I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably a troll. After you have sex, do you present DH with an invoice for services rendered, to cover the time you could've spent doing something else?

+1.

[Anonymous]

Good luck to you OP. I don't think your asking about this was unreasonable. I wish you well

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the rest of your post, but it's a ridiculous proposition. You are married. You are not the surrogate mother who carried somebody else's baby.

[Anonymous]

The issue is not having him reimburse you
but to have a conversation about how now that
you have a child you just can't keep the funds so
separate anymore. It's too complicated and there are
constant expenses.

[Anonymous]

OP I commend you for working through these issues. They are very complex for couples balancing two careers while building their family. In the end, "having it all" means something different for all of us. I wish you luck in your journey of learning what that is for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when spouses' finances are seperated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for your thoughts/opinions. Some of them were very thought-provoking and helped me clarify in my own mind why this was weighing on me.

I think the PP was right when she suggested that this is the beginning of opting-out which for me could lay the foundation for later resentment – both in terms of financial loss and career opportunity cost. I do think my reaction to the unfair financial burden of maternity leave was an extension of my concern over the logical extension of this path and a desired to head it off from the get-go. (Or what I thought was the get-go.) The other PP who pointed out that this frustration may have come in part from the fact that my (career/financial/family) hand was forced given my husband’s recent job change was very perceptive and that sparked some meaningful discussion in our house. I also appreciated the PP who said that just because some women are ok with their contributions going unpaid, doesn’t mean we all have to be.

Maintaining a level of fairness/equality is obviously going to be a challenge and we’ll undoubtedly have to make course corrections along the way but it’s a goal to which I am grateful we are both committed – no matter how skewered we get on DCUM . My husband and I agree that we may have misstepped here (with the timing of new jobs, not discussing maternity leave costs beforehand, having smaller shared accounts and larger individual accounts instead of the inverse) but I’m grateful we can talk about it honestly and do our best to make amends going forward.

Really cool that you and your husband can talk about it, and he doesn't think you're "wrong" but rather is willing to do things differently (whatever may be) moving forward. Sounds like a keeper to me.

[Anonymous]

I think you need a check up from the neck up. No wonder it was late in life before you could find someone that would consider making a baby with you.

[Anonymous]

Bet you voted for Obama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bet you voted for Obama

Actually that "what's mine is mine" thing they have going on is more of a GOP concept.

[Anonymous]

When you choose to have children you make sacrifices. If that means one of you takes a pay cut, then that is the way of the world. You chose to have kids, you need to be able ot live with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thank God that I married a male chauvinist... his pride will not allow me to contribute anything at all...so in the end it was "my (DW) money was my(DW) money, but his money was our money". He made significantly more than I did.

Plus...on the first birthday of each of my kids...I was given spectacular pieces of jewellery from this wonderful old-fashioned man.

So yeah...I feel appreciated and pampered and he gets everything he wants from me as well.

Owned. You should feel owned like chattel.

[Anonymous]

I hope OP credited DH for the 4-6 weeks of no sex postpartum. That would reduce his bill slightly for having his wife bear their child and spending non-career time getting it started off in this world. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you choose to have children you make sacrifices. If that means one of you takes a pay cut, then that is the way of the world. You chose to have kids, you need to be able ot live with the consequences.

These sacrifices should be more evenly distributed -- that was the point of OP's question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thank God that I married a male chauvinist... his pride will not allow me to contribute anything at all...so in the end it was "my (DW) money was my(DW) money, but his money was our money". He made significantly more than I did.

Plus...on the first birthday of each of my kids...I was given spectacular pieces of jewellery from this wonderful old-fashioned man.

So yeah...I feel appreciated and pampered and he gets everything he wants from me as well.

Owned. You should feel owned like chattel.

Regardless of whether you WOH, SAH, have joint finances or shared...it's a terrible situation to be in a "partnership" with someone who disrespects women - i.e., is a male chauvinist. Jewelry is not an adequate substitute for respect.

Your arrangement is gross. "Pampered"? Who are you?