Do you regret your adoption?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, what's the point of this OP? This is like asking if people ever regret getting married or getting pregnant. What are you fishing for?

Who the hell cares? Answer the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the the biological love is not there and if it turns out to be bad that is something hard to over come. Conditional love only happens in biological children. Bring on the responses but if you do not have a biological child you will not understand.

Likewise, if you do not have an adoptive child, you will not understand the pure love we experience.

I have both. I assure you love is not bound by biology. The human heart has an infinite capacity to love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is supposed to cure the adoptive parents of the trauma of infertility - impossible
The newborn misses its own mother - it is called the primal wound. The baby knows it is with a caretaker it does not know.
Adoptive parents are jealous of the bio parents, the kid is made to feel guilty, when it wants to search the parents are against it. This results in some cases even in blackmail. i.e. They did not want you, we raised you
Sometimes society is negative toward adoption. You stay as the adopted cousin

Are you really this ignorant, or are you just pretending!!!

I think what she said is true. I know someone who is adopted who is now 5o yrs old and her adoptive mother refuses to even discuss her adoption. Her adopted brother did not know he was adopted (4 yrs. younger than my friend) until he was grown because adoptive mother was so afraid they might want to locate biological mother. Adoptive mother was, and still is, jealous and she is 80 yrs. old!

This is not universally true. The adoption process is much better today in many cases than it was FIFTY years ago. It's not some taboo subject like it was then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Who says you have to feel greatful? I am an adoptive mom and many of my parent friends are also adoptive moms. Most of us have don't push this at all....

well, the adult adoptee who summed up her birth mother as a woman who tried to get an abortion, and then praises her adoptive parents.
What kind of upbringing is that. For a person who has grown up to use those words to describe her birth mom, and then of course how awful her life would have been if she had not been adapted.

I don't get your point. How is she supposed to feel?

[Anonymous]

I think the adoption racket today is much more profit focused than it has ever been.
I also doubt whether the effects of the adoption can be forever ignored. All adoptive parents are not the same. Some divorce, become disabled, alcoholic, unemployed, get sick and die, some others are wonderful. But how many people do you know who have been wonderful for 20 years? Some regret it that they adopted a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is supposed to cure the adoptive parents of the trauma of infertility - impossible
The newborn misses its own mother - it is called the primal wound. The baby knows it is with a caretaker it does not know.
Adoptive parents are jealous of the bio parents, the kid is made to feel guilty, when it wants to search the parents are against it. This results in some cases even in blackmail. i.e. They did not want you, we raised you
Sometimes society is negative toward adoption. You stay as the adopted cousin

Are you really this ignorant, or are you just pretending!!!

I think what she said is true. I know someone who is adopted who is now 5o yrs old and her adoptive mother refuses to even discuss her adoption. Her adopted brother did not know he was adopted (4 yrs. younger than my friend) until he was grown because adoptive mother was so afraid they might want to locate biological mother. Adoptive mother was, and still is, jealous and she is 80 yrs. old!

This is not universally true. The adoption process is much better today in many cases than it was FIFTY years ago. It's not some taboo subject like it was then.

For who... our adoption experience was well... horrific. It isn't any better and its very shady at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the adoption racket today is much more profit focused than it has ever been.
I also doubt whether the effects of the adoption can be forever ignored. All adoptive parents are not the same. Some divorce, become disabled, alcoholic, unemployed, get sick and die, some others are wonderful. But how many people do you know who have been wonderful for 20 years? Some regret it that they adopted a child.

Some people regret biological children...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Who says you have to feel greatful? I am an adoptive mom and many of my parent friends are also adoptive moms. Most of us have don't push this at all....

well, the adult adoptee who summed up her birth mother as a woman who tried to get an abortion, and then praises her adoptive parents.
What kind of upbringing is that. For a person who has grown up to use those words to describe her birth mom, and then of course how awful her life would have been if she had not been adapted.

I don't get your point. How is she supposed to feel?

Exactly. Beer birth mom tried to kill her. How is she supposed go feel about this woman?

[Anonymous]

Interesting conversation.

I never wanted or tried to have biological children (I'm on birth control, actually) but we recently adopted. I was worried about bonding - hell, I know people who birthed their (very much wanted/tried for) biological children and didn't feel a bond for months. But I IMMEDIATELY attached to my son. I spent three weeks with the biological mom before the baby was born and she was more interested in facebook than the baby - we're still in touch actually, facebook friends, etc. and as I had an immediate skin-on-skin contact, was first to hold my son, etc. when he was born, I don't think there's much of a primal wound inherently. I think there's definite loss associated with adoption, but my son's bmom held him a couple of times and he hated being away from me and wasn't particularly comfortable with her. I think some of that is because she really didn't spend any time with him those first few weeks other than to get photos of her, her daughter, and us and our son. And there's a massive amount of ignorance (and a little neglect and abuse) in her household - so it's clear that everyone involved (including her family) thinks we're the best bet for him. We'll see them again, for sure. I feel no threat by them - I don't believe a baby can have too much love in his or her life

That said - my son's biological father is a scary guy and he signed without knowing our names which makes me grateful. He's a violent felon and I don't know how we'll handle it if our son wants to contact him before he's an adult. I have photos and his information though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the adoption racket today is much more profit focused than it has ever been.
I also doubt whether the effects of the adoption can be forever ignored. All adoptive parents are not the same. Some divorce, become disabled, alcoholic, unemployed, get sick and die, some others are wonderful. But how many people do you know who have been wonderful for 20 years? Some regret it that they adopted a child.

Some people regret biological children...

No
I know many having a hard time, some teen parents. Their kid is not what they regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting conversation.

I never wanted or tried to have biological children (I'm on birth control, actually) but we recently adopted. I was worried about bonding - hell, I know people who birthed their (very much wanted/tried for) biological children and didn't feel a bond for months. But I IMMEDIATELY attached to my son. I spent three weeks with the biological mom before the baby was born and she was more interested in facebook than the baby - we're still in touch actually, facebook friends, etc. and as I had an immediate skin-on-skin contact, was first to hold my son, etc. when he was born, I don't think there's much of a primal wound inherently. I think there's definite loss associated with adoption, but my son's bmom held him a couple of times and he hated being away from me and wasn't particularly comfortable with her. I think some of that is because she really didn't spend any time with him those first few weeks other than to get photos of her, her daughter, and us and our son. And there's a massive amount of ignorance (and a little neglect and abuse) in her household - so it's clear that everyone involved (including her family) thinks we're the best bet for him. We'll see them again, for sure. I feel no threat by them - I don't believe a baby can have too much love in his or her life

That said - my son's biological father is a scary guy and he signed without knowing our names which makes me grateful. He's a violent felon and I don't know how we'll handle it if our son wants to contact him before he's an adult. I have photos and his information though.

Why would you not at least attempt bio children? I'm not judging just wondering your reasoning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the adoption racket today is much more profit focused than it has ever been.
I also doubt whether the effects of the adoption can be forever ignored. All adoptive parents are not the same. Some divorce, become disabled, alcoholic, unemployed, get sick and die, some others are wonderful. But how many people do you know who have been wonderful for 20 years? Some regret it that they adopted a child.

Some people regret biological children...

No
I know many having a hard time, some teen parents. Their kid is not what they regret.

. That is not true. Some people do indeed regret their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting conversation.

I never wanted or tried to have biological children (I'm on birth control, actually) but we recently adopted. I was worried about bonding - hell, I know people who birthed their (very much wanted/tried for) biological children and didn't feel a bond for months. But I IMMEDIATELY attached to my son. I spent three weeks with the biological mom before the baby was born and she was more interested in facebook than the baby - we're still in touch actually, facebook friends, etc. and as I had an immediate skin-on-skin contact, was first to hold my son, etc. when he was born, I don't think there's much of a primal wound inherently. I think there's definite loss associated with adoption, but my son's bmom held him a couple of times and he hated being away from me and wasn't particularly comfortable with her. I think some of that is because she really didn't spend any time with him those first few weeks other than to get photos of her, her daughter, and us and our son. And there's a massive amount of ignorance (and a little neglect and abuse) in her household - so it's clear that everyone involved (including her family) thinks we're the best bet for him. We'll see them again, for sure. I feel no threat by them - I don't believe a baby can have too much love in his or her life

That said - my son's biological father is a scary guy and he signed without knowing our names which makes me grateful. He's a violent felon and I don't know how we'll handle it if our son wants to contact him before he's an adult. I have photos and his information though.

Why would you not at least attempt bio children? I'm not judging just wondering your reasoning?

. Some people don't adopt as a substitute, the do so because their are so many kids who have no one to love them without adoption. They do it because their hearts are bigger than ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting conversation.

I never wanted or tried to have biological children (I'm on birth control, actually) but we recently adopted. I was worried about bonding - hell, I know people who birthed their (very much wanted/tried for) biological children and didn't feel a bond for months. But I IMMEDIATELY attached to my son. I spent three weeks with the biological mom before the baby was born and she was more interested in facebook than the baby - we're still in touch actually, facebook friends, etc. and as I had an immediate skin-on-skin contact, was first to hold my son, etc. when he was born, I don't think there's much of a primal wound inherently. I think there's definite loss associated with adoption, but my son's bmom held him a couple of times and he hated being away from me and wasn't particularly comfortable with her. I think some of that is because she really didn't spend any time with him those first few weeks other than to get photos of her, her daughter, and us and our son. And there's a massive amount of ignorance (and a little neglect and abuse) in her household - so it's clear that everyone involved (including her family) thinks we're the best bet for him. We'll see them again, for sure. I feel no threat by them - I don't believe a baby can have too much love in his or her life

That said - my son's biological father is a scary guy and he signed without knowing our names which makes me grateful. He's a violent felon and I don't know how we'll handle it if our son wants to contact him before he's an adult. I have photos and his information though.

Why would you not at least attempt bio children? I'm not judging just wondering your reasoning?

. Some people don't adopt as a substitute, the do so because their are so many kids who have no one to love them without adoption. They do it because their hearts are bigger than ours.

that's not really applicable in the case of adoption of a healthy infant these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the adoption racket today is much more profit focused than it has ever been.
I also doubt whether the effects of the adoption can be forever ignored. All adoptive parents are not the same. Some divorce, become disabled, alcoholic, unemployed, get sick and die, some others are wonderful. But how many people do you know who have been wonderful for 20 years? Some regret it that they adopted a child.

yes, life happens ... but what in the world does this have to do with adoption?