Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should have an abortion

Try hard to convince her OP. That is what would be best for a 21 year old.

Turn this around to "try hard to get her to give birth" and what would your reaction be? What part of choice do you not understand?

[Anonymous]

Girl I grew up with got pregnant at 18 and she had it. Did not end well for her or likely her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

The "smart" college women I knew got abortions and never told their families or parents. Two of my friends were raped and became pregnant, both a frat parties. Accidental pregnancies were more common with drinking or being drugged at a party.

Pp, I'm sure if you were super judgey and never drank at all in college, your friends would have told you nothing. You also may be male, which would explain why no one told you any of this.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ops daughter is in for the rudest shock of her life if she continues on with this pregnancy. Even mothers with a supportive partner with the best financial circumstances feel overwhelmed. This girl is in lalaland and needs to wake up. Her life will never be like her friends again, and if she thinks her parents are just going to do the heavy lifting of child care for her she is selfish and immmature.

OP, describe to your daughter in the greatest detail what it takes to raise a baby/child in terms of time, energy, and money. When I got pregnant in my early 20s, my boyfriend had disappeared after learning about the pregnancy. My parents were not supportive and didn't talk to me much, my boyfriend's parents died by the time we met, and I had nobody who could tell me what it is really like to raise a child. Had I known what it is like, I would have had an abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

You are dumb and judgemental. I'm sure its happened to people you know but they would never admit it. Why would I tell anyone that I had an abortion except on an anonymous forum. Oh, and I went to a great school, have a great life. My contraception didn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got pregnant my junior year in college, had an abortion. I was living with my amazing boyfriend. I knew the reality that I'd never be able to have a successful career and be a good parent. I also wasn't ready to be married. No way I could of told my parents.

I feel I made a good decision as I would of been a terrible 19 year old parent. This is a huge decision for some one who who may not be completely understanding how a child will effect her life.

Hugs

No. a good decision would have been giving the baby up for adoption.

She said she couldn't tell her parents, she was in college, she would of missed classes and homework. She made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to an ivy and at least two of my girlfriends had abortions. I’m sure others did. Lord knows we were all having sex.

Sure, it happens. But nobody was stupid enough to actually have the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an ivy and at least two of my girlfriends had abortions. I’m sure others did. Lord knows we were all having sex.

Sure, it happens. But nobody was stupid enough to actually have the baby.

No but it’s a really hard decision either way. I had an abortion my sophomore year and it was such a traumatic time. My parents would have killed me if they found out I was pregnant so I never told them. To this day I still wonder if I made the right decision.

I respect OP for being the kind of parent I wish I’d had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She will not abort. Right now she wants to do the fall semester and then reevaluate...I do worry about the idea she’ll take time off and then never go back...adoption is still on the table too though.

The father goes to a different school 1200 miles away (they met at an internship) and they were never together.

She may very well take time off and not go back. If she keeps this child, is it reasonable to go back where she started anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would have had an abortion but my daughter said she cannot do that - need to respect her choice even if it is a different one that I’d have made.

Good for you, mom. She can do this, especially with such a supportive, loving mother.

Respecting her choice, however, does not mean giving up your retirement to do child care. Work out what you can afford and what you can actually do and make sure that you and your kid are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

Your intellect perhaps.

I suspect while you were at your ivy or equivalent, you were liviing under a rock.

Whille I was at my actual ivy, a girl in my dorm got pregnant by the maintenance guy, who she was dating. She kept the baby. She married the guy. Another friend caught gonorrhea from her boyfriend, a classmate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Aunt. She was 15 years younger than my mother, so I was in elementary school when she got pregnant her freshman year of college and I vividly remeber it. My grandparents were solidly UMC Catholic, so abortion was off the table. They wanted to send her away to a Catholic home to give the kid up for adoption. She opted to drop out and marry the guy to prove some point to my grandparents about them not being able to force adoption (who were rigid and overbearing in a lot of ways). She ended up having up having four kids in about 8 years and living in poverty. I remember being 12 and 13 and us taking bags of groceries over because food stamps had run out.

My mother and my Aunt had the same parents and were raised in the same house (my mother also had a sister closer in age who tragically died as a toddler). My mother got a grad degree, married a man with a grad degree, and my sister and I both have grad degrees and solidly UMC lives. My oldest is starting to look at excellent colleges, and my kids will probably end up with grad degrees. They are typical high achieving DCUM UMC kids.

My Aunt eventually divorced her baby daddy. Remarried when he kids were teens, and finished a community college vocational course after they graduated from high school. She now has a solid marriage and a solid job as a hospital administrator, but it took until age 50.

Among her 4 kids, none went to college. One is a receptionist. One cuts cuts hair at a chain salon. One is a high school dropout who had her baby out of wedlock at 16. In fact, all four of her kids now have kids. And all 304 had them young (starting at younger than 20 or 21). 2 had a kid out of wedlock when they were younger than 20. One is divorced and a single mom. One divorced an abusive guy and remarried an abusive guy. My Aunt is dealing with this last cousin trying to leave with her three kids an no marketable skills. While the HS dropout daughter lives with her with her daughter.

My grandmother is still going strong at 94 and is heartbroken about this, BTW.

It’s a mess. And yes, you can live a great, productive life without a fancy degree. But, in a society where UMC people expect that their kids will live UMC lives, it’s a reminder. Sometimes people manage to move up the socioeconomic ladder. My MIL did and was the only one of 9 kids (!!) to go to college. Her son has multiple patents and her daughter is a doctor. But sometimes people move down the socioeconomic ladder too. And when they do, the damage can last for generations. My Aunt’s kids are LMC, and her grandkids are headed in that direction.

I think it’s great that some many people know people who got pregnant in college, managed to finish their education, married a wonderful man who,loved their kid and go a dream job. But I wonder how many of them are pro-Birchers spinning tales. it doesn’t always go that way. And it’s not fair to tell OP it will.

Maybe it will be fine for OP. I agree the chances are higher if OP puts her own plans for the future on hold to ensure that her DD has the money and grandma provided babysitting to make it happen. And if OP’s kid does a lot of growing up and makes her baby and her education her only priorities— which is tough to do at 20.

But sometimes, there isn’t a happy ending. And sometimes it’s not only what Op’s Kid will be able to do with her life, but what her grandkids and great grandkids will do.

So at least be honest. It is possible for a 20 year old mom to pull it off successfully. It is also possible she can’t.

I'd have freaked out too if my mom pushed to send me to one of those awful Catholic homes. I think there was some deep seated lack of kindness in your grandma. I think your mom was lucky that nothing she did ever led her to see that.

[Anonymous]

I saw it happen twice while at university, and both had the baby. One gave it up for adoption to a wealthy couple in their early 40s. Get this, they didn't tell their parents! They ended up telling their parents after everything and the parents (biological grandparents) were scorch-the-earth livid. Both families involved were upper middle class, so there weren't any financial concerns.

The other had the child and basically had her parents raise it while she finished undergrad and went onto medical school. She's an established pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Adoptions are now mostly handled privately through lawyers, not agencies. The birth mother is often able to choose the adoptive couple and set some "terms" including annual updates on the child and possibly even visits as the child ages. I don't personally think it's a great idea but that is how adoption happens these days. There are many couples who are desperate to adopt healthy infants and they will agree to almost any terms.

[Anonymous]

Adoption could be a very good option for your daughter and her baby.