Why do black people self-segregate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of nice white people that I am friendly with. We socialize but I cannot say that I can connect emotionally with them. I find them intrinsically self focused and hardened. I find their relationship with their parents, siblings, kids - distant. Even the most functional families have this dysfunction. It astounds, disturbs and scares me. Their friendly outward persona makes me suspicious of them, because I do not see any emotional integrity behind that facade. Their capability to move on easily in the even of a death, divorce, breakup - may be a necessity of their culture, society, family dynamics or even a sigh of their independence and maturity - but it makes them seem less than intact to me.

I am Asian. I tend to not count on them or depend on them, even if I make myself accessible to them for the same. Many of them count me as their close friend, based on the fact that I will come through for them again and again. But this is because of my cultural training. I want to oblige but not be under anyone's obligation. I am so sure that in times of need they will not come through for me and so I am not emotionally invested in them.

This is what I have found. I am a black woman married to a white man, but he is an ethnic minority among whites. The white men I dated were to me, just down right shallow. They did not seem to have the passionate love of family that other minorities did. Only in some white minorities did I see that passion. I sometimes think it is an evolutionary necessity that separates them. It might have something to do with their relative "success". The ability to detach might have been the only way to survive in that world.
Wow, when I think back on a couple of my former white (really white) boyfriends, zero, zippo in the area of deep everlasting love for family, culture and so on. Yes, flame me and the pp, but something is off kilter in that Northern European culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of nice white people that I am friendly with. We socialize but I cannot say that I can connect emotionally with them. I find them intrinsically self focused and hardened. I find their relationship with their parents, siblings, kids - distant. Even the most functional families have this dysfunction. It astounds, disturbs and scares me. Their friendly outward persona makes me suspicious of them, because I do not see any emotional integrity behind that facade. Their capability to move on easily in the even of a death, divorce, breakup - may be a necessity of their culture, society, family dynamics or even a sigh of their independence and maturity - but it makes them seem less than intact to me.

I am Asian. I tend to not count on them or depend on them, even if I make myself accessible to them for the same. Many of them count me as their close friend, based on the fact that I will come through for them again and again. But this is because of my cultural training. I want to oblige but not be under anyone's obligation. I am so sure that in times of need they will not come through for me and so I am not emotionally invested in them.

Omg. I'm Asian (from Asia, not raised here) and feel the same way. I fear betrayal, ruthlessness, self centered coldness if I ever truly need help, and even possibly being sued from white people. They value the individual rights and preferences so much they scare me. Maybe it's coming from a more community or group oriented mentality but I find white people very nice on the surface but extremely selfish inside. Even granted every person is self centered at his core, there is a spectrum of different degrees.

[Anonymous]

You know, the last couple of comments have nothing to do with what whites do to others. These are comments about white people themselves.
I am happy that my parents and children are not white. There is love in our home.
Sorry, that is mean, but real.

[Anonymous]

There is a certain discomfort in white families, hence the nervousness that some white women have about their looks (weight). They get kind of twitchy about the love that other family members show. They have comfortable homes, but no comfort in the heart.
An older Jewish nurse once told me that after watching families for years, she concluded that black people have the best mothers, Asians have the best children, Jews bring the most appropriate gifts, and WASPs follow the (hospital) rules the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

AA mother and successful professional here. I generally agree with PP. I am 50 years old and no AA I knew growing up did any of the activities you described. I remember going on a couple of ski trips. It could have been because I lived in the city, our parents worked all the time, lack of exposure, etc. I went to predominately black schools until high school, an HBCU in undergrad and a top 10 law school. Law school in the mid 80s was really the first time I was exposed daily to white people and a lot of the white students came from affluent households and had little encounters with black people unless they were domestics. I always felt more comfortable ganging out with black students. I am a successful lawyer and am often the only black person in meetings. I work in-house for a large company. I have gotten used to it, unfortunately, and do not feel inhibited but at the end of the day, I'm done with white folks and don't want them in my life after work or on the weekends if I can help it. I have to attend board meetings out of town and find those the worst. I find most white people incredibly boring and shallow. I literally count down the days I can get on a plane and go home. I switch gears to my kids who attend an expensive private school. They are always around white kids and completely comfortable. My daughter is the only black girl in her grade and is confident and comfortable in her own skin. My son is popular and very well liked by his white peers. They have a solid core of black friends at school and on weekends. They are athletic and play all the sports that at one time were traditionally thought of as white sports -- competitive swimming, volleyball, lacrosse, softball. They also play on their school basketball teams. But, I am protective of them especially my son. I am watchful of covert racism and am on the offensive to protect my son. I also don't hesitant to let the school know in subtle ways I am a skilled attorney and will break out the "can of kick ass" if necessary. So far, my kids are successful academically, athletically and socially around their white peers but I am always on the lookout because deep down I don't trust white people. Yes, OP, represents the white entitlement attitude that a lot of white folks have. And, no, I don't want to be friends with you or your friends. Period. And, I also don't care what you think of me. Too old for that now and I live my life as I please in my 2 million dollar house with a swimming pool.

Yuk, why do you send your kids to white people's school?

[Anonymous]

Wow. It's refreshing in a weird way to hear these racist things about white people. I am one. We are obviously pretty sheltered from this kind of thing. It only makes is more obvious to me, however, how totally asinine stereotyping is.

[Anonymous]

For the same reason white and other groups do. It's their safe house where they feel most comfortable. Don't be offended, it doesn't have anything to do with you. Really.

[Anonymous]

To be racist you must have power to oppress another group of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be racist you must have power to oppress another group of people.

Exactly. Spend some time in Africa and you will discover how blacks can be even more racist than whites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be racist you must have power to oppress another group of people.

Thank you! I swear people will never get that there is a difference between racism and prejudice. I love it when white people call Black people racist. Ha!!! Impossible!!!

[Anonymous]

One fundamental difference is how we raise our children. I am a Black mother who doesn't spank but I do believe in firm discipline, boundaries, rules and consequences. For the life of me I cannot understand how disrespectful 98% of the white children I know are to there parents. I cannot stand to be in the presence of adults who allow children to shout at them, don't listen and are just blatantly rude to their parents. It eats at me in a way that I can't even describe. I just don't want my children to think that behavior is ok.

One kid I know... his mother will tell him 10 times to stop doing something or call him 10 times and HE JUST IGNORES HER. After the 1st or 2nd time, I'm in your face like "oh no... we don't ignore our parents in this house." Another kids REFUSES TO WEAR HER COAT IN THE DEAD OF WINTER. Parents just let her. She came home with me one day and said as sweetly as possible... "Larla! If you come home with us you have to wear your coat." She wore the coat. White parents are entirely too permissive for my tastes. I may be stereotyping as I know some white parents who don't take crap from their kids but for the most part, Black folks absolutely hate letting their kids mingle with disrespectful, sassy brats.

FTR... I don't at ALL judge mothers who spank. I was spanked (with switches, boards, combs and I turned out just fine). Also... there are plenty of permissive Black parents as well and guess what. We judge them also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One fundamental difference is how we raise our children. I am a Black mother who doesn't spank but I do believe in firm discipline, boundaries, rules and consequences. For the life of me I cannot understand how disrespectful 98% of the white children I know are to their parents. I cannot stand to be in the presence of adults who allow children to shout at them, don't listen and are just blatantly rude to their parents. It eats at me in a way that I can't even describe. I just don't want my children to think that behavior is ok.

One kid I know... his mother will tell him 10 times to stop doing something or call him 10 times and HE JUST IGNORES HER. After the 1st or 2nd time, I'm in your face like "oh no... we don't ignore our parents in this house." Another kid REFUSES TO WEAR HER COAT IN THE DEAD OF WINTER. Parents just let her. She came home with me one day and I said as sweetly as possible... "Larla! If you come home with us you have to wear your coat." She wore the coat. White parents are entirely too permissive for my tastes. I may be stereotyping as I know some white parents who don't take crap from their kids but for the most part, Black folks absolutely hate letting their kids mingle with disrespectful, sassy brats.

FTR... I don't at ALL judge mothers who spank. I was spanked (with switches, boards, combs and I turned out just fine). Also... there are plenty of permissive Black parents as well and guess what. We judge them also.

Several typos...

[Anonymous]

Wow. Lots of impressive stereotypes. I've never actually read a thread that has made me want to be less nice to people from other races and cultures, but now I have. What's the point of treating people like fellow humans if I am going to be thought of as biding my time to sue you for something, just itching to ask you about your hair, or doing it to assuage my guilt over slavery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Lots of impressive stereotypes. I've never actually read a thread that has made me want to be less nice to people from other races and cultures, but now I have. What's the point of treating people like fellow humans if I am going to be thought of as biding my time to sue you for something, just itching to ask you about your hair, or doing it to assuage my guilt over slavery.

Exactly. What's the point of trying to "integrate" if I am going to be judged when I let my white voice slip into Black slang, asked endless questions about my hair, I have to work twice as hard to get half as much, I get tired of being THE ONLY Black person in work settings, and I get angry about something and then get counseled about being too aggressive (when the white boys blow up and curse they are passionate).

It works both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Lots of impressive stereotypes. I've never actually read a thread that has made me want to be less nice to people from other races and cultures, but now I have. What's the point of treating people like fellow humans if I am going to be thought of as biding my time to sue you for something, just itching to ask you about your hair, or doing it to assuage my guilt over slavery.

Exactly. What's the point of trying to "integrate" if I am going to be judged when I let my white voice slip into Black slang, asked endless questions about my hair, I have to work twice as hard to get half as much, I get tired of being THE ONLY Black person in work settings, and I get angry about something and then get counseled about being too aggressive (when the white boys blow up and curse they are passionate).

It works both ways.

So if everyone's retreated to their corners, I guess we're all just fucked.