NOT redshirting an August birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's just the circles you run in? When my friends / neighbors have a kid in August or September the attitude is "You're so lucky! They'll just make the cutoff!"

Redshirting an August baby in DC will cost you, what, $20,000 in childcare? Crazy.

We greenshirted our September born kid. It was ridiculous for us to have my kid wait for an entire year to go to school, when his classmates from the Montessori who were older by a few weeks were allowed to go to public school. We saved 15k for Montessori cost. Kid aced his early entrance admission test. He was reading before he entered kindergarten, and knew counting, addition and subtraction.
The only challenge for us has been to get him enrichment because he is far advanced in curriculum. But, he is getting a lot of fun socialization.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

A lot going on in this comment.

1. A 12 year old in high school is a different deal. That's a kid who is not even through puberty going to school with kids who are mostly done with puberty. Huge difference, of course they seemed immature. It's not the subject of the thread.

2. Redshirting does not help kids mature. It might help place a child in a more appropriate cohort for their maturity level, but since we're talking entirely about summer birthdays, they are likely to be an outlier no matter what. Either on the mature side for their grade or on the immature side for their grade. Just based on age of course. Redshirting doesn't "solve" this. It's just the reality of being a summer birthday.

3. The point PPs are trying to make is that redshirting may not resolve your issue if you are just worried about your kid being an outlier. In fact, it might make them more of an outlier, because if they are visibly older than the rest of their class, that might call attention to itself.

4. Also, maturity doesn't track perfectly with the MONTH a kid was born, and the older kids get, the less it tracks. Plenty of kids with summer birthdays are as mature if not more so than kids with birthdays during the school year.

5. Which is why many people are suggesting that redshirting for the hell of it is a mistake, and that peopel should only redshirt if there is a delay of some kind which an extra year of PK would help with, including a social maturity delay.

I think there is only one PP making the same tired argument over and over again without success. If it’s such a mistake surely you have some data to back it up, lets see it. Because I don’t know a single person who regrets it. No matter how many different ways people try to make the ineffectual arguments with no facts.

We regretted it. Our child skipped a grade to make up for it.

Ok. My brother started kindergarten at 4 and school was always hard for him. My mother regretted not holding him back. Having to repeat a grade is devastating for a kid unlike skipping a grade. At least if you think a mistake is made its an easier fix. I would err on the side of redshirting in that case.

Uhh, no. While you may be right that staying back would be harder on a kid that skiping a grade, it is very, very, very rare that you would be able ot skip.

Especially if the reason you wanted to skip was because you'd redshirted in the first place and it turns out your kid wasn't in right cohort.

It may not be fair, but schools can be vindictive about this stuff. At most publics, they will tell you to start your kid on time, and if you choose to redshirt, they might go along with it but they aren't going to bend over backwards to accommodate it. So if your kid winds up a head taller and bored in class by 3rd grade, they may just tell you to suck it up. That's precisely why they have the age cut-offs to begin with, so if you disregarded out of some misguided idea that being older than everyone in class would be an advantage, they will make you live with it even if your kid suffers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who opposes all redshirting on principle.

Some people, me included, impose redshirting for the purposes of gaining an advantage (redshirting a developmentally normal kid who is otherwise totally ready for K simply to ensure that they are physically bigger and more academically advanced when they start school). I honestly don't know how you defend that.

And some people also dislike the trend of redshirting when it results in so many students in a class being redshirted that it makes it hard to start your kid on time.

To take the example above, add a third child.

Child 1 starts K at age 4, "on time", and turns 5 a couple weeks into the school year.
Child 2 starts K at age 6, and turns 6 about 2 months before school starts.
Child 3 has an August birthday and if he starts on time, he'd be in that class with Child 1 and 2.

Assume all 3 kids are developmentally normal for their ages and have been deemed "ready" for K.

The "anti-redshirter" as you all put it, wants Child 3 to start class on time so that her child has a student closer in age in his classroom. It's not an opposition to holding back kids who are behind or need more time. It's the fear that their kid will be the only child at their end of the age spectrum for the grade, at the same time that the spectrum is being widened to include children more than a year older than their kid.

If Child 3 is redshirted, that then puts pressure on Child 1's parents to redshirt him as well. Because initially their kid would have been on the young side but within the range of normal for their grade. But now the kids nearest their kid have been redshirted, and there will be redshirted kids from the previous year in the class. "Average maturity" and "readiness for K" suddenly means something else.

In schools where fully half of the class is redshirted (which does happen, especially in affluent districts), this is a real problem for parents who want to start their kids on time. It's not even about being opposed to redshirting as a concept, it's about feeling like their choices are to send their kid on time with a class of children who are significantly older, or redshirt their kid who they think is read socially and academically for K. It's a shitty choice that is caused by the choices of other parents.

How can your kid be academically advanced by delaying his schooling by one or two freaking years? Are you running an academic boot camp at your home?

At my DS ‘s 6th birthday, DS was reading all the birthday cards that was given to him, and the neighbor who had redshirted her same age kid gasped “he is reading so fluently”. Of course, he is. He has one extra year of education than your kid who is a few weeks younger than him! Your kid is in Kindergarten, hulking over younger kids in his class, but knowing a lot less than them. His peers are ahead of him.

[Anonymous]

You do know whose kids are not suffering from “achievement gap”, Right?

None of these high achieving kids are red shirted. Most of them are green shirted.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

A lot going on in this comment.

1. A 12 year old in high school is a different deal. That's a kid who is not even through puberty going to school with kids who are mostly done with puberty. Huge difference, of course they seemed immature. It's not the subject of the thread.

2. Redshirting does not help kids mature. It might help place a child in a more appropriate cohort for their maturity level, but since we're talking entirely about summer birthdays, they are likely to be an outlier no matter what. Either on the mature side for their grade or on the immature side for their grade. Just based on age of course. Redshirting doesn't "solve" this. It's just the reality of being a summer birthday.

3. The point PPs are trying to make is that redshirting may not resolve your issue if you are just worried about your kid being an outlier. In fact, it might make them more of an outlier, because if they are visibly older than the rest of their class, that might call attention to itself.

4. Also, maturity doesn't track perfectly with the MONTH a kid was born, and the older kids get, the less it tracks. Plenty of kids with summer birthdays are as mature if not more so than kids with birthdays during the school year.

5. Which is why many people are suggesting that redshirting for the hell of it is a mistake, and that peopel should only redshirt if there is a delay of some kind which an extra year of PK would help with, including a social maturity delay.

I think there is only one PP making the same tired argument over and over again without success. If it’s such a mistake surely you have some data to back it up, lets see it. Because I don’t know a single person who regrets it. No matter how many different ways people try to make the ineffectual arguments with no facts.

We regretted it. Our child skipped a grade to make up for it.

Ok. My brother started kindergarten at 4 and school was always hard for him. My mother regretted not holding him back. Having to repeat a grade is devastating for a kid unlike skipping a grade. At least if you think a mistake is made its an easier fix. I would err on the side of redshirting in that case.

Uhh, no. While you may be right that staying back would be harder on a kid that skiping a grade, it is very, very, very rare that you would be able ot skip.

Especially if the reason you wanted to skip was because you'd redshirted in the first place and it turns out your kid wasn't in right cohort.

It may not be fair, but schools can be vindictive about this stuff. At most publics, they will tell you to start your kid on time, and if you choose to redshirt, they might go along with it but they aren't going to bend over backwards to accommodate it. So if your kid winds up a head taller and bored in class by 3rd grade, they may just tell you to suck it up. That's precisely why they have the age cut-offs to begin with, so if you disregarded out of some misguided idea that being older than everyone in class would be an advantage, they will make you live with it even if your kid suffers.

Please. The schools this vindictive would never let you redshirt in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who opposes all redshirting on principle.

Some people, me included, impose redshirting for the purposes of gaining an advantage (redshirting a developmentally normal kid who is otherwise totally ready for K simply to ensure that they are physically bigger and more academically advanced when they start school). I honestly don't know how you defend that.

And some people also dislike the trend of redshirting when it results in so many students in a class being redshirted that it makes it hard to start your kid on time.

To take the example above, add a third child.

Child 1 starts K at age 4, "on time", and turns 5 a couple weeks into the school year.
Child 2 starts K at age 6, and turns 6 about 2 months before school starts.
Child 3 has an August birthday and if he starts on time, he'd be in that class with Child 1 and 2.

Assume all 3 kids are developmentally normal for their ages and have been deemed "ready" for K.

The "anti-redshirter" as you all put it, wants Child 3 to start class on time so that her child has a student closer in age in his classroom. It's not an opposition to holding back kids who are behind or need more time. It's the fear that their kid will be the only child at their end of the age spectrum for the grade, at the same time that the spectrum is being widened to include children more than a year older than their kid.

If Child 3 is redshirted, that then puts pressure on Child 1's parents to redshirt him as well. Because initially their kid would have been on the young side but within the range of normal for their grade. But now the kids nearest their kid have been redshirted, and there will be redshirted kids from the previous year in the class. "Average maturity" and "readiness for K" suddenly means something else.

In schools where fully half of the class is redshirted (which does happen, especially in affluent districts), this is a real problem for parents who want to start their kids on time. It's not even about being opposed to redshirting as a concept, it's about feeling like their choices are to send their kid on time with a class of children who are significantly older, or redshirt their kid who they think is read socially and academically for K. It's a shitty choice that is caused by the choices of other parents.

How can your kid be academically advanced by delaying his schooling by one or two freaking years? Are you running an academic boot camp at your home?

At my DS ‘s 6th birthday, DS was reading all the birthday cards that was given to him, and the neighbor who had redshirted her same age kid gasped “he is reading so fluently”. Of course, he is. He has one extra year of education than your kid who is a few weeks younger than him! Your kid is in Kindergarten, hulking over younger kids in his class, but knowing a lot less than them. His peers are ahead of him.

They all end up in the same place. This isn't the convincing argument you think it is. Last I checked school is K-12. Kids who skip grades do even less and can succeed, so bragging that your kids has an "extra" year doesn't make him some kind of genius since they didn't start at the same time. They will spend the same amount of time in school.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Parent of multiple older teens here who didn’t redshirt here. I have seen this, but only from and between the mean and unpopular kids nobody liked anyhow. I guess they learned it from their parents. It’s irrelevant to kids with good parents.

honestly, from my memory, it's not about the kids or parents but the teachers. teachers do gossip and judge, and they do it directly in front of the students who absorb those judgements like a sponge. Which meant I unconsciously thought that kids who were held back were somehow challenged and not quite up to par. Thanks, 4th grade math teacher. you sure were a peach.

One of my friends that i met in high school was redshirted, which meant he 1) would do contortions to avoid saying what year his birthday was, and 2) he always preferred to be hanging with his age cohort, which meant his senior year was super lonely.

At the other far extreme, my first husband skipped so many grades he went to college at 14. that was... super bad for his emotional development. I'll be watching my august toddler for signs of being too young to go to k, but for now I'm hoping she'll be ready when she's eligible.

You are very out of touch. Teachers are the ones recommending redshirting these days. They know that a mature kindergartener who can sit in their seat, fully participate in circle time, and do the academic work is far easier to manage in the classroom. Do you really think they want to make more work for themselves? They are judging the parents of the out of control young for grade children for not getting them diagnosed with ADHD.

The other issue is that nowadays kindergarten is now much more like first grade was in the past. When kindergarten was more play based being mature enough to sit still and listen was less important. The more like 1st grade it has become the more redshirting will make sense for some kids.

[Anonymous]

Asians don’t redshirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asians don’t redshirt.

This is untrue. Asians are second most likely to redshirt (6.4%)after whites (7.8%). And teachers are the most likely to redshirt.


https://www.brookings.edu/blog/up-front/2022/09/13/who-redshirts/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will take an extra year of my life home being with my son than $20k in childcare. I was also redshirted and it was a big advantage for me (all-state, valedictorian), and I want to pass that on.

+1. I’m in NY, where the cutoff is a whopping 12/31. I have two fall babies. One is repeating pre-k next year, and the other will likely just repeat 2s and go through nursery with the same cohort. All things equal, the data points to disadvantages to being the youngest in the grade. More ADHD diagnoses, etc. I would rather give my kids an extra few months of play than put them in kindergarten a full year older.

They will also be attending a local k-12 private school where many kids with fall birthdays redshirt, so if I sent them “on time” they’d have classmates more than a full year older.

Lastly, as PP stated, I don’t need them going off to college at 17. Late summer and fall birthdays can be complicated with cutoffs, but it does feel like a gift of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will take an extra year of my life home being with my son than $20k in childcare. I was also redshirted and it was a big advantage for me (all-state, valedictorian), and I want to pass that on.

+1. I’m in NY, where the cutoff is a whopping 12/31. I have two fall babies. One is repeating pre-k next year, and the other will likely just repeat 2s and go through nursery with the same cohort. All things equal, the data points to disadvantages to being the youngest in the grade. More ADHD diagnoses, etc. I would rather give my kids an extra few months of play than put them in kindergarten a full year older.

They will also be attending a local k-12 private school where many kids with fall birthdays redshirt, so if I sent them “on time” they’d have classmates more than a full year older.

Lastly, as PP stated, I don’t need them going off to college at 17. Late summer and fall birthdays can be complicated with cutoffs, but it does feel like a gift of time.

Sorry, I meant give them a few extra months of play than put them in K a full year *younger*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will take an extra year of my life home being with my son than $20k in childcare. I was also redshirted and it was a big advantage for me (all-state, valedictorian), and I want to pass that on.

+1. I’m in NY, where the cutoff is a whopping 12/31. I have two fall babies. One is repeating pre-k next year, and the other will likely just repeat 2s and go through nursery with the same cohort. All things equal, the data points to disadvantages to being the youngest in the grade. More ADHD diagnoses, etc. I would rather give my kids an extra few months of play than put them in kindergarten a full year older.

They will also be attending a local k-12 private school where many kids with fall birthdays redshirt, so if I sent them “on time” they’d have classmates more than a full year older.

Lastly, as PP stated, I don’t need them going off to college at 17. Late summer and fall birthdays can be complicated with cutoffs, but it does feel like a gift of time.

Sorry, I meant give them a few extra months of play than put them in K a full year *younger*

I am in the same boat in CT with cut offs, but my late April girl is basically the youngest in her class now as pretty much everyone with a June-August birthday (so people who are 4-5 weeks younger than her) is getting redshirted. I don't think many people send Sept-Dec birthdays early but it does feel a little crazy that June and even May kids are redshirted.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Parent of multiple older teens here who didn’t redshirt here. I have seen this, but only from and between the mean and unpopular kids nobody liked anyhow. I guess they learned it from their parents. It’s irrelevant to kids with good parents.

honestly, from my memory, it's not about the kids or parents but the teachers. teachers do gossip and judge, and they do it directly in front of the students who absorb those judgements like a sponge. Which meant I unconsciously thought that kids who were held back were somehow challenged and not quite up to par. Thanks, 4th grade math teacher. you sure were a peach.

One of my friends that i met in high school was redshirted, which meant he 1) would do contortions to avoid saying what year his birthday was, and 2) he always preferred to be hanging with his age cohort, which meant his senior year was super lonely.

At the other far extreme, my first husband skipped so many grades he went to college at 14. that was... super bad for his emotional development. I'll be watching my august toddler for signs of being too young to go to k, but for now I'm hoping she'll be ready when she's eligible.

You are very out of touch. Teachers are the ones recommending redshirting these days. They know that a mature kindergartener who can sit in their seat, fully participate in circle time, and do the academic work is far easier to manage in the classroom. Do you really think they want to make more work for themselves? They are judging the parents of the out of control young for grade children for not getting them diagnosed with ADHD.

The other issue is that nowadays kindergarten is now much more like first grade was in the past. When kindergarten was more play based being mature enough to sit still and listen was less important. The more like 1st grade it has become the more redshirting will make sense for some kids.

A good preschool will prepare the kids for K. K. in this area was never play based.

[Anonymous]

I redshirted all my summer birthday boys because so much of male self esteem is derived from sports acumen. Things like strength, agility, coordination and quick twitch are linked to maturation. Being an entire school year younger then some of your teammates can be frustrating and defeating to young boys.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

A lot going on in this comment.

1. A 12 year old in high school is a different deal. That's a kid who is not even through puberty going to school with kids who are mostly done with puberty. Huge difference, of course they seemed immature. It's not the subject of the thread.

2. Redshirting does not help kids mature. It might help place a child in a more appropriate cohort for their maturity level, but since we're talking entirely about summer birthdays, they are likely to be an outlier no matter what. Either on the mature side for their grade or on the immature side for their grade. Just based on age of course. Redshirting doesn't "solve" this. It's just the reality of being a summer birthday.

3. The point PPs are trying to make is that redshirting may not resolve your issue if you are just worried about your kid being an outlier. In fact, it might make them more of an outlier, because if they are visibly older than the rest of their class, that might call attention to itself.

4. Also, maturity doesn't track perfectly with the MONTH a kid was born, and the older kids get, the less it tracks. Plenty of kids with summer birthdays are as mature if not more so than kids with birthdays during the school year.

5. Which is why many people are suggesting that redshirting for the hell of it is a mistake, and that peopel should only redshirt if there is a delay of some kind which an extra year of PK would help with, including a social maturity delay.

I think there is only one PP making the same tired argument over and over again without success. If it’s such a mistake surely you have some data to back it up, lets see it. Because I don’t know a single person who regrets it. No matter how many different ways people try to make the ineffectual arguments with no facts.

We regretted it. Our child skipped a grade to make up for it.

Ok. My brother started kindergarten at 4 and school was always hard for him. My mother regretted not holding him back. Having to repeat a grade is devastating for a kid unlike skipping a grade. At least if you think a mistake is made it's an easier fix. I would err on the side of redshirting in that case.

I have an older child and they agree it was best we send them. Holding back would not make school easier if school doesn't come easy to them.