Why can't men [my DH] multitask????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but most of you sound absolutely EXHAUSTING and must be miserable to live with. Most of the problems between Moms and Dads, IME, stem from one parent (usually Mom) being absolutely certain that her way is THE way and Dad needs her to “train” him into parenting correctly (read: HER way). If you think that dynamics hasn’t gotten old for YOU, I can almost guarantee it’s been old for your spouse for a long time.

I am so damn sick of this take. Yes, the problem is mean mommies! Not men who would literally let their children live in filth. This has major pick me girl energy and the younger generations will not buy this BS.

Haha! PP is trying so hard to be the mom version of the “cool girl”

Yes, and this is soooo common. When I had a kid, I just slowly wound up eliminating the women in my life who pull this crap. They did it before we had kids, too, but it didn't annoy me as much back then because I had more bandwidth overall.

But having a child made me realize that I have no room in my life for "friends" who don't understand how empathy works and who think that anytime I confess something that has been challenging for me, it's an opportunity for them to feel or act superior. It's just unhelpful and pointless, so I just left those friendships behind.

I honestly think the only way for women to address what is clearly a systemic issue of always being the primary parent (even when we work) and partners who shirk responsibility and refuse to step up, is solidarity. I have hope that if enough of us can recognize this issue and keep speaking up about it, we can at least influence the next generation. I simply refuse to accept that this is how it has to be for my DD.

I think some of the replies are from men, or from childless women TBH. Any married woman with children is aware of this common dynamic (whether it exists in her own marriage or not)- we all just have different ways to manage things.

I will say that when I was growing up, my own mom went back to work when the kids reached school age (as was very common). My own dad did very little with regards to house and kids. It was just the way things were, and was not considered unusual. The difference? My mom had tons of extended family support, community and neighbor support etc to rely on (and likewise, she helped others). There was always a grandma, aunt, neighbor, friend etc to help out and trade childcare with. The women all relied on each other (rather than their DHs).

These days, most don’t live near family- and grandparents generally are still working FT or are too old to help. Families are smaller. There aren’t many stay at home parents, neighbors and friends are in the same boat & are all gone working all day too.

So- women are asking their DHs for help rather than their female circle. The DHs are confused because “hey my dad never did any of this, and my mom worked too?”

This combined with the reality of modern parenting (things are a lot more demanding than we were kids) is a 1-2 punch in the gut to working mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but most of you sound absolutely EXHAUSTING and must be miserable to live with. Most of the problems between Moms and Dads, IME, stem from one parent (usually Mom) being absolutely certain that her way is THE way and Dad needs her to “train” him into parenting correctly (read: HER way). If you think that dynamics hasn’t gotten old for YOU, I can almost guarantee it’s been old for your spouse for a long time.

That’s funny.

What would you do with my Ex that doesn’t have “a way” of doing anything for the home or kids. He neglects both 24/7.

Once divorced he flew in his 75 yo mother to parent his own elementary aged kids. It was pathetic. Once she got sick of that and went home he gave up custody. He just does snack food Disney Dad outings now if the kids don’t have sports or homework to do. He’s a total joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Tell me about it. Today I made sure the dog had her meds after her spay surgery, registered one kid for soccer, sent in the final paperwork for the other one's aftercare at ES, dealt w/a pharmacy issue, emailed vendors for the older one's bat mitzvah, paid an outstanding medical bill, cleaned the bathroom, wiped down kitchen counters, made meals. All while holding down a full time job throughout the day. And what did my husband do? took the younger one to swim practice. Whoop dee doo. I've come to accept. He basically accomplishes one task a day and that's winning for him. Cannot multitask to save his life.

You weren’t multitasking just because you did more than one thing in a day. You did them sequentially. Whoop de doo indeed.

If you can’t persuade your DH to divide up domestic duties and do them, it speaks poorly of your relationship skills.

Do what?be a secretary and keep track of things and then mommy your grown spouse on what to do, how and when? Cool. What a guy. I bet he still complains and half @$$es his little assignments.

Getting something done involves:
Awareness of the need
Effort to do it
Knowledge to do it correctly (ie doesn’t need to be redone and redone or fixed)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like that, he cannot multitask. I used to get irritated by it but then I saw the pros about it.

The thing is, he is very committed and does a lot. So he is not the couch potato type. He just can’t clean the kitchen as he goes and easily prep breakfast as he guides the kids on what to put in their backpack. He is way more of a one task at a time person. I used to think it was laziness, and now I am convinced he is wired differently and that in general (there are exception and it is a spectrum) women multitask better.

But it also mean my DH is better than me at being fully immersed into one task. When he reads to the kids he doesn’t check his phone or try to talk to me. When he plays with them he gives them all his attention and is not trying to fit in a call with his mom. When he is repairing something he doesn’t try to hack it in 1 min to run to something else etc... this has value.

And I also see that for his own mental health it makes more sense. I am more frazzled and tired because I am juggling 100 things at same time. Yes I am more efficient and fast but it comes at a toll. With all the talks about mindfulness and being in the moment: he is the one who got it, not me. And it makes him more relaxed.

Bottom line: we are a 50-50 households but I have learned that we are not good at same things and that’s ok. So I value his ability to be present when he plays with kids and I think he values my tornado ability to bring order back to a kitchen / room..

but that’s not life, and certainly not life with 1+ kids.

One trick ponies are enabled and supported by those that can function.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but most of you sound absolutely EXHAUSTING and must be miserable to live with. Most of the problems between Moms and Dads, IME, stem from one parent (usually Mom) being absolutely certain that her way is THE way and Dad needs her to “train” him into parenting correctly (read: HER way). If you think that dynamics hasn’t gotten old for YOU, I can almost guarantee it’s been old for your spouse for a long time.

That’s funny.

What would you do with my Ex that doesn’t have “a way” of doing anything for the home or kids. He neglects both 24/7.

Once divorced he flew in his 75 yo mother to parent his own elementary aged kids. It was pathetic. Once she got sick of that and went home he gave up custody. He just does snack food Disney Dad outings now if the kids don’t have sports or homework to do. He’s a total joke.

You married him and reproduced with him. Don’t blame me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but most of you sound absolutely EXHAUSTING and must be miserable to live with. Most of the problems between Moms and Dads, IME, stem from one parent (usually Mom) being absolutely certain that her way is THE way and Dad needs her to “train” him into parenting correctly (read: HER way). If you think that dynamics hasn’t gotten old for YOU, I can almost guarantee it’s been old for your spouse for a long time.

That’s funny.

What would you do with my Ex that doesn’t have “a way” of doing anything for the home or kids. He neglects both 24/7.

Once divorced he flew in his 75 yo mother to parent his own elementary aged kids. It was pathetic. Once she got sick of that and went home he gave up custody. He just does snack food Disney Dad outings now if the kids don’t have sports or homework to do. He’s a total joke.

You married him and reproduced with him. Don’t blame me.

She’s not blaming you, you sanctimonious twat. She’s saying your little scenario of the poor, poor, husband, who’s eminently capable of adulting if the mean, henpecking wife would just get off his back, is bullshit. A lot of men are simply unsuited for thinking about anyone’s needs but their own. It’s one thing when it’s their wives they neglect, but their kids? Are you seriously stanning for these men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but most of you sound absolutely EXHAUSTING and must be miserable to live with. Most of the problems between Moms and Dads, IME, stem from one parent (usually Mom) being absolutely certain that her way is THE way and Dad needs her to “train” him into parenting correctly (read: HER way). If you think that dynamics hasn’t gotten old for YOU, I can almost guarantee it’s been old for your spouse for a long time.

That’s funny.

What would you do with my Ex that doesn’t have “a way” of doing anything for the home or kids. He neglects both 24/7.

Once divorced he flew in his 75 yo mother to parent his own elementary aged kids. It was pathetic. Once she got sick of that and went home he gave up custody. He just does snack food Disney Dad outings now if the kids don’t have sports or homework to do. He’s a total joke.

You married him and reproduced with him. Don’t blame me.

She’s not blaming you, you sanctimonious twat. She’s saying your little scenario of the poor, poor, husband, who’s eminently capable of adulting if the mean, henpecking wife would just get off his back, is bullshit. A lot of men are simply unsuited for thinking about anyone’s needs but their own. It’s one thing when it’s their wives they neglect, but their kids? Are you seriously stanning for these men?

I’m saying y’all are uptight control freaks who may or may not also have poor judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but most of you sound absolutely EXHAUSTING and must be miserable to live with. Most of the problems between Moms and Dads, IME, stem from one parent (usually Mom) being absolutely certain that her way is THE way and Dad needs her to “train” him into parenting correctly (read: HER way). If you think that dynamics hasn’t gotten old for YOU, I can almost guarantee it’s been old for your spouse for a long time.

That’s funny.

What would you do with my Ex that doesn’t have “a way” of doing anything for the home or kids. He neglects both 24/7.

Once divorced he flew in his 75 yo mother to parent his own elementary aged kids. It was pathetic. Once she got sick of that and went home he gave up custody. He just does snack food Disney Dad outings now if the kids don’t have sports or homework to do. He’s a total joke.

You married him and reproduced with him. Don’t blame me.

She’s not blaming you, you sanctimonious twat. She’s saying your little scenario of the poor, poor, husband, who’s eminently capable of adulting if the mean, henpecking wife would just get off his back, is bullshit. A lot of men are simply unsuited for thinking about anyone’s needs but their own. It’s one thing when it’s their wives they neglect, but their kids? Are you seriously stanning for these men?

I’m saying y’all are uptight control freaks who may or may not also have poor judgement.

I’m a childless woman whose husband does most of the housekeeping, so I’ve got no horse in this race, but I have empathy for these women. I don’t think anyone truly knows what their spouse will be like with kids until they have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Tell me about it. Today I made sure the dog had her meds after her spay surgery, registered one kid for soccer, sent in the final paperwork for the other one's aftercare at ES, dealt w/a pharmacy issue, emailed vendors for the older one's bat mitzvah, paid an outstanding medical bill, cleaned the bathroom, wiped down kitchen counters, made meals. All while holding down a full time job throughout the day. And what did my husband do? took the younger one to swim practice. Whoop dee doo. I've come to accept. He basically accomplishes one task a day and that's winning for him. Cannot multitask to save his life.

You weren’t multitasking just because you did more than one thing in a day. You did them sequentially. Whoop de doo indeed.

If you can’t persuade your DH to divide up domestic duties and do them, it speaks poorly of your relationship skills.

Do what?be a secretary and keep track of things and then mommy your grown spouse on what to do, how and when? Cool. What a guy. I bet he still complains and half @$$es his little assignments.

Getting something done involves:
Awareness of the need
Effort to do it
Knowledge to do it correctly (ie doesn’t need to be redone and redone or fixed)

You have a mouth and a vajayjay and you can’t convince a man to do what you want? 😂😂😂

(Hint: incessant nagging, complaining, and criticizing is an incorrect use of your mouth.)

[Anonymous]

I multitask very well while my wife doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Gay men multi task very well.
Straight men do not.

Haven't you read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?