Honestly: is 41 too old to have a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenting in your 40s vs 50s is a big difference. The 40+ Moms to young children don't seem to get this but they will...

Unless you have all your kids at 32 or younger you are parenting in your 50s. And my kids are too young to know, but I'm guessing parenting doesn't end just b/c your kids hit 18. If you have a kid at 35 (std. around here), then you have a teen in your 50s.

So PP how is parenting in your 50s different? And do you mean early 50s vs. late? You could provide a more constructive comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting in your 40s vs 50s is a big difference. The 40+ Moms to young children don't seem to get this but they will...

Unless you have all your kids at 32 or younger you are parenting in your 50s. And my kids are too young to know, but I'm guessing parenting doesn't end just b/c your kids hit 18. If you have a kid at 35 (std. around here), then you have a teen in your 50s.

So PP how is parenting in your 50s different? And do you mean early 50s vs. late? You could provide a more constructive comment.

Have you followed this thread? My statement was clearly about older Moms who'll have to deal with 5-10 year olds while in their 50s. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another point of view from someone raised by an "older parent". My dad was 42 when I was born in the 70s. My brother came along when dad was 45. He was an awesome very involved dad growing up, but definitely seemed "older". He was very old-fashioned and would sometimes embarrass me in school- not that that doesn't happen with younger parents. But- true story- dad was also a spend thrift. So, he walked into my class one time wearing throwback bell bottoms when they were totally not in style. I almost died. I was in like 5th grade at the time. Ironically, when I hit HS, bell bottoms were back in. So, I wore them during spirit week on 60s day and totally had EVERYONE begging to know where I got them and if they could borrow! Anyways, my dad has always been the "best" dad of my crew. Now that in my 30s, he's the best grandpa. But, clearly a grandpa nonetheless. Dementia has started to set in and he's really not the man who raised me any longer. He's in his late 70s now, and I'm dealing with issues related to his longterm care needs. That could happen with younger parents too. Also, late 70s is not "old old", so he could have early dementia. Anyways, in my mid 30s with two little ones and a hubby turning 40 this year, our lives are full spectrum- dealing with young kids and all that drama and the opposite scenario- elder care. So, I'm kinda stuck in the middle. I would take my dad any day just as he is- he's the most awesome man who raised me, but I wish he was a younger too. Especially on days when his memory is especially feeble. He couldn't find his glasses one day- he was wearing them. And he couldn't figure out why his phone wouldn't work- he was hold the tv remote to his year. At least we have some newfound humor!

She sounds like a terrific person. But would you really want this for your kids? Dealing with dementia in your 30s?

My parents were in their early/mid 30's when I was born. Both of them died at 63 (when I was early 30's and my brother late 20's). Shit happens and nothing is guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Totally agree. So sad for kids to have older parents who won't be around for them when they have their own kids. Some witches here envision they can just snap their fingers and will live to be 90...not going to happen for most.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely too old. I really wish this trend of 40+ Moms would go away.

A 27-year-old mom could die tomorrow too. So what.

A 41YO with a "normal" life will likely be around until her kid is about 40. You're worried about how a 40YO will function once mommy is gone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is 9 years younger than me and I think my parents were too old. At the time I was ecstatic that we were actually going to have a live living doll, and I doted on him a lot.
From what I noticed, the never attended his pta meetings, any school sport activities, he never played sport or did any extracurricular that would have involved parent driving or taking him to such an event. I was in my teen years the mini mum who was constantly on baby sit duty. Got upset about this several times and was just told I was immature. Looking back I think it was a combination of them not being interested and being tired. I do remember going to the park with my dad and older sibling when I was about 5, but my dad never did that with my younger brother.

Mine were 10 and 12 years younger (twins), so 3 altogether. My parents (40 at the time of twins birth) did very little with them espcially compared to the older sibs. I was the mini mom and did NOT enjoy the role. Older bros were away at college. Parents felt that they had raised 3 successfully and could now relax. Except it did not work out so well for the younger three. At 12-13 I was not the best mom, and lacked interest (as did my mom). Just a mini disaster actually. Even today as adults, my younger sibs talk about having unlimited freedom to party, and on the other hand very few organized activities or support with homework, social situations ect. I was away at college during crucial years, and my bros were gone from their age 5. Parents just laked the energy to supervise them. They also spent a tremendous amount of time saving for college and retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is 9 years younger than me and I think my parents were too old. At the time I was ecstatic that we were actually going to have a live living doll, and I doted on him a lot.
From what I noticed, the never attended his pta meetings, any school sport activities, he never played sport or did any extracurricular that would have involved parent driving or taking him to such an event. I was in my teen years the mini mum who was constantly on baby sit duty. Got upset about this several times and was just told I was immature. Looking back I think it was a combination of them not being interested and being tired. I do remember going to the park with my dad and older sibling when I was about 5, but my dad never did that with my younger brother.

Mine were 10 and 12 years younger (twins), so 3 altogether. My parents (40 at the time of twins birth) did very little with them espcially compared to the older sibs. I was the mini mom and did NOT enjoy the role. Older bros were away at college. Parents felt that they had raised 3 successfully and could now relax. Except it did not work out so well for the younger three. At 12-13 I was not the best mom, and lacked interest (as did my mom). Just a mini disaster actually. Even today as adults, my younger sibs talk about having unlimited freedom to party, and on the other hand very few organized activities or support with homework, social situations ect. I was away at college during crucial years, and my bros were gone from their age 5. Parents just laked the energy to supervise them. They also spent a tremendous amount of time saving for college and retirement.

My siblings are 5 and 6.5 years older than I am. My parents were mid 30's and 40 when I was born. My parents always lamented that when my siblings were born, they were FTP and inexperienced and didn't know/do a lot of things for them. But when I came along, they were much more with it and were able to do things for me that they didn't know they had to do for my siblings. They were much more involved in my life because they had a better idea of what parenting involved by the time they got to me. The three of us love each other dearly and love to needle each other. They always say I was an accident, that our parents were done having children until they "oopsed" with me. I always say that they were just "practice children" so that they could get things right when I came along. Despite being older (and back then, they were definitely older parents when I came along), they were still great parents. No, my parents were not extremely physically active with me, but then, they weren't that physically active with my siblings either...they just weren't that type of parents. They don't play sports and they didn't engage us when outside. If we were outdoors, they would watch us play, bu not play with us. That's the way they were and it had nothing to do with their ages when we were born. But they did so many wonderful things for us both then and now. Fortunately, we are long lived on both sides and my siblings are in their 50's and I am in my 40's and my parents at 80 and 86 are still going strong.

[Anonymous]

my wife gave birth to a twin boys at 41.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Too old. Adopt

[Anonymous]

No, had mine naturally at 38 and 41. Am 46 now. We are a happy and healthy family. Kids are fun and easy. I am aware more of taking good care of myself so I will be there for them a long time. Career was set, graduate degree obtained and fellowship completed when I finally met DH. These care the cards I was dealt, and I would not change a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely too old. I really wish this trend of 40+ Moms would go away.

Why? (honest question... not trying to be snarky)

Plainly, because it's a racket. IVF doctors and clinics are scam artists preying on desperate women. They give false expectations and are all about the exorbitant amount they charge for their services. The cost to insurance companies (if it's covered) is huge with little gurantee of a "return on investment".

The probability of a SN child is high and along with that comes increased healthcare costs associated with having a SN child.

Older woman are more reliant on childcare, because their parents are too old to assist with childcare needs. The increase in demand is what now have folks paying $15+ hour for a babysitter.

Older parents have the responsibility of raising children while also saving for college & retirement. Contrary to what many want you to believe, not all 40+ parents are well to do and financially set. It's a financial juggle for many.

Older parents increase the likelihood that they will die while their children are young(er) and/or have significant health conditions that may become a burden on their children.

So, yeah, while it CAN be done, it really shouldn't be seen as the way to go. Women should not fall for the idea that it's okay to delay parenthood for 20+ years because "there's time". While there are many women who struggle for many years with IF, there are also just as many who started late because they knew IVF was an option.

I just hate the assumption that women "CHOSE" to delay parenting or are somehow oblivious to the statistics. I didn't choose to have kids later. I would've GLADLY had them sooner. I didn't find a partner until later.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

I did great having my first and only son at 41, did step aerobics right up until 4 days before delivery ... Thrived and was so happy doing things with my son and our little family. Happier than ever with life until my husband left me after 27 years of marriage ... My parents were dead, no brothers or sisters ... Now my son is 17 and it is very hard ... His dad is somewhat involved in his life, but my life is lonely and hard and I feel sad and alone. A new relationship with new man didnt work out, at 59 I feel broken and burdened with the tough teen years and how to handle my son. Not having siblings or parents for support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did great having my first and only son at 41, did step aerobics right up until 4 days before delivery ... Thrived and was so happy doing things with my son and our little family. Happier than ever with life until my husband left me after 27 years of marriage ... My parents were dead, no brothers or sisters ... Now my son is 17 and it is very hard ... His dad is somewhat involved in his life, but my life is lonely and hard and I feel sad and alone. A new relationship with new man didnt work out, at 59 I feel broken and burdened with the tough teen years and how to handle my son. Not having siblings or parents for support.

To be fair, your issues do not have to do with AMA. Your issues are from a broken marriages and from having no family support. You could have had a child at 31 and your husband left you after 17 years of marriage and everything else could have been the exactly the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did great having my first and only son at 41, did step aerobics right up until 4 days before delivery ... Thrived and was so happy doing things with my son and our little family. Happier than ever with life until my husband left me after 27 years of marriage ... My parents were dead, no brothers or sisters ... Now my son is 17 and it is very hard ... His dad is somewhat involved in his life, but my life is lonely and hard and I feel sad and alone. A new relationship with new man didnt work out, at 59 I feel broken and burdened with the tough teen years and how to handle my son. Not having siblings or parents for support.

To be fair, your issues do not have to do with AMA. Your issues are from a broken marriages and from having no family support. You could have had a child at 31 and your husband left you after 17 years of marriage and everything else could have been the exactly the same.

and wouldn't you rather be 59 with a son than 59 without? Then you would truly be alone!

[Anonymous]

After reading this thread, I see that there is no way to tell anyone that having a baby late in life is difficult. (it is for many reasons. BTDT)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting in your 40s vs 50s is a big difference. The 40+ Moms to young children don't seem to get this but they will...

Unless you have all your kids at 32 or younger you are parenting in your 50s. And my kids are too young to know, but I'm guessing parenting doesn't end just b/c your kids hit 18. If you have a kid at 35 (std. around here), then you have a teen in your 50s.

So PP how is parenting in your 50s different? And do you mean early 50s vs. late? You could provide a more constructive comment.

Hahahaha. If you think "parenting" a 25 year old and parenting a 15 year old are the same, LOL!