Wife is interested in opening up our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly it is part of our culture nowadays. It is all about
"me, me, me" without any thought to the original partner.

It is the hipster thing to have multiple partners in marriage
and multiple partners in monogamy. Even writing the former sentence is weird.

"Gee, I'm bored in my marriage of 20 years so of course
it is okay for me to have affairs." This should not
bother my monogamous partner.

Those who don't support that multiple partners in monogamy are okay are dismissed as "ignorant".

Ultimately it is a degradation of values in our western
society.


Yeah, a good traditionalist would just remain in an unhappy marriage for years and years and not mention they have important needs and feelings that are not being met. That's just great!

I disagree that you can call the person a traditionalist then. And there is a socially acceptable remedy to this, it’s called divorce.

You seem to be overlooking the needs of the kids. The feelings of the adventurous spouse are completely focused on meeting their own sexual desires as if it’s the only important consideration. A responsible parent would not want to do anything to undermine their childrens’ family. What does she tell the kids, “Oh I can’t be there for you 50% of the time anymore because I want to be with Pat now, too?” That’s hedonism, self-indulgence and selfish.

What if Pat wants more time — who does she please? Does her DH or her kids get a say? What do you think happens if all she does is follow her feelings? Everyone else’s life gets controlled by her feelings of desire du jour.

Time to grow up. Or don’t get married.

Great. She's asked to open the marriage and he's said he doesn't want to. Now she gets to decide whether she can live with the current situation for the rest of her years and subvert her needs, or to divorce. As someone said earlier, she can't be slammed for speaking her truth and being up front about what she'd like. That doesn't mean he has to accept -- in this case he said "no". Now the ball's in her court and she can decide to stay or go.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are delusional for thinking that your marriage used to be just fine and all her needs were met. She didn't make this up just for kicks. If she is interested in this, she has been bottling this up for a long time. You were never going to do it for her long-term. That's not your fault, nor hers.

[Anonymous]

If she wants an open marriage then give it a shot! Hell, you might end up having the time of your life! Just make sure you both keep an open dialog and don't take things personal or with insecurity. Try ever aspect of it out as well. Same room swap, different rooms, different houses....hell, even threesomes and stuff like that. Damn, your already married to her, so have fun with her.

[Anonymous]

Damn, I wish my wife would offer me an marriage. Some guys get all the luck.

[Anonymous]

Some people play for keeps; others just like to play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn, I wish my wife would offer me an marriage. Some guys get all the luck.

Ditto, it always amazes me the women who are sexually fun marry the boring guys. I would be thrilled to be married to this unicorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For context we are in our early/mid 30s with elementary school aged children, married 10 years.

The other evening my wife and I got to discussing what she calls “ethical non-monogamy.” We have some close friends who have an open marriage, and my wife has always been fascinated by it. Personally, it is not for me. I really don’t understand open marriage at all. What is the point? I’m having a hard time understanding why she would even bring this up as an option for us. I feel like I can’t even trust her anymore. It suddenly feels like I am not enough and I feel insecure now. I wish she had never even brought it up. Has anyone dealt with this before?

This is why people should not hang with unethical people.

"Unethical" people? In whose judgement, yours? What's unethical about two adults living by a jointly agreed-on set of rules and making their marriage work for THEM?

[Anonymous]

we tried it, provided that condoms were mandatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For context we are in our early/mid 30s with elementary school aged children, married 10 years.

The other evening my wife and I got to discussing what she calls “ethical non-monogamy.” We have some close friends who have an open marriage, and my wife has always been fascinated by it. Personally, it is not for me. I really don’t understand open marriage at all. What is the point? I’m having a hard time understanding why she would even bring this up as an option for us. I feel like I can’t even trust her anymore. It suddenly feels like I am not enough and I feel insecure now. I wish she had never even brought it up. Has anyone dealt with this before?

This is why people should not hang with unethical people.

"Unethical" people? In whose judgement, yours? What's unethical about two adults living by a jointly agreed-on set of rules and making their marriage work for THEM?

The rules were already jointly agreed to at the time the marriage vows were made.

[Anonymous]

Good luck to you. I would hire a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Lord. She sounds like she's trying really hard to be pretty damn ethical about wanting to explore sleeping with other people.

OP, if it's not a thing you can be OK with, you guys should seek counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if a husband posted that he was attracted to another
woman or man at work and just wanted to try things
out the wife is expected to be ok with the conversation?

*sigh*

Is it better for the husband to be honest or to cheat? Is better for the husband to be honest or lie about his feelings so that the marital relationship is based on a lie? Is it better to be honest or to cheat?

I'll take painful honesty over painful lies and cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she is mentally (and maybe physically) out there already.

Yes mentally unstable. Unfortunately he has kids with her, but I'd wait till their older and divorce her

[Anonymous]

If OP was a woman posting about her husband wanting this, this board would be trashing him left and right. Hypocrisy at its finest.

[Anonymous]

First page full of silly emotional kneejack responses.