Do you regret your adoption?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting conversation.

I never wanted or tried to have biological children (I'm on birth control, actually) but we recently adopted. I was worried about bonding - hell, I know people who birthed their (very much wanted/tried for) biological children and didn't feel a bond for months. But I IMMEDIATELY attached to my son. I spent three weeks with the biological mom before the baby was born and she was more interested in facebook than the baby - we're still in touch actually, facebook friends, etc. and as I had an immediate skin-on-skin contact, was first to hold my son, etc. when he was born, I don't think there's much of a primal wound inherently. I think there's definite loss associated with adoption, but my son's bmom held him a couple of times and he hated being away from me and wasn't particularly comfortable with her. I think some of that is because she really didn't spend any time with him those first few weeks other than to get photos of her, her daughter, and us and our son. And there's a massive amount of ignorance (and a little neglect and abuse) in her household - so it's clear that everyone involved (including her family) thinks we're the best bet for him. We'll see them again, for sure. I feel no threat by them - I don't believe a baby can have too much love in his or her life

That said - my son's biological father is a scary guy and he signed without knowing our names which makes me grateful. He's a violent felon and I don't know how we'll handle it if our son wants to contact him before he's an adult. I have photos and his information though.

Think outside the box. Not all adoptions are domestic adoptions.


Why would you not at least attempt bio children? I'm not judging just wondering your reasoning?

. Some people don't adopt as a substitute, the do so because their are so many kids who have no one to love them without adoption. They do it because their hearts are bigger than ours.

that's not really applicable in the case of adoption of a healthy infant these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting conversation.

I never wanted or tried to have biological children (I'm on birth control, actually) but we recently adopted. I was worried about bonding - hell, I know people who birthed their (very much wanted/tried for) biological children and didn't feel a bond for months. But I IMMEDIATELY attached to my son. I spent three weeks with the biological mom before the baby was born and she was more interested in facebook than the baby - we're still in touch actually, facebook friends, etc. and as I had an immediate skin-on-skin contact, was first to hold my son, etc. when he was born, I don't think there's much of a primal wound inherently. I think there's definite loss associated with adoption, but my son's bmom held him a couple of times and he hated being away from me and wasn't particularly comfortable with her. I think some of that is because she really didn't spend any time with him those first few weeks other than to get photos of her, her daughter, and us and our son. And there's a massive amount of ignorance (and a little neglect and abuse) in her household - so it's clear that everyone involved (including her family) thinks we're the best bet for him. We'll see them again, for sure. I feel no threat by them - I don't believe a baby can have too much love in his or her life

That said - my son's biological father is a scary guy and he signed without knowing our names which makes me grateful. He's a violent felon and I don't know how we'll handle it if our son wants to contact him before he's an adult. I have photos and his information though.

But the pp's clearly was. Adopting a troubled child from foster care may be altruistic. Adopting a newborn just isn't.

Think outside the box. Not all adoptions are domestic adoptions.


Why would you not at least attempt bio children? I'm not judging just wondering your reasoning?

. Some people don't adopt as a substitute, the do so because their are so many kids who have no one to love them without adoption. They do it because their hearts are bigger than ours.

that's not really applicable in the case of adoption of a healthy infant these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the adoption racket today is much more profit focused than it has ever been.
I also doubt whether the effects of the adoption can be forever ignored. All adoptive parents are not the same. Some divorce, become disabled, alcoholic, unemployed, get sick and die, some others are wonderful. But how many people do you know who have been wonderful for 20 years? Some regret it that they adopted a child.

Some people regret biological children...

No
I know many having a hard time, some teen parents. Their kid is not what they regret.

. That is not true. Some people do indeed regret their children.

nobody adopts by accident. Children are given up because they will get a better home. It is a tragedy if the adoptive parents regret that descision. Kid could have been adopted by different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the adoption racket today is much more profit focused than it has ever been.
I also doubt whether the effects of the adoption can be forever ignored. All adoptive parents are not the same. Some divorce, become disabled, alcoholic, unemployed, get sick and die, some others are wonderful. But how many people do you know who have been wonderful for 20 years? Some regret it that they adopted a child.

Some people regret biological children...

No
I know many having a hard time, some teen parents. Their kid is not what they regret.

. That is not true. Some people do indeed regret their children.

nobody adopts by accident. Children are given up because they will get a better home. It is a tragedy if the adoptive parents regret that descision. Kid could have been adopted by different people.

Or raised by their bio parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the adoption racket today is much more profit focused than it has ever been.
I also doubt whether the effects of the adoption can be forever ignored. All adoptive parents are not the same. Some divorce, become disabled, alcoholic, unemployed, get sick and die, some others are wonderful. But how many people do you know who have been wonderful for 20 years? Some regret it that they adopted a child.

Some people regret biological children...

No
I know many having a hard time, some teen parents. Their kid is not what they regret.

. That is not true. Some people do indeed regret their children.

nobody adopts by accident. Children are given up because they will get a better home. It is a tragedy if the adoptive parents regret that descision. Kid could have been adopted by different people.

Or raised by their bio parents.

. Not all bio parents want to raise their children, what happens to them then if not adoption? Nothing is a guarantee of a perfect fit or happiness--bot biological families and not adoptive families. It's life...

[Anonymous]

It is different to be a child by adoption that is no longer wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is different to be a child by adoption that is no longer wanted.

no it isn't. to be an unwanted child is painful no matter what the circumstances. one class does not get to claim more pain than another. moreover, everyone handles their live experiences differently. some are simply more resilient than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is different to be a child by adoption that is no longer wanted.

no it isn't. to be an unwanted child is painful no matter what the circumstances. one class does not get to claim more pain than another. moreover, everyone handles their live experiences differently. some are simply more resilient than others.

Not all children placed for adoption were unwanted. My child's birthparents were not, nor are in a situation to parent him. He is very loved and wanted. We have a very close relationship to his birthmom and her family and they are basically extended family to us. He is very much wanted by ALL his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting conversation.

I never wanted or tried to have biological children (I'm on birth control, actually) but we recently adopted. I was worried about bonding - hell, I know people who birthed their (very much wanted/tried for) biological children and didn't feel a bond for months. But I IMMEDIATELY attached to my son. I spent three weeks with the biological mom before the baby was born and she was more interested in facebook than the baby - we're still in touch actually, facebook friends, etc. and as I had an immediate skin-on-skin contact, was first to hold my son, etc. when he was born, I don't think there's much of a primal wound inherently. I think there's definite loss associated with adoption, but my son's bmom held him a couple of times and he hated being away from me and wasn't particularly comfortable with her. I think some of that is because she really didn't spend any time with him those first few weeks other than to get photos of her, her daughter, and us and our son. And there's a massive amount of ignorance (and a little neglect and abuse) in her household - so it's clear that everyone involved (including her family) thinks we're the best bet for him. We'll see them again, for sure. I feel no threat by them - I don't believe a baby can have too much love in his or her life

That said - my son's biological father is a scary guy and he signed without knowing our names which makes me grateful. He's a violent felon and I don't know how we'll handle it if our son wants to contact him before he's an adult. I have photos and his information though.

But the pp's clearly was. Adopting a troubled child from foster care may be altruistic. Adopting a newborn just isn't.

Think outside the box. Not all adoptions are domestic adoptions.


Why would you not at least attempt bio children? I'm not judging just wondering your reasoning?

. Some people don't adopt as a substitute, the do so because their are so many kids who have no one to love them without adoption. They do it because their hearts are bigger than ours.

that's not really applicable in the case of adoption of a healthy infant these days.

Once again, think outside the box. There are healthy infants all over the world in need of homes without support systems like we have in the US. Not all adoptions are domestic and conditions for these children can be atrocious.

[Anonymous]

Some babies are trafficked. Everybody knows black market adoption exists and that infants have been abducted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some babies are trafficked. Everybody knows black market adoption exists and that infants have been abducted.

It goes for older kids in the us too. Sadly the system is set up to encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some babies are trafficked. Everybody knows black market adoption exists and that infants have been abducted.

It goes for older kids in the us too. Sadly the system is set up to encourage it.

There are some horrible abuses, but there are still a lot of children that will never have a hone ir a secure future without adoption. Adoption is not the problem. Corrupt people are.

[Anonymous]

As the adoptive parent of three children, I can honestly say that I do regret it. The kids were 9, 9 and ten when they came to live with us. We loved them, provided well for them and they've brought us nothing but pain. They were totally out of control as teenagers and made our lives a living hell. Despite thousands of dollars spent on counseling, they've grown up to be angry, non productive adults. Instead of being angry at the parents who abused and abandoned them, they turned their anger on us. My husband is gone now, and I've finally accepted the fact that they have no affection for me, they can't be trusted and I'm better off just to have no contact with them. We weren't equipped to deal with their pain and I'm not sure anyone could have made a difference for them. It's very sad and I am permanently scarred by the experience. All I can say is that we tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some babies are trafficked. Everybody knows black market adoption exists and that infants have been abducted.

It goes for older kids in the us too. Sadly the system is set up to encourage it.

There are some horrible abuses, but there are still a lot of children that will never have a hone ir a secure future without adoption. Adoption is not the problem. Corrupt people are.

How is adoption not the problem if babies are trafficked, sold and abducted?

[Anonymous]

Talk about an adoption gone wrong, Torrey Hansen sent a 7 year old back to Russia. They left out that he was a violent psychopath. Apparently he was on his best behavior during their meetings. At their home he was violent, wanted to burn their house down, kill family member among other things. Sent him back to Russia stating fraud and obviously safety issues.