Why would he be in a random parking lot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

Believable. .

So he’s expected home at 6pm, so bakes in some quiet time beforehand and is still home at 6pm?

That’s fine, he shouldn’t be embarassed or keeping that a secret. I’d call it self care. Most people do it at the gym later - just get out in the sauna or steam room or take a 30 min walk alone.

"Most people"?

LOL.

You think most people intentionally delay their return home? I don't think so. Maybe you just know people in crappy marriages.

If they have children, yes. This would be far more common than you might think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

Believable. .

So he’s expected home at 6pm, so bakes in some quiet time beforehand and is still home at 6pm?

That’s fine, he shouldn’t be embarassed or keeping that a secret. I’d call it self care. Most people do it at the gym later - just get out in the sauna or steam room or take a 30 min walk alone.

"Most people"?

LOL.

You think most people intentionally delay their return home? I don't think so. Maybe you just know people in crappy marriages.

So he WAS late or he wasn’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

1. If he has tracking on in his smartphone he knows you can see his location.
2. Yes, a lot of people just sit in their car to relax. I do this 1-2 times a week. Between work and family it's nice to have peace and quiet for 20-30 minutes.
3. He looked disappointed that you were checking up on him like that. That's called distrust.

He has no right to be disappointed or angry or accuse anyone of distrust

Everyone wants to know when their spouse will be home. To get kids to things, to sit down and eat, to talk with about the schedule.

If you’re late- for whatever reason- and don’t communicate that ahead of time, yes you may get a phone call or get looked up. BFD. Next time communicate- home in 50 mins not 10. Doing errands. Going to gym, grabbing farewell drinks for harry, decompressing on a walk.

If you’re late arriving home, YOU should have the consideration of communicating that to your nanny or spouse or kids expecting you.

This

This is the normal perspective

And don’t hide your Me Time from your spouse.

And if it’s All Hands on Deck time, get home.

Learn to read. The OP stated the husband told her she was going to be home late. Also, you need to relax on the micro managing. I feel sorry for your spouse. No, it's not "normal" for a spouse to know every waking movement of their partner. That's stupid. You need help.

Adults don’t keep a secret if they’re doing errands or going to the gym or grabbing happy hour with coworkers.

Why try to keep a secret about Veg Time? That’s twisted. To be AWOL from 5-6pm every weekday, not respond, not be reachable and not tell anyone what you are doing most days!?!
Then throw a fit when your spouse is trying to fine you and can and asks?

Grow up

Hmm. Now that you put it that way, Veg Time could mean anything!

Time for couples therapy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Masturbating? Do you have regular intimacy, OP?

No one should be masturbating in their car. This is not a private place. Just a friendly PSA that if you are caught by the police doing this in your car, there will be legal consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it sounds believable. But it could also be a hookup, prostitute, drugs, drinking, binge eating, you name it.

binge eating?! that’s totally it. 🫠

This is totally a thing. I have coworkers who lie to their spouses that they are on diets together and totally eat trash at lunch time paying cash.

Binge eater here. This is all true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

Believable. .

So he’s expected home at 6pm, so bakes in some quiet time beforehand and is still home at 6pm?

That’s fine, he shouldn’t be embarassed or keeping that a secret. I’d call it self care. Most people do it at the gym later - just get out in the sauna or steam room or take a 30 min walk alone.

"Most people"?

LOL.

You think most people intentionally delay their return home? I don't think so. Maybe you just know people in crappy marriages.

If they have children, yes. This would be far more common than you might think.

You mean for men? Ducking out on family and kid responsibilities by surfing the web in a parking lot for 30-60 mins a day?!?

[Anonymous]

Hire a PI mid January.

You’ll get to the bottom of this then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to do this when my kids were 9-12ish. Job was stressful, kids were stressful, needed a break between the two. Sometimes I’d eat something or make a call. It wasn’t nefarious in the least. FWIW, I’m a woman. Now that everyone’s older and more independent, I haven’t done it for years.

I regularly park in the Total Wine parking lot near my house around 5-6pm before heading home. I sit there and check my phone, socials, relax, etc. I have a stressful job and it's just as stressful at home. Some people can't deal with silence. I've even sat in my car with nothing on just starring at the cars passing on the street.

To OP: Leave your husband alone. You may be a good reason why he's stressed and needs alone time. Plus, you just made it 10x worse because NOW he knows you're tracking him every single time he's out of the house. Good luck with that. You could have approached the situation differently.

1 hour of family time down the tubes because you want to sit at 5-6pm Prime Time in a quite empty car?

Wow. Hope your nanny really engages your kids then.

People like you come home one day to find that their spouse has blown out their brains in the bathtub. BACK TF OFF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

1. If he has tracking on in his smartphone he knows you can see his location.
2. Yes, a lot of people just sit in their car to relax. I do this 1-2 times a week. Between work and family it's nice to have peace and quiet for 20-30 minutes.
3. He looked disappointed that you were checking up on him like that. That's called distrust.

He has no right to be disappointed or angry or accuse anyone of distrust

Everyone wants to know when their spouse will be home. To get kids to things, to sit down and eat, to talk with about the schedule.

If you’re late- for whatever reason- and don’t communicate that ahead of time, yes you may get a phone call or get looked up. BFD. Next time communicate- home in 50 mins not 10. Doing errands. Going to gym, grabbing farewell drinks for harry, decompressing on a walk.

If you’re late arriving home, YOU should have the consideration of communicating that to your nanny or spouse or kids expecting you.

This

This is the normal perspective

And don’t hide your Me Time from your spouse.

And if it’s All Hands on Deck time, get home.

Learn to read. The OP stated the husband told her she was going to be home late. Also, you need to relax on the micro managing. I feel sorry for your spouse. No, it's not "normal" for a spouse to know every waking movement of their partner. That's stupid. You need help.

Adults don’t keep a secret if they’re doing errands or going to the gym or grabbing happy hour with coworkers.

Why try to keep a secret about Veg Time? That’s twisted. To be AWOL from 5-6pm every weekday, not respond, not be reachable and not tell anyone what you are doing most days!?!
Then throw a fit when your spouse is trying to fine you and can and asks?

Grow up

I don't see where anyone threw a fit.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should apologize for the tracking and the accusation. I am woman and will stop on the way home occasionally, especially when my kids were still at home, to relax, check my phone/socials, or talk on the phone with a friend.

While I understand the check location when you are grilling etc, that feels like a bit of an excuse for stalking. In the future, why not just text him - I am making steak, will be ready at 6, let me know if you think you will be later than that, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to do this when my kids were 9-12ish. Job was stressful, kids were stressful, needed a break between the two. Sometimes I’d eat something or make a call. It wasn’t nefarious in the least. FWIW, I’m a woman. Now that everyone’s older and more independent, I haven’t done it for years.

I regularly park in the Total Wine parking lot near my house around 5-6pm before heading home. I sit there and check my phone, socials, relax, etc. I have a stressful job and it's just as stressful at home. Some people can't deal with silence. I've even sat in my car with nothing on just starring at the cars passing on the street.

To OP: Leave your husband alone. You may be a good reason why he's stressed and needs alone time. Plus, you just made it 10x worse because NOW he knows you're tracking him every single time he's out of the house. Good luck with that. You could have approached the situation differently.

1 hour of family time down the tubes because you want to sit at 5-6pm Prime Time in a quite empty car?

Wow. Hope your nanny really engages your kids then.

People like you come home one day to find that their spouse has blown out their brains in the bathtub. BACK TF OFF.

#unhinged
#hatesnannies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

He was rubbing one out. Big deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

Believable. .

So he’s expected home at 6pm, so bakes in some quiet time beforehand and is still home at 6pm?

That’s fine, he shouldn’t be embarassed or keeping that a secret. I’d call it self care. Most people do it at the gym later - just get out in the sauna or steam room or take a 30 min walk alone.

"Most people"?

LOL.

You think most people intentionally delay their return home? I don't think so. Maybe you just know people in crappy marriages.

If they have children, yes. This would be far more common than you might think.

I’m betting literally everyone at the L St Nordstrom Rack at 5pm on a workday is doing exactly this. 🤣

[Anonymous]

Is he a gay cruiser? Is this a hotspot for random gay men to hook up

[Anonymous]

Op: it's the overall tracking of him that's unacceptable