#boymom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post explains a lot.

Last year my son and his friends ditch the idea of taking dates to homecoming.

Four boys asked girls to homecoming and planned a nice night with the girls, they all planned it together after school.

Then the girls (or their moms) changed all the plans and 2 girls asked the boys to change what they were wearing to "Look nicer" with their dresses. They provided links to their new outfits.

I thought my son was exaggerating, but after reading these moms of girls post, WOW! I don't think he was exaggerating.

What on earth? This seems like a complete non sequitur.

An important note since you seem confused -- people disagreeing with the grammatically nonsensical #boymom who refuses to spend time with people who have daughters aren't all moms of girls. let alone moms of only girls. There's nothing inherently different about women who give birth to boys and women who give birth to girls. We're all contributing an X here.

Moms who raise boys are very different than moms who raise girls.

Moms of boys are more laid back, moms of girls are control freaks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an alternative perspective- my husband is the father of 4 girls and he often uses the hashtag #girldad when captioning pictures of things he never imagined he would be doing like posing for a picture with Elsa because our daughter was too shy or letting our youngest put nail polish on him. He is relishing the experience and loves it. I don’t think anyone views him as being defensive or jealous?

That’s because he’s not using it to excuse bad behavior.

I think attitudes like this are the reason for the need for “boy moms.” Some people just seem to interpret everything boys do as “bad.”

Not at all. My girls play with the boys down the street all. the. time. Seventy percent of the time, things are great; 10 percent are hiccups they figure out on their own; 10% is me refereeing if my girls are out of line; and 10% is the boys hitting or name-calling, and the other mom excusing her ALL BOYS.

Bad behavior is bad behavior and needs to be addressed, full stop. If you excuse it because #BOYS, you suck.

And I have friends whose kids are boys who don't excuse or #ALLBOY it, and I appreciate that they address their kids' behavior.

I disagree that bad behavior is bad behavior.

At my son's 1st school bad behavior was climbing trees, wrestling on the playground, hitting each other with sticks, getting in the pond, trash talk, throwing snowballs.

We moved him to an all boys school and none of those behaviors were bad behaviors. Hitting and name calling is not always bad behavior.

I feel you. I was down at the school the other day because my fourth grader got into trouble for not coloring his math project. He doesn’t like to color. It wasn’t art class. Isn’t there any other way to teach fourth grade math? I am going to stand up for his right to not have to color everything with crayons anymore. It was one thing in kindergarten, but he is 9 years old now.

Are you not going to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt that there was a reason for the math project to be colored? Even if he doesn't like to color, he still needs to do the work he's assigned. I didn't like math but my mom never "stood up for my right to not do math". In fact, I also didn't like art, but the expectation was that I followed directions and completed assigned assignments at school whether I liked it or not. You're setting a bad precedent here, and your kid is going to suffer for it. Plus you completely undermined the authority of the teacher in the first week or so of school. Be prepared for your little prince to now feel empowered to do absolutely nothing he doesn't like or want to do since he knows you'll go in and "fix it" for him. How is this going to work when he gets older and has to do something he doesn't like to do, like take certain classes or, you know, get a job?

+1. I was too lazy to address the post, because clearly she's a lost cause, but you did an admirable job!

Congrats you magically fixed a mom of a boy or at least put her in her place.

Which again is why moms of boys can't stand being around moms of girls.

#controlfreaks

DP here: Nothing in this thread is about the fact that her kid is a boy. Kids in 2nd grade need to do assignments at school. Parents who step in to "correct" the administration when they get called in because their kid is not participating in class are shitty parents, regardless of the gender of the monster they're raising. Coloring isn't a girl thing. Refusing to color isn't a boy thing.

Deciding to take a stand for #allboys because your kid is in trouble with the teacher over a coloring worksheet is ... well, it's something else entirely.

He is in fourth grade, not second. I have made him do the coloring for years and years, thinking it would eventually end. And it isn’t just math. It’s science, social studies, writing, etc. I honestly regret not talking to his teachers earlier. Now I have a child who thinks he is stupid and bad at school because he doesn’t like to color.

NP. I'm an associate professor of geographical sciences. I sometimes have my students "color" in (digitally) their maps and formulae because it helps them categorize and visualize data and increases spatial awareness.

Shall I stop doing so if they don't like it? Are you going to be writing me a sternly worded email in 2028?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an alternative perspective- my husband is the father of 4 girls and he often uses the hashtag #girldad when captioning pictures of things he never imagined he would be doing like posing for a picture with Elsa because our daughter was too shy or letting our youngest put nail polish on him. He is relishing the experience and loves it. I don’t think anyone views him as being defensive or jealous?

That’s because he’s not using it to excuse bad behavior.

I think attitudes like this are the reason for the need for “boy moms.” Some people just seem to interpret everything boys do as “bad.”

Not at all. My girls play with the boys down the street all. the. time. Seventy percent of the time, things are great; 10 percent are hiccups they figure out on their own; 10% is me refereeing if my girls are out of line; and 10% is the boys hitting or name-calling, and the other mom excusing her ALL BOYS.

Bad behavior is bad behavior and needs to be addressed, full stop. If you excuse it because #BOYS, you suck.

And I have friends whose kids are boys who don't excuse or #ALLBOY it, and I appreciate that they address their kids' behavior.

I disagree that bad behavior is bad behavior.

At my son's 1st school bad behavior was climbing trees, wrestling on the playground, hitting each other with sticks, getting in the pond, trash talk, throwing snowballs.

We moved him to an all boys school and none of those behaviors were bad behaviors. Hitting and name calling is not always bad behavior.

I feel you. I was down at the school the other day because my fourth grader got into trouble for not coloring his math project. He doesn’t like to color. It wasn’t art class. Isn’t there any other way to teach fourth grade math? I am going to stand up for his right to not have to color everything with crayons anymore. It was one thing in kindergarten, but he is 9 years old now.

Are you not going to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt that there was a reason for the math project to be colored? Even if he doesn't like to color, he still needs to do the work he's assigned. I didn't like math but my mom never "stood up for my right to not do math". In fact, I also didn't like art, but the expectation was that I followed directions and completed assigned assignments at school whether I liked it or not. You're setting a bad precedent here, and your kid is going to suffer for it. Plus you completely undermined the authority of the teacher in the first week or so of school. Be prepared for your little prince to now feel empowered to do absolutely nothing he doesn't like or want to do since he knows you'll go in and "fix it" for him. How is this going to work when he gets older and has to do something he doesn't like to do, like take certain classes or, you know, get a job?

+1. I was too lazy to address the post, because clearly she's a lost cause, but you did an admirable job!

Congrats you magically fixed a mom of a boy or at least put her in her place.

Which again is why moms of boys can't stand being around moms of girls.

#controlfreaks

DP here: Nothing in this thread is about the fact that her kid is a boy. Kids in 2nd grade need to do assignments at school. Parents who step in to "correct" the administration when they get called in because their kid is not participating in class are shitty parents, regardless of the gender of the monster they're raising. Coloring isn't a girl thing. Refusing to color isn't a boy thing.

Deciding to take a stand for #allboys because your kid is in trouble with the teacher over a coloring worksheet is ... well, it's something else entirely.

He is in fourth grade, not second. I have made him do the coloring for years and years, thinking it would eventually end. And it isn’t just math. It’s science, social studies, writing, etc. I honestly regret not talking to his teachers earlier. Now I have a child who thinks he is stupid and bad at school because he doesn’t like to color.

And again: nothing in this post has anything to do with your kid's gender, unless they're only making the boys color instead of teaching them core subjects. If your school isn't academically rigorous that's a problem, but it's not a gendered problem. (Sidenote: what is this school, Waldorf?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post explains a lot.

Last year my son and his friends ditch the idea of taking dates to homecoming.

Four boys asked girls to homecoming and planned a nice night with the girls, they all planned it together after school.

Then the girls (or their moms) changed all the plans and 2 girls asked the boys to change what they were wearing to "Look nicer" with their dresses. They provided links to their new outfits.

I thought my son was exaggerating, but after reading these moms of girls post, WOW! I don't think he was exaggerating.

What on earth? This seems like a complete non sequitur.

An important note since you seem confused -- people disagreeing with the grammatically nonsensical #boymom who refuses to spend time with people who have daughters aren't all moms of girls. let alone moms of only girls. There's nothing inherently different about women who give birth to boys and women who give birth to girls. We're all contributing an X here.

Moms who raise boys are very different than moms who raise girls.

Moms of boys are more laid back, moms of girls are control freaks

I have two sons. I don't agree with you. Since you only paint in broad strokes, how are you going to categorize me, now that you've painted yourself into a corner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post explains a lot.

Last year my son and his friends ditch the idea of taking dates to homecoming.

Four boys asked girls to homecoming and planned a nice night with the girls, they all planned it together after school.

Then the girls (or their moms) changed all the plans and 2 girls asked the boys to change what they were wearing to "Look nicer" with their dresses. They provided links to their new outfits.

I thought my son was exaggerating, but after reading these moms of girls post, WOW! I don't think he was exaggerating.

What on earth? This seems like a complete non sequitur.

An important note since you seem confused -- people disagreeing with the grammatically nonsensical #boymom who refuses to spend time with people who have daughters aren't all moms of girls. let alone moms of only girls. There's nothing inherently different about women who give birth to boys and women who give birth to girls. We're all contributing an X here.

Moms who raise boys are very different than moms who raise girls.

Moms of boys are more laid back, moms of girls are control freaks

If that were true it would be interesting. It isn't, but you seem pretty committed to the fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post explains a lot.

Last year my son and his friends ditch the idea of taking dates to homecoming.

Four boys asked girls to homecoming and planned a nice night with the girls, they all planned it together after school.

Then the girls (or their moms) changed all the plans and 2 girls asked the boys to change what they were wearing to "Look nicer" with their dresses. They provided links to their new outfits.

I thought my son was exaggerating, but after reading these moms of girls post, WOW! I don't think he was exaggerating.

What on earth? This seems like a complete non sequitur.

An important note since you seem confused -- people disagreeing with the grammatically nonsensical #boymom who refuses to spend time with people who have daughters aren't all moms of girls. let alone moms of only girls. There's nothing inherently different about women who give birth to boys and women who give birth to girls. We're all contributing an X here.

Moms who raise boys are very different than moms who raise girls.

Moms of boys are more laid back, moms of girls are control freaks

If that were true it would be interesting. It isn't, but you seem pretty committed to the fantasy.

What about moms who have both girls and boys? Or what about moms who have boys who don't fit your rigid idea of what a boy should be? Your thinking is so narrow minded.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree that #boymom is like self medicating for moms who desperately wanted a girl/s. My niece and stepdaughter both do something similar on social media. One of them actually used #thinkpink when she was pregnant (twice). Irony of it all is that her brother (my nephew) had 2 girls.

I have a son and by default he had and still has more friends that are girls. The year he was born was a girl heavy year. Now, with teenagers hanging around, I have great relationships with his friends (girls) but I’m happy when they go home! It’s a lot of selfies and gossip mixed in with the love you / hate you vibes toward my son and his guy friends. They sit with me for hours talking on end and I do my best to give good advice, attention and tell them they are beautiful and smart. But, I tend to think more like a guy (think: he’s just not that into you, move on). Girls are amazing and I do love them when they’re with us. I get my fill. Boys are just easier for me. Simpler and more chill. I adore my son. He’s a great guy with a good soul. He would not have so many girl (friends) if he was all alpha. I think I’ll be a good MIL. We all watched Bachelor in Paradise this weekend (DVR’d). I was commenting to both genders, “don’t be that girl/guy and don’t date that type of girl/guy”. I wasn’t subtle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an alternative perspective- my husband is the father of 4 girls and he often uses the hashtag #girldad when captioning pictures of things he never imagined he would be doing like posing for a picture with Elsa because our daughter was too shy or letting our youngest put nail polish on him. He is relishing the experience and loves it. I don’t think anyone views him as being defensive or jealous?

That’s because he’s not using it to excuse bad behavior.

I think attitudes like this are the reason for the need for “boy moms.” Some people just seem to interpret everything boys do as “bad.”

Not at all. My girls play with the boys down the street all. the. time. Seventy percent of the time, things are great; 10 percent are hiccups they figure out on their own; 10% is me refereeing if my girls are out of line; and 10% is the boys hitting or name-calling, and the other mom excusing her ALL BOYS.

Bad behavior is bad behavior and needs to be addressed, full stop. If you excuse it because #BOYS, you suck.

And I have friends whose kids are boys who don't excuse or #ALLBOY it, and I appreciate that they address their kids' behavior.

I disagree that bad behavior is bad behavior.

At my son's 1st school bad behavior was climbing trees, wrestling on the playground, hitting each other with sticks, getting in the pond, trash talk, throwing snowballs.

We moved him to an all boys school and none of those behaviors were bad behaviors. Hitting and name calling is not always bad behavior.

I feel you. I was down at the school the other day because my fourth grader got into trouble for not coloring his math project. He doesn’t like to color. It wasn’t art class. Isn’t there any other way to teach fourth grade math? I am going to stand up for his right to not have to color everything with crayons anymore. It was one thing in kindergarten, but he is 9 years old now.

Are you not going to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt that there was a reason for the math project to be colored? Even if he doesn't like to color, he still needs to do the work he's assigned. I didn't like math but my mom never "stood up for my right to not do math". In fact, I also didn't like art, but the expectation was that I followed directions and completed assigned assignments at school whether I liked it or not. You're setting a bad precedent here, and your kid is going to suffer for it. Plus you completely undermined the authority of the teacher in the first week or so of school. Be prepared for your little prince to now feel empowered to do absolutely nothing he doesn't like or want to do since he knows you'll go in and "fix it" for him. How is this going to work when he gets older and has to do something he doesn't like to do, like take certain classes or, you know, get a job?

This is a different discussion, but do you think you might have liked math if it had been taught a different way? If it was obvious to your mom that you would have, do you think she should have intervened with the school or just let you think that you “don’t get” math or “don’t like” it?

To answer your question, no I don't think I might have liked math if had been taught in a different way. I was taught to use many different strategies by my teachers and my parents. They approached things in multiple different ways. I still didn't like it. It didn't come easy to me. It doesn't mean I didn't do the work. I worked harder because it didn't come as easy to me. I got Bs and Cs in math instead of the As I got in social studies and languages and worked twice as hard at math. I didn't like art, either. I still went to art class in school every week because it wasn't a choice. Same with the "fun run" in PE. I hated that day. I still hate running. It wouldn't have mattered if the PE teacher had taught me how to run in a different way. It doesn't mean that I should have gotten out of doing it because I didn't like it or wasn't good at it.

Continuing to work at things I wasn't good at or didn't like gave me a work ethic. If I had been allowed to quit everything I didn't like or wasn't good at, or if my parents had stepped in and undermined my teachers by telling them I shouldn't have to do things I didn't like or wasn't good at it, it would not have set me up to function well as an adult. There are all sorts of challenges in life and the road isn't going to be paved smooth for you by other people. I didn't know then how important it was to persevere at things that didn't come easily to me, but it was very important in shaping me and I can appreciate that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post explains a lot.

Last year my son and his friends ditch the idea of taking dates to homecoming.

Four boys asked girls to homecoming and planned a nice night with the girls, they all planned it together after school.

Then the girls (or their moms) changed all the plans and 2 girls asked the boys to change what they were wearing to "Look nicer" with their dresses. They provided links to their new outfits.

I thought my son was exaggerating, but after reading these moms of girls post, WOW! I don't think he was exaggerating.

What on earth? This seems like a complete non sequitur.

An important note since you seem confused -- people disagreeing with the grammatically nonsensical #boymom who refuses to spend time with people who have daughters aren't all moms of girls. let alone moms of only girls. There's nothing inherently different about women who give birth to boys and women who give birth to girls. We're all contributing an X here.

Moms who raise boys are very different than moms who raise girls.

Moms of boys are more laid back, moms of girls are control freaks

If that were true it would be interesting. It isn't, but you seem pretty committed to the fantasy.

What about moms who have both girls and boys? Or what about moms who have boys who don't fit your rigid idea of what a boy should be? Your thinking is so narrow minded.

Huge +1. Most of the people responding to this thread have both. Your narrative is strange, delusional and...wrong.

[Anonymous]

Boys with older sisters are usually pretty dramatic just like boys with older brothers are usually bulls.

This is very interesting. I have 2 boys and the second one can be a little bit of a bully. His purpose in life so far has been to prove to his older brother and to his friends that he's better, stronger, faster, smarter. Sometimes he physically challenges them and he wins. I'm not a hash tag boy mom, but I was terrified of having daughters. I have 4 brothers and five boy cousins from both sides of the family, living with boys is all I know. My H desperately wanted boys for all the reasons men want boys. My SIL has high needs girls (cutting etc.) so that didn't help. I also felt terribly guilty because I'm coming from a society that prefers male offsprings, although it's not as bad as China or India.
As a mom with older kids, I think we have it easier with boys. There is a lot of research out there about the re marriage rates based on children's sex and it seems that we tend to remarry faster and easier if we have boys.

[Anonymous]

The thing that diminishes the impact of a #boymom is the fact that boys are common....it’s nothing special to have a boy... it’s nothing special to have a girl. We don’t have much control of these things. Who cares if you are a boy mom- most women are!!!! Now I have twins and a #twinmom is very annoying too, however, twins are not as common as having a boy. Although they are getting more common thanks to fertility treatments, it’s still rare. But don’t use twin Mom either- it’s just not special. I feel like the only time you can really characterize your motherhood with a hashtag is if you had spontaneous triplets- then you are special and you deserve each and every hashtag. I’ll pay attention to #tripletmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are these #boymoms mostly SAHMs? I have some friends with three boys (and some with three girls), but they all work full-time, and I've never seen any of them label themselves that way.

I wonder if these women who do so are so wrapped up in their role as a parent that their whole identity gets wrapped around having boys, etc.

Ok. I am a working mom, but if you are raising three children, being a parent ought to be a pretty big part of your identity.

I actually think it’s more parents who are really big into social media though, rather than sahm vs wohm. There are probably 8 women doing this, but they each have 1000 “friends.”

PP here. You might be right re: heavy users of social media (although I'd imagine SAHMs are more likely to be heavy users of social media, although for sure there are some WOHMs who are heavy users too).

PP again. One other thing I don't love about such labels is the inherent gender role stereotyping. I mean, sure, there are some documented biological differences between males and females, but I feel like these modest differences get exaggerated by such labels. Like, it leaves less space for boys who are not so rough and tumble, and it assumes that girls are more inactive, delicate, etc.
The ability to birth a child is a “modest” difference between men and women? The fact that men are on average 5 inches taller, meaning that men, generally, all taller than women is a stereotype that is generally true. Yes, there are women that are taller and men that are shorter, but scientifically speaking, men are usually taller than women but 5 inches. Athletics? On 100 m, fastest man is almost a full second faster than fastest woman in 100 m (difference of 10%). At 1500m, the difference is a full 24 seconds. I’m all full equals rights, but there is no denying biology plays a very important role in how genders behave.
I've never given it much thought before, but I think this is another thing that's a bit annoying about these labels.

PP here, and I guess I should've been more clear. The modest biological differences I was referencing are not physical, but have to do with the effects of biology on behavior (i.e., gender-related differences in temperament as influenced by hormones, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post explains a lot.

Last year my son and his friends ditch the idea of taking dates to homecoming.

Four boys asked girls to homecoming and planned a nice night with the girls, they all planned it together after school.

Then the girls (or their moms) changed all the plans and 2 girls asked the boys to change what they were wearing to "Look nicer" with their dresses. They provided links to their new outfits.

I thought my son was exaggerating, but after reading these moms of girls post, WOW! I don't think he was exaggerating.

What on earth? This seems like a complete non sequitur.

An important note since you seem confused -- people disagreeing with the grammatically nonsensical #boymom who refuses to spend time with people who have daughters aren't all moms of girls. let alone moms of only girls. There's nothing inherently different about women who give birth to boys and women who give birth to girls. We're all contributing an X here.

Moms who raise boys are very different than moms who raise girls.

Moms of boys are more laid back, moms of girls are control freaks

What about those of us lucky enough to raise both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have many friends with all boys- and they all seem to have this solidarity with one another. They post pictures with #boymom and are always joking with each other as if they are part of a secret club. I just have one girl but don’t feel any kind of solidarity with other parents of girls. It’s very fascinating to me! Do moms of multiple boys feel that it is a unique experience?

I’m a mom of all boys. No, I don’t use #boymom. But I do feel like having all boys is a unique experience. You might understand better when your kid(s) are older.

Do you feel that having all girls is a unique experience too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are these #boymoms mostly SAHMs? I have some friends with three boys (and some with three girls), but they all work full-time, and I've never seen any of them label themselves that way.

I wonder if these women who do so are so wrapped up in their role as a parent that their whole identity gets wrapped around having boys, etc.

Ok. I am a working mom, but if you are raising three children, being a parent ought to be a pretty big part of your identity.

I actually think it’s more parents who are really big into social media though, rather than sahm vs wohm. There are probably 8 women doing this, but they each have 1000 “friends.”

PP here. You might be right re: heavy users of social media (although I'd imagine SAHMs are more likely to be heavy users of social media, although for sure there are some WOHMs who are heavy users too).

PP again. One other thing I don't love about such labels is the inherent gender role stereotyping. I mean, sure, there are some documented biological differences between males and females, but I feel like these modest differences get exaggerated by such labels. Like, it leaves less space for boys who are not so rough and tumble, and it assumes that girls are more inactive, delicate, etc.

I've never given it much thought before, but I think this is another thing that's a bit annoying about these labels.

The differences aren't "modest", they're huge.