Inheritance debacle. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

However Mary has 2 degrees she just didn't want to work those jobs and start out on the bottom of the totem pole. If she had stock those ones out presumably she would be at the top of the pecking order by now. How much empathy is required? It seems like she's been getting empathy her whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mary is a 50 yr old woman who has spent the last 8 years as a waitress. At this point, given her age, it's unlikely she'll break out of that job. Even with $100k as a down on her own place, life on a waitress' salary is going to be hard. Yes, OP deserves some slack, and Mary messed up her life by herself, but that doesn't mean some empathy isn't warranted.

But who's fault is it that she is going to have a hard life on a waitress salary? If someone with the same profile as Mary is described had posted here, you all would be piling on and calling her names and saying that she deserves what she gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mary is a 50 yr old woman who has spent the last 8 years as a waitress. At this point, given her age, it's unlikely she'll break out of that job. Even with $100k as a down on her own place, life on a waitress' salary is going to be hard. Yes, OP deserves some slack, and Mary messed up her life by herself, but that doesn't mean some empathy isn't warranted.

But who's fault is it that she is going to have a hard life on a waitress salary? If someone with the same profile as Mary is described had posted here, you all would be piling on and calling her names and saying that she deserves what she gets.

Mary has had the luxury to pursue two degrees that she has chosen not to use. In addition, she has, more or less, lived rent free her entire adult life. Considering the advantages Mary had been given, her current situation is one of her own making. If she chose to work as a waitress, why shouldn't her lifestyle reflect her profession?

OP should share her inheritance with her cousin if she wants to but she shouldn't feel obligated to do so. Mary is not physically or intellectually disabled. She is fully capable of living on her- she chose not to. Thelma also left Mary with $100,000 which is not a small amount- it's a lot more than many people inherit from their parents.

[Anonymous]

Larla, did a lawyer write your great-aunt's will? Where was it being kept before she died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So you are a great-niece to Thelma and your father is her nephew. And Thelma decided to give a great-niece a $400,000 house and give her own children, who are her closest blood relatives, just $100,000 each.

OP is not just a great-niece, she is Thelma's god-daughter. To some people, that means a lot. My mother has given many valuable things to her god daughter (even paid some college tuition when a scholarship fell through.) God parents are supposed to stand in for the parents if the parents fail or can't help their own children.

Legally, "goddaughter" has no real bearing on this. The law only looks at blood relatives if a person dies without a will and it looks to give the estate to the closest blood relatives. If a will is determined to be no good for whatever reason, the court will divide the estate as though there were no will.

So Larla would be far down the line since Thelma left living children. Even if Mary and Roy hadn't existed, Thelma's sister is alive and also her sister's son, who is Larla's father. Both of Larla's parents are living, so there was no need for Thelma to step in in their place.

The facts about how the will came to be written this way would make a difference here.

If there was no will, then Thelma's assets are split equally between Mary and Roy. Larla gets nothing. However, since there is will which specifies Larla will inherit the house, then Larla will inherit the house. It doesn't matter why Thelma chose to leave the house to Larla and not her children. It only matters that she chose to do so while in sound mind. Thelma had the will drawn up 5 years before she died. She had 5 years to change it and she didn't. Thelma's intent is clear.

We don't really know if, at the time the will was written, Thelma was of sound mind or if she was experiencing undue influence. It is not at all clear that this is a good will.

Did a lawyer write this will? Or did family members help Thelma to write her own will?

It is odd for a sibling to be executor when Thelma's children were adults. It is much more common for the adult children to be executors. Was Thelma having problems getting along with both her children?

Exactly! When my parents had their lawyer write their wills, they went and got a doctor's note to show they were psychologically healthy. In my parents' will, they excluded certain people within the family from receiving anything. As such, they had to take extra precaution to demonstrate that they were able to make the decision without any outside influence, there was a reason for the exclusion, and that everything was properly documented by the lawyer. And even then, the lawyer said there still is a chance it could be challenged in court because the will is excluding a direct descendent. I am not saying that Thelma doesn't have a right to give the bulk of the inheritance to someone other than a direct descendent, but unless everything is properly documented, it is easily challengeable in court.

[Anonymous]

The will is not excluding a direct descendant. Thelma specifically left something of value (significant amounts of money in thus case) to both her son and daughter, demonstrating that she did not overlook them. There is nothing here that merits a will being overturned.

[Anonymous]

Just FYI, empathy does not come only to those who get screwed over, it can go to those that do it for themselves. Empathy is not a zero sum game, if you have it for someone who, admittedly is a screw up with potential, it doesn't somehow detract from one's ability to feel empathy for someone else in worse circumstances, it does not take away from YOU getting empathy when you need it "rightfully"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just FYI, empathy does not come only to those who get screwed over, it can go to those that do it for themselves. Empathy is not a zero sum game, if you have it for someone who, admittedly is a screw up with potential, it doesn't somehow detract from one's ability to feel empathy for someone else in worse circumstances, it does not take away from YOU getting empathy when you need it "rightfully"

Who are you responding to, pp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So you are a great-niece to Thelma and your father is her nephew. And Thelma decided to give a great-niece a $400,000 house and give her own children, who are her closest blood relatives, just $100,000 each.

OP is not just a great-niece, she is Thelma's god-daughter. To some people, that means a lot. My mother has given many valuable things to her god daughter (even paid some college tuition when a scholarship fell through.) God parents are supposed to stand in for the parents if the parents fail or can't help their own children.

Legally, "goddaughter" has no real bearing on this. The law only looks at blood relatives if a person dies without a will and it looks to give the estate to the closest blood relatives. If a will is determined to be no good for whatever reason, the court will divide the estate as though there were no will.

So Larla would be far down the line since Thelma left living children. Even if Mary and Roy hadn't existed, Thelma's sister is alive and also her sister's son, who is Larla's father. Both of Larla's parents are living, so there was no need for Thelma to step in in their place.

The facts about how the will came to be written this way would make a difference here.

If there was no will, then Thelma's assets are split equally between Mary and Roy. Larla gets nothing. However, since there is will which specifies Larla will inherit the house, then Larla will inherit the house. It doesn't matter why Thelma chose to leave the house to Larla and not her children. It only matters that she chose to do so while in sound mind. Thelma had the will drawn up 5 years before she died. She had 5 years to change it and she didn't. Thelma's intent is clear.

We don't really know if, at the time the will was written, Thelma was of sound mind or if she was experiencing undue influence. It is not at all clear that this is a good will.

Did a lawyer write this will? Or did family members help Thelma to write her own will?

It is odd for a sibling to be executor when Thelma's children were adults. It is much more common for the adult children to be executors. Was Thelma having problems getting along with both her children?

My mother died recently and left her sibling as executor. She didn't want either of us to be burdened with it. I am glad to not have to do anything but put my monies in the bank.

[Anonymous]

I have said this twice now and for a third time, put Mary out. She should have been planning to move anyway once she found out the house was left to you so the fact that she is sitting her ass there tells you she doesn't care. She has $100K, which is more than most people have to start off with. She can find a place to live that is within her means. If Mary is unhappy with the state of her life then she can discuss that with a therapist. You, OP, take the house and do with it what your aunt wanted you to do: start your life.

[Anonymous]

OP, it isn't going to get any easier to kick Mary out in 6 months or a year. Just do it now. She is still reasonably young, she has a job and plenty of money to rent her own place. That is what her own mother wanted as well. She isn't a nice person, don't let her manipulate you into letting her stay rent free in the house forever. And would she even take care of it without her mom there? Not likely. Consult a lawyer immediately about if she has any rights as a tenant and have her move out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is a complicated situation. I am guessing you are Mary's mother. Why the heck are co-workers living with you all (mother and child HAD to come live there? really? Had?)? That is insane. Plus all the other extended family. Too crazy, too intertwined, too up in everyone els'e business (the family's got wind of this?).

Larla should sell house and start fresh in a house of her own choosing. Or a smaller house, plus put there eat of the money aside. Maybe give Mary a few things (or the contents of the house that Mary wants) to start her own independent life.

Why is this relevant??

[Anonymous]

Op here. At the time of the writing of the will, my godmother and my grandma both sat with a lawyer and had the will written and verified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. At the time of the writing of the will, my godmother and my grandma both sat with a lawyer and had the will written and verified.

Why was your grandmother with her sister when the will was written?

Who was holding the will at the time of Thelma's death?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I talked to my grandmother about the whole situation and she feels like it wouldn't be terrible if Mary was made to leave. She explained to me that my godmother left the house to me because she trusted me and she wanted me to have something to start off in life with. I asked if she left me only because she didn't want her daughter to have it my grandmother said it's that is possible to but she knows that my godmother care deeply for me and really wanted me to have that house.

I also asked her about the possibility of Mary having some type of emotional disorder or something and she said that while it is quite possible from the time my cousin was a young child up until she was my age, she very much wanted to be the boss. When she went out to the working world and realized that she wasn't going to be the boss right off the bat, she got upset and wanted to give up. That was the reasoning behind the fact that she left her job that she got with her 1st degree and decided to go back to school to get a separate degree to do something different. It was at that time that she went back into the world to have a job and she didn't like the hustle and bustle of working and struggling to pay bills and put food on the table. It didn't help that the first job she had was with her degree that was in a subject (such as art) where it takes a lot of talent but there isn't a huge market for it all the time.

So because with her 2nd degree, she wasn't making as much money as she wanted to or enough to live the life she wanted to live she move back in with her mother and still worked while living at home to cut down on expenses. After six years in that job she did not get the promotion that she expected to get and she quit her job.

At one point she was leaving to marry a man that she had met but them that relationship fell through so she came back to live with her mother. My grandmother says that my cousin was very convinced of this man's gonna take care of her and she wouldn't have to have a job and she would just be able to be a housewife and when this relationship fell through she was quite devastated. And after that she spent about a year not doing anything at which point she got her self together after that year and went back to work . After another year back in the workforce she still hadn't gone up the ladder and she quit that job too. Since then she has been working as a waitress for the past eight years.

so I don't really know if this is indicative of some type of mental illness. most of the family seems to believe that it's really just her being spoiled and not wanting to accept not being in charge in the workplace.

I don't know what to do at this point, part of me says do you treat her as if she is just a 50 year old child and take care of her and part of me says it's time for her to live her life and move on.

My grandmother also told me that my cousin is going to be very possessive if I try to move in the house and live with her she isn't going to let me change anything such as furniture, paint, appliances etc. she will also expect for me to make sure the houses has everything taken care of such as buying groceries and cleaning. That isn't a problem for me as I buy groceries here at my parents house for the family but I'm not in any place to live with an adult who acts like a petulant child.

I have spent probably a week with her at most at which time she was usually pretty unpleasant... she expects for people to do everything for her much the same with her mother does. She expects her meals to be cooked for her and her bed to be made for her. This was when the family took a trip to a beach house about two years ago and she just kind of acted very ungrateful the entire time.

You need to talk to Mary. Tell her she can continue to remain there until you are ready to marry/have a family. Then, help her into low income housing. You make a lease agreement that she pay 1/2 the utilities and taxes for the house. She buy her own food and you buy yours. You let her know you respect the family home but there may be a time you want to do updates and its your home as well as her family home. I would make it clear you don't cook daily and do not make beds. If she cannot live by your rules, she needs to find her own housing.