He runs with her 5-6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but they did more than kiss.

They just got their stories straight before you confronted.

[Anonymous]

TROLL TROLL TROLL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh no. Oh OP, I’m very sorry.

Yes, this was a highly inappropriate relationship, and yes - I think it can be called an affair. There’s some kind of disconnect in your husband - perhaps there’s some denial going on that enabled him to perceive himself as an “honorable husband” because he only let it go so far sexually and kept it simmering at a level he deemed appropriate and unthreatening to your marriage. But the fact that it went on for a year, they saw each other 5-6 times a week and texted constantly, while all the while he knew she wanted to pursue a sexual relationship - and that they had shared a kiss and some inappropriate hugging - yeah, that’s an affair.

It doesn’t sound like your DH is deeply attached to her in the sense that it filled some kind of need for him but he didn’t necessarily check out of your marriage or withdraw from you.
It certainly doesn’t sound like a love connection - but you will need to unpack this with him and get the whole story.

What it tells you is that your DH has the ability to compartmentalize - as long as he kept a particular boundary then he could tell himself he was being that wonderful husband that he portrayed himself to be when you initially confronted him. He probably genuinely wants to be that husband, because he came clean to you and immediately ended their relationship.

OP here. Wow, I think you nailed it. You clearly put into words the situation at hand in a way I could not. The compartmentalizing is hard to imagine but it sounds right. He said this morning that it wasn't until yesterday that he realized that he was actually crossing the line and not just at the edge anymore. He's so upset and said he can't lose me/us. BTW, we do have a wonderful counselor that's been helping me the last 24 hours. She was the one that kicked my butt to go to her house. I'm so glad I did. Next up, she told me to message her husband and let him know (although it's hard to imagine that he didn't overhear us talking in the other room last night).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey, please this is a big no. Either you start running with them or put your foot down. And don't Listen to those "you should trust your DH type s" Your DH should not spend significant amounts of time not work related with anyone of the opposition sex that He isn't related by blood to. Same goes for you. This is how you keep problems from cropping up. I would put the kibosh on it real quick.

Your husband must live in a prison. Do you keep him locked up in the basement so he doesn't break any of your rules?

[Anonymous]

There is something bigger at play here. Your husband KNEW that he was more than just running buddies with her and yet he put on a shoe for you when you first asked him about it and tried to come off as the nice guy. No, no, no. I don't believe for a minute that he didn't realize how much this friendship was evolving. I feel like more than that happened especially if they were seeing each other 5-6 times a week. Please get as many details as you can before deciding anything. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is something bigger at play here. Your husband KNEW that he was more than just running buddies with her and yet he put on a shoe for you when you first asked him about it and tried to come off as the nice guy. No, no, no. I don't believe for a minute that he didn't realize how much this friendship was evolving. I feel like more than that happened especially if they were seeing each other 5-6 times a week. Please get as many details as you can before deciding anything. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Show not shoe!

[Anonymous]

You should have married Mike Pence instead.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp. 09:18 etc is/are trolls. No counselor would suggested going to someone's house at night to have it out.

TROLL post!

[Anonymous]

My guess is your sex life is bad, you’re constantly nagging him, make it all about yourself and the kids, and have no interest in him as a track his male. There is another attractive woman and find your husband attractive and he is relishing the attention that he doesn’t get from you. It’s probably nothing physical going on but for me emotional

[Anonymous]

They got tipsy MANY times after work and only "hugged"?!! I don't believe that. Because men love hugs when they have a hard on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They got tipsy MANY times after work and only "hugged"?!! I don't believe that. Because men love hugs when they have a hard on.

Ha. So.F'ing.True.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is your sex life is bad, you’re constantly nagging him, make it all about yourself and the kids, and have no interest in him as a track his male. There is another attractive woman and find your husband attractive and he is relishing the attention that he doesn’t get from you. It’s probably nothing physical going on but for me emotional

I really can't stand the 5% of DCUM posters who are harsh, awful, low-lifes who see the absolute worst in every situation. You are nasty.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, people often don't tell the complete truth right away in these cases. I would demand absolute honesty and probably couples therapy to work through this and get your marriage back on track.

[Anonymous]

It's probably too late for OP to shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but they did more than kiss.

They just got their stories straight before you confronted.

THIS. He had time to text her what to say before OP confronted her. There's no way after these lingering hugs, that they decided to run together 5 to 6 times a week and have it be nothing.