Typical SAHM with school aged kids day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who poster her schedule. I think the bantering has a lot to do with jealousy and refusal to accept that there is value in serving your family at home. Not everyone agrees on what the value is exactly, but everyone family has the right to decide what it's worth to them. I may go back to work someday. I don't know. But what I know is that serving my children and husband and making our home lives run smoothly is worth it to me. I don't view it as degenerating myself or putting women back. I just enjoy it and am lucky enough that we can afford to live on one income (although we live in "shudder" Prince William County).

I can guarantee the majority of women who don't respect the contributions of SAHMs with schoolage kids aren't jealous. I certainly do think there is value in staying home when kids are little (though I wouldn't call it "serving my husband and children - *shudder*). I think doing it beyond that reeks of laziness and dependency.

I'm a PP (who walks dog, cleans up, cooks, etc)...my youngest just went to K this year. It's my first time since having my kids that I am home alone. It's amazing. People are always complaining they don't have any "me" time (I've seems lots of threads on THAT)..and, finally, I have some, and you call it lazy? My life is relaxed, orderly, content, happy..what the F is the crime in that? Husband loves his job. No issue/conflict there.

+1
Isn't it funny that we read all these pathetic threads about dual-income working couples who have absolutely no time for anything, including their kids or themselves. And then when the other side of the coin is presented, that is, SAHMs who are able to create unharried, unchaotic, calm, productive, joyful lives for themselves and their family members, all hell breaks loose and condescension reigns supreme. It is painfully obvious that those women trying frantically to "do it all" but not doing anything particularly well, can't stand to hear about lives which are balanced and enjoyable. The envy/resentment/bitterness just drips off their posts.

I work and so does my husband. Our lives are calm, unhurried (as much as life with two young boys can be) and utterly enjoyable. Just as you can't believe working moms aren't jealous, I can't believe SAHMs think no working couples also have happy and productive lives. We just do more than you, and do it better. Like men are expected to.

And can we please stop saying jealousy? Jealous of what, exactly? Financially I could stay home forever (using MY money, not my husband's) but I choose to do work I find fulfilling. I know you can't imagine it.

That's great. Then why are you chiming in on a post about what SAHMs do during the day when they have school-aged kids? Are you the PP who claims we "reek of laziness and dependency"? Because people who make statements like that (or even agree with them) are clearly resentful of something. Otherwise, if your life is as rosy as you describe, why on earth would you care how the rest of us choose to live our lives? I certainly don't care that you work.

Exactly my point. I posted my schedule to show how my day looked. I'm actually busy doing stuff during the day when I'm home. But I enjoy the most crucial part of being home full time -- taking care of everyone's needs and making sure things run smoothly. I find pleasure in this. Other people don't (and I don't knock it because putting everyone first can feel horrible to someone who doesn't feel fulfilled or appreciated, etc.). But I don't think my choice to make sure my children and marriage and home are my full time endeavor matters to anyone but my husband and children. I don't even volunteer. So, I'm not going to pretend that is keeping me busy.

I don't think there's any shame in being a homemaker if you love it. And there's no shame in working full time if you need to or want to do it.

[Anonymous]

I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading through these, I would LOVE to be a SAHM to school aged kids. My husband offered when the kids were babies, but I wasn't in to it then. But when the kids are in school all day, it seems to be a lot of working out, cooking, reading, faffing around (I mean that in the nicest way possible). It sounds like my dream weekends on the rare days when DH takes the kids out all day. Who wouldn't want that to be their main activity?

FWIW, I like aspects of my job but I don't kind myself that I'm not out there curing cancer. I could easily make the switch and not feel bad if we had the money.

I could too, but DH wouldn't respect me and my parents raised me to always have my own income/keep my foot in the door (even if part-time for awhile) so I 'need' to work.

I'm fortunate to be a GS-15 WAH Fed. DH makes 3 times my salary, but we use my work's health benefits and I am also contributing towards retirement.

I think it is sad that your husband wouldn't respect you. Really sad.

I wouldn't respect myself if I had 6.5 hours a day of leisure while he was busting his ass to bring home the bacon. Not sad at all. I get SAH in the infant/toddler years--I don't at all in the years where kids are in school all day long.

I am the first poster quoted. I think this is why the SAHMs I know are pretty freaking rich. Their husbands seem to enjoy their work and make so much excess that it doesn't make sense for their wives to work if they don't want to. I wouldn't work if my husband made 600k plus either. We make 200k combined so that is unimaginable for us anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am home full time with elementary aged children. It's not for everyone because honestly your role in the family is to make everyone's life easier. If you can't handle that or need external validation, this isn't the gig for you. I'm a weirdo and love it, though. Here was my typical run down of a day.

6 am -- wake up, Coffee, read paper quietly. Walk dog.

6:30. Gets kids up, make breakfast while everyone is getting dressed. DH is usually showering by this time.

7-8:30 Kids eat, DH grabs and go, and kids head out to the bus. During this time, I am double checking bags, making sure the kids didn't forget something, etc. I usually clean up breakfast while this stuff is going on (nothing fancy here).

8:30-10 Gym

10-12 Either I grocery shop or I run an errand like getting DH's dry cleaning or I just head home and do everyone's laundry (including DH's. I know people think I'm nuts but what I am here for? To take care of this stuff). Occasionally, I will have a long catch up call with my parents or in laws or friends.

12-2 I do a deep clean of the house. I work in zones so I'm not cleaning the whole place daily but I like spending the time to focus on certain areas. My house is spotless and it's a strange sense of pride I derive from this.

2-3 I start to pull together dinner. Chop veggies, etc. I usually do this while I am watching a bit of television in the kitchen.

3-4:30 Make snack, kids walk in, usually do a back pack check. We usually go for a walk or they play in the back yard if it's nice. If it's cold, I usually have them do a craft of some sort (I have a massive craft habit and enjoy working on things with them.

4:30-6:30 Sometimes we have a sport. Sometimes a music lesson at home. Or homework. It's just depends.

6:30-7 I usually finish dinner (it's all pre-prepped so it only takes 30 minutes to throw together).

7 DH arrives. I pour us a glass of wine, we usually will sit for a few minutes in the kitchen and chat. I send the girls to the basement to play (they wreck it but I'll just clean it tomorrow. It's worth the quiet time).

7:20-8 We eat.

8-9 Wind down bed time. Showers, books, quiet time, etc.

9-10 DH and I usually have a second glass of wine and we either watch a TV show or just have some quiet adult time.

10 Bed.
*******************************

I usually get an afternoon to myself on the weekends to catch up with girlfriends. DH and I usually do a date night once a week as well. I have a very content life. It isn't for everyone. But it works for me.

Sounds nice to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

Lived here 20 years. Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

2 miles from DC
$4k mortgage
20 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

I live in Calif, cost of living is similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these aren't lives.

Begone, troll

Not a troll. Think it's pathetic that women go to the gym, "do paperwork" (whatever), and get pedicures and call it a day. Hope they have more ami iron for their daughters.

I have a husband who travels frequently when not working from home. Our life would be chaos and I would be a resentful mess if I was back at my 60 hour a week career in finance which also included frequent travel. I had a tremendously successful career which I'm happy to talk to my children about. I'm also happy to teach them about being adaptable and that I could make the choice to do what was best for an entire family of people because I loved them. Our house is peaceful and their lives are better because of the choice my husband and I made. You may find that pathetic but I'm quite proud of all of the choices I've made as well as the home life we've created for our kids. Luckily your judgment doesn't affect me in any way. You may not think you are a troll but you certainly aren't the sort of woman I would hope my daughter turns out to be.

I'm not paying for college to see my daughter stay home.

I don't think most SAHMs graduate from college and immediately stay home. Many have jobs and careers for years before they SAHM.

I work out of the home myself.

However - why is it that so many people on this site think it is ok for daycare providers, nannies, housecleaners, and other household employees to do the very real work of watching the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, but it is somehow demeaning for the mother of the children to do so? Legit question. Please answer.

PP, I've asked this question before and the answers (if you get any at all) will be: "Because those people (nannies, daycare providers, etc.) are getting paid, of course! So they're doing a "real" job, whereas a SAHM isn't bringing in any income, so we don't respect her!" It's so predictable as to be almost funny. Almost. Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself. Then it's just very sad.

I agree with most of what you say until your last two sentences. Of course, taking care of own's children is worthy in and of itself. However, counting on one spouse's income is a risky proposition in the long run, and that's something rarely acknowledged by SAHMs in these threads. What we hear from the SAHMs is how it's a joint decision, husband supports it, and how valuable it is for them to have a relaxed life of volunteering and cleaning the house (especially once the kids are in school), but no acceptance that this may be the situation now, but won't necessarily be the situation in the future. Spouses die, become disabled, and leave. Given the divorce rate in this country, spouse leaving is a very real possibility sometime in the marriage. What then? Threads about SAHMs who have to reenter the workforce and surprised that they either can't find a high paying job without current skills.

So basically, this is why I respect daycare providers, nannies, and housecleaners more than I respect SAHMs who stay at home once their kids are in school all day and they describe their days as hours of the day at the gym, perfecting hobbies, or keeping a spotless home.

What does that have to do with me personally? Not much, which is why I don't say anything to the SAHMs I know. But to come here and suggest that WOHMs don't think taking care of their own children as being worthy is insulting to those of us who work hard because we plan carefully and believe that it is the responsibility of every adult to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Of course, if you're independently wealthy or have a rock solid prenup that provides for the rest of your life, this doesn't apply to you. However, that is not the situation for most women, even the SAHMs on DCUM.

I don't have an issue with people who choose to SAH while their children are small, or who work P/T, or even those who network or structure their volunteering to dovetail into a future job, should they need one.

But most of SAHMs on these threads don't stress that. They stress how relaxed they are, how personally fulfilled they are, and how sad they are for WOHMs because they don't value taking care of their families.

That's the sad truth and part of the reason the mommy wars get so heated here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

We've lived in the area for over 20 yrs. About 7 miles from the Beltway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these aren't lives.

Begone, troll

Not a troll. Think it's pathetic that women go to the gym, "do paperwork" (whatever), and get pedicures and call it a day. Hope they have more ami iron for their daughters.

I have a husband who travels frequently when not working from home. Our life would be chaos and I would be a resentful mess if I was back at my 60 hour a week career in finance which also included frequent travel. I had a tremendously successful career which I'm happy to talk to my children about. I'm also happy to teach them about being adaptable and that I could make the choice to do what was best for an entire family of people because I loved them. Our house is peaceful and their lives are better because of the choice my husband and I made. You may find that pathetic but I'm quite proud of all of the choices I've made as well as the home life we've created for our kids. Luckily your judgment doesn't affect me in any way. You may not think you are a troll but you certainly aren't the sort of woman I would hope my daughter turns out to be.

I'm not paying for college to see my daughter stay home.

I don't think most SAHMs graduate from college and immediately stay home. Many have jobs and careers for years before they SAHM.

I work out of the home myself.

However - why is it that so many people on this site think it is ok for daycare providers, nannies, housecleaners, and other household employees to do the very real work of watching the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, but it is somehow demeaning for the mother of the children to do so? Legit question. Please answer.

PP, I've asked this question before and the answers (if you get any at all) will be: "Because those people (nannies, daycare providers, etc.) are getting paid, of course! So they're doing a "real" job, whereas a SAHM isn't bringing in any income, so we don't respect her!" It's so predictable as to be almost funny. Almost. Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself. Then it's just very sad.

I agree with most of what you say until your last two sentences. Of course, taking care of own's children is worthy in and of itself. However, counting on one spouse's income is a risky proposition in the long run, and that's something rarely acknowledged by SAHMs in these threads. What we hear from the SAHMs is how it's a joint decision, husband supports it, and how valuable it is for them to have a relaxed life of volunteering and cleaning the house (especially once the kids are in school), but no acceptance that this may be the situation now, but won't necessarily be the situation in the future. Spouses die, become disabled, and leave. Given the divorce rate in this country, spouse leaving is a very real possibility sometime in the marriage. What then? Threads about SAHMs who have to reenter the workforce and surprised that they either can't find a high paying job without current skills.

So basically, this is why I respect daycare providers, nannies, and housecleaners more than I respect SAHMs who stay at home once their kids are in school all day and they describe their days as hours of the day at the gym, perfecting hobbies, or keeping a spotless home.

What does that have to do with me personally? Not much, which is why I don't say anything to the SAHMs I know. But to come here and suggest that WOHMs don't think taking care of their own children as being worthy is insulting to those of us who work hard because we plan carefully and believe that it is the responsibility of every adult to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Of course, if you're independently wealthy or have a rock solid prenup that provides for the rest of your life, this doesn't apply to you. However, that is not the situation for most women, even the SAHMs on DCUM.

I don't have an issue with people who choose to SAH while their children are small, or who work P/T, or even those who network or structure their volunteering to dovetail into a future job, should they need one.

But most of SAHMs on these threads don't stress that. They stress how relaxed they are, how personally fulfilled they are, and how sad they are for WOHMs because they don't value taking care of their families.

That's the sad truth and part of the reason the mommy wars get so heated here.

This is much more eloquent than I could put it so I've just bolded what I agree with. Excellent post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who poster her schedule. I think the bantering has a lot to do with jealousy and refusal to accept that there is value in serving your family at home. Not everyone agrees on what the value is exactly, but everyone family has the right to decide what it's worth to them. I may go back to work someday. I don't know. But what I know is that serving my children and husband and making our home lives run smoothly is worth it to me. I don't view it as degenerating myself or putting women back. I just enjoy it and am lucky enough that we can afford to live on one income (although we live in "shudder" Prince William County).

I can guarantee the majority of women who don't respect the contributions of SAHMs with schoolage kids aren't jealous. I certainly do think there is value in staying home when kids are little (though I wouldn't call it "serving my husband and children - *shudder*). I think doing it beyond that reeks of laziness and dependency.

I'm a PP (who walks dog, cleans up, cooks, etc)...my youngest just went to K this year. It's my first time since having my kids that I am home alone. It's amazing. People are always complaining they don't have any "me" time (I've seems lots of threads on THAT)..and, finally, I have some, and you call it lazy? My life is relaxed, orderly, content, happy..what the F is the crime in that? Husband loves his job. No issue/conflict there.

+1
Isn't it funny that we read all these pathetic threads about dual-income working couples who have absolutely no time for anything, including their kids or themselves. And then when the other side of the coin is presented, that is, SAHMs who are able to create unharried, unchaotic, calm, productive, joyful lives for themselves and their family members, all hell breaks loose and condescension reigns supreme. It is painfully obvious that those women trying frantically to "do it all" but not doing anything particularly well, can't stand to hear about lives which are balanced and enjoyable. The envy/resentment/bitterness just drips off their posts.

I work and so does my husband. Our lives are calm, unhurried (as much as life with two young boys can be) and utterly enjoyable. Just as you can't believe working moms aren't jealous, I can't believe SAHMs think no working couples also have happy and productive lives. We just do more than you, and do it better. Like men are expected to.

And can we please stop saying jealousy? Jealous of what, exactly? Financially I could stay home forever (using MY money, not my husband's) but I choose to do work I find fulfilling. I know you can't imagine it.

That's great. Then why are you chiming in on a post about what SAHMs do during the day when they have school-aged kids? Are you the PP who claims we "reek of laziness and dependency"? Because people who make statements like that (or even agree with them) are clearly resentful of something. Otherwise, if your life is as rosy as you describe, why on earth would you care how the rest of us choose to live our lives? I certainly don't care that you work.

Wait, so no SAHMs are on here saying WOHMs don't value their children, etc?

You shouldn't care that I work, and I don't really care if you don't, but that's not apples to apples. Women who choose to voluntarily leave the workforce make it difficult for other women to be taken seriously as professionals, for adequate maternity leave and parental support in the workplace to become a reality, and for feminism as a whole to progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't think most SAHMs graduate from college and immediately stay home. Many have jobs and careers for years before they SAHM.

I work out of the home myself.

However - why is it that so many people on this site think it is ok for daycare providers, nannies, housecleaners, and other household employees to do the very real work of watching the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, but it is somehow demeaning for the mother of the children to do so? Legit question. Please answer.

Seriously? How many SAHMs on this board would take care of other people's children or clean other people's houses for any amount of money? Please. You know damn well they would find that demeaning, because those jobs are mostly done by women who don't have other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

We live in downtown DC. Don't have a mortgage. Paid off and we bought in 2010. DC property taxes are relatively cheap especially with the homestead deduction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, and I know this is a DC based site, but do all the SAHM's that are commenting live within 30 miles of the Beltway and if so, how long have you lived here? The cost of living makes a huge difference, and if you bought at the right time in this area, your mortgage is probably under $1,500.

I live in Reston. Our mortgage is $3k. DH makes about $260k. But he made $160k when our first was born and I stopped working. Back then we lived in a townhouse and our mortgage was 1800.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these aren't lives.

Begone, troll

Not a troll. Think it's pathetic that women go to the gym, "do paperwork" (whatever), and get pedicures and call it a day. Hope they have more ami iron for their daughters.

I have a husband who travels frequently when not working from home. Our life would be chaos and I would be a resentful mess if I was back at my 60 hour a week career in finance which also included frequent travel. I had a tremendously successful career which I'm happy to talk to my children about. I'm also happy to teach them about being adaptable and that I could make the choice to do what was best for an entire family of people because I loved them. Our house is peaceful and their lives are better because of the choice my husband and I made. You may find that pathetic but I'm quite proud of all of the choices I've made as well as the home life we've created for our kids. Luckily your judgment doesn't affect me in any way. You may not think you are a troll but you certainly aren't the sort of woman I would hope my daughter turns out to be.

I'm not paying for college to see my daughter stay home.

I don't think most SAHMs graduate from college and immediately stay home. Many have jobs and careers for years before they SAHM.

I work out of the home myself.

However - why is it that so many people on this site think it is ok for daycare providers, nannies, housecleaners, and other household employees to do the very real work of watching the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, but it is somehow demeaning for the mother of the children to do so? Legit question. Please answer.

PP, I've asked this question before and the answers (if you get any at all) will be: "Because those people (nannies, daycare providers, etc.) are getting paid, of course! So they're doing a "real" job, whereas a SAHM isn't bringing in any income, so we don't respect her!" It's so predictable as to be almost funny. Almost. Except when you consider that these people don't consider taking care of their own children to be worthy in and of itself. Then it's just very sad.

I agree with most of what you say until your last two sentences. Of course, taking care of own's children is worthy in and of itself. However, counting on one spouse's income is a risky proposition in the long run, and that's something rarely acknowledged by SAHMs in these threads. What we hear from the SAHMs is how it's a joint decision, husband supports it, and how valuable it is for them to have a relaxed life of volunteering and cleaning the house (especially once the kids are in school), but no acceptance that this may be the situation now, but won't necessarily be the situation in the future. Spouses die, become disabled, and leave. Given the divorce rate in this country, spouse leaving is a very real possibility sometime in the marriage. What then? Threads about SAHMs who have to reenter the workforce and surprised that they either can't find a high paying job without current skills.

So basically, this is why I respect daycare providers, nannies, and housecleaners more than I respect SAHMs who stay at home once their kids are in school all day and they describe their days as hours of the day at the gym, perfecting hobbies, or keeping a spotless home.

What does that have to do with me personally? Not much, which is why I don't say anything to the SAHMs I know. But to come here and suggest that WOHMs don't think taking care of their own children as being worthy is insulting to those of us who work hard because we plan carefully and believe that it is the responsibility of every adult to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Of course, if you're independently wealthy or have a rock solid prenup that provides for the rest of your life, this doesn't apply to you. However, that is not the situation for most women, even the SAHMs on DCUM.

I don't have an issue with people who choose to SAH while their children are small, or who work P/T, or even those who network or structure their volunteering to dovetail into a future job, should they need one.

But most of SAHMs on these threads don't stress that. They stress how relaxed they are, how personally fulfilled they are, and how sad they are for WOHMs because they don't value taking care of their families.

That's the sad truth and part of the reason the mommy wars get so heated here.

This is much more eloquent than I could put it so I've just bolded what I agree with. Excellent post.

But that is a choice, PP. I think you're right. It is risky to be a housewife. I know, because I am one (having posted my schedule). I also know that if my husband dropped dead, I would be devastated but would survive because of life insurance and my prior professional background (I worked in a high demand area and can re-up my certs fairly easily). That said, I think everyone values their families. Everyone is doing their best. But for me, my choice is to be home and serve my husband and children and be a homemaker. I don't think that is the best choice for anyone and I didn't even necessarily knew if it would have worked for me (as someone who didn't hate working, but just decided to try being home for a year).

I am relaxed, though. And fulfilled. I'm not sad for anyone except someone who is struggling in a spot they don't want to be in.