s/o kitchen is closed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do about kitchen is closed relatives when you're staying there? We can't bring food because their fridge is too full. We had battles over milk that my 1 and 3 year old drink (they didn't have room for a gallon), so we bought the shelf stable milk and made the kids drink it warm. Lunch is our struggle. They don't want us to leave and so DH gives in and we don't leave. But the kids are hungry. We eat in our room sometimes. I just feel like a hungry prisoner.

Look, you're a full-grown adult with children of your own - children that apparently need to be fed. Tell you husband that if he won't explain it to his parents that you will - and then do it. I'll even give you a script:

You: The kids are hungry and need lunch, MILarla. Can we make them something from the kitchen or should we go out?

I just don't get why anyone would subject themselves to such misery. This is BASIC stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do about kitchen is closed relatives when you're staying there? We can't bring food because their fridge is too full. We had battles over milk that my 1 and 3 year old drink (they didn't have room for a gallon), so we bought the shelf stable milk and made the kids drink it warm. Lunch is our struggle. They don't want us to leave and so DH gives in and we don't leave. But the kids are hungry. We eat in our room sometimes. I just feel like a hungry prisoner.

You are! I really don't understand this, even more than the kitchen is closed part. That I get (though I think it's crazy) as OCD clean freaks. But to not give people food AND not let them leave -- what? How does that conversation even go?

You and DH: well, if there's no lunch here, we'll just go out and have some.
MIL: No, no lunch, no leaving. I'm not serving food but you may not go out and get any.

Is that a normal conversation in any circumstance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do about kitchen is closed relatives when you're staying there? We can't bring food because their fridge is too full. We had battles over milk that my 1 and 3 year old drink (they didn't have room for a gallon), so we bought the shelf stable milk and made the kids drink it warm. Lunch is our struggle. They don't want us to leave and so DH gives in and we don't leave. But the kids are hungry. We eat in our room sometimes. I just feel like a hungry prisoner.

DH can stay there all he likes. YOU are in charge of YOU. YOU can leave. You can take an Uber. You can have food delivered. For yourself and your kids.

Feed yourself. Feed your kids. DH can starve.

There is no such thing as anyone else telling me I can't feed myself or my kids. That doesn't exist; that's not something that happens to me. I have a spine, a wallet, a voice and I'm not afraid of my own shadow. I'm not an effing doormat. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do about kitchen is closed relatives when you're staying there? We can't bring food because their fridge is too full. We had battles over milk that my 1 and 3 year old drink (they didn't have room for a gallon), so we bought the shelf stable milk and made the kids drink it warm. Lunch is our struggle. They don't want us to leave and so DH gives in and we don't leave. But the kids are hungry. We eat in our room sometimes. I just feel like a hungry prisoner.

DH can stay there all he likes. YOU are in charge of YOU. YOU can leave. You can take an Uber. You can have food delivered. For yourself and your kids.

Feed yourself. Feed your kids. DH can starve.

There is no such thing as anyone else telling me I can't feed myself or my kids. That doesn't exist; that's not something that happens to me. I have a spine, a wallet, a voice and I'm not afraid of my own shadow. I'm not an effing doormat. Grow up.

Yeah, I can't wrap my head around this. I'd be all mama bear when it comes to someone starving my kids. And that would be the last time I stayed with that relative.

Control freaks thrive on doormats. Your DH is an enabler. Don't be a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do about kitchen is closed relatives when you're staying there? We can't bring food because their fridge is too full. We had battles over milk that my 1 and 3 year old drink (they didn't have room for a gallon), so we bought the shelf stable milk and made the kids drink it warm. Lunch is our struggle. They don't want us to leave and so DH gives in and we don't leave. But the kids are hungry. We eat in our room sometimes. I just feel like a hungry prisoner.

You are! I really don't understand this, even more than the kitchen is closed part. That I get (though I think it's crazy) as OCD clean freaks. But to not give people food AND not let them leave -- what? How does that conversation even go?

You and DH: well, if there's no lunch here, we'll just go out and have some.
MIL: No, no lunch, no leaving. I'm not serving food but you may not go out and get any.

Is that a normal conversation in any circumstance?

My kitchen is closed mother lives close, so we just schedule our visits around meal time. Like, if she eats dinner at 5:00, we join her for dinner and then eat second dinner on our way home. Often, if my brother is visiting he offers to come along for the ride, and then we send him back in an Uber. My mother approves of this, because she likes the fact that the siblings are bonding, and my brother likes the fact that we can feed him second dinner too.

But otherwise, based on what I see with my brother, the conversation goes like this.

DB: Hey mom, I'm stepping out for a while.
Mom: But you just got here! I never get to see you! Besides, your aunt might be calling in a few minutes from Europe, don't you want to talk to her?
DB: Do you know when she's calling? I can go after the call.
Mom: Well no, but it's a holiday! She always calls during the holiday season.
DB: Well then I'll go quickly. I just need to grab something. Do you need anything while I'm out?
Mom: Well, where are you going?
DB: I thought I'd stop by CVS and Whole Foods and pick up some things.
Mom: Whole Foods? What are you going to buy there. You'll spoil your appetite! Besides your sister is coming soon!
DB: I thought Larla was coming at 4:30? I'll be back before then. Don't worry, I'll make sure I'm back by 5:00.

He usually manages to leave, but the whole thing is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some very weird people in the world.

I keep a fully stocked kitchen, including favorite snacks and drinks when family comes.

My kitchen is never closed.

Do you have family houseguest for 2-4 weeks a pop while you work?

NP. No, and I would never do that. You, yes YOU, are in charge of who gets to stay in your home, and for how long. If 2-4 weeks while you work doesn't work for you, DON'T DO IT.

My husband and I sat down and came up with our general rule: Non-parent houseguests for 3 nights max. Parent (my set and his set) for four nights max, unless there is a holiday involved that falls on a weird day. Six nights is our absolute limit. Beyond that, we will offer to pay for a hotel for up to two additional nights.

Have you informed your parents or in laws of this policy or had to enforce it yet?

[Anonymous]

MiL already informed us never to have snacks in the house, FIL will hoover then all up in one afternoon. Chips, nuts, dips, cookies, cakes, pretzels - gone.

Same at her house, no snacks, only apples or oranges in order to keep FIL’s weight down. And crumbs. Constant crumbs from bags or bread or desserts on every counter and table. We come home from work and have to wipe down counters and vacuum the main floor each and every day they stay. They literally just sit in the house, eat, take a walk, and read all day.

[Anonymous]

This thread demonstrates why we have an obesity crisis. People want to just eat and eat and eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread demonstrates why we have an obesity crisis. People want to just eat and eat and eat.

No, Burger King Lady. We don’t “eat and eat and eat.” We don’t snack.

But I have two young kids, and we eat three regular meals at regular meal times.

Sure, you can tell a grown up that you will serve a help-yourself breakfast at 8, then he’s on his own to go out if he pleases but no lunch because you are doing a big holiday dinner.

But KIDS cannot “fill up on cereal” at 8 and eat nothing until 7. Nope, nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

better than our situation. We go visit for a week and all they eat or serve is breakfast and an small early dinner. They come stay with us and eat 3-4 meals a day, snack constantly, and want dessert immediately after each dinner. Sweet tooth.

Haha! I relate to this too!

So what do you do when you visit and want to eat? Get a take out or go somewhere to eat out?
Honestly you all must be saints, I would not stay silent on the disparity between how they eat when they visit and how you're restricted when you visit - I would say something or stop the visits.

NP here. I don’t think my MIL thinks we are fat, but they are shop every day people and they only buy exactly what they need for the day (so no delicious fruit bowl for when we arrive outside an appointed meal time having traveled across the country and perhaps our 4 year just can’t wait until dinner at that point). We now bring snacks for the kids so they aren’t hangry. Then the next thing we do is take a family trip to the grocery store because we now know, after many years of this, that dinner will be one chicken drumstick and 1/6 of a can of green beans per person. My husband is 6 and a half feet tall, he would faint on the diet they try to feed him when we visit. He claims they never used to be this odd about food, and I admit it has gotten worse, but I noticed strange habits around food from the first time I visited nearly 20 years ago now. They also do what PP said and gorge themselves at our house. If it’s not nailed down it’s eaten and it seems like a challenge to them. If we’ve just gone to the Costco and therefore have a 3 pack of bacon in the fridge, they’ll see it and say “oh, lots of bacon needs to get eaten, we’ll help you take care of that.” And they will. 3 packs of bacon gone almost instantly and then they grumble wondering why there isn’t more bacon. My FIL is notorious for eating dinner ingredients. I’ve taken to putting the dinner for the night into stapled shut brown bags and writing “dinner ingredients 7/8/19” on them so that I don’t come home from work only to find the ground beef is all gone and I’ve got to run to the store or order take out to now cover dinner.

They sound stingy, not wanting to spend their own money on food? Or traumatized by depression-era parents? Do they thrift and coupon a lot?

No, in fact they are quite wealthy. They think nothing of going out and buying two BMWs in one fell swoop, but then have very strange spending rules around piddly little things.

Omg. This is my in laws too- $$ millions in the bank, rental properties galore, 20 years of stock options- and they feed their guests hardly anything unless it’s a party. And they come here and eat everything and cook everything while we’re at work. They say things like, well I looked around at all your food and we had better eat everything before it goes bad. They also hide from the bill if we ever do go out to dinner. My husband is too embarrassed to take them out because they complain about the food, ask for shitloads of condiments that make no sense, and stiff the bill and don’t top.

We now think it their “game” to eat an equivalent or more of the cost of their plane tickets to visit. On us of course.

The other kicker is cooking and making lunchboxes etc the next few weeks after they’ve left and constantly finding depleted cartons or food everywhere. Such a waste of time. We wish they’d refill or replace what they annihilate on the sly. Or at least right it down so we’re not blindsided at the last minute.

It sound like you are just preoccupied with food and eating. Are you and your family healthy?

Go away, Burger King Lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do about kitchen is closed relatives when you're staying there? We can't bring food because their fridge is too full. We had battles over milk that my 1 and 3 year old drink (they didn't have room for a gallon), so we bought the shelf stable milk and made the kids drink it warm. Lunch is our struggle. They don't want us to leave and so DH gives in and we don't leave. But the kids are hungry. We eat in our room sometimes. I just feel like a hungry prisoner.

You are! I really don't understand this, even more than the kitchen is closed part. That I get (though I think it's crazy) as OCD clean freaks. But to not give people food AND not let them leave -- what? How does that conversation even go?

You and DH: well, if there's no lunch here, we'll just go out and have some.
MIL: No, no lunch, no leaving. I'm not serving food but you may not go out and get any.

Is that a normal conversation in any circumstance?

My kitchen is closed mother lives close, so we just schedule our visits around meal time. Like, if she eats dinner at 5:00, we join her for dinner and then eat second dinner on our way home. Often, if my brother is visiting he offers to come along for the ride, and then we send him back in an Uber. My mother approves of this, because she likes the fact that the siblings are bonding, and my brother likes the fact that we can feed him second dinner too.

But otherwise, based on what I see with my brother, the conversation goes like this.

DB: Hey mom, I'm stepping out for a while.
Mom: But you just got here! I never get to see you! Besides, your aunt might be calling in a few minutes from Europe, don't you want to talk to her?
DB: Do you know when she's calling? I can go after the call.
Mom: Well no, but it's a holiday! She always calls during the holiday season.
DB: Well then I'll go quickly. I just need to grab something. Do you need anything while I'm out?
Mom: Well, where are you going?
DB: I thought I'd stop by CVS and Whole Foods and pick up some things.
Mom: Whole Foods? What are you going to buy there. You'll spoil your appetite! Besides your sister is coming soon!
DB: I thought Larla was coming at 4:30? I'll be back before then. Don't worry, I'll make sure I'm back by 5:00.

He usually manages to leave, but the whole thing is absurd.

I wouldn’t even engage In this nonsense. Way back at the beginning with the aunt calling I would have said, oh, that’s too bad, I guess I’ll catch up with her next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some very weird people in the world.

I keep a fully stocked kitchen, including favorite snacks and drinks when family comes.

My kitchen is never closed.

Do you have family houseguest for 2-4 weeks a pop while you work?

Every year we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do about kitchen is closed relatives when you're staying there? We can't bring food because their fridge is too full. We had battles over milk that my 1 and 3 year old drink (they didn't have room for a gallon), so we bought the shelf stable milk and made the kids drink it warm. Lunch is our struggle. They don't want us to leave and so DH gives in and we don't leave. But the kids are hungry. We eat in our room sometimes. I just feel like a hungry prisoner.

Take a cooler for milk and snacks for your room.
Leave for lunch. Your DH can stay behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MiL already informed us never to have snacks in the house, FIL will hoover then all up in one afternoon. Chips, nuts, dips, cookies, cakes, pretzels - gone.

Same at her house, no snacks, only apples or oranges in order to keep FIL’s weight down. And crumbs. Constant crumbs from bags or bread or desserts on every counter and table. We come home from work and have to wipe down counters and vacuum the main floor each and every day they stay. They literally just sit in the house, eat, take a walk, and read all day.

I keep my snacks in a small train case. Shut and put away in a closet. MIL could stuff it. I’ll eat where I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MiL already informed us never to have snacks in the house, FIL will hoover then all up in one afternoon. Chips, nuts, dips, cookies, cakes, pretzels - gone.

Same at her house, no snacks, only apples or oranges in order to keep FIL’s weight down. And crumbs. Constant crumbs from bags or bread or desserts on every counter and table. We come home from work and have to wipe down counters and vacuum the main floor each and every day they stay. They literally just sit in the house, eat, take a walk, and read all day.

I keep my snacks in a small train case. Shut and put away in a closet. MIL could stuff it. I’ll eat where I want.

Why the need for snacks? It boggles my mind that you need to have something to eat constantly. And you wonder why you keep gaining weight