Dooce /Heather Armstrong

[Anonymous]

I feel like an OG internet person knowing Dooce, GOMI, Alice (Party Pants), etc. I found GOMI because of Julia Allison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to high school with a girl who's parent had killed themselves and what I learned from three years of being around her is that parents should not kill themselves. It messed her up in so many ways.

Hopefully Leta can take the summer to process and get back to school in the fall. I hope both girls have some sort of peace about this at some point soon. Yes, I'm assuming Heather killed herself.

You’re an ignoramus. You might as well take tears to lean that people shouldn’t get cancer either.

She didn’t choose to have the disease she fought mightily for 15 years. She tried literally every antidepressant. She tried experimental treatments. She fought to live with every fiber of her being.

She stayed as long as she could.

To kill your self when you have children is the ultimate act of cowardice. You’re leaving them with a lifetime of issues to unpack plus all the issues you already gave them by being such a bad person and parent! Yes I said it! Quit ennobling suicides and suicidal ideation with “she stayed as long as she could” and shit. She’s not a victim! She failed her kids. So did Amalah for that matter being found with her wrists sliced open and OD on stuff. These are awful narcissists! Life IS full of choices, you get busy livin or get busy dying!!

When people commit suicide, they often believe that they are so screwed up that their continuing living is more of a burden to people than a suicide would be. They are wrong, and that's tragic, but this is what the disease that causes suicide tell you -- that your loved ones would be better off if you weren't there.

When people like you express this kind of rage on this issue, it makes people like me, who have experienced suicidal ideation, feel like we simply are not cut out to live in this world. If you really care about other people's kids, you might try to cultivate some compassion for people who struggle with depression. Your current approach simply makes the world harsher, less forgiving, harder to live in. You are contributing to the problem you claim to abhor.

NP. You’re being irresponsible to yourself and to any loved ones by engaging in this argument, personalizing the prior poster’s comments about a fairly public figure and extrapolating to you, and if you were able to take some form of agency in terms of what you, too, choose to consume online, it’d help.

This is a sad story. I hate Dooce’s overwritten crap writing. I’m so sorry for her, for her daughters, and for those who love and mourn her.

[Anonymous]

Heather has been antagonizing her haters forever. There were like 10 years before GOMI even came into existence where Heather was telling journalists who wrote articles about her that she would print her hate mail, then run it over in her driveway. Before GOMI, there was also pooponpeeps / chicken little, who Dooce gladly doxxed and hosted hate on her own website.

I remember when her kids were babies and they were so cute. This is sad. I am not a Dooce fan, but I feel really bad for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to high school with a girl who's parent had killed themselves and what I learned from three years of being around her is that parents should not kill themselves. It messed her up in so many ways.

Hopefully Leta can take the summer to process and get back to school in the fall. I hope both girls have some sort of peace about this at some point soon. Yes, I'm assuming Heather killed herself.

You’re an ignoramus. You might as well take tears to lean that people shouldn’t get cancer either.

She didn’t choose to have the disease she fought mightily for 15 years. She tried literally every antidepressant. She tried experimental treatments. She fought to live with every fiber of her being.

She stayed as long as she could.

To kill your self when you have children is the ultimate act of cowardice. You’re leaving them with a lifetime of issues to unpack plus all the issues you already gave them by being such a bad person and parent! Yes I said it! Quit ennobling suicides and suicidal ideation with “she stayed as long as she could” and shit. She’s not a victim! She failed her kids. So did Amalah for that matter being found with her wrists sliced open and OD on stuff. These are awful narcissists! Life IS full of choices, you get busy livin or get busy dying!!

NP. I agree with this. I had an uncle who killed himself and his family was devastated from it and never recovered. It's really a terrible thing to do. People who are depressed have disordered thinking - that's why they need to make a promise that they will never kill themself and stick to it. Always.

Astonishing that you could have lost someone close to you to depression by suicide but you still have NO effing clue.

Depression is a terrible thing. Suicidal symptoms are terrible. A brain that doesn’t work is terrible.

You acknowledge that depression is disordered thinking but you think a verbal promise is going to stop a person whose brain literally can’t work? If a desire to live and live for others could stop suicides, nearly no one would die from suicide except those to willfully die by their own hands to avoid consequences for crimes and such. The vast majority of suicidal people want to live…they want to live. But they are literally in unbearable pain. They cannot see beyond it.

This is not a woman who didn’t care about her family and didn’t try to live. She spent years and years and years in treatment. She tried every possible antidepressant. She tried experimental treatments. We are still very much in the dark ages with mental illness…there is no guaranteed result even if you seek every possible available treatment.

Just like people with cancer who fight to live but sometimes can’t be cured, so it is true for some people with depression or bipolar illness. They are sometimes lethal illnesses. It is not from a deficiency of wanting to be healthy or wanting to live.

You ascribe moral failure to a medical symptom. It is judgment like that that makes people with suicidal symptoms even less likely to feel safe telling others what they are fighting. Do better, in memory of your poor uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to high school with a girl who's parent had killed themselves and what I learned from three years of being around her is that parents should not kill themselves. It messed her up in so many ways.

Hopefully Leta can take the summer to process and get back to school in the fall. I hope both girls have some sort of peace about this at some point soon. Yes, I'm assuming Heather killed herself.

You’re an ignoramus. You might as well take tears to lean that people shouldn’t get cancer either.

She didn’t choose to have the disease she fought mightily for 15 years. She tried literally every antidepressant. She tried experimental treatments. She fought to live with every fiber of her being.

She stayed as long as she could.

To kill your self when you have children is the ultimate act of cowardice. You’re leaving them with a lifetime of issues to unpack plus all the issues you already gave them by being such a bad person and parent! Yes I said it! Quit ennobling suicides and suicidal ideation with “she stayed as long as she could” and shit. She’s not a victim! She failed her kids. So did Amalah for that matter being found with her wrists sliced open and OD on stuff. These are awful narcissists! Life IS full of choices, you get busy livin or get busy dying!!

NP. I agree with this. I had an uncle who killed himself and his family was devastated from it and never recovered. It's really a terrible thing to do. People who are depressed have disordered thinking - that's why they need to make a promise that they will never kill themself and stick to it. Always.

Astonishing that you could have lost someone close to you to depression by suicide but you still have NO effing clue.

Depression is a terrible thing. Suicidal symptoms are terrible. A brain that doesn’t work is terrible.

You acknowledge that depression is disordered thinking but you think a verbal promise is going to stop a person whose brain literally can’t work? If a desire to live and live for others could stop suicides, nearly no one would die from suicide except those to willfully die by their own hands to avoid consequences for crimes and such. The vast majority of suicidal people want to live…they want to live. But they are literally in unbearable pain. They cannot see beyond it.

This is not a woman who didn’t care about her family and didn’t try to live. She spent years and years and years in treatment. She tried every possible antidepressant. She tried experimental treatments. We are still very much in the dark ages with mental illness…there is no guaranteed result even if you seek every possible available treatment.

Just like people with cancer who fight to live but sometimes can’t be cured, so it is true for some people with depression or bipolar illness. They are sometimes lethal illnesses. It is not from a deficiency of wanting to be healthy or wanting to live.

You ascribe moral failure to a medical symptom. It is judgment like that that makes people with suicidal symptoms even less likely to feel safe telling others what they are fighting. Do better, in memory of your poor uncle.

This poster did not "ascribe moral failure to a medical symptom." All of what you say about the person who passed by suicide could be true. It is still true that the family left behind is completely and utterly devastated.

[Anonymous]

Her name has come up over the years, and I have never, ever understood why people liked her videos or blogs. Tragic person. It seems to be a very tragic mix of depression, some level of success, and craving validation and attention. I wish her peace, I wish her family peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to high school with a girl who's parent had killed themselves and what I learned from three years of being around her is that parents should not kill themselves. It messed her up in so many ways.

Hopefully Leta can take the summer to process and get back to school in the fall. I hope both girls have some sort of peace about this at some point soon. Yes, I'm assuming Heather killed herself.

You’re an ignoramus. You might as well take tears to lean that people shouldn’t get cancer either.

She didn’t choose to have the disease she fought mightily for 15 years. She tried literally every antidepressant. She tried experimental treatments. She fought to live with every fiber of her being.

She stayed as long as she could.

To kill your self when you have children is the ultimate act of cowardice. You’re leaving them with a lifetime of issues to unpack plus all the issues you already gave them by being such a bad person and parent! Yes I said it! Quit ennobling suicides and suicidal ideation with “she stayed as long as she could” and shit. She’s not a victim! She failed her kids. So did Amalah for that matter being found with her wrists sliced open and OD on stuff. These are awful narcissists! Life IS full of choices, you get busy livin or get busy dying!!

NP. I agree with this. I had an uncle who killed himself and his family was devastated from it and never recovered. It's really a terrible thing to do. People who are depressed have disordered thinking - that's why they need to make a promise that they will never kill themself and stick to it. Always.

Astonishing that you could have lost someone close to you to depression by suicide but you still have NO effing clue.

Depression is a terrible thing. Suicidal symptoms are terrible. A brain that doesn’t work is terrible.

You acknowledge that depression is disordered thinking but you think a verbal promise is going to stop a person whose brain literally can’t work? If a desire to live and live for others could stop suicides, nearly no one would die from suicide except those to willfully die by their own hands to avoid consequences for crimes and such. The vast majority of suicidal people want to live…they want to live. But they are literally in unbearable pain. They cannot see beyond it.

This is not a woman who didn’t care about her family and didn’t try to live. She spent years and years and years in treatment. She tried every possible antidepressant. She tried experimental treatments. We are still very much in the dark ages with mental illness…there is no guaranteed result even if you seek every possible available treatment.

Just like people with cancer who fight to live but sometimes can’t be cured, so it is true for some people with depression or bipolar illness. They are sometimes lethal illnesses. It is not from a deficiency of wanting to be healthy or wanting to live.

You ascribe moral failure to a medical symptom. It is judgment like that that makes people with suicidal symptoms even less likely to feel safe telling others what they are fighting. Do better, in memory of your poor uncle.

DP. You are tiresome.

My summary is better than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we may not criticize this bloggers body of work because she died? She shall forever be a vaunted example of female empowerment and a true literary genius?

I also had PPD. Twice. I didn’t turn to a blogger to help me in the moments of despair; I had real life interactions and contact with my therapist, my physicians, my sisters, a trusted colleague.

DCUM has a 24 hour rule following someone's death. That's not too onerous.

It's 48 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we may not criticize this bloggers body of work because she died? She shall forever be a vaunted example of female empowerment and a true literary genius?

I also had PPD. Twice. I didn’t turn to a blogger to help me in the moments of despair; I had real life interactions and contact with my therapist, my physicians, my sisters, a trusted colleague.

DCUM has a 24 hour rule following someone's death. That's not too onerous.

It's 48 hours.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/950396.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we may not criticize this bloggers body of work because she died? She shall forever be a vaunted example of female empowerment and a true literary genius?

I also had PPD. Twice. I didn’t turn to a blogger to help me in the moments of despair; I had real life interactions and contact with my therapist, my physicians, my sisters, a trusted colleague.

Not everyone has that kind of access you did to resources/family/etc.

Well no, but Dooce did have access to those things.

That's not the point. The point is that by posting about her depression online, it helped people who don't have access to those things. A lot of people felt less alone from reading her writing. This is a horrible, tragic ending, but it doesn't undo the good she did for others. People eater to trash her or put her writing down don't seem to understand this. You don't even personally have to like her writing. The truth is that she did help and inspire others. I hope her family knows that as they struggle to deal with this. Her suicide does not need to be the defining fact about her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is amalah doing? I thought of her when I heard the dooce news. I hope she is well.

I wondered, too. I don't know what platform she's posting on these days, but I hope she is okay.

I hope so too. I have taken her step back from Insta and her blog to be a healthy sign hopefully that she is parenting and living her life and hopefully that she is ok!

ummmm

Did you think amalah and Dooce were the same person, or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when i was going thru depression, hit a dark place, and finally went to a psychiatrist. First thing the doctor talked about was he asked me if I loved my kids, and I said of course, and then he said the absolute worst thing I could do to them is kill myself.

kept me from killing myself, would love to stop feeling lousy everyday , but I can't hurt my kids.

so each day is one more day of misery, but alive

I don't know if you're still following this thread, but big hugs to you. One moment at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like an OG internet person knowing Dooce, GOMI, Alice (Party Pants), etc. I found GOMI because of Julia Allison.

Same, except I found GOMI because of Anthroholic (Anthropologie blogger who stole from her readers).

I didn’t start paying attention to mommy bloggers until later. RIP Heather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 58, so about 10 years older than Dooce, and I remember reading her posts many years ago when my children were little. What some of you young uns might not realize is what a pathbreaker she was when she started her blog. In the mid-2000's, there was no tradition of women even talking publicly about how hard parenting can be, how it affects your identity and self esteem, your marriage.

No wine moms. The term 'sanctimommy' hadn't been coined yet. There was no word to describe the ways that some women managed to make you feel bad about yourself when they competed with you on the parenting front.

I got married at age 29 and came of age when those terrible articles were everywhere about infertility and 'if you aren't married by the time you are thirty you are more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to have a child.' We were grateful that our husbands 'let us' work, and didn't dare ask for any sort of equal parenting. My girlfriends and I used to joke about our 'stealth jobs' that we did while our kids were in school but never letting on to our kids' teachers that we actually had jobs. We watched that trial on TV of the nanny who killed her charge and watched that scandal where the day care center was accused of conducting ritualized satanic abuse.

We were encouraged to believe that we could do it all and have it all. Being a mom was referred to as 'the toughest job you'll ever love.'

In short, there was NOWHERE to go to find a voice like hers -- that said things like "some days I wonder if I've made a mistake. it's scary being responsible for these little people, their psyches, etc." or 'I wonder who I am or if I'm ever going to find myself again.' These are sentiments that some of you may have encountered routinely when you had little kids, but at the time Heather was writing, these things were not said. And she said them. and helped us all to feel less alone. To be okay with our imperfections, with being imperfect, with being scared.

Her writing meant a lot to a lot of people of my generation. She paved the way for a lot of what you see routinely today on Tik Tok and elsewhere -- the one upping mom (she's awful!), the wealthy lady who doesn't understand what your problem is, etc. Probably this site. Anyway, I'll miss her.

It would have been so much better if she simply wrote about it all more anonymously and left out photos of her girls and their names. She could have simply gone by Dooce and had an avatar or something. She did something useful and also incredibly destructive. She helped people feel less alone and also helped inspire more moms to exploit their children for fame and fortune.

Hindsight is 20/20. I don't think there was intent to exploit her children. I will say that some people are more vulnerable to the effects of social media and its audience. Some people should not be creating it or consuming it. Eg certain personality types, those with mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 58, so about 10 years older than Dooce, and I remember reading her posts many years ago when my children were little. What some of you young uns might not realize is what a pathbreaker she was when she started her blog. In the mid-2000's, there was no tradition of women even talking publicly about how hard parenting can be, how it affects your identity and self esteem, your marriage.

No wine moms. The term 'sanctimommy' hadn't been coined yet. There was no word to describe the ways that some women managed to make you feel bad about yourself when they competed with you on the parenting front.

I got married at age 29 and came of age when those terrible articles were everywhere about infertility and 'if you aren't married by the time you are thirty you are more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to have a child.' We were grateful that our husbands 'let us' work, and didn't dare ask for any sort of equal parenting. My girlfriends and I used to joke about our 'stealth jobs' that we did while our kids were in school but never letting on to our kids' teachers that we actually had jobs. We watched that trial on TV of the nanny who killed her charge and watched that scandal where the day care center was accused of conducting ritualized satanic abuse.

We were encouraged to believe that we could do it all and have it all. Being a mom was referred to as 'the toughest job you'll ever love.'

In short, there was NOWHERE to go to find a voice like hers -- that said things like "some days I wonder if I've made a mistake. it's scary being responsible for these little people, their psyches, etc." or 'I wonder who I am or if I'm ever going to find myself again.' These are sentiments that some of you may have encountered routinely when you had little kids, but at the time Heather was writing, these things were not said. And she said them. and helped us all to feel less alone. To be okay with our imperfections, with being imperfect, with being scared.

Her writing meant a lot to a lot of people of my generation. She paved the way for a lot of what you see routinely today on Tik Tok and elsewhere -- the one upping mom (she's awful!), the wealthy lady who doesn't understand what your problem is, etc. Probably this site. Anyway, I'll miss her.

It would have been so much better if she simply wrote about it all more anonymously and left out photos of her girls and their names. She could have simply gone by Dooce and had an avatar or something. She did something useful and also incredibly destructive. She helped people feel less alone and also helped inspire more moms to exploit their children for fame and fortune.

Hindsight is 20/20. I don't think there was intent to exploit her children. I will say that some people are more vulnerable to the effects of social media and its audience. Some people should not be creating it or consuming it. Eg certain personality types, those with mental health issues.

There are two sides to this dynamic. The parents who overshare and those who recognize it but keep consuming the photos and stories and details.