.

[Anonymous]

As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sitting here trying to guess the school. Anyone want to take a shot? Cleveland, Powell or BMPV? I'm sure we have parents on here who attend all of these schools to know this information.

Or is it MMB?

Not Op, but it's not Cleveland. We are one of a number of non Black or Hispanic families there. Going into 2nd now, and race/ethnicity has not been a problem for my children (youngest in prek) or for me as a parent. I am disheartened to hear about bullying at any school. We feel fortunate that it is a small school with no major discipline problems. Kids are respectful and accepting of each other. I have heard great things about Powell and Bruce Munroe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

+1

The school she's talking about is mostly Latino, so while you may find it troubling, there's no basis for claiming personal offense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

+1

The school she's talking about is mostly Latino, so while you may find it troubling, there's no basis for claiming personal offense.

says the white mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

I can imagine. On the other hand, racism won't go away unless we talk about it. I'm not the OP, but my child is also the "only" at school. I love the school, and won't be changing in 3rd or 4th grade, because I have confidence in the schools rigorous curriculum, and the teachers (and the administration is amazing).

Yes, some of the comments are disgusting, but better to have the conversation and not sweep it under the rug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

I can imagine. On the other hand, racism won't go away unless we talk about it. I'm not the OP, but my child is also the "only" at school. I love the school, and won't be changing in 3rd or 4th grade, because I have confidence in the schools rigorous curriculum, and the teachers (and the administration is amazing).

Yes, some of the comments are disgusting, but better to have the conversation and not sweep it under the rug.

I totally agree (I am a new participant in this sub-thread).
I am white but not American. It is extremely eye opening to read about such aspects, in real life I try to keep things very superficial with black people exactly out of fear of unintentional offense. I am honestly very surprised by concepts of cultural appropriation, and by how many issues are either taboo or one needs to tread lightly. But I digress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do other kids pick on your DD because she is white?

Not as far as she's reported to me. She gets picked on sometimes, and we deal with that as it comes. She has never mentioned it being related to race.

I wouldn't deliberately place my child in a situation where she would be picked on (and then "deal with it" after the fact).

We clearly have different approaches with respect to a child's mental health and emotional development. I'm so, so, so sorry for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, thanks for posting this!
My son is also a rising 1st grader in a school that is 70% Latino, 70% farms. The school also has about 25% proficiency in both English and math.
It's interesting that a lot of friends have been giving me grief for my decision to send him there. I don't know why they take it so close to heart.

So far the only problem was arranging playdates- my kid didn't become close friends with anyone who seems easy to arrange a Playdate with, except for one kid. Latinos at our school don't seem to be up for play dates that much and tend to stick together.

What worries me is the level of academic instruction. However, my child was not top of the class in K. He got to attend summer school with an enrichment component just by the virtue of attending a title 1 school, and that gave him a boost, plus we try to discuss what they learn and I try to casually supplement.
I have compared what he knows to what his friends from higher ranked schools know, and so far he is not behind, rather, it is the opposite.
The only thing that bothers me is that if we need to change schools it will be harder on my kid once he is past 2-3 grade.
I don't know what to ask you I was just happy to read a post from someone in similar shoes.

I'm not your friend, and I completely understand why your real friends are checking you. You're deliberately sending your child to a sh*tty school! Why did you have him if you weren't going to do right by him? You suck as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do other kids pick on your DD because she is white?

Not as far as she's reported to me. She gets picked on sometimes, and we deal with that as it comes. She has never mentioned it being related to race.

I wouldn't deliberately place my child in a situation where she would be picked on (and then "deal with it" after the fact).

We clearly have different approaches with respect to a child's mental health and emotional development. I'm so, so, so sorry for your daughter.

Are you under the impression that you can control whether or not your kid gets picked on? It's going to happen and you'll have to deal with it as it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is your oldest, I assume?

She is an only child. Why do you ask?

Because your responses show. Just wanted to confirm.

Okay. I don't see how it's relevant. I have one child. I will likely not have another child for medical reasons. How does this relate to my experience?

It's relevant because at some point (soon) you will have to deal with the difference between your idealistic views and the reality of what your DD will have to deal with.

So, now all y'all know what many of our children of color go through be the only one of their kind at a predominantly white school. Shoe on the other foot now ain't it?