Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ten pages on this, really???

I sincerely hope the consensus was NOT to arrive early. Those last ten minutes are almost always fraught w/ last minute preparations.

Oh yes. 5 - 15 minutes late, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

You must be Indian!! All my Indians friends say this except they arrive 2 hrs late! I call rude,she says culture
and I'm being difficult if I'm upset that she missed my party.

Get there on time!!

Also, I have a good friend that knows how punctual I am, so she expects me to be first and then we catch up over a glass of wine before everyone else arrives. Love her!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 10-15 min late is optimal. Somehow arriving right on time seems odd to me (unless it's like your sister or best friends house and then presumably you're doing it so you can help). It screams -- I've never been invited to a party before and I want to take advantage of every single second of it.

As for the Indian standard of being an hr late -- I'm Indian and my family did that only for big events where we knew we wouldn't be missed. If someone invited me and another family for dinner -- no way would I be an hr late -- as it holds up eating for everyone. For the big big Indian parties (you know -- your standard 500 people in a reception hall parties), I think it matters a lot less because dinner is served when it's served no matter how many are there.

I always thought people were fairly late to Indian parties bc they are REALLY long. It isn't odd for a party to end around midnight, so do you really want to get there at 6 pm? The worst etiquette I've ever seen was at an Indian party though. Graduation party starting around 6 pm. While I'm Indian, I was one of the school friend invitees, so I couldn't be super late -- got there around 630-ish. No freaking food served -- besides one mini samosa and a glass of coke -- by the time our high school group ditched that party at 10 pm and hit McDonalds. I'm sorry -- if you don't want to serve friends, don't invite them. If you do want to feed everyone, then start feeding them at a reasonable hour no matter who is coming or going -- keep the party buffet style with "courses" if you have some inclination to keep people there all night, but starving your guests leaves a bad impression.

OUCH! Not serving lots of appetizers when your guests start arriving is bad form. If it is any consolation these sorry excuse of hosts were universally criticized and condemned by other Indians. You can bet there were comments about the family background and upbringing of the hosts - these things do not go unpunished.

Lol. Yeah it was odd to me altogether. Being Indian I knew that our high school group would be there on the early side, but I couldn't convince my non-Indian friends to delay more than 30 min. But as it got into 7-8 pm, it seemed like most people were there -- including the graduate's own extended fam etc. and hardly any food in sight. No idea when/if dinner was actually served bc after 4+ hrs of starving, my group couldn't take it anymore. I've been to plenty of Indian parties where the start is often over an hr late, BUT if people do arrive on time (as American guests typically do as do those with young kids or those who had to drive a long way as they know they won't be staying late) -- I feel like the caterers/buffet is up and going. Frankly there have been many parties where I've spent so many hrs snacking on hot appetizers that my the time dinner is served, I can take it or leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

You must be Indian!! All my Indians friends say this except they arrive 2 hrs late! I call rude,she says culture
and I'm being difficult if I'm upset that she missed my party.

Get there on time!!

Also, I have a good friend that knows how punctual I am, so she expects me to be first and then we catch up over a glass of wine before everyone else arrives. Love her!!

I'm Indian and I am typically about 10-15 min late; I won't even say I try to be -- I have a hard time getting out the door. 2 hrs is beyond rude. Maybe that works in the old country where there will be servants doing the set up and clean up, but here -- where the host is cooking, getting everyone served etc. -- in 2 hrs it's possible that they are past the entrée and on to desserts and then what do they do -- make you a plate? Let you pick from whatever leftovers are out?? Not to mention if it's an 8 pm invite and you show up at 10, and they had expected to wrap up around 11-12, do you make yourself at home expecting your host to entertain for a few extra hrs since you were only there for a little while?

I've seen the "eat and run" lately and I hate that too. No one thinks you should stay all night, but I've literally seen people who finish a meal, move over into the living/family room, sit for 5 min and say "ok well we'd better thing about getting going?" Um -- did you just come for the dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am first generation. My parents were born there. We were never taught to arrive late.

If you were born in Italy and immigrated to the US you are 1st generation. But it sounds like your parents immigrated here and you were born here so you are 2nd generation.

Different PP. I learned it the other way, that immigrants are naturalized citizens. When talking generations, it is American born generations. So my parents are naturalized citizens or immigrant Americans and my siblings and I are first generation (American born). That's the way that I've heard us described for most of my life (and I'm in my 40's).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends that ALWAYS do this. I usually end up serving dinner with wet hair, as I always get dressed after I'm done cooking so I can avoid sweaty red face and splattered clothes syndrome. It's rude and now when I invite them over (love 'em despite their quirks), I have to plan to be done with everything even earlier so I can be the gracious hostess handing out drinks when they arrive 10 (or 15-20!) minutes early. Makes timing stuff more difficult because two other families are usually late.

I would give them the time 30 minutes later than you intend.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

I have one of these too. Same result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

That's referred to as "Ugly Early". In college, and in my younger days, the ugly girls would always get to the parties early so they could get some attention before the attractive ones arrived, usually fashionably late. I think some of the "arrive early" commenters on this thread are still living that life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

I have one of these too. Same result.

Wow. That seems like a very minor infraction for cutting someone out. How odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

Good call. I would uninvite her too. At my house, you can stay as late as you want. I even usually have some people come back the next day and we finish leftovers. But never ever ever come early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

I have one of these too. Same result.

Wow. That seems like a very minor infraction for cutting someone out. How odd.

Not odd at all. It is the height of rudeness and completely avoidable.

[Anonymous]

I know I'm in the minority, but I always come on time on the dot. I'm still too early! Then again, I leave early too. I'm a morning person - I'm on time because if you call the party for 7, I'm done by 10, so I need to go right on time so it doesn't appear that I don't want to stay for the full evening.

When I entertain, I don't care if people come late, but please don't compound it by staying late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

I have one of these too. Same result.

Wow. That seems like a very minor infraction for cutting someone out. How odd.

Not odd at all. It is the height of rudeness and completely avoidable.

Eh, a think it's a bit hyperbolic to call the height of rudeness. But I get where that PP is coming from. No one wants a clingy, awkward guest that they have to "babysit" during a small get-together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who kept arriving early to my parties (10-30 min.). I think she did it intentionally because she wanted some one-on-one time with me before everyone else arrived. I also think she is a little socially awkward and was uncomfortable arriving when others were there already. Unfortunately she isn't invited to my parties anymore.

I have one of these too. Same result.

Wow. That seems like a very minor infraction for cutting someone out. How odd.

Not odd at all. It is the height of rudeness and completely avoidable.

You must lead a very charmed life.