Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party

[Anonymous]

LOL now I see. I am 75% German. No wonder I'm on time/early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

I have one of these too. Same result.

Wow. That seems like a very minor infraction for cutting someone out. How odd.

Not odd at all. It is the height of rudeness and completely avoidable.

You must lead a very charmed life.

It is the ease of avoiding it that makes it so rude. It is absolutely unnecessary and just selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL now I see. I am 75% German. No wonder I'm on time/early.

You can/should be on time when you meet out. But if you are invited to someone's house at a certain time, you are an uninvited guest prior to that time so you shouldn't be surprised that you are unwelcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm in the minority, but I always come on time on the dot. I'm still too early! Then again, I leave early too. I'm a morning person - I'm on time because if you call the party for 7, I'm done by 10, so I need to go right on time so it doesn't appear that I don't want to stay for the full evening.

When I entertain, I don't care if people come late, but please don't compound it by staying late.

So it's all about you and your schedule, and how you appear? What a mess!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm in the minority, but I always come on time on the dot. I'm still too early! Then again, I leave early too. I'm a morning person - I'm on time because if you call the party for 7, I'm done by 10, so I need to go right on time so it doesn't appear that I don't want to stay for the full evening.

When I entertain, I don't care if people come late, but please don't compound it by staying late.

So it's all about you and your schedule, and how you appear? What a mess!

Please explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL now I see. I am 75% German. No wonder I'm on time/early.

You can/should be on time when you meet out. But if you are invited to someone's house at a certain time, you are an uninvited guest prior to that time so you shouldn't be surprised that you are unwelcome.

What host is not ready 10 or 15 minutes before the invited time? Unless you are a procrastinator or disorganized or inexperienced at entertaining this shouldn't be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

I'm 48 and have entertained for over 20 years. I'd be pissed if you showed up 30 minutes late to one of my sit down dinners. You'd miss your first drink and apps, and the pleasure of settling in and meeting everyone, because I'd be serving shortly after you arrived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm in the minority, but I always come on time on the dot. I'm still too early! Then again, I leave early too. I'm a morning person - I'm on time because if you call the party for 7, I'm done by 10, so I need to go right on time so it doesn't appear that I don't want to stay for the full evening.

When I entertain, I don't care if people come late, but please don't compound it by staying late.

So it's all about you and your schedule, and how you appear? What a mess!

The host would rather I show up 30 minutes late, and yet be among the first to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL now I see. I am 75% German. No wonder I'm on time/early.

You can/should be on time when you meet out. But if you are invited to someone's house at a certain time, you are an uninvited guest prior to that time so you shouldn't be surprised that you are unwelcome.

What host is not ready 10 or 15 minutes before the invited time? Unless you are a procrastinator or disorganized or inexperienced at entertaining this shouldn't be a problem.

Irrelevant! You are expressly not invited at that time. You are unwelcome.

On the other hand, I am an extremely experienced and organized host. I will be ready at the time that you are invited. I have many other things that I am doing, however, especially as sometimes I have more than one event in a day, so I will not necessarily be ready at a time other than that which I specified in the invitation. There are times, in fact, that I am not even home 10 minutes before an event if it is for fewer than 15-20 people. In such cases, I will have prepared completely beforehand, and walk in prior to the arrival time with everything set. But all this is irrelevant. The key is that you are uninvited and unwelcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

I have one of these too. Same result.

Wow. That seems like a very minor infraction for cutting someone out. How odd.

Not odd at all. It is the height of rudeness and completely avoidable.

Eh, a think it's a bit hyperbolic to call the height of rudeness. But I get where that PP is coming from. No one wants a clingy, awkward guest that they have to "babysit" during a small get-together.

+1. I'm the PP who said I have one of those too. I still invite her for lunch or shopping, but not to events where I need my last 30 minutes to myself and can't babysit. And where she is obviously uncomfortable anyway and just lurks in the corner waiting for me. Some people just aren't good in groups but are cool 1-o-1. I consider my solution a merciful one for all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

I'm 48 and have entertained for over 20 years. I'd be pissed if you showed up 30 minutes late to one of my sit down dinners. You'd miss your first drink and apps, and the pleasure of settling in and meeting everyone, because I'd be serving shortly after you arrived.

Sit down dinner parties, you should be right on time and up to 15 minutes late. Never early, and never later than that. For cocktail parties, generally 10-30 minutes late is expected. Still never early. I would rather you not come at all than come early. Seriously - if the timing didn't work, talk to me about it, and maybe I will change the invitation, but do not come to my house early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am first generation. My parents were born there. We were never taught to arrive late.

If you were born in Italy and immigrated to the US you are 1st generation. But it sounds like your parents immigrated here and you were born here so you are 2nd generation.

Different PP. I learned it the other way, that immigrants are naturalized citizens. When talking generations, it is American born generations. So my parents are naturalized citizens or immigrant Americans and my siblings and I are first generation (American born). That's the way that I've heard us described for most of my life (and I'm in my 40's).

While both definitions are used, the more common is the first approach. The US government would consider you second generation. Here's a link to a Pew study that defines it. http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/files/2013/02/FINAL_immigrant_generations_report_2-7-13.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm in the minority, but I always come on time on the dot. I'm still too early! Then again, I leave early too. I'm a morning person - I'm on time because if you call the party for 7, I'm done by 10, so I need to go right on time so it doesn't appear that I don't want to stay for the full evening.

When I entertain, I don't care if people come late, but please don't compound it by staying late.

So it's all about you and your schedule, and how you appear? What a mess!

The host would rather I show up 30 minutes late, and yet be among the first to leave?

Most hosts wouldn't care when you left. Just don't show up early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

I'm 48 and have entertained for over 20 years. I'd be pissed if you showed up 30 minutes late to one of my sit down dinners. You'd miss your first drink and apps, and the pleasure of settling in and meeting everyone, because I'd be serving shortly after you arrived.

Sit down dinner parties, you should be right on time and up to 15 minutes late. Never early, and never later than that. For cocktail parties, generally 10-30 minutes late is expected. Still never early. I would rather you not come at all than come early. Seriously - if the timing didn't work, talk to me about it, and maybe I will change the invitation, but do not come to my house early.

Last time I got to a host's house 10 minutes early. They live in a cul de sac. We sat in the car. They saw us. They came out and said, come on in. Eh, if I was rude by showing up and sitting in the car on their street, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL now I see. I am 75% German. No wonder I'm on time/early.

You can/should be on time when you meet out. But if you are invited to someone's house at a certain time, you are an uninvited guest prior to that time so you shouldn't be surprised that you are unwelcome.

What host is not ready 10 or 15 minutes before the invited time? Unless you are a procrastinator or disorganized or inexperienced at entertaining this shouldn't be a problem.

Irrelevant! You are expressly not invited at that time. You are unwelcome.

On the other hand, I am an extremely experienced and organized host. I will be ready at the time that you are invited. I have many other things that I am doing, however, especially as sometimes I have more than one event in a day, so I will not necessarily be ready at a time other than that which I specified in the invitation. There are times, in fact, that I am not even home 10 minutes before an event if it is for fewer than 15-20 people. In such cases, I will have prepared completely beforehand, and walk in prior to the arrival time with everything set. But all this is irrelevant. The key is that you are uninvited and unwelcome.

Can't your household staff let them in?