DH and MIL lied to me about knowing about our pregnancy
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Anonymous
But then we aren't hearing the whole story, OP. Because there has to be more to it than what you're describing. |
Anonymous
| So OP, everyone says you are overreacting because you didn't share this horrible thing that is the main source of why youre so upset... you are so drama filled I'm having trouble believing this is real |
Anonymous
I told you already about the fertility issues, it's along those lines. But in the end, we communicated in a very healthy way about trying to reconcile our competing needs in terms of telling people about the baby, we figured out ways to compromise (I let him tell lots of people), there really shouldn't have been any reason to lie to me. There's really only so much you can do unless you're willing to just cede to someone else's needs - and if he had been forthright with me about how deep of a need it was, then I would have handled the situation differently. He seemed ok with the agreement, and I think I had a right to expect him to keep that promise. I am going to therapy. I'm pretty depressed about my relationship with MIL among other things. Perhaps this piece of it is affecting me more than I realize. I guess in hindsight I did hope that this group would be more supportive but I appreciate the feedback. |
Anonymous
Just never mind. You guys win, I'm horrible. |
Anonymous
That is a good idea. I hope that it is helpful. I am of the view that you are overreacting (especially in terms of blaming your MIL so much while seeming to pretty much give your husband a complete pass), but I don't know you or all the facts of your situation, and there may be more to it than is clear from these posts. I am trying to be constructive, not mean, and would like to recommend that you focus on regulating your own response to situations - whether they involve your MIL, other posters here, or other people in your life. You can't change what your MIL does, or what someone posts, but you can change your own reaction to it and not allow yourself to become so upset by other people's behavior. |
Anonymous
He didn't lie to you for 1.5 years (unless you were talking about the big reveal on a regular basis for the last 1.5 years). He lied once 1.5 years ago and just came clean. This isn't as if he had a long term affair - not THAT's a lie and trust breaker. I hope to god you never put him in the position of having to answer 'do these pants make me look fat'? |
Anonymous
| You're not horrible, OP. But you seem to be clinging to this singular incident as the reason why you have a right to distrust and dislike your MIL. I think therapy will help you get to the real reason why you feel this way. Because this incident alone is not reason enough. Many posters have been rude but the result is the same: this isn't as big of a deal as you are making out of it. |
Anonymous
What does his behavior tell you? It says that he thinks he can't be truthful with you because he can't trust your reactions. |
Anonymous
It's not her, it's her CULTURE! Reading patiently on to learn just what this culture is. Personally I think OP is waiting for the ego-strokers of DCUM to come out of the woodwork to say how she was wronged and her MIL must be hung at dawn in payment. (Not the DH who TOLD in the first place). Back into the trenches I go! |
Anonymous
Oh good Lord, it gets better and better. PLEASE don't have anymore children. The one you have is going to need enough therapy as it is |
Anonymous
| This went on for 12 pages? Are you guys best friends or something? |
Anonymous
Why do people say things like this? I rarely post here, so I forget about the people like you who take very few details about a personal event and use it to stab people in the heart who you've never met. I urge you to choose kindness in the future, and don't kid yourself that you are trying to be kind here. |
Anonymous
Ditto. You sound annoying OP. Get over yourself and let it go, already. |
Anonymous
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Your MIL is stupid. All she needed to say was: oh I am so happy for you, congratulations!
And you apparently don't have enough confidence to just say: to heck with this stupid woman. Or maybe your baby is super easy and you have nothing better to worry about. |
Anonymous
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your husband needs to talk to his mother. He needs to tell his mother that he told you the truth. Then you can all talk about it.
You should also think about some sort of counseling. Most people would not be so upset after 1.5 years. I'm guessing you have a toddler now and plenty of other things to think about. Most people would just move on. |